Babies with santa
What I learned after forcing my baby to sit on Santa’s lap
Blindly following this tradition made me ignore all the usual ways I respected and protected my child.
The author's son (left) and nephew. Photo: Courtesy of Julia Pelly
When my son was 11 months old, I found myself standing in a long line at the mall with my sister and our babies, waiting our turn to set our sweet boys on Santa’s lap and snap the classic holiday picture. As we waited, I happily bounced and rocked my son, kissing his cheeks and whispering words of love in his ears. He seemed to enjoy the wait, too, as his eyes followed the sparkly lights and the toddlers and bigger kids running around the indoor winter wonderland. Together, we inched forward calmly and, after nearly an hour’s wait, it was finally our turn to step toward the man in the big red suit.
While I hadn’t visited Santa since I was a child myself, years of passing kids sitting on his lap at the mall and seeing adorable images of my friends’ children smiling for the camera in picture-perfect Christmas outfits on Facebook and Instagram made me look forward to this moment. I wanted my own pictures to share and look back on. Because my son and my nephew are just a few weeks apart, my sister and I envisioned them growing up together through their annual Santa photos. There was a part of me that was there for the experience itself. But the other part of me—the one that wondered whether I was cut out to be a mother and was constantly self-conscious around other moms who seemed to be so much better at everything—was there for the picture. I wanted to prove that I was a good mother who created holiday traditions and ensured that my son’s childhood was magical.
For some reason, my expectations for this big moment made me ignore all the usual ways I respected and protected my child. I knew my baby was too young to understand who or what Santa Claus was—and his separation anxiety was starting to kick in—but I imagined he would sense that this was a safe situation and that Santa was a friendly and exciting guy. In reality, though, while my son found the colourful lights, Christmas music and cottony snow intriguing, he had no context for why we were there, who we would see and what a baby was supposed to do on Santa’s lap.
I was molested; now I'd never ask my kid to sit on Santa's lap'
As soon as I placed my son in the outstretched arms in front of me, his bottom lip pushed outward and his whole face scrunched up. As soon as he had enough breath to do so, he let out the longest, loudest, saddest wail I’d ever heard. My heart began to race. I’d never let my boy cry the way he did then, but I wanted this picture so badly that, instead of swooping in to comfort him, I left him on a stranger’s lap to cry. While his eyes desperately searched for mine, I ducked behind the photographer and asked him to take his picture quickly, even though my son looked miserable and distressed instead of flashing the gummy grin I’d hoped for. My nephew soon followed suit, bawling just as badly, and my sister was as stunned as I was.
The photographer snapped away, wiggling a set of jingle bells above the camera lens and making silly noises in an effort to get a shot we’d like, while my poor son and his cousin continued to howl, confused, sad and scared.
As they cried, I became increasingly anxious. With the seconds ticking by, my own face reddened and I began to feel hot and overwhelmed. After about a minute, when it was clear that both boys were too upset to continue and that there was no way I’d be getting a smiley picture, my sister and I snatched our babies off Santa’s lap. As soon as my son’s arms clasped my neck and his cheek rested against my chest, his wailing ceased, but he continued to whimper and catch his breath as we made our way to the kiosk where parents could review and purchase images.
As the babies calmed down, my son continued to snuggle into me as I looked over the proofs, his breath hiccuping as he clenched and unclenched his fingers around my sweater. “Aw, more cryers!” said the woman behind the desk. “The crying pictures are the cutest!” I gave her a half-smile and anxiously scanned the long row of nearly identical images of
my baby crying and reaching out for me and my nephew arching his back and sobbing, hoping to see one where they were perhaps a bit distracted and not quite so tortured.
It became clear that there was no such picture, so I bought the first image she showed me and hurried off to join my sister. While I’d seen plenty of pictures of babies and young kids crying on Santa’s lap, I’d never realized the depth of fear and confusion the kids pictured must have felt until it was my own son in the images.
I sat down to nurse my son. As his tears dried and he began to settle, he looked up at me with pure trust and love and flashed a tiny smile that made his forgiveness clear. My eyes filled with tears and I couldn’t believe that I’d allowed him to suffer for a picture he wanted no part of and that would bring him no personal joy or satisfaction.
After a few minutes, I composed myself and gathered my sleeping son, slipped the pictures I’d purchased into my purse and headed to the car, where my sister had taken her son to nap a few minutes earlier. Later that night, after an extra-long bedtime routine, I sat down and got the pictures out. The photograph I’d purchased—the one I’d let my baby cry for—was just sad.
His face was red and streaked with tears, and his eyes were desperate. It wasn’t the memento of a happy first holiday that I’d hoped it would be—it only reminded me that I’d neglected my son’s needs in favour of my wants. In that moment, just like it had when my son smiled up at me earlier in the day, guilt and shame burned through me and I knew that I would never, ever force my son onto Santa’s lap again.
Though I wish it hadn’t taken my baby’s tears to learn a lesson, I was glad that at least I had. That day, I made a commitment—and I’ve stuck to it over the past four years—to never put my son (and now his baby brother) into uncomfortable situations.
Does that mean I never let them cry? No, there have been times where both of my sons have been scared and sad (like at the doctor’s office while getting shots or on their first days of preschool) and I let them feel their feelings while I supported them and still made them follow through because I knew they would benefit them in the end.
But when we see the Easter Bunny at the mall or a Disney character strolling through an amusement park, I don’t hand my naturally shy-tempered kids over or try to convince them to scoot closer, no matter how cute other people’s kids look in similar pictures. I also don’t force my kids to perform in their preschool singing programs if they don’t feel like being on stage. I even asked their teachers not to try to cajole them into taking school pictures if they are anything less than enthusiastic at the opportunity.
My nephew (and now his baby brother) passed quickly through the “stranger danger” phase. But my sons, almost five and two, are still meandering through it slowly and often look to me for support when they’re approached by a friendly waiter who wants to shake their hand or a classmate’s parent who wants them to join in a birthday party game.
Until my kids are old enough to ask to join in activities where the goal isn’t directly related to their joy, well-being or learning, I won’t ask them to participate.
Sure, our photo albums are missing some of the “classic” shots of early childhood, but my sons know they can trust me. Over time, as I’ve come to know my children as the people they are, I’ve expanded the list of things I won’t ask them to do to include things like snuggling up with relatives to read a story, sharing goodbye hugs and kisses with grandparents, aunts and uncles and performing new skills (like reading or reciting a song) that I’m proud they’re capable of. I trust my kids and want them to be able to trust themselves. I’m hoping that by not putting pressure on them to do things they don’t want to do, I’m teaching them valuable lessons on what it means to both give and get consent.
Last week, my almost five-year-old and I went to the mall to do a little holiday shopping. As we walked past the sparkly snow and glittering lights of the mall-made winter wonderland, my son glanced upward at Santa in his golden chair and the long line of parents and kids waiting to talk with him and get their pictures taken.
“Mom, I think I’d like to talk to Santa this year, but I’m not sure if I want to sit on his lap,” he said. “Does Santa mind if I stand near him to ask about what it’s like at the North Pole?”
“No, buddy, he doesn’t mind at all,” I responded, squeezing his hand. “I think you’d both like that very much.”
Read more:
3 tips for getting a great picture with Santa
10 Christmas movies that spoil the Santa surprise for kids
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Baby’s First Santa Visit Tips and Tricks
The holidays are almost here—which means moms and dads across the land are having visions of happy babies with Santa dancing in their head. But here’s the deal: If it wasn’t Christmas and the old man at the mall wasn’t Santa, it would be beyond weird to expect your child to be jazzed about waiting in a long line to sit on a stranger’s lap. With that in mind, it’s best to do a little prep work ahead of the visit so baby is ready and willing. Because we all know that a good time also means great pictures—although these days, you can make the best out of a “bad” time too (the hashtag #Santafail was created exactly for this merry delight)—here are your need-to-know tips for making sure your little elf has a good time.
• 1.
Plan to see Santa on off hours. Weekends and evenings are the busiest times to snag a spot on the jolly man’s lap. It gets even more crowded the closer Christmas gets. Your best bet? A Saint Nick date on a weekday morning in early December.
• 2. Shop for the perfect Claus. Not all Santas are created equal. Believe me. I know. The first Santa my oldest son ever met smelled like cigarettes and cat pee. (No wonder there was no line.) It was not pleasant. Lesson learned, the following year I polled every parent I knew and I searched online for local Santa reviews. I picked the one everyone raved about—and for good reason. He rocked—and so did my pictures that year.
• 3. Look for alternate locales. “Since chaos seems to reign supreme at mall-type atmospheres, I always try to take my kids to see Santa in a smaller venue,” says Andrea Rhoades, a mom of two. “We go to events like lunch with Santa or do a Santa visit at a community location like the bank, where I know the lines will be short and there will be other activities.
” Bonus: These types of events sometimes have allotted time slots to minimize waiting.
• 4. Do a dress rehearsal. Turn your living room into a mini Christmas wonderland by pumping the holiday tunes, strategically placing your comfiest chair in front of the tree and having your child’s stuffed animals and dollies line up to meet Saint Nick. “I used to have my husband pretend to be Santa at home and my daughter would sit on his lap, so she could practice and get comfortable,” says Cherie Corso, a mom of one. “It worked! She never cried sitting on Santa’s lap.”
• 5. Make it just a Santa visit. While many a Santas are at the mall, where one shops for holiday presents, that does not mean you should combine those activities. Tacking a Santa meet-and-greet onto a full day of shopping is a potential recipe for a tired-toddler meltdown. Instead, use your mall visit to familiarize your child with Santa. Be casual. “Hey, look, there’s Santa. Wanna wave?” Allow your child to watch other children sit on Santa’s lap and ask, “Would you like to meet Santa too?” This oh-by-the-way Santa sighting can make your child more comfortable when it’s go-time at a later visit.
• 6. Look at Santa pictures. A week or so leading up to your visit, familiarize your little one with the many faces of Saint Nick. Show your child old family photos with you on Santa’s lap as a kid. Thumb through books and print-out pictures from the Internet to look at together too. The more your child sees, the more familiar she becomes, the less stressed she’ll be to see him in person.
• 7. Get comfy. While you by no means need to dress your child in a holiday-themed outfit to see Santa, you do want to ensure that your kiddo’s outfit isn’t itchy, or tight or in anyway uncomfortable. After all, no one smiles if their tights are cutting off their circulation. “I remember one Santa visit with the kids dressed in these adorable holiday outfits,” recalls mom-of-two Julia Simens. “The children looked so cute and the line was short, but they were so uncomfortable. Both kids were crying by the time it was their turn to sit on Santa’s lap.”
• 8.
Pack treats. No matter how easy-peasy you think your Santa visit will be, cover any what-ifs that may occur. Stuff your diaper bag with snacks and drinks for everyone. Toss in the lovey and paci and any distraction that keeps your child happy. Bring the stroller and the carrier. Bring extra diaper and wipes. And have a picture-appropriate change of clothes at the ready in case there are any diaper blowouts or baby spit-up to deal with.
• 9. Give a gift. Even toddlers and preschoolers need an ice breaker sometimes. Before heading off for the big visit, prepare a gift to give to Santa, like a cellophane-wrapped chocolate chip cookie, a letter or a Christmas drawing. Having your child offer a present may calm any meet-and-greet jitters.
• 10. Skip the line. If you find yourself several-people deep in a Santa queue, have one parent wait and the other take baby elsewhere. Simply have the line-waiter text you when there are just two children ahead.
That’s not technically skipping, so you’re cool.
• 11. Go first. When it’s your family’s turn to meet Father Christmas, take the lead and greet the old fella yourself. Maybe even ask if you can give him a big ol’ hug. This sends a clear message to your child that Santa is a friendly and safe dude to hang with.
• 12. Buddy up. If your child is nervous or shy, team up with an enthusiastic friend or cousin and share the experience. Hopefully, their holiday excitement will be contagious!
• 13. Bring a special friend. Children often love to have their doll or favorite stuffed toy meet Santa too. This cuddly buddy can be a great conversation starter and it can act as a you-go-first picture option. If you see jitters building, ask your child if he’d like Mr. Whiskers to have his picture taken first.
• 14. Don’t be so lap focused. Sitting on a stranger’s lap can be, well, kinda strange, especially if your kid hasn’t done it before.
If your child is not into it, don’t force it. “My eldest daughter is always super-excited to see Santa and to sit on his lap, but her sister totally freaks out,” says mother-of-two Briana Marie. “I never, ever force her to sit on Santa’s lap.” Instead, re-think your kids’ Santa pose. Perhaps snap a picture of your child standing by Santa. Or ask Santa to kneel or stand beside your child. Or you can sit next to Santa with your child on your lap.
• 15. Grab baby’s attention. Come prepared with a toy or stuffy to shake by the camera if your child is not looking the way of the lens. Or consider calling in the big guns: Look At Mommy LED ($27.95) is a cute and fuzzy owl-like creature that lights up and clips to the top of your phone to lure baby’s eyes toward the camera.
Published October 2017
90,000 research by scientists: children pretend that they believe in Santa Claus to receive a gift ,Komsomolskaya Pravda
School of the day of the day 2021
Ksenia Konyukhova
December 25, 2018 13:504
But, it turns out, even in for five years, kids are convinced that a wizard really exists
Scientists note that as children grow older, a more serious and deeper understanding of the picture of the world appears, and Santa Claus no longer fits into it.
Photo: GLOBAL LOOK PRESS
Psychologists from the University of Exeter (Great Britain) conducted a large survey in which almost 1200 people from different countries took part. Scientists have examined children's belief in Santa Claus, Father Frost and other winter wizards. And it turned out that the maximum confidence that Santa is real occurs in children by the age of 5. But at the age of 8-9, faith in Santa Claus weakens and disappears completely.
Most often, parents are to blame for this - even if they do not tell their children directly that Santa does not exist, some of their mistakes help the kids to discover the deception. For example, children find checks for gifts supposedly brought to them by Santa, or accidentally notice how their parents hide toys under the tree.
However, faith in Santa Claus disappears with age and without the participation of parents. Scientists note that as children grow older, a more serious and deeper understanding of the picture of the world appears, and Santa Claus no longer fits into it.
Despite this, almost 65% of survey participants said they continued to pretend to believe in Santa, so as not to spoil the holiday atmosphere in their family. Every third respondent would like to believe in Santa Claus even now. And more than 70% answered that they would convince their own children of the existence of Santa Claus.
TOPIC
Trump stole Christmas: US President tells seven-year-old boy that Santa Claus does not exist
On Monday, December 24, Donald Trump and his wife, Melania, attended the annual Christmas event. The couple decided to help the North American Joint Aerospace Defense Command answer calls from American children who wanted to know the whereabouts of Santa Claus, who was delivering gifts on his sleigh. (details)
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"Santa Claus does not exist." Italian Bishop Disappointed Children at Christmas, Diocese Had to Apologize
Image copyright, Getty Images
A Roman Catholic diocese in Sicily has apologized after one of its bishops, speaking to a group of children, called Santa Claus a fictional character, Italian media reported.
During a religious event in the town of Noto in the southeast of the island, Bishop Antonio Stagliano said: "No, Santa Claus does not exist."
"And I would even add that the red suit in which he is dressed was chosen by the Coca-Cola company - solely for advertising purposes," the priest continued in his address timed to coincide with the celebration of St. Nicholas Day.
These words angered many of the parents in the crowd, who then expressed their outrage on social media.
The representative of the Diocese of Noto, Alessandro Paolino, hastened to apologize to them.
He said that his colleague did not want to offend anyone, but was trying to draw attention to the cult of consumption, which distances the current figure of Santa Claus from its supposed prototype - St. Nicholas from the city of Peace, located in modern Turkey.
"First of all, on behalf of the bishop, I express my regret at this statement, which upset the little ones. I also want to make clear that Monsignor Stagliano's intentions were very different," added Paolino, who is in charge of public relations in the diocese.
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- A boy called to ask where Santa Claus is. Trump answered him: "Do you still believe in Santa?"
According to Paolino, the bishop wanted to remind children of the true meaning of Christmas, which most people now associate with overconsumerism.
"If all of us, adults and children, could learn something from Santa Claus, it should be this: give less to consume and more to share with those in need," a diocese spokesman said in a statement.
Bishop Stagliano himself gave an interview to the newspaper La Republica, in which he explained that he did not try to dissuade children from the existence of Santa Claus, but asked them to think about what is truly real and important at Christmas.
Image copyright, Hulton Archive
Image caption,The image of Santa Claus as a gray-bearded old man in red clothes predated the famous Coca-Cola advertising campaign. This is an 1878 Christmas card.
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"We talked about the importance of distinguishing between what is real and what is not. And I gave the example of St. Nicholas of Myra - a saint who brought gifts to the poor, but not gifts," he said Stagliano - In the Anglo-Saxon tradition, he later became Santa Claus, but this is absolutely not the Santa Claus that the Coca-Cola company invented. I wanted to explain that the culture of consumerism, including gifts, is different from the culture of giving, when you share with your neighbor what you have."
"This is the true message of Christmas. The baby Jesus was born in order to give himself to all mankind," the bishop emphasized.
Coca-Cola's official website explains that the company "didn't create the Santa Claus legend," but its advertising "played a big part in shaping the fun character we know today."
"Before 1931, there were many different images of Santa Claus around the world, including a tall and lean man, an elf, there was even a scary Santa," writes the company - and explains that in that year it commissioned its Christmas company to an illustrator Haddon Sundblom.
