Poor social skills examples
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Learn from examples.
Learn from examples.
Use videos, TV shows, or real-life events to observe social situations in action. Watch for social cues. For example, notice when people in a conversation are looking around and seem open to others joining.
Are you?” Or “Is it OK if I join your conversation?”Social skills help us connect with other people and have successful interactions. Trouble with these skills can cause problems in many areas of life. That includes school, work, home, and out in the community.
Struggling with social skills is different from not “being social.” People may want to interact. But when they do, it doesn’t go well. They might struggle to make conversation, seem out of sync, or behave in a way that turns off other people.
People may have trouble picking up on social cues and following social rules. That can make it hard for them to fit in, form friendships, and work with others. They may avoid interacting and feel isolated and alone with their struggles.
There are different reasons people have difficulty with social skills. Sometimes, the cause is temporary. But trouble with these skills is often part of larger, lifelong challenges.
That doesn’t mean social abilities are set in stone.
There are ways to build skills so it’s easier to connect with other people and have better interactions.
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See 13 Poor Social Skills Examples Affecting Your Social Life [+ Solutions]
Your social life is important to you, and you want it to be as successful as possible.
Unfortunately, if you have some of the poor social skills examples in this article, it can be difficult to make connections with others or keep the ones that you have.
Poor social skills can be difficult to identify and even harder to fix. You may not know that you have poor social skills, but if they’re affecting your life, it’s time to get them under control.
To help you get your social game up, here are some of the most common poor social skills examples that can affect your social life. In addition, I have also included proven tips you can implement immediately.
What are Social Skills?
Social skills are how we communicate with others and how we behave in social situations. Social skills are learned through daily interactions with others.
They include how to greet people, how to say goodbye, how to make friends, how to ask questions and listen carefully, and how to understand what other people are feeling and thinking.
A person who has good social skills can get along well with other people in a variety of settings.
Social skills can be learned by anyone who wants them. The best way to learn is by doing, by practicing with a friend or family member, or by trying new activities until you find one that suits you.
Poor Social Skills Examples Affecting Your Social Life
1. Poor body language
You can’t control your body language 100%, but you can make sure that you are aware of what gestures you’re making and how they come across to others. It is important to avoid making negative hand gestures or movements that could be perceived as rude or aggressive.
You should also make sure that your posture is good and that your face is relaxed, as this will convey confidence and friendliness.
2. Poor vocal tone
Vocal tone refers to how we speak and how our speech sounds. If you have a poor vocal tone, it can negatively affect your social relationships because other people may perceive you as being aggressive or angry when you are not intending to sound so.
Therefore, it is important to practice speaking in a friendly way.
3. Not smiling enough
A smile is the most powerful tool in your communication arsenal. It can instantly put people at ease and make you appear more approachable. It can also boost your confidence and help you feel good about yourself.
Smiling is also a great way to make people feel comfortable around you. So, if you want to be more socially successful, start by smiling more often.
4. Awkward gestures/movements
When we’re nervous or uncomfortable, we tend to make awkward gestures or movements that not only make us look silly but also send the wrong signals about who we are as individuals.
Awkward gestures can be as simple as scratching your nose when you don’t have a cold or rubbing your hands together too much when you are nervous.
5. Always wanting the other person to greet you first
This is a common mistake that many people make because they don’t want to appear needy or desperate for attention from others.
However, this makes others feel like they are intruding on your personal space and time instead of making them feel welcomed into your life like they should be when meeting new people for the first time.
6. Wanting to be liked by everyone
One of the poor social skills examples is to be trying so hard to be liked by everyone around you at all times.
If someone doesn’t seem interested in talking with you or doesn’t want to shake hands when greeting, don’t force them into it just because that’s what you think they should do.
Instead, let them take the lead and remember that it’s better to be friendly than overly-aggressive anyway.
7. Being angry when things aren’t going the way you want
Becoming upset when things aren’t going your way whether it’s an argument over politics or sports teams or movies — isn’t an example of poor social skills so much as just being immature (or having a bad day).
With such poor social skills, you could be seen as weird and awkward by other people.
8. Uncomfortable silences
Uncomfortable silences are one of the biggest signs that someone has poor social skills.
When you’re talking with people and there is an awkward silence, it can be uncomfortable for everyone involved.
If you’re not sure what to say next or how to respond, it’s best to just let the other person do the talking until they’ve finished what they want to say.
9. Being a poor listener
Listening is more than just hearing what someone says; it’s about understanding how they feel about what was said too.
If you don’t understand how someone feels about a topic, then it’s hard for them to open up and be themselves around you.
So, if others tell you that you’re not a good listener, this could be an indicator that there’s room for improvement when it comes to your social skills.
10. Not knowing when to stop talking
Many people have the problem of talking too much.
This can be embarrassing in many situations — like when you’re trying to make small talk with someone at a party or networking event and they have to cut you off because they’re tired of listening or have something important to do.
If you tend to talk too much, or if other people think you do, this can make it difficult for others to get a word in edgewise.
11. Always talking about yourself
People who only talk about themselves and their accomplishments may come across as self-centered or stuck-up.
This can be annoying for other people, who might think that you’re self-absorbed and narcissistic.
You need to be able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes so you can see how what you’re saying could affect them.
12. Inappropriate humor or conversation topics
Some people try so hard to be funny that they end up being offensive instead.
For example, making jokes about race or religion can be offensive even if you don’t mean it that way — especially if you’re not aware that those topics are sensitive to others.
Similarly, if you’re trying too hard to be “cool” by talking about things like sex or drugs, it makes you seem immature instead of interesting or attractive.
13. Poor understanding of nonverbal and verbal cues
Not being able to read the moods or body language of other people, or not being able to understand when someone is uncomfortable with a subject or conversation, can cause problems at work, in relationships, and in your social life.
Why are Good Social Skills Important?
Social skills are often overlooked as a necessary skill set.
However, they are more important than most people realize. In fact, social skills can make or break your career and personal life. If you want to make friends, get a job, or find a date, you need good social skills.
No matter how old you are or where you live, it’s important to be able to communicate effectively with other people.
Poor social skills can affect your life in many ways.
You may find it difficult to make friends, hold down a job, and maintain relationships. If you’re suffering from poor social skills, chances are you’ve already noticed these problems in your life.
What are the Solutions to Poor Social Skills?
- Have a sense of humor
- Don’t be afraid to meet new people
- Allow for more casual conversations
- Learn how to start and keep a conversation
- Learn some social cues that’ll work in all situations
- Stop thinking about what you want to say, start listening
- Give clear and concise answers to avoid misunderstandings
- Understand that everyone has a different approach to social interactions
FAQs
Can social skills help you get a job?
Good social skills are essential to your career and can land you a good job.
Employers want employees who can work well with others because this makes the workplace more productive and enjoyable for everyone involved.
What can good social skills do for you?
Good social skills help you make friends, get along with others, resolve conflict, have healthy relationships, get along better at work, etc.
Conclusion
Poor social skills can have a big impact on your life.
People who lack social skills may be viewed as awkward, boring, or socially inept. If you are unaware of the consequences of poor social skills, it’s important to take a look at the signs that you might be lacking in this area.
Overall, it is about the ability to make others feel comfortable and is also an important social skill. If you’re constantly being rude, insensitive, or making people feel uncomfortable, it will affect your social life negatively.
I hope you found this article helpful. You should also check out these crucial soft skills every professional needs or browse LMS Hero Skills Category to learn about different skills that will make you succeed in your career.
Thank you for reading.
Poor social skills or lack of intelligence?
Bad social ...
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#1
Author
I have absolutely no communication skills, I don’t know what and how to answer in a given situation and how to behave story, I do not have this understanding.
#2
#3
9000 #7
))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))
And the text of the opus is written quite logically, competently for a "nanny for half a day" and a madam who sells alcohol.
Literate "youth" went
#17
#18
Guest
I understand you. The same. Try to get out of your comfort zone more often. Get on the bus, go drink coffee even if no one called, etc. It will be difficult, uncomfortable, but over time you will learn. You are winding yourself up more, I know from myself.
#19
#20
Guest
And try to work as a visiting housekeeper. Depending on the apartment, work for 1.5-3 hours, and the fee is 2-3K for cleaning. So take yourself a couple of apartments and work.
My visiting housekeeper for 10 years of work in Moscow earned herself and her son an apartment in her hometown, a car ... but she really plows every day.
#24
Author
LyolyaGuestA try to work as an incoming housekeeper. Depending on the apartment, work for 1.5-3 hours, and the fee is 2-3K for cleaning. So take yourself a couple of apartments and work.
My visiting housekeeper for 10 years of work in Moscow earned herself and her son an apartment in her hometown, a car .
.. but she really plows every day.
and what, Author from those who came in large numbers?)
No. I do not live in Moscow. I'm not going to Moscow.
Author
LyolyaGuestA try to work as a visiting housekeeper. Depending on the apartment, work for 1.5-3 hours, and the fee is 2-3K for cleaning. So take yourself a couple of apartments and work.
My visiting housekeeper for 10 years of work in Moscow earned herself and her son an apartment in her hometown, a car ... but she really plows every day.
and what, Author from those who came in large numbers?)
No. I do not live in Moscow. I'm not going to Moscow.
#25
Author
How are you saved?
#27
Author
LyolyaAuthor LyolyaGuestA try to work as an incoming housekeeper.
Depending on the apartment, work for 1.5-3 hours, and the fee is 2-3K for cleaning. So take yourself a couple of apartments and work.
My visiting housekeeper for 10 years of work in Moscow earned herself and her son an apartment in her hometown, a car ... but she really plows every day.
and what, Author from those who came in large numbers?)
No. I do not live in Moscow. I'm not going to Moscow.
Author LyolyaGostA try to work as an incoming housekeeper. Depending on the apartment, work for 1.5-3 hours, and the fee is 2-3K for cleaning. So take yourself a couple of apartments and work.
My visiting housekeeper for 10 years of work in Moscow earned herself and her son an apartment in her hometown, a car ... but she really plows every day.
and what, Author from those who came in large numbers?)
No. I do not live in Moscow. I'm not going to Moscow.
I don't understand why YOU worked with the nanny tower.. well, then it's better to come to Moscow and with your higher and work experience as a nanny, you can be very in demand here.
Because we managed to get stuck there. I'm telling you, I don't care where. Now almost everyone has a tower, but not everyone works where they want for various reasons. My reason is that this work in terms of communication is limited to a child who does not think that I somehow behave in a wrong way or said something stupid.
I don't want to go to Moscow, why should I go there?
#29
... .. how can you belittle yourself like that? ................ is 1 ! And the second - the fiber sees more than you think ...
#31
#33
Lyol ...." My reason is that this work in terms of communication is limited to a child who does not think that I somehow behave in a wrong way or say something stupid"
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.. .. how can you belittle yourself like that? ................ is 1 ! and the second - the child sees more than you think....
The child is not burdened by public opinion and is not prone to censure.
#34
Guest
Author Lyolya...." My reason is that this work in terms of communication is limited to a child who does not think that I somehow I'm not behaving like this or I said stupidity "
... .. how can you belittle yourself like that? ................ is 1 ! and the second - the child sees more than you think ....
The child is not burdened by public opinion and is not prone to censure.
the child is a mirror of the environment and photographs the behavior of people close to him. perhaps he does not give a specific assessment of the behavior of the nanny .. let's say .. but by his behavior it is elementary to calculate a scoundrel or a smart, kind nanny .
..... if the parents are of course adequate. )
#36
I work as a secretary and I want to say that this position is not the easiest... first of all, you need to be super-communicative, patient ( because all sorts of things come...) ..but anything happens: Your case 1 - it also happens to me quite often, but it's okay, I work... sometimes you just need to be able to laugh at yourself.. only the one who does nothing is not mistaken) .. And I would advise you a job where you need to communicate with people at a minimum - there are people who sit with papers or at the computer and work, but they don’t communicate with people so often ... and sellers, secretaries - you need to be able to communicate. ..
#37
Woman.
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No children I kept hoping to prove myself at work first before going on maternity leave.
But at this rate, I think you can sit at 40 without children and without a career.
So I also decided to give up my strength while there is for the children. But, unfortunately, this has not been successful so far.#44
Author
Marie Although I don’t understand why, because the same secretary needs to redo a million things in a day and keep track of a lot (this is only in the movies they wear tea and nails paint), but maybe I think so because only for my "intelligence" it seems complicated. So I have no illusions, I don’t strive for anything, just to settle down somewhere.
Do you think it's a lack of intelligence or embarrassment and inability to work with people and the team?
I work as a secretary and I want to say that this position, oh, how not the easiest ... firstly, you need to be super-communicative, patient (because all sorts of people come .
..) ..but anything can happen: your case 1 - too it often happens to me, but it's okay, I work ... sometimes you just need to be able to laugh at yourself .. only the one who does nothing is not mistaken) .. And I would advise you a job where you need to communicate with people at a minimum - there such people who sit with papers or work at the computer, but they don’t communicate with people so often ... and sellers, secretaries - you need to be able to communicate ...
The prospect of becoming a mouse rustling papers in the far corner scares me very much. This is probably the biggest fear for me. Therefore, I leave as soon as I feel that this is what is going on. I better spit then on work.#45
Author
LyolyaAuthor No, no children. I kept hoping to prove myself at work first before going on maternity leave. But at this rate, I think you can sit at 40 without children and without a career.
So I also decided to give up my strength while there is for the children. But, unfortunately, this has not been successful so far.
sins of youth? did you have an abortion? or my husband has something with his health?
Didn't. It just doesn't work for six months. The doctors say it's not time. Let's see what will happen.
And by the way, is this important for this topic?Invented stories
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#46
Author
in the movies they wear tea and paint their nails), but maybe I think so because only for my "intelligence" it seems complicated.
So I have no illusions, I don’t strive for anything, just to settle down somewhere.
Do you think it's a lack of intelligence or embarrassment and inability to work with people and the team?
I work as a secretary and I want to say that this position, oh, how not the easiest ... firstly, you need to be super-communicative, patient (because all sorts of people come ...) ..but anything happens: your case 1 - too it often happens to me, but it's okay, I work ... sometimes you just need to be able to laugh at yourself .. only the one who does nothing is not mistaken) .. And I would advise you a job where you need to communicate with people at a minimum - there such people who sit with papers or work at the computer, but they don’t communicate with people so often ... and sellers, secretaries - you need to be able to communicate ...
The prospect of becoming a mouse rustling papers in the far corner scares me very much. This is probably the biggest fear for me. Therefore, I leave as soon as I feel that this is what is going on.
I better spit then on work. #50
Author
GuestAuthor Marie Although I don’t understand why, because the same secretary needs to do a million things a day and keep track of a lot (it’s only in the movies they carry tea and nails are painted), but maybe I think so because only for my "intelligence" it seems complicated. So I have no illusions, I don’t strive for anything, just to settle down somewhere.
Do you think it's a lack of intelligence or embarrassment and inability to work with people and the team?
I work as a secretary and I want to say that this position, oh, how not the easiest ... firstly, you need to be super-communicative, patient (because all sorts of people come ...) ..but anything happens: your case 1 - too it often happens to me, but it's okay, I work ... sometimes you just need to be able to laugh at yourself .. only the one who does nothing is not mistaken) .
. And I would advise you a job where you need to communicate with people at a minimum - there such people who sit with papers or work at the computer, but they don’t communicate with people so often ... and sellers, secretaries - you need to be able to communicate ...
The prospect of becoming a mouse rustling papers in the far corner scares me very much. This is probably the biggest fear for me. Therefore, I leave as soon as I feel that this is what is going on. I better spit then on work.
What's so terrible about rustling papers in the corner? The work is calm, you don’t need to communicate much, no one interferes, the salary is paid. What's bad? What are you specifically afraid of?
Just understand, that's not what I wanted. I wanted to be needed and visible at work. But I just wanted a lot)))Back
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What is it and why doesn't everyone have it?
05:34 pm -
Social skill.
What is it and why doesn't everyone have it? Social competencies of a person, in the sense of personal abilities and skills for any kind of social interactions. Call it social intelligence, or social skill, the terms are not fundamental here. Why do so many people have poor social skills? Or, to put it crudely, why aren't all people in the world extroverts? The answer - "because people are so arranged" is difficult to accept as satisfactory. Ok, why are people like this?
Here I want to mention that “extraversion” – “introversion” are very vague terms, each author means something different, there are many common phrases, metaphors and figurative descriptions, but it can be difficult to understand what exactly was meant. There is no final, generally accepted and "only correct" understanding of these words. If possible, I will use concepts that are more transparent, in my opinion, but since the division of people into extroverts-introverts has long and firmly gone into the people, and it seems like the words seem intuitive, I will have to use them.
Let's assume that these words relate to the sphere of social interactions, how sociable a person is and how inclined he is to make contact with distant people, what is the frequency, intensity and success of these social contacts. Next. There are character traits, all that in Western literature is called a "personality trait", a conditional "core of personality". That is, a set of basic characteristics, features of the work of the psyche and the specifics of the final behavior, some more or less standard set from which what we call our unique individuality is assembled. And in this sense, people are the same, because everyone has the same mental mechanics, and all people are different, because everyone has their own final assembly. And these character traits are neither bad nor good in and of themselves. All of them have their strengths and weaknesses, they can all be useful, and they can be harmful. That is why all personality traits are preserved in the population in their diversity, if there were an unambiguously winning characterological block, it would eventually crowd out the less successful ones.
But that doesn't happen.
For example, who is more profitable to be, a person who is rather risky and seeks novelty, or a person who is cautious and prudent? No answer, both solutions have their pros and cons. Which behavior is better - cooperative or competitive? Again, no answer, both strategies can be effective. Is autonomous behavior or group behavior more profitable? Credulity and openness or suspicion and wariness? Speed of decision making or quality of decision making? And so on. Each individual person is strategically leaning towards one or the other pole (in fact, this is what we call “personal character”), but none of these “behavioral strategies” is universally successful or universally unsuccessful, so they all coexist. so that in the population there are psyches for every taste.But this is not the case with social abilities. There is no balance, no checks and balances, no "on the one hand, on the other hand." Whom it is more useful to be - an introvert or an extrovert - there is a definite answer to this.
Extrovert. Any social skill is better than none. The higher the social intelligence, the cooler. It is more beneficial to have a high social skill than a low social skill, always and in all situations.
I can hardly imagine life's collisions, when the ability to interact, talk and negotiate, expand the space of social coherence, easily engage in both formal and informal interactions, individual and group - when all this could bring more trouble than bonuses.There are many standard explanations for this, but they all seem unsatisfactory to me.
For example. "Extroverts", in addition to sociability and social skills, are also impulsive, emotionally unstable and subject to other people's influence, while the "introvert", although shy, reserved and not sociable, has a developed imagination, a rich inner world, a bright personality and independence. .This thesis, in different formulations and developed in different ways, occurs very often. I can't agree.
It seems to me completely non-obvious to link together completely different, in my opinion, phenomena. And who said that high socialization is necessarily accompanied by suggestibility and/or impulsivity? And what will prevent the “rich inner world” from the ability to quickly establish informal interactions? For example, if a person is prone to independent decision-making and independence of choices (autonomous behavior), then it will be difficult for him to accept the opinion of the group and follow the leader (group behavior), these are competing strategies. But the “rich inner world” does not compete in any way and does not exclude social ties. Social media is just a tool, you can use it, you can not use it, according to the situation, but it is always more useful when it is present than when it is not. Of course, if a person is completely and completely satisfied with his mental structure, then let him live as he lives, no problems. But the fact is that very often problems just appear.
Here it is necessary to distinguish between "I can not" and "I can, but I do not want to." Is it useful to have a high social skill if all this fuss around the social sphere does not bring any pleasure? On this topic, questions come from the series "you can learn to swim, but how do you learn to enjoy it"? You know, in any case, being able is better than not being able to. And if you live near the water and constantly find yourself in the water, then you definitely seriously need a swimming skill, even if the process does not give you much pleasure. In such a situation, it is better that you know how, and it is better that you know how well, and not flounder like a dog. Whether you like it or not, it doesn't matter in this situation. You can not enjoy, do not care. The main thing is to be able to.
As a psychotherapist, people with problems in social interactions have repeatedly come to me and come to me, and these are always difficulties due to insufficient social skill, never from its redundancy.
Many have difficulties from loneliness or lack of communication, and in practice I have not met complaints about an excess of communication. In part, this can still be attributed to professional distortions, it is obvious that people who are OK do not seek psychotherapeutic help. But even according to objective estimates, social phobia, also known as social anxiety disorder, according to various estimates, is observed in up to 12% of the population. And this is already a category of neurotic disorder, it is not just “shyness” or “some difficulties in communication” in the common sense. That is, approximately one in ten, to a greater or lesser extent, has a socially conditioned decrease in adaptability, which negatively affects the quality of life. With the opposite situation, with hyper-sociality and related problems, we do not observe anything of the kind. It can be attributed to the fact that “well, people are just like that by nature, some are social by nature, others are not very, whoever is lucky.
” But this is not true. All people are social, all people are lucky. We are the most social species on the planet, so what is in our blood, so this is in our blood. And when sociality breaks down, it is always accompanied by a pronounced mental pathology, whether it be autism spectrum disorders or schizophrenia and those who have joined it (schizotypal and schizoaffective disorders, schizoid personality disorder, etc.).
Basically, all people are supersocial. We all have this tool installed in our heads, and it's not quite obvious why some people use it and others don't.
There are skills that are definitely useful and seem to be useful to everyone, but not everyone has them, for various reasons. For example, it is more profitable to be smart and educated than to be stupid and uneducated. But this requires a very long time and favorable circumstances of the environment, besides, the benefit is not obvious, the mind and intellect in itself still do not give anything, it still needs to be turned to one's benefit.
Or, it is better to be talented and gifted, but talent implies, in addition to efforts to develop it, some kind of “innate” gift that is not given to everyone. It is better to be beautiful and outwardly attractive, the benefits are obvious and generally available, but it requires significant investment over long distances, because the entire set of sports, dietary and cosmetic activities must be carried out constantly and regularly, and the next visible results will not be soon, half a year or so Togo. It is more useful to be able to handle our own emotional states, but this is counterintuitive, because feelings and experiences are what happens to us, the emotional state inevitably distorts our perception of the world and our behavior, it is difficult for a person to cope with this . However, this is not the case with social skill. This is a “gift” that everyone has, the benefits of it are obvious, intuitive and the advantages appear immediately, there is no delayed response. It's like learning a language.
Why can't any of the best foreign courses replace traveling and living in a language environment? Because you find yourself in a context and rewards are issued immediately. And of course, learning takes effort, but every new word, every turn of speech immediately expands your opportunities for interacting with local residents - it's easier to communicate with sellers, ask passers-by for directions, etc. Sociality is the same interactive external environment. Every small step, every little result immediately gives additional plasticity and adaptability. And, again, this is just a tool. A skill is a skill, no one forces you to use it all the time. There is a need - they got it, there is no need - they hid it. Moreover, conditional “introverts”, in theory, should be even better at it - if a conditional “extrovert” perceives his social competencies as part of himself, and with difficulty separates his basic properties from his learned competencies, then it is intuitively easier for an “introvert” to perceive simply as a skill, like the ability to drive a car or to embroider with a cross, so the skill can be applied instrumentally, reflexively and with controlled emotional involvement in the process.
Why doesn't this happen, at least not in large numbers and routinely? I don't have a definitive answer, but I suspect that the mass atomization of society and the difficulty in communication is a tax on civilization. The social structure evolves, the rules become more complicated, there are many unwritten, but rigid standards of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. All this leads to neuroticization of the population. And in general, of course, civilization is good, people live better in more civilized societies than in less civilized ones. But everything has its price.
In particular, post-traumatic stress disorder, for example in veterans (Vietnam, Afghanistan, Chechnya, and the like). It is not uncommon for a boy to go to war and return mentally broken. It’s hard for me to imagine any Mongol from the army of Genghis Khan, who wakes up screaming at night because Ryazan was on fire again. Or a medieval peasant who got depressed because for 10 years in a row an unremarkable ordinary harvest, nothing happens, no troubles are foreseen, but there are no prospects either, every day is the same and this is a reason to lie down in vital anguish.
This does not mean, of course, that simpler is better. Of course not. But at the same time, the modern world encourages various patterns of behavior that are useful at the population level as a whole, but in their individual manifestations often complicate a person's life.
For example. The collapse of community-clan relations is a good thing, but in the end it leads to atomization. Or. Social rejection is a powerful and effective lever, but a person who is too afraid of rejection ends up withholding any initiative at all. The prohibition on the expression of negative emotions, especially anger and aggression, is undoubtedly a good thing, but it also leads to the fact that people generally have difficulty recognizing and expressing emotions. Respect for someone else's personal space is good, but when a person desperately avoids any situations in which it may seem that he is "too imposing" or "poking into his own business" - in the end, it reduces the ultimate adaptability.
High ethical standards, altruism and benevolence are wonderful, but when a person is not able to say "no" or stand his ground, it is harmful for a person. And so on.
These explanations are useful to us in order to understand the nature of phenomena. But they are not of particular importance in each individual case, because what is the difference for a person that his mental troubles and difficulties in life have a social or biological justification? I understand that increasing the adaptability of society as a whole is worth reducing the adaptability of individuals, this is a reasonable tax, and in general I have no objections. But I don’t see any reason to pay with my psyche. Your problems are your problems, and the problems of your species are not your problems, it's somehow without you.There is a question. And what to do about this? The request is popular, the request is massive, so there is an incredible amount of literature on the topic of communication psychology on the market.
“Language of relationships”, “How to effectively communicate with people”, “Get rid of loneliness. The Miracle of Communication”, “The Power of Charm”, “Communication”, “How to Start a Conversation” and so on and so forth. A whole subgenre in popular psychological literature. How helpful are these books? Not really, otherwise we would have noticed. The fact is that at this level of conversation, “personal growth for the youngest,” everyone expects universal recommendations. And universal recommendations, of course, turn out to be either meaningless nonsense or commonplaces and platitudes. In the spirit of "smile openly and be confident." Thanks cap, great advice, who would have thought. This is a trap of universals - both authors and readers willingly fly into it. You might think there is some kind of "communication secret" that all extroverts know and agree not to tell introverts. But it is worth knowing this secret, and everything will go further at the click of a finger. Of course, there is no special secret knowledge, prescribed technologies, combat NLP love spell and other heresy.
In fact, the task ultimately comes down to social competencies. In the level of understanding what is happening around. Someone acquires these competencies in the process of a continuous naturally ongoing learning process, which people call their personal life experience. And someone does not learn these competencies because they did not get into the curriculum, or because they got it. but not learned, no matter why. Difficult childhood, youthful psychotrauma, domestic circumstances - all this is talk in favor of the poor, it does not matter. Well no and no. If there is some competence that you can acquire and that is worth obtaining, and you did not receive it as a result of natural everyday learning, then it is not a big problem. If by nature not ____________ (insert your word). There is nothing irresistible and catastrophic in this. It didn’t work out with natural learning, which means you should arrange artificial forced learning for yourself. No matter how, the same books are quite suitable as one of the options.
Arguing about options is like arguing about the colors of shells in the gym or about their manufacturing companies. The method itself does not mean anything, you can choose any, it is important to understand the principle. If it is not at all clear which side to approach, then it is useful to understand how people learn. If this is clear, then it is useful to understand how a person’s sociality is arranged and where social competencies come from, and why they are needed. If everything is clear about social intelligence, then it is worth understanding the final behavioral manifestations. And so on. To master all this is not that it is an unbearable task, it is not for you to manage a nuclear power plant, it is not so difficult, this cognitive machine. That is difficult, of course, but within reason. In addition
From the series “What to read for yourself”, I would not recommend a shelf with popular psychology for everyone. It seems to me that it is much more useful to look at manuals for social workers on training social skills or sensible texts on organizing a business, negotiating and managing personnel.
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