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100 Mother's Day Quotes: Best Mom Quotations to Show Your Love
Mother's Day 2022 will be celebrated on Sunday, May 8. To mark the occasion celebrated annually on the second Sunday in May, you could lavish mom with flowers, cards or other gifts. But how about giving her something that won't wilt, collect dust or be thrown away? Tell mom how important she is with words—specifically iconic quotes that remind her how important moms are to everyone.
Need help finding the perfect words? We’ve rounded up 100 moving mom quotesforMothers Day about the most important lady in all of our lives!
These missives come from all types of people, from authors and poets to politicians, actors, and celebrities and from across a huge span of time. George Eliot and Edgar Allen Poe are quoted here; so are Tupac Shakur and even Snooki. They all have one thing in common: they know the importance of a mother.
1. "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." —Abraham Lincoln
2. "My mother has always been my emotional barometer and my guidance.
I was lucky enough to get to have one woman who truly helped me through everything." —Emma Stone
Related: The Best Quotes About Mothers and Daughters
3. “I believe in the strength and intelligence and sensitivity of women. My mother, my sisters [they] are strong. My mum is a strong woman and I love her for it.” —Tom Hiddleston
4. "I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." —Abraham Lincoln
5. “My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” —George Washington
6. "Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face." —George Eliot
7. “It’s a funny thing about mothers and fathers.
Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.” —Roald Dahl
8. "When you’re in the thick of raising your kids by yourself, you tend to keep a running list of everything you think you’re doing wrong. I recommend taking a lot of family pictures as evidence to the contrary." —Connie Schultz
9. "Kids don't stay with you if you do it right. It's the one job where, the better you are, the more surely you won't be needed in the long run.” —Barbara Kingsolver
10. "Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There's no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving." —Gail Tsukiyama
11. “The best place to cry is on a mother's arms.” —Jodi Picoult
Related: Best Mother’s Day Gifts
12.
"A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." —Dorothy Canfield Fisher
13. "Mother's love is bliss, is peace, it need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. If it is there, it is like a blessing; if it is not there it is as if all the beauty had gone out of life." —Erich Fromm
14. "If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother." —Booker T. Washington
15. "There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one." —Jill Churchill
Related: 75 Best Quotes About Motherhood
16. “I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.” —Mitch Albom
17. “Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.
” —P.J. O'Rourke
18. “Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.” —Robert A. Heinlein
19. "If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" —Milton Berle
20. "Most mothers are instinctive philosophers." —Harriet Beecher Stowe
21. “To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow.” —Maya Angelou
22. "The phrase 'working mother' is redundant." —Jane Sellman
23. "[A] mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled." —Emily Dickinson
24. "A mother’s arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them." —Victor Hugo
25. "Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; A mother’s secret hope outlives them all.
" —Oliver Wendell Holmes
Related: The Best Quotes About Single Moms
26. "Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother’s love is not." —James Joyce
27. "My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart—a heart so large that everybody’s joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation." —Mark Twain
28. "My mother was a reader, and she read to us. She read us Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I was 6 and my brother was 8; I never forgot it." —Stephen King
Related: How to Make a Mother’s Day Card
29. "Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark … to have been loved so deeply .. will give us some protection forever." —J.K. Rowling
30. “It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My mom says some days are like that.
" —Judith Viorst in Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
31. "When they've finished reading, Olivia's mother gives her a kiss and says, 'You know, you really wear me out. But I love you anyway.' And Olivia gives her a kiss back and says, 'I love you anyway too.'" —Ian Falconer in Olivia
32. "My mother was the one constant in my life. When I think about my mom raising me alone when she was 20, and working and paying the bills, and, you know, trying to pursue your own dreams, I think is a feat that is unmatched." —Barack Obama
Related: Top Quotes for New Moms
33. "[My mom] had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer." —Bill Clinton
34. "I unapologetically and unabashedly am deeply biased toward my mother." —Chelsea Clinton
35.
"My mother ... had a very deep inner spirituality that allowed her to rebuild her life. It’s extraordinary that she had such a strong sense of self and such a commitment to the future and such a strong creative sense that she could build new worlds for herself and for us out of the total devastation in her life." —Caroline Kennedy
36. "I tell my kids, 'I am thinking about you every other minute of my day.'” —Michelle Obama
37. “I’m still amazed at how my mother emerged from her lonely early life as such an affectionate and levelheaded woman.” —Hillary Clinton
38. "My parents elected me president of the family when I was 4. We actually had an election every year and I always won. I’m an only child, and I could count on my mother’s vote." —Condoleezza Rice
39. "A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's." —Princess Diana
40.
"[Motherhood is] the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It's huge and scary—it's an act of infinite optimism." —Gilda Radner
Related: Last-minute Mother's Day gifts!
41. "When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." —Sophia Loren
42. "My mother is my root, my foundation. She planted the seed that I base my life on, and that is the belief that the ability to achieve starts in your mind." —Michael Jordan
43. "Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." —Oprah Winfrey
44. "Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love." —Stevie Wonder
45.
"Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials." —Meryl Streep
46. "She raised us with humor, and she raised us to understand that not everything was going to be great—but how to laugh through it.” —Liza Minnelli (on mom Judy Garland)
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47. “I don’t know if I feel like a bad mom, but at the end of the day I’m always plagued with, did I do enough? Should I go in a different direction? But I also know that my entire life revolves around [my son] Louis.” —Sandra Bullock
48. "It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it." —Dorothy on The Golden Girls
49. "If I were hanged on the highest hill / Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine! / I know whose love would follow me still / Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!" —Rudyard Kipling
50.
"Because I feel that, in the Heavens above / The angels, whispering to one another, / Can find, among their burning terms of love / None so devotional as that of 'Mother'" —Edgar Allen Poe
Related: Funny Memes About Moms
51. "There ought to be a hall of fame for mamas / Creation's most unique and precious pearl / And heaven help us always to remember / That the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" —Glen Campbell
52. "I finally understand / for a woman it ain't easy tryin to raise a man / You always was committed / A poor single mother on welfare, tell me how ya did it / There's no way I can pay you back / But the plan is to show you that I understand / You are appreciated" —Tupac Shakur
53. "You showed me when I was young just how to grow / You showed me everything that I should know / You showed me just how to walk without your hands / Cuz mom you always were the perfect fan" —The Backstreet Boys
Related: 60 Instagram Captions for Mother’s Day
54.
"I wanna tell the whole world about a friend of mine / This little light of mine, I'm feelin' let it shine / I'm feelin' take y'all back to them better times/ I'm feelin' talk about my mama if y'all don't mind" —Kanye West
55. "Never gonna go a day without you / Fills me up just thinking about you / I'll never go a day without my mama" —Boyz II Men
56. "Mama, you taught me to do the right things / So now you have to let your baby fly / You've given me everything that I will need / To make it through this crazy thing called life" —Carrie Underwood
57. "My mom [has] always been my hero. Watching her experience something like breast cancer was pivotal, I think in my whole family’s life and experience. She is one strong lady." —Emma Stone
58. “A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.
” ―Washington Irving
59. "Motherhood: All love begins and ends there." —Robert Browning
60. "In 1971, Bossier City, Louisiana, there was a teenage girl who was pregnant with her second child. She was a high school dropout and a single mom, but somehow she managed to make a better life for herself and her children. She encouraged her kids to be creative, to work hard, and to do something special. That girl is my mother and she’s here tonight. And I just want to say, I love you, Mom. Thank you for teaching me to dream." —Jared Leto
61. “You sacrificed for us. You’re the real MVP.” —Kevin Durant
62. "My mom had four kids, one with special needs. She had a full-time job, and she still came home and made dinner for us every night, from scratch. It was amazing." —Eva Longoria
63. "It’s the job that I take most seriously in my life and I think it’s the hardest job.
" —Debra Messing
64. There’s something that just happens to you when you have a baby, and you look at their little eyes for the first time when you’re holding them. They’ve been safe inside your belly for almost 10 months, and now they’re in your arms. Intuition kicks in, where you will do anything for them and you have all the tools inside of you to take care of them." —Hillary Duff
65. “Don’t listen to anyone’s advice. Listen to your baby ... There are so many books, doctors, and well-meaning friends and family. We like to say, ‘You don’t need a book. Your baby is a book. Just pick it up and read it.’” —Mayim Bialik
66. "Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears." —Kate Winslet
67. “[When] you’re dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn’t matter what else is going on.
That’s real happiness.” —Gwyneth Paltrow
68. "Over the years, I learned so much from mom. She taught me about the importance of home and history and family and tradition. She also taught me that aging need not mean narrowing the scope of your activities and interests or a diminution of the great pleasures to be had in the everyday." —Martha Stewart
69. "My mother is a walking miracle." —Leonardo DiCaprio
70. "I see myself as mom first. I’m so lucky to have that role in life. The world can like me, hate me or fall apart around me and at least I wake up with my kids and I’m happy." —Angelina Jolie
71. "Sometimes, when I want to take on the world, I try to remember that it's just as important to sit down and ask my son how he's feeling or talk to him about life." —Angelina Jolie
72. "I think every working mom probably feels the same thing: You go through big chunks of time where you're just thinking, 'This is impossible — oh, this is impossible.
' And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible." —Tina Fey
73. “Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy.” —Tina Fey
74. "[Motherhood is] 'heart-exploding, blissful hysteria.'" —Olivia Wilde
75. "The films I’ve made for children have been my hardest work, my best, because kids deserve the best." —Emma Thompson
76. "Acceptance, tolerance, bravery, compassion. These are the things my mom taught me." —Lady Gaga
77. "I would say that my mother is the single biggest role model in my life, but that term doesn't seem to encompass enough when I use it about her. She was the love of my life." —Mindy Kaling
78. “If I’ve learned anything as a mom with a daughter who’s three, I’ve learned that you cannot judge the way another person is raising their kid.
Everybody is just doing the best they can. It’s hard to be a mom." —Maggie Gyllenhaal
79. "As my mom always said, ‘You’d rather have smile lines than frown lines.’" —Cindy Crawford
80. “When I had my first child I thought, ‘This is the best-kept secret.’ You know how parents rattle on to you about, ‘Oh, you won’t believe your life will never be the same,’ and da, da, da and you think, ‘Why can’t these people just get over it? All they’re doing is yakking on about their kids. It’s such a bore.’ And then you have kids and you just want to do all the same things.” —Uma Thurman
81. “She drove me to ballet class…and she took me to every audition. She’d be proud of me if I was still sitting in that seat or if I was watching from home. She believes in me and that’s why this [award] is for her. She’s a wonderful mother.” —Elisabeth Moss
82.
"My mom is my hero. [She] inspired me to dream when I was a kid, so anytime anyone inspires you to dream, that’s gotta be your hero.” —Tim McGraw
83. "[My mother] always said I was beautiful and I finally believed her at some point." —Lupita Nyong'o
84. "[What's beautiful about my mother is] her compassion, how much she gives, whether it be to her kids and grandkids or out in the world. She’s got a sparkle." —Kate Hudson (on mom Goldie Hawn)
85. "My mom is a hard worker. She puts her head down and she gets it done. And she finds a way to have fun. She always says, 'Happiness is your own responsibility.' That's probably what I quote from her and live by the most." —Jennifer Garner
86. “We used to sing along to Judy Garland and Ella Fitzgerald records together. She had the most amazing voice ... She’s always encouraged me, and she’s still that person who, when things look dire, lifts me up and reminds me of who I am and that we all have a capacity for greatness.
” —Sheryl Crowe
87. "My mother taught me to be nice to everybody. And she said something before I left home. She said, 'I want you to always remember that the person you are in this world is a reflection of the job I did as a mother.'" —Jason Segel
88. "I remember being seven and asking my mom if I was as pretty as Monique [my best friend in grade school]. And with all the love in the world, my mom looked at me and said, "Oh, honey, you're so funny.' So, she doesn't lie to me…she answers the question by not answering and instead tells me what she thinks is my greatest strength." —Jennifer Aniston
89. "I like my body so much better after I had kids. Is that a crazy thing to say? I'm more womanly. I feel sexier.” —Reese Witherspoon
90. "Most people's mothers are the most influential person in their life. But my mother survived the camps, and she was very strong.
She made me strong, but she wanted me to be strong. That's more important." —Diane von Furstenberg
91. "My mom is the greatest mom in the whole wide world. She's done everything for me to make my dreams come true." —Josh Hutcherson
92. "My mother is everything to me. She's my anchor, she's the person I go to when I need to talk to someone. She is an amazing woman." —Demi Lovato
93. "There were times when, in middle school and junior high, I didn't have a lot of friends. But my mom was always my friend. Always." —Taylor Swift
94. "I don't think of myself as a terribly confident person. But I have a survival mechanism that was instilled in me by my mother." —Naomi Watts
95. "There’s no such thing as a supermom. We just do the best we can." —Sarah Michelle Gellar
96.
“I have found being a mother has made me emotionally raw in many situations. You heart is beating outside your body when you have a baby.” —Kate Beckinsale
97. "It’s been a huge joy, this experience of being a mom ... I don’t know how to articulate it yet, because it is so fresh."
—Claire Danes
98. "The best part of having two babies at once, a son and a daughter, is mostly everything. You’re just having that feeling of love inside you all the time and motherhood is such a fulfilling place to be. I kind of wish it would have happened to me earlier in my life." —Jennifer Lopez
99. "[My favorite thing about motherhood is] that it’s made me grow into a woman finally, and I finally grew up, thank God." —Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi
100. "You instantly become less selfish. You can’t be the biggest person in the world anymore—they are.
[Motherhood] really grounds you." —Keri Russell
Here are the best Mother's Day card ideas!
I need my mother
Employees of the "Country for Life" fund held an action in support of Olga Zolotar.
We would like to remind you that right now 47 women are languishing in the dungeons of Lukashenka's regime. 38 of them were recognized as political prisoners. Since the start of the election campaign, at least 141 politically motivated criminal cases have been filed against women in Belarus. Right now, dozens of kids don't know when they'll see their moms at home. The reason for this is the maniacal desire of one person to prolong his reign at any cost.
Olga Zolotar, a mother of five children from the Zhdanovichi settlement, was detained on March 18. According to Olga, they used physical violence against her and demanded to unlock her phone. At the same time, the forensic expert, who was called by the lawyer to testify to the beatings, could not meet with Zolotar.
On March 26, Olga Zolotar was charged. She is charged with creating an extremist formation and faces up to 7 years in prison.
Lukashenka has repeatedly emphasized his dismissive attitude towards women, calling them second-class people. The example of Svetlana Tikhanovskaya, Maria Kolesnikova, Olga Zolotar and millions of Belarusian women suggests otherwise. Under the conditions of state terror, women have become the main driving force behind the Belarusian protest. Now the system is increasingly using the most brutal methods of pressure against them. And Olga Zolotar is no exception to the rule.
It is only in the power of all Belarusians - women and men, young and old - to stop this terror. Moms and dads should be at home with their children. Only together, in solidarity, can we say no to repression, release political prisoners, bring the executioners to a fair trial and build a real country for life.
Currently in custody:
Andreeva Katerina
Bernatskaya Irena
Bondarenko Vitaly
Boris Anzhelika
Borisevich Katerina
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Are we obligated to love our mother?
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Get to know yourself A man among people
“I remember my mother and I went to my former room, where I lived as a teenager,” recalls 32-year-old Lera. She sat on the bed, crying and could not stop. The death of her mother, my grandmother, just seemed to crush her - she was inconsolable. But I didn’t understand why she was so killed: our grandmother was a real catty. Relations with which, by the way, cost her daughter more than seven years of psychotherapy.
As a result, my mother succeeded in everything: to improve her personal life, create a happy family, and even establish a reasonable relationship with her grandmother. At least I thought so. When I asked: “Why are you crying?”, She replied: “Now I will never have a good mother.” So, despite everything, she kept hoping? When my grandmother was alive, my mother said that she did not love her - so, it turns out that she was lying?
Relationship with one's own mother - at the slightest approach to this topic, social networks begin to “storm”.
Why? What makes this bond so unique that under no circumstances can it truly be broken? Does this mean that we, daughters and sons, are forever doomed to love the one who once gave us life?
Social commitment
"I don't love my mother." Very few people are able to utter such words. It is unbearably painful, and the internal ban on such feelings is too strong. “Outwardly, everything is fine with us,” says 37-year-old Nadezhda. “Let’s just say: I try to communicate correctly, not to react internally, not to take anything too close to my heart.” Artyom, 38, carefully chooses his expressions, admits that he maintains a “good” relationship with his mother, “although not particularly close.”
“In our public mind, one of the most widespread myths is about endless, selfless and bright love between mother and child,” explains psychotherapist Ekaterina Mikhailova. - There is competition between siblings; there is something in the love of a man and a woman that can darken it.
And the affection of mother and child is the only feeling that, as they say, does not change over the years.
It is not for nothing that folk wisdom says: "No one will love you like a mother"
“The mother remains sacred,” agrees sociologist Christine Castaine-Meunier. “Today, when traditional family cells are disintegrating, all sorts of roles, from parental to sexual, are shifting, familiar landmarks are being lost, we are trying to cling to something stable that has stood the test of time. That is why the traditional image of the mother becomes unshakable as never before.” The mere doubt of its authenticity is unbearable.
“The very thought “I have a bad mother” can destroy a person,” says Ekaterina Mikhailova. - It is no coincidence that in fairy tales the evil witch is always the stepmother. This not only speaks to how difficult it is to accept your negative feelings towards your own mother, but also how common such feelings are.
"
Initial fusion
Our relationship is dual, contradictory. “The degree of closeness that initially exists between mother and child excludes the existence of a comfortable relationship,” says Ekaterina Mikhailova. - First, a complete merger: we were all born under the beating of the heart of our mother. Later, for the baby, she becomes an ideal omnipotent being, able to satisfy all his needs and needs.
The moment when a child realizes that his mother is not perfect becomes a shock for him. And the less it satisfies the true needs of the child, the harder the blow: sometimes it can give rise to deep resentment, which then develops into hatred. We all know moments of bitter childhood anger, when the mother did not fulfill our desires, greatly disappointed or offended us. Perhaps you can say that they are inevitable.
“These moments of hostility are part of a child's development,” explains psychoanalyst Alain Braconnier. - If they are single, then everything goes fine.
Mother and child seem to merge into one, and the strength of emotions in their relationship is directly proportional to the intensity of this merger
It is even more difficult for single children or those who grew up in an incomplete family to admit to themselves hostile feelings towards their own mother.
“For as long as I can remember, I have always been the main reason for her life,” says 33-year-old Roman. - This is probably a great happiness, which is not given to everyone, but also a heavy burden. For example, for a long time I did not manage to get to know someone, to start a personal life. She couldn't share me with anyone!" Today, his connection with his mother is still very strong: “I don’t want to go far from her, I found myself an apartment very close, two stops .
.. Although I understand that such a relationship deprives me of real freedom.”
Almost none of the adults and even very unhappy children actually dare to burn all the bridges. They deny that they are angry with their mother, they try to understand her, they find excuses: she herself had a difficult childhood, a difficult fate, her life did not work out. Everyone tries to behave “as if”… As if everything was fine and the heart would not hurt so much.
The main thing is not to talk about it, otherwise the avalanche of pain will sweep away everything and “carry it beyond the point of no return”, as Roman figuratively puts it. Adult children support this connection by all means. “I call her out of a sense of duty,” admits 29year old Anna. “Because in her heart she loves me, and I don’t want to upset her.”
Indebted from birth
Psychoanalysis speaks of "original debt" and its consequence - that feeling of guilt that binds us for life to the woman to whom we owe our birth.
And whatever our feelings are, in the very depths of our souls there is still a hope that someday things can still get better somehow. “In my mind, I understand that you can’t change my mother anymore,” sighs 43-year-old Vera. “Still, I can’t accept the fact that nothing will ever change between us.”
“I lost my first child in childbirth,” recalls 56-year-old Maria. - Then I thought that at least this time my mother would at least show sympathy. But no, she did not think that the death of a child was a sufficient reason for grief: after all, I had not even seen him! Since then, I have literally lost sleep. And this nightmare continued for years - until the day when, in a conversation with a psychotherapist, I suddenly realized that I did not love my mother. And I felt that I have a right to it.”
We have the right not to experience this love, but we do not dare to use it
“We have a long-standing childhood insatiable longing for a good parent, a thirst for tenderness and unconditional love,” says Ekaterina Mikhailova.
“It seems to us all, without exception, that we were not loved the way we should have been. I don’t think any child had exactly the kind of mother they needed.”
It is even more difficult for someone whose relationship with his mother was difficult. “In our understanding of her, there is no separation between the almighty maternal figure, familiar to us from infancy, and a real person,” continues Ekaterina Mikhailova. “This image does not change over time: it contains both the depth of childish despair, when the mother is delayed, and we think that she is lost and will not come again, and later ambivalent feelings.”
Only a “good enough” mother helps us move towards adult independence. Such a mother, satisfying the urgent needs of the child, makes him understand that life is worth living. She, without rushing to fulfill his slightest desire, gives another lesson: in order to live well, you need to gain independence.
Fear of becoming the same
Having entered into motherhood in their turn, Vera and Maria did not object to the communication of their mothers with their grandchildren, hoping that their "bad" mothers would at least become "good" grandmothers.
Before the birth of her first child, Vera found an amateur film made by her father during her childhood. A laughing young woman with a little girl in her arms looked at her from the screen.
“My heart warmed,” she recalls. - In fact, our relationship deteriorated when I became a teenager, but before that, my mother seemed to be glad that I was in the world. I am sure that I was able to become a good mother to my two sons only because of these first years of my life. But when I see how she gets annoyed with my children today, everything turns upside down in me - I immediately remember what she has become.
Maria, like Vera, took her mother as an anti-model for building relationships with her children. And it worked: “One day, at the end of a long phone conversation, my daughter said to me: “It’s so nice, Mom, to talk to you.” I hung up the phone and cried. I was happy that I managed to build a wonderful relationship with my children, and at the same time I was choked with bitterness: after all, I myself did not get such.
The initial lack of maternal love in the lives of these women was partially made up by others — those who were able to convey to them the desire to have a child, helped them understand how to raise him, love and accept his love. Thanks to such people, good mothers can grow up from girls with a “disliked” childhood.
In search of indifference
When relationships are too painful, the right distance in them becomes vital. And suffering adult children seek only one thing - indifference. “But this protection is very fragile: the slightest step, a gesture from the mother is enough, as everything collapses, and the person is injured again,” says Ekaterina Mikhailova. Everyone dreams of finding such spiritual protection ... and admits that they cannot find it.
“I tried to completely “disconnect” from her, moved to another city,” says Anna. “But as soon as I hear her voice in the receiver, it’s as if it pierces through me with an electric current ... No, it’s unlikely that even now I don’t care.
” Maria chose a different strategy: “It’s easier for me to maintain some kind of formal connection than to break it completely: I see my mother, but very rarely.” To allow ourselves not to love the one who raised us, and at the same time not to suffer too much, is incredibly difficult. But probably.
“This is a hard-won indifference,” says Ekaterina Mikhailova. - It comes if the soul manages to survive that long-standing lack of warmth, love and care, it comes from our pacified hatred. Childhood pain will not go away, but it will be easier for us to go our own way if we try to sort out feelings and separate guilt from them. Growing up is what it means to be freed from what fetters freedom. But growing up is a very long way.
Change relationships
Allow yourself not to love your mother... Will this make it easier? No, Ekaterina Mikhailova is sure. It doesn't get any easier than this honesty. But the relationship will definitely get better.
“Changing the style of your relationship with your mother will make it less painful.
But, just as in tango two people must move in the opposite direction, so the consent to change is required both from the mother and from the adult child. The first step is always for the child. Try to break down your conflicting feelings for your mother into components. When did these emotions appear - today or in deep childhood? Perhaps some of the claims have already expired.
Look at your mother from an unexpected angle, imagine how she would have lived if you had not been born to her. When starting to build a new relationship, it is important to understand how sad it is: to walk away from a fatal and unique connection, to die for each other as a parent and child.Having broken off a difficult relationship, mother and child will stop poisoning each other's life and expect the impossible, they will be able to evaluate each other more coldly, soberly. Their interaction will be similar to friendship, cooperation. They will begin to appreciate the time allotted to them more, learn to negotiate, joke, manage their feelings.
In a word, they will learn to live ... with the fact that it is still impossible to overcome.
Quotes from our readers
Many of them were able to say for the first time: “Mom didn't love me” by writing comments on the site. The anonymity of Internet communication and the support of other users help to emotionally detach from relationships that can consume our lives.
“If she read a children's book to me (which was rare), then the name of a bad character (Tanya-revushki, Masha-bewildered, Dirty, etc.) was replaced by mine, and for better understanding she poked a finger at me. Another memory: we go to the neighbor's girl for her birthday, mom has two dolls. “Which one do you like best? This one? Well, then, we will give it!” According to her, this is how she brought up altruism in me.” (Freken Bock)
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“My mother talked endlessly about her misadventures, and her life seemed to me a tragedy. I don’t know whether unloving mothers have some kind of special filter to filter out everything positive, or whether this is such a way of manipulation.
But they also see their child exclusively negatively: his appearance, and character, and intentions. And the very fact of its existence. (Alex)
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“I felt better when I was able to admit that my mother didn't love me as a child. I accepted this as a fact of my biography, as if I "allowed" her not to love herself. And she “allowed” herself not to love her. Now I don't feel guilty anymore." (ira)
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“The lack of love from my mother severely poisoned the beginning of my motherhood. I understood that I should be gentle and affectionate with the child, and I tortured these feelings, at the same time suffering from the fact that I was a “bad mother”. But he was a burden to me, just as I was a burden to my parents. And then one day (I hope it's not too late) I realized that love can be trained. Pump up like muscle tissue. Daily, hourly, little by little. Do not run past when the child is open and waiting for support, affection or just participation. To catch these moments and force yourself to stop and give him what he needs so much.
Through "I don't want, I can't, I'm tired." One small victory, the second, a habit appears, then you feel pleasure and joy. (Wow)
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“It's hard to believe that your mother really behaved like this. The memories seem so surreal that it's impossible to stop thinking about it: was it REALLY THE WAY it really was? (Nik)
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“I knew from the age of three that my mother got tired of the noise (that I make) because she had high blood pressure, she did not like children's games, she did not like to hug and say affectionate words. I took it calmly: well, such a character. I loved her the way she was. If she was annoyed with me, then I whispered the magic phrase to myself: “Because my mother has hypertension.” It even somehow honorably seemed to me that my mother is not like everyone else: she has this mysterious disease with a beautiful name. But when I grew up, she explained to me that she was sick because I was a "bad daughter." And it psychologically just killed me.
