Kids being social
Social Development in Preschoolers - HealthyChildren.org
During your child's preschool-age years, they'll discover a lot about themselves and interacting with people around them.
Once they reach age three, your child will be much less selfish than they were before. They'll also be less dependent on you, a sign that their own sense of identity is stronger and more secure. Now they'll actually play with other children, interacting instead of just playing side by side. In the process, they'll recognize that not everyone thinks exactly as they do and that each of their playmates has many unique qualities, some attractive and some not. You'll also find your child drifting toward certain kids and starting to develop friendships with them. As they create these friendships, children discover that they, too, each have special qualities that make them likable—a revelation that gives a vital boost to self-esteem.
There's some more good news about your child's development at this age: As they become more aware of and sensitive to the feelings and actions of others, they'll gradually stop competing and will learn to cooperate when playing with her friends. They take turns and share toys in small groups, though sometimes they won't. But instead of grabbing, whining, or screaming for something, they'll actually ask politely much of the time. You can look forward to less aggressive behavior and calmer play sessions. Three-year-olds are able to work out solutions to disputes by taking turns or trading toys.
Learning how to cooperate
However, particularly in the beginning, you'll need to encourage this cooperation. For instance, you might suggest that they "use their words" to deal with problems instead of acting out. Also, remind them that when two children are sharing a toy, each gets an equal turn. Suggest ways to reach a simple solution when your child and another child want the same toy, such as drawing for the first turn or finding another toy or activity. This doesn't work all the time, but it's worth a try. Also, help children with the appropriate words to describe their feelings and desires so that they don't feel frustrated.
Above all, show by your own example how to cope peacefully with conflicts. If you have an explosive temper, try to tone down your reactions in their presence. Otherwise, they'll mimic your behavior whenever they're under stress.
When anger or frustration gets physical
No matter what you do, however, there probably will be times when your child's anger or frustration becomes physical. When that happens, restrain them from hurting others, and if they don't calm down quickly, move them away from the other children. Talk to them about her feelings and try to determine why they're so upset. Let them know you understand and accept her feelings, but make it clear that physically attacking another child is not a good way to express these emotions.
Saying sorry
Help them see the situation from the other child's point of view by reminding them of a time when someone hit or screamed at them, and then suggest more peaceful ways to resolve their conflicts. Finally, once they understand what they've done wrong—but not before—ask them to apologize to the other child.
However, simply saying "I'm sorry" may not help your child correct their behavior; they also needs to know why they're apologizing. They may not understand right away, but give it time; by age four these explanations will begin to mean something.
Make-believe play
Fortunately, the normal interests of three-year-olds keep fights to a minimum. They spend much of their playtime in fantasy activity, which tends to be more cooperative than play that's focused on toys or games. As you've probably already seen, preschooler enjoy assigning different roles in an elaborate game of make-believe using imaginary or household objects. This type of play helps develop important social skills, such as taking turns, paying attention, communicating (through actions and expressions as well as words), and responding to one another's actions. And there's still another benefit: Because pretend play allows children to slip into any role they wish—including superheroes or the fairy godmother—it also helps them explore more complex social ideas.
Plus it helps improve executive functioning such as problem-solving
By watching the role-playing in your child's make-believe games, you may see that they're beginning to identify their own gender and gender identity. While playing house, boys naturally will adopt the father's role and girls the mother's, reflecting whatever they've noticed in the hemworld around them.
Development of gender roles & identity
Research shows that a few of the developmental and behavioral differences that typically distinguish boys from girls are biologically determined. Most gender-related characteristics at this age are more likely to be shaped by culture and family. Your daughter, for example, may be encouraged to play with dolls by advertisements, gifts from well-meaning relatives, and the approving comments of adults and other children. Boys, meanwhile, may be guided away from dolls in favor of more rough-and-tumble games and sports. Children sense the approval and disapproval and adjust their behavior accordingly.
Thus, by the time they enter kindergarten, children's gender identities are often well established.
As children start to think in categories, they often understand the boundaries of these labels without understanding that boundaries can be flexible; children this age often will take this identification process to an extreme. Girls may insist on wearing dresses, nail polish, and makeup to school or to the playground. Boys may swagger, be overly assertive, and carry their favorite ball, bat, or truck everywhere.
On the other hand, some girls and boys reject these stereotypical expressions of gender identity, preferring to choose toys, playmates, interests, mannerisms, and hairstyles that are more often associated with the opposite sex. These children are sometimes called gender expansive, gender variant, gender nonconforming, gender creative, or gender atypical. Among these gender expansive children are some who may come to feel that their deep inner sense of being female or male—their gender identity—is the opposite of their biologic sex, somewhere in between male and female, or another gender; these children are sometimes called transgender.
Given that many three-year-old children are doubling down on gender stereotypes, this can be an age in which a gender-expansive child stands out from the crowd. These children are normal and healthy, but it can be difficult for parents to navigate their child's expression and identity if it is different from their expectations or the expectations of those around them.
Experimenting with gender attitudes & behaviors
As children develop their own identity during these early years, they're bound to experiment with attitudes and behaviors of both sexes. There's rarely reason to discourage such impulses, except when the child is resisting or rejecting strongly established cultural standards. If your son wanted to wear dresses every day or your daughter only wants to wear sport shorts like her big brother, allow the phase to pass unless it is inappropriate for a specific event. If the child persists, however, or seems unusually upset about their gender, discuss the issue with your pediatrician.
Your child also may imitate certain types of behavior that adults consider sexual, such as flirting. Children this age have no mature sexual intentions, though; they mimic these mannerisms. If the imitation of sexual behavior is explicit, though, they may have been personally exposed to sexual acts. You should discuss this with your pediatrician, as it could be a sign of sexual abuse or the influence of inappropriate media or videogames.
Play sessions: helping your child make friends
By age four, your child should have an active social life filled with friends, and they may even have a "best friend." Ideally, they'll have neighborhood and preschool friends they see routinely. But what if your child is not enrolled in preschool and doesn't live near other children the same age? In these cases, you might arrange play sessions with other preschoolers. Parks, playgrounds, and preschool activity programs all provide excellent opportunities to meet other children.
Once your preschooler has found playmates they seems to enjoy, you need to take initiative to help build their relationships.
Encourage them to invite these friends to your home. It's important for your child to "show off" their home, family, and possessions to other children. This will establish a sense of self-pride. Incidentally, to generate this pride, their home needn't be luxurious or filled with expensive toys; it needs only be warm and welcoming.
It's also important to recognize that at this age your child's friends are not just playmates. They also actively influence their thinking and behavior. They'll desperately want to be just like them, even when they break rules and standards you've taught them rrm birth. They now realize there are other values and opinions besides yours, and they may test this new discovery by demanding things you've never allowed him—certain toys, foods, clothing, or permission to watch certain TV programs.
Testing limits
Don't despair if your child's relationship with you changes dramatically in light of these new friendships. They may be rude to you for the first time in their life.
Hard as it may be to accept, this sassiness actually is a positive sign that they're learning to challenge authority and test their independence. Once again, deal with it by expressing disapproval, and possibly discussing with them what they really mean or feel. If you react emotionally, you'll encourage continued bad behavior. If the subdued approach doesn't work and they persist in talking back to you, a time-out (or time-in) is the most effective form of punishment.
Bear in mind that even though your child is exploring the concepts of good and bad, they still have an extremely simplified sense of morality. When they obey rules rigidly, it's not necessarily because they understand them, but more likely because they wants to avoid punishment. In their mind, consequences count but not intentions. When theybreaks something of value, they'll probably assume they are bad, even if they didn't brea it on purpose. They need to be taught the difference between accidents and misbehaving.
Separate the child from their behavior
To help them learn this difference, you need to separate them from their behavior.
When they do or say something that calls for punishment, make sure they understand they are being punished for the act not because they're "bad." Describe specifically what they did wrong, clearly separating person from behavior. If they are picking on a younger sibling, explain why it is wrong rather than saying "You're bad." When they do something wrong without meaning to, comfort them and say you understand it was unintentional. Try not to get upset, or they'll think you're angry at them rather than about what they did.
It's also important to give your preschooler tasks that you know they can do and then praise them when they do them well. They are ready for simple responsibilities, such as setting the table or cleaning their room. On family outings, explain that you expect them to behave well, and congratulate them when they do. Along with responsibilities, give them ample opportunities to play with other children, and tell him how proud you are when they shares or is helpful to another child.
Sibling relationships
Finally, it's important to recognize that the relationship with older siblings can be particularly challenging, especially if the sibling is three to four years older. Often your four-year-old is eager to do everything their older sibling is doing; just as often, your older child resents the intrusion. They may resent the intrusion on their space, their friends, their more daring and busy pace, and especially their room and things. You often become the mediator of these squabbles. It's important to seek middle ground. Allow your older child their own time, independence, and private activities and space; but also foster cooperative play appropriate. Family vacations are great opportunities to enhance the positives of their relationship and at the same time give each their own activity and special time.
The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician.
There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.
6 Ways to Improve Your Child's Social Skills
Few things can be more frustrating than watching your child struggle to
make friends or having a difficult time fitting into certain social settings.
There are several steps parents can take to improve their child's social skills.
1. Follow Their Interests
Enjoying others will come more naturally when a child is doing something they are genuinely interested in. Whether it's participating in a favorite sport, playing an instrument they like or being part of a club they're interested in, this is the first step toward building social skills. It also places a child around like-minded individuals that the child will probably feel more at ease with. While it's important to be able to socialize with those of varying interests, starting out with other kids who like the same things is an excellent way to more easily build social skills.
2. Learn to Ask Questions
Sometimes when children get nervous or a conversation lags, they may become more introverted and ultimately struggle in future social situations. According to the Center for Development & Learning there are several ways children can initiate and carry on positive conversations with others. One important way is to ask questions. The best way to find out about others and form connections is to ask questions that specifically pertain to the person the child is talking with. Encourage your child to ask questions that can't be answered with just a yes or no.
3. Practice Role Playing
Pretend-play, with both younger and older children, is a great way for kids to actively practice their social skills. LD Online gives parents practical tips for effective role-playing. Have your child pretend to be the person they have difficulty talking to or getting along with. This will give you an idea of what this person is like, or at least how your child perceives this particular person.
Then switch roles to see how your child does when pretending to interact with the person. Suggest ways your child can more effectively talk with the individual. Don't forget to include body language, such as smiling and making eye contact, when advising your child.
4. Teach Empathy
If children have a better understanding of how others feel, they are much more likely to feel connected to other people and form positive bonds. Parents suggest teaching empathy by talking about different situations and scenarios with your child. Ask how other people might feel when each of these things happen. Part of teaching empathy is to help children learn how to actively listen to others. This involves focusing on what others are saying and then thinking about what the speaker has said once the conversation is over.
5. Know Your Child's Limits
Some children are simply more social than others. A child who is shy and introverted should not be expected to interact in the same way as a child who is naturally outgoing.
Some children are comfortable in large settings, while others find it easier to relate to their peers when in smaller groups. It's also important to understand a child's time limits. Younger children and those with special needs may only feel comfortable socializing for an hour or two.
6. Be a Good Role Model
It's important to be consciously aware of how you interact with others when your child is watching. Are you asking questions of others and then taking the time to actively listen? Do you show genuine empathy for friends and family in your life? The Center for Parenting Education states that being an effective role model requires conscious effort and forethought. Children are constantly watching the adults in their lives.
It's important to remember that it will take time for your child to develop good social skills. Social skills are something that are developed and improved upon over a lifetime.
Contact us today to schedule an assessment. You can also view the research and results of the program on the website.
how to develop sociability in a child
Sociability is the basis of success in life, as proven by scientists. What to do so that the baby does not grow up as a beech and how to properly engage in the development of children's communication - in our material Sometimes it’s not even the mind and intellect that help us in life, namely sociability. As sociologists at the Higher School of Economics recently found out, sociable people achieve greater success in life and earn better than gloomy and unsociable people.
Making friends and moving up the career ladder, maintaining a dialogue and standing up for your opinion are all the results of good communication. Experts advise developing children's communication skills from an early age, as sociable children feel happier, learn to interact with people better.
Try to speak very expressively with the baby, literally show him the meaning of the statement and facial expression, and hands, and voice.
And despite the fact that the little one still does not know a lot, experts advise communicating with him with beautiful and detailed sentences.
Smart toys are not so smart...
But tablets and bright toys with lots of buttons and effects can slow down speech development, psychologists warn. Firstly, they interfere with full-fledged communication between parent and child, and secondly, the results of studies have shown that children who play with such toys cannot further regulate their emotions and get along with their peers. It also turned out that all the learning functions of smart toys are not stored in the memory of children. Parents are happy that they introduce their child to letters and numbers, but, in fact, the baby is only learning to press the buttons.
Sometimes mothers and fathers try to send their child to kindergarten early so that he can learn to communicate with other children.
But this does not always work, says clinical psychologist Elena Trushina .
- Social skills - the ability to express one's desires, respond to rejection, protect one's boundaries in very young children develop exclusively through communication with a close adult. He shows an example of how to react. In the kindergarten group, when there are many children and 1-2 adults, the child does not have such an opportunity to learn cooperation, conflict resolution. Rather, we can say that the preschooler uses in the children's team those methods of communication that he learned at home.
Toddlers cannot yet play with their peers, toys are more interesting for them. Therefore, the task of parents is simply to draw attention to other children ("Look, what a girl! What a beautiful dress she has!"). It is enough if you go to visit where there are children or play on the playground.
By the age of 4, a child understands that it is more interesting to play with others than alone.
And this is the time for role-playing games: to the hospital, to the police, to mothers and daughters. This is the best communication training. Here the child commands, and follows instructions, and deceives, and plays many roles. It is in the game that children learn to negotiate. For example, who will be a doctor, and who will be sick, or what will we play.
By the age of 5-6, children can communicate with their peers and parents outside of play. You can talk with them on various topics and discuss what is not before your eyes: where I was yesterday, what cartoon I like, where I will go tomorrow.
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- However, the reaction of adults to this trait can negatively affect self-confidence - when they constantly say “why are you such a coward”, “come on already”, etc. At the same time, the support and sympathy of parents will help the child gradually try new things. 
For example, "Vasya would like to play with your typewriter, can we take it for a while?" or "No, Masha is not yet ready to give up her shoulder blade." Gradually, the child will master your methods and will be able to say the phrases you once prompted. 
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Now let's play
For babies
"Where are our hands?" : The child shows and hides his hands behind his back.
Games with simple rules: Sun and Rain . (We hide when it starts to rain, we run out when the sun is shining)
From 4 years old
"Mirror".
One participant (adult or child) looks in the mirror, the other - his reflection. And the mirror must simultaneously perform all movements, including clapping, stamping feet, some sounds. After a couple of minutes, we switch roles.
Mirror in reverse. Perform actions opposite to those shown by the leader. For example, the presenter clenches his hands into fists, "reflection" opens his palms.
Magic wand. The one who has a magic wand in his hands (you can paint or wrap some kind of wand or twig with foil) will tell you what good happened to him (what he learned, what was the most difficult thing that you did with pleasure) last week (today) . In the same way, one can invent stories in turn.
"Funny pictures". One participant starts to draw a picture, and after 2-3 minutes another child (mom, dad) continues to finish it and returns it back to the author. So the drawing can be supplemented several times.
At the end, you can discuss: did you like to finish drawing someone else's drawing, does it differ from those that you usually draw.
Siamese twins. The ability to cooperate with others is a very important skill for good communication. Bandage the forearm and elbows of two children (or a child and a parent), one will be the left hand, and the other will be the right hand. We take crayons or pencils of different colors and start drawing. You need to draw only with a tied hand. In the process, you can talk to decide what kind of image you want to get.
“Broken phone”. This game teaches you to listen carefully to your interlocutor.
Whisper a phrase to the child, he passes it on to the next player, and so on. and the latter says that it has dawned on him.
Imaginary bag. This exercise game teaches you to read sign language.
Let's put an imaginary bag in front of us, "get" some object out of it and show how to use it.
For example, we write something with a pen, cut paper with scissors, pour it and drink from a glass.
Interesting
Games for children and adults
We have selected 12 useful and fun games that even adults will enjoy. Play! The child will be very grateful to you. Maybe these moments will even become the most wonderful memories for life
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How do you develop sociability in a child?
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Sociable child: Tips for parents
Home » Soft-skills for children
Soft-skills for children
Author IQClub Read 4 min Views 8.3k. Posted by
The classic "advertising" image of a preschooler is a mobile, inquisitive and, of course, sociable kid.
But what if the child seems too sociable to the parents and is set only to communicate even when they want to occupy him with something else? Here are some tips to help moms and dads.
Difficulties with overly sociable children
If a child grows up in a family that is too active and also overly sociable, then parents should be very attentive to him. With such children it is difficult, especially for introverts. Extroverted children need a society to fully interact with and an audience to listen to and appreciate. A positive assessment for such children is a great incentive for learning and for completing difficult tasks.
Excessively sociable children easily adapt to the children's team. They will have many friends at school. There will be no problems with the teacher if the teacher is distinguished by the same activity and understanding. Sociable children are very inquisitive, constantly asking questions, ready to listen to the answer for a long time. But if the child sees that he is not interested, that the adult answers briefly and wants to "brush" him off, the child may turn away from such an adult, whether it be a teacher or a parent.
Sociable children get information from books, TV programs, computers. They always want to show that they know a lot. At the lesson, they can interrupt not only a classmate answering at the blackboard, but also the teacher. Extroverts want to show their knowledge without noticing anyone around them.
Too active children take on many things at the same time, because they are interested in everything. The downside is that they don't get things done. The negative evaluation they receive for failing to complete the task can lead to an emotional outburst. Extroverts tend to have high self-esteem.
Outgoing children always need company. If they are not understood among positive children, they will find companionship in a society with unflattering characteristics. Parents and educators should not ignore active children, treat them tactfully and always show that they are happy to talk with them.
A lot of activity can make it difficult for a child to concentrate on a single task.
He does not carefully read the problem, solves it incorrectly. For him, the main thing is speed. It is not necessary to scold such children. They need time to focus.
How can I help my child learn?
In order to avoid problems at school, active children need to be prepared for the educational process, namely, to develop some skills.
- The child needs to be explained that there are rules at school that must be followed, for example, you cannot speak in class without permission. You can play school with him, but not once, but make a system out of it. Let this be one of the regime moments.
- Before sitting down for lessons, an active child needs to throw out his energy: take a walk with him, spend active time. Well, if he attends the sports section.
- Be sure to listen to the child. Let him talk about school, students, grades, something interesting that he saw on the way to school. He can talk for a long time and parents will have to listen.
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