Social skills for early childhood

8 Important Social Skills For Kids And How To Teach Them

Teaching social skills for kids is one of the most complex, confusing, but rewarding aspects of raising young children.

It’s no secret that preschoolers and kindergarteners are naturally egocentric. Even when playing or interacting with others, many children have difficulty sharing, empathizing, collaborating, and cooperating.

HOMER is here to help you learn eight of the most important social skills for kids, as well as how to incorporate them into your family life.

8 Important Social Skills For Kids

1) Sharing

Sharing is a part of daily life. That doesn’t mean it’s easy!

Sharing is a difficult concept for young children to get behind. Toddlers, preschoolers, and kindergarteners have a particularly difficult time, as they are more focused on their needs and desires than the needs and desires of others.

This is normal. The feeling that something “belongs” to them is typically much stronger than their desire to please others.

Even though it’s hard to share, doing so is critical to a child’s social skill development, as it helps them keep and advance friendships. It’s also a great way to bond and show appreciation.

2) Listening

Active listening is an important skill that even some adults struggle with. Properly deciphering and absorbing information requires significant focus.

We all know this can be challenging for young kids, but active listening can strengthen their receptive language skills (the ability to comprehend spoken language).

Receptive language skills help your child:

Handle social interactions
Answer questions
Understand stories
Comprehend what they’re reading
Understand gestures

While developing their social skills, your child will come to see how important it is to actively listen when others are speaking.

Paying attention to what someone is saying and responding directly to their statements or questions is a big part of healthy communication.

3) Following Directions

The cousin of good listening skills would be executing the instructions your child heard — a.k.a., following directions!

Following directions becomes particularly important once your child enters into their school years.

It’s one thing to follow directions at home with their parents where they’re innately comfortable; it’s another task entirely to follow directions from adult authority figures they may not know well.

Your child will learn how listening and following directions overlap with one another. If they listen well, it becomes easier for them to follow directions accurately. And when they follow directions accurately, they’ll often be rewarded for their hard work!

Keep in mind, however, that multi-step directions are challenging for young children. To help them develop the ability to follow directions, give them one direction at a time.

4) Collaborating And Cooperating

Similar to sharing, your child will learn how to move beyond sharing objects to sharing ideas, stories, and work.

With good collaboration and cooperation skills, children will learn that working in a group gives them a chance to express their ideas and listen to the ideas of others. It allows them to see that it can be fun to work on a shared project!

This may sound simple, but for young children, cooperation can often require real effort. It will take time for them to learn to respect others’ opinions even when they’re different.

By working together toward a common goal, kids can advance their sharing skills to include both intellectual and physical (think: cleaning the dinner table with a sibling) feats.

5) Patience

How many times have you heard the cliche, “Patience is a virtue”? Well, we are here to say it one more time!

It’s normal for young children to be impatient. However, patience really is one of the most rewarding social skills for kids.

Patience is critical for many things, including maintaining friendships and relationships and achieving big goals that can only be completed over an extended period of time.

This is where the concept of delayed gratification comes into play. When you help your child understand that good things often take time (not everything in life is microwaveable!), you nurture them into a patient person.

Learning patience takes practice and, you guessed it, patience! Trust that it will come with time (as everything does).

6) Empathy

When we say “empathy,” we’re referring to the traditional definition — the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Your child will learn how to appreciate the similarities and differences between their lives and those of people they meet. They will also learn how to empathize with these people, no matter how different they are.

For young children, this can mean small gestures.

For example, if their friend or sibling cries because your child is playing with a specific toy, your child may pause and say, “I know you want to play, too. Don’t be sad. We can take turns!”

But this sense of empathy will likely not appear overnight! Empathy develops over time and across a variety of scenarios.

The easiest way to promote your child’s development of empathy is by showing it in action. When you extend grace to your child often, they will learn how to extend it back.

7) Respecting Boundaries

Some people require different emotional and physical boundaries than your child.

This can be a particularly difficult concept to learn, especially for very young children who receive most of their socialization from within the household.

Likely, if your child is extroverted, they may assume everyone is OK with hugs, questions, or lots of chit-chat. In some cases, they may be right! In others, they may accidentally cross boundaries in their efforts to be friendly.

Teaching your child how to ask permission and identify boundaries helps them establish a sense of respect between themselves and others. The same goes for helping them establish boundaries for themselves.

Let your child know that it’s OK to say no to hugs, kisses, or other displays of affection from someone — no matter who it may be — if they feel uncomfortable. Model this idea by asking questions yourself (“Would you like a hug?”).

When they make their boundaries clear and ask for others to do the same, it will make both parties feel much more at-home.

8) Positivity

Working on positivity can make it exponentially easier for your child to tackle many of the other social skills for kids we’ve mentioned, especially patience, boundaries, listening, and sharing.

With a positive attitude, your child will find it easier to make and keep friends, succeed in school, and achieve their goals.

The easiest way to demonstrate positivity is by modeling it. The more positive you are about your child’s social skill development (including their inevitable slip-ups), the more reassured and positive they will become themselves.

This doesn’t mean you have to be positive all the time. In fact, a healthy amount of honest criticism can be beneficial in helping your child learn to express their feelings.

To do this, start with your own emotions. Let them know how you’re feeling and how you’re managing it in real time if you can. Kids need to know it’s OK to be sad, angry, or mad sometimes and how to handle it.

How To Teach Social Skills To Kids

Now that you know what social skills for kids to include, how do you go about teaching them at home? Let’s take a look!

Normalize Mistakes

Your child should know that you do not expect perfection. There is no way to execute all of these social skills every time, everywhere, without mistakes.

That is OK! In fact, it’s encouraged. Mistakes are normal; they’re how we learn what went right or wrong.

Make sure you normalize this for your child. If they know all humans learn lessons this way, it’ll be easier for them to push through the sting of a mistake and try again.

Encourage Sharing (Without Violating Boundaries!)

Although sharing is great and should be encouraged, there may be some things that are special to your child that they don’t want to share. This can be especially true of stuffed animals, blankets, or special toys.

This is OK, too! It’s great for your child to set boundaries that you and other children respect. To encourage sharing, try not to force it.

Encouraging without forcing also demonstrates to kids how boundaries can be created, acknowledged, and respected between people.

This will motivate them to share with those around them by taking comfort in the fact that what is special to them has been kept sacred and separate. It will also encourage them to be direct about their and others’ boundaries when it comes to play, school, or emotional issues.

Check Their Listening

During social interactions within your own family or outside of it, pay attention to your child’s listening skills. You can observe them to see if they are listening carefully.

Do they seem engaged? Are the asking questions?

And remember it is just as important to listen to your child. This shows them that what they are saying is important and encourages them to listen to you in return.

Think About How You Give Directions

In teaching social skills for kids, the parent or authority figure is responsible for ensuring the directions they give are something a young child can execute successfully.

When giving instructions, be clear, firm, and gentle. As we mentioned earlier, children have a very difficult time executing tasks with many directions at once. Start with one direction at a time that your child can focus on.

When giving instructions, have your child repeat what you want them to do. Only give an additional instruction when the first has been completed. Repeat until the task is complete.

Your child can give you directions, too! That way they have a sense of what it takes to delegate, manage, and execute a task from start to finish.

Give Empathy To Get Empathy

Show your child that you think about other people’s emotions, too! This is less of a teaching moment and more of an authentic display of empathy.

If you see that your child is expressing an emotion, validate it for them. “Oh, I see that you’re excited. I love that you’re so eager and happy to do this!”

You can acknowledge negative emotions, too. For example, you might say, “I know that must make you angry. Do you know how I can tell? What can we do together to make you feel less unhappy?”

This not only helps them feel seen and heard in the moment, but it also gives them a direct example of how to tackle empathy with others in similar situations.

Social Skills For Kids Are Essential

The more your child experiences the benefits of social skills, the more intuitive these skills will become for them. However, all children learn at different rates. With practice (and patience!), we know they’ll get there.

The Learn with Sesame Street app is an effective tool that helps kids learn and develop their social and emotional skills. With the help of their Sesame Street friends, kids learn how to express their emotions, empathize with others, and create healthy relationships. Explore the Learn with Sesame Street app today!

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How to raise kind and competent kids

Preschool social skills depend several core competencies, including self-control, empathy, and verbal ability. And while they include a knowledge of basic etiquette — like knowing when to say “please” and “thank you” — the most crucial skills are psychological.

To become socially adept, kids need to learn a lot about emotions and human nature. They need to learn how to

cope with negative emotions, like anger and sadness;
pay attention the social cues around them;
recognize what emotions other people are feeling;
consider other perspective and points of view;
notice when someone is struggling, and offer help;
express sympathy;
resolve conflict without resorting to aggression;
form and maintain friendships;
offer forgiveness; and
express remorse and make amends after a transgression.

That’s a lot to tackle, and there isn’t any one end point. We can keep honing our social abilities throughout our lives. But the rewards can be great.

Young children with strong social skills are more likely to be accepted by their peers (Blandon et al 2010). They are more likely to excel academically, and less likely to develop behavior problems (Arnold et al 2012; Bornstein et al 2012).

So how do we nurture preschool social skills? I’ve heard people claim that young children need to spend a lot of time with kids their own age. But history and anthropology tell us otherwise.

In most past societies, children socialized in mixed-age playgroups, not preschools. Toddlers learned crucial social skills from adults, adolescents, and older children — not from other toddlers. And how could it be otherwise?

Young children are less likely to model the right behaviors and responses. They are social novices, so they aren’t the best social tutors.

No, the most helpful social influences are older kids, teens, and adults. They’re more experienced and knowledgeable. They have a more extensive emotional and cognitive tool kit for solving problems, making them more reliable role models.

And parents? Parents are especially important. They don’t merely serve as potential role models and tutors. They also shape their children’s early environment — making kids feel secure; buffering kids from stress; helping ensure that kids get enough sleep. And all of these things have an impact on social behavior.

So here are some suggestions for boosting your child’s social-savvy: Evidence-based tips for fostering preschool social skills.

1. Maintain a loving, secure relationship with your child.

When parents show themselves to be caring and dependable — sensitive and responsive to their children’s needs — children are more likely to develop secure attachment relationships.

And children who are securely-attached are more likely to show social competence (Groh et al 2014; Rydell et al 2005). For instance:

Preschoolers with secure attachments at ages 2 and 3 have demonstrated greater ability to solve social problems, and less evidence of loneliness (Raikes and Thompson 2008).
Young children with secure attachments are more likely to show empathy, and come to the aid of people in distress (Waters et al 1979; Kestenbaum et al 1989; Barnett 1987; Elicker et al 1992).
Preschoolers with more secure attachments are more likely to share, and more likely to show generosity towards individuals they don’t like (Paulus et al 2016).

Why are secure attachments connected with social competence?

It probably has something to do with stress. As I note elsewhere, secure attachments buffer kids from the effects of toxic stress. Kids are less likely to experience anxiety. They are less likely to feel threatened.

So securely-attached children probably feel more comfortable reaching out to others, and they are better able to focus on learning social skills.

This causal pathway may be particularly strong for some kids. Studies indicate that some individuals possess genes that make them especially sensitive to the beneficial effects of secure attachment relationships (Bakermans-Kranenburg et al 2008; Bakermans-Kranenburg and van Iizendoorn 2011; Knafo et al 2011; Kochanska et al 2011).

But let’s be clear: Sensitive, responsive parenting doesn’t guarantee that your child will become a social super-star. It doesn’t even guarantee that your child will become securely-attached. Many other factors — including genetic factors — also play a role.

For example, a child’s ability to pay attention is influenced, in part by genetic factors (Faraone and Larsson 2018). And poor attention skills can interfere with both the development of secure attachments and the development of social skills (Storebø et al 2016; Papp et al 2013).

So sensitive, responsive parenting shouldn’t be the only item on our checklist. The development of secure attachments — and social skills — is more complicated than that. But sensitive, responsive parenting is a crucial starting point. You can read more about the many health benefits of sensitive, responsive parenting in this Parenting Science article.

2. Be your child’s “emotion coach.”

Emotional competence is the key to strong preschool social skills (Denham 1997). The better children understand emotions, the more they are liked by peers (Denham et al 1990; McDowell et al 2000).

For example, shy children are at greater risk of being rejected by peers, but when shy children possess a well-developed ability to recognize emotions, this risk is much reduced (Sette et al 2016).

So how can we help kids understand emotions? By engaging them in conversation. By talking with them the situations and events that trigger emotions.

What makes us feel angry? What makes us feel sad? What makes us feel happy? Worried? Frightened? When adults explain emotions and their causes — and share constructive suggestions for coping with negative feelings — kids learn how to better regulate themselves.

In one study, parents who used “more frequent, more sophisticated” language about emotions had kids who could better cope with anger and disappointment (Denham et al 1992).

In another, parents who were specifically encouraged to coach their children were rewarded with improvements in behavior. Preschoolers were better able to handle their frustration (Loop and Roskam 2016).

For advice about helping kids understand emotions, check out my guide to being your child’s emotion coach.

In addition, see the Parenting Science article, “Teaching empathy: Evidence-based tips for fostering empathy in children.”

3. Be calm and supportive when children are upset, and don’t dismiss their negative emotions.

This goes hand in hand with being your child’s emotion coach. When a child launches into a seemingly irrational crying jag, it’s natural to want to shut him or her up. But simply telling a child to be quiet doesn’t help that child learn.

Research suggests that children are more likely to develop social-emotional competence if we acknowledge bad feelings, and show children better ways to solve their problems. Examples?

In a study tracking toddlers for twelve months, parents who took this approach were more likely to end up with highly prosocial children. This was true even after researchers adjusted for a child’s initial tendencies to (1) become distressed, and (2) engage in prosocial acts (Eisenberg et al 2017).

Other studies indicate that young children who receive emotional support are less likely to direct negative emotions at peers (Denham 1989; Denham and Grout 1993). They are also better liked by peers (Sroufe et al 1984), and rated as more socially-competent by teachers (Denham et al 1990; Denham 1997).

4. Make sure your child is getting enough sleep.

You’ve already noticed that a poor night’s sleep makes your child moody and less attentive. But what if the condition is chronic? What it a child experiences a regular sleep deficit?

Studies keep telling us the same thing: Sleep duration is linked with social skills and behavior problems.

For example, in a study of preschoolers, researchers found that kids were more likely to exhibit good social and emotional skills if they logged more time asleep each night. These good sleepers were also more likely to be accepted by their peers (Vaughn et al 2015).

And another study found that preschoolers with sleep problems were more likely to develop attention and hyperactivity problems (Touchette et al 2007) — problems that impact a child’s social functioning.

So it’s important not to overlook the impact of good sleep habits. Having trouble? See this Parenting Science guide to solving bedroom problems.

5. Practice inductive discipline.

Across the world, many parents use inductive discipline, the practice of explaining the reasons for rules, and talking — calmly and sensitively — with children when they misbehave (Robinson et al 1995).

Inductive discipline is one of the key components of authoritative parenting, a style of child-rearing associated with fewer behavior problems. And there is evidence that this conversational approach to discipline promotes the development of empathy and moral awareness (Krevans and Gibbs 1996; Knafo and Plomin 2006; Patrick and Gibbs 2012; Spinrad and Gal 2018).

For example, in a study that tracked approximately 300 preschoolers over the course of three years, Deborah Laible and her colleagues found that children were more prosocial if their mothers practiced inductive discipline (Laible et al 2017).

And an earlier study found that the preschool children of “inductive” mothers were more prosocial, and more popular with peers. They were also less likely to engage in disruptive, anti-social behavior (Hart et al 1992).

Are you struggling with such behavior? Check out these evidence-based tips for handling aggression and defiance in children.

And for general tips on how to keep kids on track without resorting to threats and punishments, see my positive parenting tips.

6. Seize everyday opportunities to induce empathy.

Empathy is part of human nature. Even babies show signs of empathy. But that doesn’t mean that empathy develops automatically, without any feedback from the environment. The development of empathy depends, in part, on learning. And that’s something we can help kids with.

If someone is suffering, we can call attention to the fact, and ask kids to imagine how that individual feels.

Research on elementary school students suggests that simply asking kids to reflect on someone else’s plight is enough to increase their feelings of empathy (Sierksma et al 2015).

And researchers have used training exercises in caring — asking kids to actively think about the emotions of other people — to foster greater empathy and social skills in preschoolers (Flook et al 2015).

7. Teach kids to take turns, and encourage them to practice turn-taking in everyday life.

Taking turns is essential for all sorts of social interactions. It promotes a sense of order, mutual respect, and reciprocity. And as Rodolfo Cortes Barragan and Carol Dweck discovered, it may even trigger acts of kindness.

In a series of experiments, the researchers showed that young children became more altruistic after engaging in a simple, reciprocal activity.

After a brief game — rolling a ball back and forth with stranger — these kids showed generosity toward their new playmate. Given the opportunity, they were more likely to share a prize.

By contrast, kids were less giving if they had experienced only “parallel play,” playing alongside a stranger, but without exchanging a ball (Cortes Barragan and Dweck 2014).

8. Inspire children with encouraging words —

not criticism.

Young children thrive on praise, particularly when we praise their good choices and actions.

What about criticism? Here we must tread carefully, because kids can get the impression that we view them as inherently inferior or bad. And that perception undermines their motivation to improve.

So it’s advisable to avoid negative language when a child’s social behavior disappoints. Stop being mean. I can’t take you anywhere.You’re out of control! Why are you so shy? In the heat of the moment, such talk might seem justified. But it isn’t helpful, and you risk making things worse.

What works better is a constructive approach — challenging children to think of ways they could do better. Read more about it in my article, “Correcting behavior: The magic words that help kids cope with mistakes.

9. Provide children with free, unforced opportunities to experience the

emotional rewards of giving.

Why do people act generously toward each other? There are many reasons. We feel empathic concern for people in need. We may feel a sense of responsibility. Or a moral imperative to act.

But there’s also a self-serving motive. Giving feels good. It gives us a pleasant rush. It lifts our mood. And even young children experience this effect (Paulus and Moore 2017).

So we can foster prosocial behavior by encouraging children to engage in everyday acts of generosity. Kids learn that good deeds are emotionally rewarding, and become more generous over time.

But be careful not to force the issue. When kids are forced to give, they probably won’t experience that pleasant, emotional rush. And an experience of “forced giving” doesn’t teach preschoolers to be more generous. On the contrary, it makes them less likely to engage in future acts of spontaneous generosity (Chernyak and Kushnir 2013).

Your best bet? Follow an approach tested by researchers: Provide your child with free, unforced opportunities to be generous. Is somebody sad? Does somebody need support? Talk with your child about what would make this person feel better, and allow your child to make a choice (Chernyak and Kushnir 2013).

10. Be careful about offering

material rewards for acts of kindness.

Research on toddlers and primary school children suggests that we might undermine our kids’ impulses to be helpful when we bribe them with tangible rewards for being kind. For details, see this Parenting Science article on the perils of rewarding prosocial behavior.

If your child has social problems with peers, encourage a positive, constructive attitude. Let your child know that everybody gets rebuffed and rejected sometimes. In one study, about half of all preschooler social overtures were rejected by peers (Corsaro 1981).

Kids with the strongest social skills treat rebuffs as temporary setbacks that can be improved. We can encourage this attitude by helping children interpret rejection in a less threatening light. Maybe doesn’t want to play because he’s shy. Maybe she just wants to play by herself right now.

In addition, we can help children brainstorm solutions, and encourage them to predict how different social tactics might work.

Such thought experiments encourage children to consider what other people are feeling (Zahn-Waxler et al 1979). They also help children to explore ways they can adapt and “fit in.”

For instance, a child who’s met with resistance (“You can’t play firefighter with us because there isn’t enough room in the fire engine”) might find another way to join the game (“Help! My house is on fire!”). This is one of the secrets of children with strong preschool social skills. They are responsive to the play of others, and they know how to mesh their behavior with the behavior of potential playmates (Mize 1995).

12. Show kids how to apologize, make amends, and offer forgiveness.

Fascinating experiments on toddlers show that they understand the difference between the unintentional harm they cause and the harm caused by others. For example, when 2- and 3-year-olds believe they caused an accident, they feel a greater urge to help make things right (Hepach et al 2017).

Moreover, experiments indicate that young children notice when transgressors fail to apologize and offer to help. It might not lift a victim’s bad mood, but it can mend bad feelings toward the transgressor. When transgressors fail to reach out in this way, they harm their standing with peers. Over time, they may find themselves increasingly rejected by other kids.

So children are ready to learn about reconciliation, and have a natural incentive to do so. But what exactly should you do after you’ve gotten too pushy, and knocked over somebody’s castle of blocks? Or blurted out something mean-spirited that makes someone cry?

It can be hard for young children to figure out what to do in these situations. We can help by showing them concrete actions to take — how to speak up, apologize, pitch in to help reverse the damage, and offer the victim something cheering or friendly (like an opportunity to play a game together).

We can also show kids how to accept apologies with grace, and remember that everyone makes mistakes. It’s important for kids to adopt an effort-based mindset: An understanding that people aren’t good or bad, but rather imperfect individuals capable of learning from their mistakes.

Studies show this mindset protects children from feeling overwhelmed and helpless to change. For more information, see these Parenting Science articles about the effort mindset and ways that adults can help children adopt it.

13.

Model — and talk about — gratitude.

Expressions of gratitude help grease the wheels of the social machine. They are essential for getting along in polite society. But experiments suggest that they also improve our mood and outlook. They make us feel less alienated, and more connected to friendly, caring others. In fact, just remembering a received kindness can make us more prosocial.

For these reasons, researchers who design preschool social skills programs emphasize the importance of gratitude.

In a preschool curriculum developed at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, children read stories about the acts of everyday kindness that people perform for each other throughout the world. They learn about people in their communities who help others (like firefighters, doctors, and bus drivers), and take on the roles of these people through pretend play. Teachers share their own feelings of gratitude, and show, by example, how to express it (Flook et al 2015).

Researchers are making this curriculum available to the public for free. You can sign up for a copy here.

14. Introduce kids to cooperative games.

As I explain in this article, cooperative games are better-suited to the developmental capacities of preschoolers. And — like turn-taking games — cooperative games appear to encourage children to behave more generously toward each other (Toppe et al 2019).

15. Provide opportunities for pretend play with older kids and adults.

During the preschool years, pretend play is one of the most important ways that children forge friendships (Gottman 1983; Dunn and Cutting 1999).

Preschoolers who pretend together are less likely than other kids to quarrel or have communication problems (Dunn and Cutting 1999).

And dramatic pretend play — where kids act out specific scenarios, and portray the actions and emotions of different characters — may help children develop certain forms of self-control.

For example, a recent experimental study found that four-year-old kids improved their emotional control after participating in group sessions of dramatic pretend play (Goldstein and Lerner 2018).

So pretend play is a promising tool for buildling social competence, but keep in mind: Preschoolers may need a nudge from us to reap the full benefits.

In the experimental study of dramatic pretend play, the researchers didn’t just tell preschoolers to play make-believe. They assigned kids specific challenges (like, “put on a chef’s hat and bake me birthday cake”). Adults encouraged kids to “physically enact the games, and to stay on task” (Goldstein and Lerner 2018). And that adult involvement might have been crucial.

Another point to consider? It’s important to avoid being bossy. Research indicates that kids with strong preschool social skills have parents who play with them in a cheerful, collaborative, way (MacDonald 1987).

For more information, see my Parenting Science article about the benefits of play, including pretend play.

16. Don’t put off conversations about race.

This is a common miscalculation that some parents — especially white parents — make. They assume that their children are too young to begin talking about race. My child hasn’t even noticed that racial categories exist. And isn’t that a good thing? Won’t that help ensure that my child will grow up free of racial prejudice?

It might seem intuitive. But studies confirm that our children are picking up on racial cues long before they have learned to speak. They get exposed to racial stereotypes in the popular culture. And when we fail to talk with our children, opening and honestly about race and racial bias in society, our kids are more likely to develop racial biases of their own.

For more information, see my article, “6 mistakes that white parents make about race.”

17. Choose TV content that is non-violent and age-appropriate.

Research suggests that it makes a difference.

In a randomized, controlled study, Dimitri Christakis and his colleagues assigned some parents to substitute nonviolent, educational TV shows (like Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer) for the more violent programs their preschoolers usually watched.

Six months later, children in this group exhibited better preschool social skills — and fewer behavior problems — than did children in the control group (Christakis et al 2013).

18. Realize that some forms of sharing are easier than others.

Some types of sharing are relatively easy for preschoolers. If there is a large supply of goodies to share, giving has little downside. But what if giving is a zero-sum game — like loaning your favorite toy to someone so you can’t play with it yourself?

As noted above (#8), such acts of generosity can make children feel good. But the good feelings arise when kids share voluntarily. When we try to force it, the tactic backfires. Kids end up feeling less generous in the future.

So we need to be patient, and recognize the challenges that children face when they are asked to share. Young children in particular can have more difficulty thinking beyond the here-and-now. If we ask them to loan their toy, they may have trouble believing that they will get their toy back. And, to be fair, sometimes the kids who borrow toys are reluctant to return them.

The takeaway? We should be selective about what we ask our kids to share, and avoid forcing the issue.

19. Break up cliques with a negative vibe, and watch out for peer rejection.

Sometimes kids bring out the worst in each other. For example, in one study researchers observed children during free play periods at a preschool. They noticed which kids tended to play together, and watched their behavior.

Some of the groups featured an unusual amount of emotion negativity and antisocial behavior, and these negative groups were rated as less socially competent by their teachers and parents.

Moreover, participation in a negative group was predictive of poor preschool social skills a year later (Denham et al 2001).

What should we do if we see this kind of negativity?

If kids are struggling with aggressive behavior problems, we need to teach how to handle conflicts peacefully. These Parenting Science tips can help. And sometimes it’s best to take the additional step of breaking up the clique — finding new playmates for your child to socialize with.

What if your child is on the recieving end of negative behavior — being rejected by peers? It’s equally important to get involved, and research suggests we can help kids by coaching them in the art of making friends.

Studies show that a single peer friendship can protect preschoolers from continued aggression and rejection (Criss et al 2002; Hodges et al 1999). And preschoolers are more likely to win over peers if they behave prosocially (Vitaro et al 1990; Cote et al 2002; Eisenberg et al 1999) and respond appropriately to conversation (Kemple et al 1992).

For tips on helping kids make friends, see this Parenting Science article.

20. Don’t take it personally.

Despite the popular Hollywood image of kids as wise cynics who know better than their parents, young children are hampered by a poorer understanding of the world.

For instance, they have trouble tracking the mental perspectives of other people. In particular, most children under the age of 4 haven’t yet mastered the notion that different people can believe different things–even things that are objectively false (Gopnik et al 1999).

So it’s not surprising that children also have trouble grasping the concept of a “lie” (Mascaro and Sperber 1999). Young children tend to characterize all false statements–even statements that a speaker believes to be true–as lies (Berthoud-Papandropoulou and Kilcher 2003).

And while they understand that lying is bad, they lack an older child’s ability to anticipate how their words will make other people feel. The impact of lying–and the morality of lies–is something they must learn.

If your preschooler says something rude or hurtful, don’t take it personally. But don’t ignore it either. Take the opportunity to explain how words can hurt our feelings. When your child gains insight into the power of words, he will improve his preschool social skills.

Early childhood social skills for healthy relationships and overall child well-being

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Bini Bambini

Binibambini

Ukraine, Kharkiv

The development of children's social skills is an important part of education. Strong social skills lead to a more comfortable quality of life and a less stressful response to various life situations. Through proper verbal and non-verbal communication, active listening and teamwork, children can build better relationships with others, perform better in school and have a better chance of success in their careers. As a rule, preparation for school partially involves teaching the basics of social interaction of children, but it is recommended to pay attention to them much earlier.

Social communication skills are not formed by themselves: they need to be taught and, more importantly, they need to be demonstrated. For this, there are tasks by age. The first social interaction in a child's life is with adults. Therefore, if you want your child to adopt adequate behavior patterns, it is important to be a good role model yourself, setting an example for him.

Social skills for preschool children: should they be given attention in early childhood?

In short, yes, it is necessary. The formation of social skills in preschool or early childhood children plays an important role. Let's see why these humanitarian skills, or soft skills, as they are called today, are no less important than functional skills, hard skills, which involve, for example, knowledge of the alphabet.

If a child has sufficiently developed social skills, then he will experience less stress in a new social environment, that is, he will feel more comfortable. In addition, children who feel anxious or stressed have a harder time concentrating at school or on the playground, making it difficult for them to be actively socially involved in any activity.

Children who have been taught to correctly express their emotions, communicate, show empathy (this includes all the skills associated with communication) confidently cope with new social situations. Other benefits of good social skills include better grades, better chances of going to college and finding a job, and generally stronger and healthier relationships. What are the most important social skills for preschool children?

There are many communication skills that a child will need. Below are five key things that will prepare him for kindergarten.

Greeting

Entering a room with strangers and introducing yourself is difficult even for an adult, let alone a toddler who is still in the process of learning words. Practice saying hello to family or friends. And when a child encounters such a situation in a preschool group, he will no longer be so scared.

For example, you are waiting for your grandmother to visit. Prepare your baby: “Grandma is coming soon. When she comes in, let's say "Hi, grandma!". This will give the child an idea of what is said in such situations. It may take more than one time and more than one repetition to consolidate the result, but do not worry, over time everything will work out. A similar scheme can be applied when guests leave. Let your child know that, for example, the grandfather is leaving soon and you will need to say goodbye.

Over time, you can practice with questions like “How are you?”. By the way, this is a great way to help your child learn to talk about their feelings. You can also practice with cards that show pictures of basic emotions like “cheerful”, “sad”, “tired” or “happy”. Taking out a card, you can ask the child to depict this or that emotion and name it.

Polite words and etiquette

To hear the cherished “please” and “thank you” from a preschooler, looking at the interlocutor, or to make him sit at the table while eating, is not an easy mission. But quite real! The three main components of success here are: a good example, constancy and patience.

A good example: children are very observant. Demonstrate the behavior you expect from them. Take your eyes off your phone while talking to them or anyone, ask questions tactfully, and cover your mouth when you cough.

Constancy: one day not to react to a certain behavior, and the next - to scold, - you will agree, it is perplexing. Being consistent in your reactions is important to avoid misunderstandings, as they cause stress and interfere with concentration.

Patience: an absolute parental necessity, especially in this context. Give your child time to make good manners a habit. A positive attitude and support here will also not be superfluous.

Follow instructions

This is important, not only because it will make your life much easier. Being able to follow the instructions is useful for the formation of the child's psyche. In school, this is a necessary skill for effective learning. Games are a great way to learn to grasp instructions and follow them. Alternatively, you can try these:

Simon speaks. Classic! One person gives the instruction “Touch the tip of the nose”, “jump on one foot” and the group follows it, but only on the condition that “Simon says” sounds first before the instruction. If someone completes the task without "Simon says", then he is out of the game.

Red light, green light. First you need to line up. On the words "green light" - run to the finish line, "red light" - stop. If someone does not respond, then returns to the start. The first one to reach the finish line wins. You can complicate the game and add “blue light” by inventing another condition for it. For example, “blue light” means to jump.

Board game “Do it yourself!” Trains the skills to act according to the rules and gives space for creativity. You can take a board game template and come up with your own tasks for each move: “move two steps forward” or “count to ten”, etc. Then take the cube and go play!

Interaction with other people

Being independent is important, but being able to work in a team is an equally necessary skill. Effective interaction with other people gives the ability to communicate constructively, resolve conflicts and a sense of belonging. Team sports will come in handy here, but there are other ways to teach teamwork at home. For example, you can take colored pompoms and ask the children to sort them by color. If you also include a timer, then the children can come up with a strategy and divide the work among themselves to speed up the process.

Another option is to have the task of building the tallest tower out of different materials to create a work of art together.

This also includes role-playing games like a seller and a buyer in a supermarket. Such games encourage children to discuss, adopt a strategy and share roles. You can keep an eye on the game so that in case of conflicts, gently guide them towards a peaceful resolution.

Listening skills

To teach children to listen is to teach them to be attentive. This is a necessary skill to build relationships with others. If you think your kids can't hear you, try this:

call them by name to get their attention: this way they understand that they are about to hear something;
be at the same level with the child during the conversation: this way he will see you better and there will be no feeling that you are just shouting orders from above;
make eye contact: this focuses the child's attention on you;
be brief and concise: too much information can overload and cause misunderstandings;
do not forget about praise. If your child did well, let him know!
make sure the baby understands everything. If he can retell what you just said to him, then he heard you.

If the child did well, let him know! make sure the kid understands everything. If he can retell what you just said to him, then he heard you.

You will see that all the skills mentioned above overlap to some extent. All games teach how to interact with other people, follow the rules, make eye contact with the interlocutor, letting him know that he is being listened to and shown respect.

Developed social skills make it easier to make friends and adapt in a team. In the beginning, children interact only with relatives and close friends, but as they grow up, their social circle expands. They have to have to get along with people without parental involvement. Developed communication skills make it easier to make new acquaintances and maintain friendships, which in turn makes the child a more self-confident and happier person.

Social skills of preschoolers - the development of social skills in children

The development of social skills is a necessary point of education. A child with a high degree of socialization will quickly get used to kindergarten, school, any new team; in the future will easily find a job. Social skills have a positive effect on interpersonal relationships - friendship, the ability to cooperate.

Let's figure out what social skills are.

What are social skills and why develop them?

Social skills - a group of skills, abilities that are formed during the interaction of a person with society and affect the quality of communication with people.

Man is a social being: all our talents and aspirations are realized thanks to other members of the group. Others evaluate our actions, approve or condemn our behavior. It is difficult to reach the pinnacle of self-actualization alone.

That is why social skills are important. They should be developed from early childhood and honed throughout life.

Social skills are a reflection of the child's emotional intelligence, to which educators and teachers assign an important role in the process of personality development. Without this group of skills, a smart child will not be able to apply the acquired knowledge in practice: it is not enough to create something outstanding, you need to be able to correctly convey thoughts to the public.

Sometimes people mistakenly believe that social skills relate exclusively to the topic of communication, communication. In fact, skills include many multidirectional aspects: an adequate perception of one's own individuality, the ability to empathize, work in a team, etc.

Why do we need social skills?

Regulate the area of interpersonal relationships: the child easily makes new friends, finds like-minded people.
Minimize psychological stress: children with developed social skills quickly adapt, do not feel sad due to changes in external circumstances.
They form an adequate self-esteem from childhood, which positively affects life achievements and development in adulthood.
Social skills cannot be separated from building a successful career: the best specialists must not only understand the profession, but also have high emotional intelligence.

Development of social skills in a child

Social skills need to be developed from preschool age, but older children and even teenagers may well learn to interact with the world.

It is recommended to pay attention to areas of life that bring discomfort to the child, significantly complicate everyday life.

Friends, interesting interlocutors: the kid does not know how to join the team, he prefers to sit in the corner while the others are playing.
Verbal difficulties. The child does not understand the rules of conversation, is poorly versed in the formulas of etiquette (when you need to say hello, say goodbye, offer help).
Problems with the non-verbal side of communication. Such a baby does not recognize the shades of emotions, it is difficult to understand how others relate to him. Cannot "read" faces and gestures.
Does not know the measure in expressing a point of view: too passive or, conversely, aggressive.
The child bullies classmates (participates in bullying) or is a victim.

In case of severe moral trauma, one should consult a psychologist: for example, school bullying is a complex problem that children are not able to cope with on their own. The involvement of parents and teachers is required.

In other cases, family members may well be able to help the child develop social skills.

What are the general recommendations?

1. Be patient

Don't push your child to get the job done. Let them take the initiative: for example, do not rush to help during school gatherings, let the baby work on the problem on his own. The same goes for lessons and other activities.

2. Support undertakings

Children's dreams seem trifling to adults, but the initiative turns into a habit over the years and helps to discover new projects, meet people, and experiment.

3. Criticize the right way

When making negative comments, remember the golden rule of criticism: analyze the work, highlighting both positive and negative aspects in a polite manner. Commenting on the specific actions of the child, and not his personality or appearance - this will lead to problems with self-esteem.

4. The right to choose

It is important for children to feel that their voice is taken into account and influences the course of events. Invite your child to personally choose clothes, books, cartoons. Ask about ideas, plans: “We are going to have a rest together at the weekend. What are your suggestions?

5. Personal space

Make sure that the baby has a place where he can be alone and take a break from talking. Personal things should not be touched: rearrange without prior discussion, read correspondence with friends, check pockets, etc.

Children, noticing the respectful attitude of adults, quickly begin to pay in the same coin; the atmosphere in the family becomes warm and trusting.

What social skills should be developed in a child?

Let's dwell on the main qualities and skills, the development of which is worth paying attention to.

1. The ability to ask, accept and give help

Without the ability to ask for help, the child will deprive himself of valuable advice; the lack of the ability to accept help will lead to losses, and the inability to provide help will make the baby self-centered.

Let the child help those in need: for example, a lagging classmate.
Explain to your child that getting help from friends and teachers is not a shame.
Show by personal example that mutual help enriches experience: tell how you exchange advice with colleagues, friends.

2. The ability to conduct a conversation and get the right information

Being a good conversationalist is difficult, but the skill is honed over time and brings a lot of benefits.

Prompt the child for dialogue development options: for example, you can start a conversation with a relevant question, a request for help.
Do not leave the child in the role of a silent listener: discussing pressing issues at home, ask the opinion of the baby.
Support children's public speaking: reports at school, performances, funny stories surrounded by loved ones will add confidence.

3. Empathy

Empathy is the ability to recognize the emotions of others, put yourself in the place of another person, empathize.

This ability will make the child humane, prudent. How can it be developed?

Start by recognizing the child's feelings - it is useless to listen to people if the person does not feel personal feelings. Ask your baby: “How do you feel after a quarrel with friends?”, “Do you want to relax today?”
After conflicts with classmates, ask your child how the children with whom the quarrel may feel now.
While watching cartoons, reading books, pay your child's attention to the emotional state of the characters.

4. Ability to work in a team

Many children can easily cope with tasks alone, but this is not a reason to refuse to work in a team. It gives the opportunity to exchange ideas and experience, delegate tasks, achieve goals faster and more efficiently.

If the child does not communicate with members of the team, try to introduce him to another social group: for example, the lack of communication with classmates can be compensated by a circle of interests, where the child will feel calmer.
Make the family a friendly team in which the child has his own "duties": for example, do housework, remind parents of upcoming events. Any activity related to the well-being of other family members will do.

5. Respect for personal boundaries

The absence of an obsessive desire to interfere in other people's lives is a valuable skill that helps to win people's sympathy.

Respect the child's personal boundaries: do not enter the nursery without warning, do not rummage through personal belongings and correspondence, if the matter does not concern the life and safety of the baby.
If the child violates other people's boundaries (takes toys without permission, asks uncomfortable questions), talk about it in private.

6. Ability to overcome conflict situations

It is difficult to imagine our life without conflicts. The task of the child is to learn how to culturally enter into a discussion, defend his point of view, and not be led by the provocations of his interlocutors.

Talk about problems calmly, without raising your voice. Do not put pressure on the child with parental authority unnecessarily: the child is a separate person who has the right to an opinion.
Do not judge people for views that differ from those of your family but do not affect your well-being. Show your child that the world is very different.
You can demonstrate to children the basics of a civilized dispute, explain what arguments are, etc. It is advisable to teach this child in kindergarten.

7. Self-confidence

Stable and adequate self-esteem is a quality that not all adults possess.

It is formed under the influence of many factors: relationships between parents, the role of the child in the family circle, the characteristics of the environment that surrounded the child in early childhood.

It is important that the child does not grow up to be either a narcissistic narcissist with fragile self-esteem, or an overly shy person. How can you help your child find balance?

Praise your child for personal progress: to get a compliment from parents, it is not necessary to win prizes at school competitions.
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