Story time guy
One of Vine’s Biggest Stars Tells Us What Happens Next
Vine, the looping video platform that died today, was always a kind of an oddball in the new media landscape. It largely functioned on an highly insular culture of creators and fans who generated memes that would explode and burn out before mainstream culture ever noticed.
So you may not realize that the app was home to dozens of Vine stars, who earned money through branded content, toured the country to meet adoring fans, and launched their careers as writers and comedians.
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Now that Vine is officially on its last legs, what will happen to these creators? I talked to Thomas Sanders, one of Vine's biggest stars, who has more than 8 million Vine followers and more than 7 billion loops of his videos. Sanders made a name for himself for his comedic stunts, like narrating strangers' lives, or pranking friends with gags inspired by Disney movies. The 20-something (he wouldn't tell me his age, but his manager said he's "old enough to party") won Vine Star of the year in 2015 at the Shorty Awards, which honor social media success, and Best Viner at the 2016 Streamy Awards, which focuses on online video.
I asked Sanders to ask about what's next and what the platform meant for him since he started making the six-second videos back in 2013.
Motherboard: Can you tell me a bit about the early days and how you first got into Vine?
Thomas Sanders: When I first started, I didn't really know what I was doing. I've always been kind of a ham in front of the camera, even when I was a kid I would make little videos with my brother with the camcorder. I'm a very theatrical person, so I was putting all of my weirdness and silly sense of humor into those videos and all of a sudden this audience just started to come out.
Was it a sort of gradual growth or did you have one breakout video?
It was almost this weird series of video that were just bursting in popularity and then it steadily grew in leaps and bounds over the summer of 2013. I was just trying new things and people were responding so positively. It was really a rollercoaster ride.
It was so fast, I didn't know what was happening when I was doing it.
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Were you able to start earning money at that point?
I had management reach out to me in November of that year. I was a little over 1 million followers and that was when they were like 'hey, you could be doing this stuff for money.' I had been doing it all for fun at that point.
You started doing some branded videos, how did you approach that?
I wanted to make sure the videos would still be funny but still serve the purpose of the people paying for that branded video. It was a really cool new world I had no idea even existed [laughs].
Were you looking at what other Viners were doing and taking cues from them?
Oh, sure. The whole community was this cool wild west of online humor. Everybody was trying something new and that new comedy was spurring me on. A lot of people at that point get competitive but for me it was this well of inspiration.
Do you know which is your most popular Vine of all time?
Goodness gracious. My most popular series has been narrating strangers' lives. The first time I did one of those, everyone responded so positively. Once, I narrated a guy proposing to a girl and the guy profusely said he was not proposing. That one really blew up. And they're good! The couple is all good, they had a laugh after I explained what was going on.
What's next for you now that this platform that launched you is gone?
I started a YouTube channel a couple of years ago and it's gotten great support. Now I get to focus even more energy onto that channel. I'm also going on tour this year because I had the honor and privilege, along with my team, to create an original musical.
Can you tell me more about this musical?
Yeah! So it's called Ultimate Storytime and it's instilled with its own comedy so that if you knew me from Vine, you'd love it, but it stands on its own so even people coming in with no knowledge of who I am would like it.
It's all original music written by my good friend Jacob Fjeldheim and the cast is composed of all my wonderful friends who are equally as talented.
How do you feel about hearing the news that it's the last hurrah for Vine?
It's definitely, definitely an emotional day. It's kind of like that last day of school where people are reminiscing. It's bittersweet because I know these and how talented they are. They are going to keep on doing amazing things. But it's kind of sad that the app that got me started, that started this whole career, is shutting down.
This interview has been edited for clarity and length.
Storytime | Austin Public Library
Storytime makes learning fun! Storytimes act as an integral part of early literacy education by introducing young children to books, rhymes, music and other literacy-based activities. Austin Public Library offers programs matched to the typical attention spans and developmental levels of different ages of children.
All Ages Storytime
Storytime for children aged 5 and under and their parents, featuring stories, songs, fingerplays, rhymes, and crafts or other extension activities.
Books and Babies
A lapsit storytime especially for non-walking babies 0-18 months and their caregivers. Very short stories are interspersed with songs, rhymes, and fingerplays for babies and parents. A brief playtime follows.
Cuddle Up and Read
A lap-sit storytime designed for our youngest library users, ages 0-12 months. Together, we will sing, chant, read and play, helping parents incorporate early childhood literacy practices into their daily life.
Daddy and Me Evening Storytime
Young ones and their favorite guy are invited for a special monthly storytime. Together, dads, grandpas, other extraordinary men and their kids will read, sing, craft and laugh, all the while developing important literacy skills and having fun.
Children of all ages are welcome (and of course, moms are invited, too!)
Dual Language Storytime - Hora de cuentos en dos idiomas
All ages storytime which uses both English and Spanish to present books, rhymes and songs. It differs from a traditional bilingual storytime in that some material is presented in English while other material is presented in Spanish, allowing for a more natural transition between stories and activities and exposing children to both languages in an inviting environment.
Esta hora de cuentos es para niños y niñas desde bebitos hasta de edad escolar y para sus padres. Se presentaran libros, rimas, y canciones en inglés y en español. Difiere de un programa tradicionalmente bilingüe en que el material no va a ser traducido de un idioma al otro, sino que presentaremos algunas cosas en inglés y otras en español empapando a los niños en los dos idiomas. De esta manera ellos se sentiran cómodos usando los dos idiomas.
Dual Language Storytime - Chinese Mandarin - English
This all-ages storytime uses both Chinese Mandarin and English to present books, rhymes, finger-plays, and songs.
Materials are not necessarily translated. The storytime flows naturally using both languages, allowing children to feel comfortable in a multilingual environment. No prior experience with Chinese is necessary to participate in.
Early Literacy Playgroup
Playing is learning! Play is a great way to help develop and reinforce early literacy skills. This come-and-go program is designed to give caregivers and their children time to explore together. Toys, board books, and a weekly craft will be provided.
Lisons Ensemble
Bonjour and welcome to this très special French/English dual language storytime! Join us, s'il vous plait, for stories, songs and crafts in French and English. Children of all ages are welcome.
Music and Movement
Bring your favorite little one to stretch, sing, dance & explore music with rhythm instruments! Program length can vary. Focuses on the Sing and Play recommendations for early literacy which helps develops gross motor skills, listening skills, and social skills, while introducing new vocabulary.
Pajama Storytime
Storytimes held in the evening for children aged 5 and under and their parents, featuring stories, songs, fingerplays, rhymes, and crafts or other extension activities.
Preschool Storytime
Storytime for preschoolers aged 3-5 and their parents featuring stories, songs, fingerplays, rhymes, and crafts or other extension activities.
Toddler Storytime
A storytime program designed for toddlers aged 18 months to 3 years and their parents, featuring stories, songs, fingerplays, and games.
Sensory Storytime
Sensory Storytime features interactive books, singing, and music and will incorporate some sensory activities, like movement and bubbles. This program welcomes children of all abilities to create an inclusive environment. Please talk with presenter prior to program to if you have any questions regarding your child’s needs.
Spanish Storytime - Cuentos en español
Storytime presented in Spanish /Una hora de cuentos en español para toda la familia.
Yoga Storytime
Practice your mindfulness, hear a story, and learn more about yoga. No mat is required. / Practique como mantenerse enfocado, escuche un cuento, y aprenda más sobre la práctica de Yoga. No necesita traer un tapete para yoga.
Search the Events Calendar to find a Storytime appropriate for your child with a convenient location.
“There were 6 thousand kilometers and 5 hours of time difference between us”: three stories about relationships at a distance
Imagine: you met a person on the Internet and fell in love, but he lives on the other side of the world. Or your partner got a good job offer, but he will have to move to another city. What to do: continue the relationship or end? Is there a future for such communication? We spoke to three people who were in a similar situation.
Story 1. “It was like an easy family life”
Ekaterina Sorokina
Dating at a distance of two years. We saw the young man every weekend, the journey took three hours by minibus.
How we met
I got to know my future husband Pasha thanks to a friend. She had many good things to say about him. I decided to meet and came up with a whole plan.
I was then 18 years old. In winter, the girls and I got together to ride the hill like children, and called him, and he agreed. The plan worked: they arranged everything as if it were a completely random meeting. We rode together and talked. At one point, he said: “Come on me?” I went down the hill right on top of him, and that was the start of everything. Then he joined me on social networks, and we began to correspond and meet. nine0003
How the relationship started
At first I liked Pasha because of the funny stories that my girlfriend told and his looks: I saw him in photographs. And when we began to communicate and walk, a common interest manifested itself, and the further, the stronger.
It has always been important for me to have the same views. Pasha was hooked by the fact that he could tell me much more than I know.
I always wanted a man to be smarter. I myself know a lot of useless facts, but if he knows even more, that's great. nine0003
We dated for a year and a half, and then Pasha left. The fact is that he is a game designer, and it is difficult to find such a job in the regions of Belarus. Initially, he managed to work in my city - Polotsk, and then remotely. But the company said that it was necessary to go to the office, which is located in Minsk. There was no choice left.
We knew it would be a long time, because I needed to graduate from the university. And there was no chance that Pasha would be able to return to Polotsk. With each new post, his income increased, and a return to Polotsk would have rolled him back. nine0003
We didn't feel like it was over now. It was just hard to imagine how things would turn out. But we decided that we would try this.
He left and we started seeing each other on weekends when he came to my city. I was then 19 years old, and only at almost 22 I graduated from the university.
All this time we met at a distance.
What it's like to meet at a distance
Our relationship at some point became a routine: I knew that he would arrive on Saturday and leave on Sunday. We have a specific daily routine: at such a time we should meet, cook dinner and spend the night. nine0003 Illustration: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker
It was like an easy family life. Sometimes we went for a walk, and sometimes we stayed at home and watched a movie. On Sunday, we managed to wake up, have some breakfast, and it was already necessary to say goodbye. You won't be able to do much during this time.
Such a regimen may seem difficult to some. Especially for those who strive for dynamics and diversity in relationships. But I have always valued emotional stability. And I still felt feelings, care and warmth despite the distance. We both knew it wasn't forever. nine0003
While Pasha and I were in different cities, we talked on the phone and corresponded on the Internet.
But we were not one of those couples who spend all the years talking all night long.
At some point, relationships are no longer the peak of emotions. You talk, share what happened during the day, say goodbye and go to bed.
Sometimes it was necessary to give up personal interests and set priorities. Sometimes on the weekend I wanted to plan something, like a trip. I was doing historical reconstruction then. Usually the festivals were held on weekends: on one the first part takes place, and on the next - the second. I understood that then we would not see each other for three weeks, and I abandoned my plans. For me, relationships are more important in any case, and I have always tried to look at such things through the eyes of a partner. If he did this to me, would I be pleased? If I understand that it is not, then I do not commit such acts. nine0003
It was hard for Pasha to spend six hours on the road there and back every weekend. You seem to be doing nothing while you are driving, but you are still exhausted and do not feel that you have rested.
Plus, he sometimes had to go to relatives in his hometown. As a result, on weekdays he worked, and on weekends he was constantly on the road.
Relatives approved of our relationship. My mother always liked Pasha. But sometimes she began: “Aren't you afraid? Where is he now?" I always brushed aside this, because no, I'm not afraid. We had 100% trust in our relationship and no jealousy, because if a person wants to leave or change, he will do it, even if you are together 24 hours a day. nine0003
How we came together
In Belarus, there is still a mandatory distribution for those who studied for free. After graduating from the university, I had to work for another two years and be away from Pasha. So we decided to get married. Married students should be allocated according to their spouse's place of residence or work, or they should be given a free diploma that does not oblige them to work for their studies on a budget.
This somewhat forced events, because of which we had conflicts.
But we managed, got married, I packed my things and moved to Minsk with a free diploma. Since then we have been living together for four years. nine0003
A lot has changed since we moved in together. We had to adapt to each other's everyday habits. Of course, initially for many people this stage causes irritation. You sigh and try to gently talk to the person. He also speaks, and you agree.
But still it was nice that finally the weekend is the weekend. We are together, and there is no need to rush anywhere and leave. There were a lot of positive emotions, and all these household ointments were almost not noticed.
We are together, and together everything is not so scary.
What is the result
I don't see our story as a romantic feat. This is just a stage with its own difficulties, which, perhaps, were more than in ordinary relationships.
There are often times when you need a person here and now. Not over the phone, but in real.
But there's no way you can get it. You see less of your partner's life, and for jealous people, this can be especially hard.
We were helped by the thought that this is not forever. Plus, we often saw each other and were in touch. I knew that the person was also looking forward to meeting. And when you feel his feelings, then you have no doubts. Because of this, you endure everything. nine0003
From the pros: after the wedding, Pasha was sent on a business trip to China for a whole month, and we survived the separation much easier. But this is a forced experience, not something really positive.
Tips for those who started a relationship at a distance
The most important advice: do not try to control the person too much. Someone may have such impulses. This will greatly harm your relationship.
Evaluate your actions as you would yourself react to such actions on the part of your partner. At a distance, he may feel that your relationship and feelings are more fragile.
Therefore, you need to help your loved one be self-confident and not give him reasons for jealousy. nine0003
Story 2. “Now I would never start a relationship at a distance”
August Völker
Met a girl from another city on the Internet and met her at a distance for a year.
How we met
We were 16 years old. She lived in Ufa, which is 2,100 kilometers from my city, Pskov. We ended up in the same VKontakte conversation based on a video game that we both really enjoyed. So a relationship began, which over time became more and more dense. nine0003
On her birthday, a girl wrote to me that she was celebrating it in splendid isolation. I suggested a Skype call. From that moment on, we periodically talked via video link, but we talked not only about video games, but also about life in general.
How the relationship began
We realized that there was something more between us when we started discussing various indecent things. We became attracted to each other, and calling every day became almost an obligation.
One of us said, "Now we must get married." It was a joke, but we became more serious about each other and considered it our sacred duty to be faithful. nine0003
We lived like this for half a year, after which we decided to meet. We chose romantic St. Petersburg for this. We spent a couple of weeks there and realized that we became very attached to each other. It seemed to us that our history is unique and we will start a relationship despite the fact that we are separated by thousands of kilometers.
When we went back home, we experienced a set of very different emotions: from euphoria from the meeting to longing for a loved one who was again far away.
What it's like to meet at a distance
We had many rituals, such as nightly Skype meetings. And every morning they called up for 10 minutes to wish a good day. On weekends, we talked for 7-8 hours via video link, literally went to parks and cafes with a mobile phone.
Online relationships are as romantic as real ones.
When you constantly communicate via video link, you become a little more frank. We knew the hidden fears and dreams of a partner. We collected each other love-boxes with pleasant little things, signed them and decorated them. They kept special calendars and counted the days until meetings. Maybe now I'm just matured, but in real life I would be embarrassed to act like that. nine0003
I sent flowers to her address. It was always a surprise for her. And she could pay for my purchase in a video game or order a sweatshirt in an online store. We pleased each other not only with material things, but also, for example, dedicated poems.
Everything was like in a real relationship, but not quite real.
Of course, we also stimulated sexual interest: we sent intimate photos to each other and made video calls. We were 16 years old, and during this period the head was only full of this. nine0003
But there were also problems, such as poor internet and time zone mismatch.
In addition, all communication went online, because of which there was no self-confidence during communication in real life. We looked like two freaks who ran away from everyone to sit on their phone. In my company, this was not encouraged at all, and they constantly made fun of me.
And we also had manic jealousy that went beyond any limits. At first, these were romantic little things, such as exchanging passwords from VKontakte pages, STEAM accounts and email. Then almost complete control began. The girl could visit my page at any time to find out with whom and what I was talking about, ignoring the privacy of other people. Or I said that I went out with a friend, and after returning home, I found more than 20 missed calls and angry tirades like “Oh, how could you!”. nine0003
If I heard something like this from a girl now, I would immediately stop talking. But then it seemed to me that this was normal and could not be otherwise, because this is a relationship, which means that you are not separate people, but one whole.
My jealousy for a girl was much more subtle. I was a little worried when I heard that she was going to go to a company where there are boys. But at the same time, I did not surf her page.
How we came together
We had five meetings, two or three weeks each time. We worked part-time to save money, then we found out our parents' plans, discussed the date and met. This went on for a year. nine0003
After passing the USE, we chose one university, rented an apartment and started living together even before we started studying. Everything worked out almost perfectly. Little things like cooking and cleaning became incredible fun. We were put into a trance by the very possibility of touching each other, looking and constantly talking with a loved one. We didn't even fight.
Why they broke up
The problems started from the moment I introduced her to my company. She was a home girl, read books and played the piano. And I was gouging, playing rock music with friends in the basement.
My friends were addicted to soft drugs, we liked to drink every day and got into fights. nine0003
Because of my girlfriend, I began to domesticate: I preferred evening movie screenings to gatherings with friends or another rehearsal of our rock band. When I found family seriousness and calmness, I realized that I wanted to give myself to this with my head. And she, on the contrary, began to be very much carried away by my past way of life. She got into the whole topic with alcohol, drugs and registration.
We began to quarrel, move away, began to spend less time together. After one and a half to two years, relations finally began to decline. nine0003
After another quarrel, I did the right thing: I took her phone and looked at her correspondence. I saw an unfamiliar guy there, opened a dialogue and realized that they, together with this friend, were fouling me. I was emotional, collected all her clothes, woke her up in the middle of the night and threw her out the door.
Later it turned out that they had nothing romantic. It was a friendship in which she apparently found something that she no longer found in me.
Illustration: Anna Guridova / LifehackerWe didn't part then, but it was the beginning of the end. We reconciled, but she asked for a week-long break in the relationship. In parallel with this, at a party, I kissed another girl in a drunken stupor. I thought the pause was a temporary cessation of our obligations to each other. But she said that this is a terrible betrayal that cannot be forgiven.
I took the parting very painfully. It was the first relationship. Love seemed perfect, and then all these lofty feelings crashed into harsh realities. nine0003
What we ended up with
I think both of us were not the same people we fell in love with in the first place. Internet communication creates a slightly distorted image of the interlocutor. We moved in and we were cool. But then we became more aware of ourselves and each other, and everything happened as it should have happened.
But I would not have been able to foresee these problems and avoid them if we had not met at a distance from the very beginning. Now I am older and more experienced. And when you are children, it is simply impossible to understand that something is wrong. Especially on the Internet. nine0003
I am very disappointed in this girl. But I do not regret our relationship and I am glad that I had it.
After parting, I took care of myself. It gave me an understanding of who I am and who I want to be. I had a truly unforgettable experience and became much more understanding and calm.
But now I would never have a long distance relationship. I would not wait for anyone and would not promise anything to anyone. I have too bright and good life in order to spend it forever stuck on the phone. nine0003
Advice for those who started a relationship at a distance
Run! And if without jokes, then people in such relationships need to be much more serious and mature than everyone around.
Always think ahead. Don't expect anything from the person you're talking to online, and be prepared to get to know them all over again when you do.
But most importantly, ignore other people's opinions. Stand your ground and show what you can. They joked about me and said that nothing would work out, and after parting, each of my friends ran after my ex-girlfriend with flowers. nine0003
Trust that everything will work out. And if the person on the other side agrees with your opinion, is ready to wait and fight for a relationship, then everything will turn out better than ever. But if something goes wrong, don't blame yourself. Perhaps your partner was not ready.
Story 3. “With tears in our eyes, we tried to delay time in order to get enough of each other as much as possible”
Elena Smirnova
Dated a young man from another country for four years.
How we met
Grisha and I met in the summer of 2013 in an online game. I wrote in the general chat: "Hi.
" The players began to chat, and he was among them.
Grisha asked how old I was. I answered that I was 19. He said: "Great, I'm a year older, which means that with me you will always be young." It was after this stupid phrase that I remembered him very well.
At first, our communication was only about the game. But gradually we switched to personal topics, became interested in each other, and in September 2013 we first called on Skype. nine0003
We talked about everything and enjoyed it so much that we didn't want to stop. In the process, it turned out that we live very far from each other: I am in Belarus, and he is in Russia - in Irkutsk. There were 6,000 kilometers between us and a five hour time difference. It was very difficult to dock: if it’s evening for me, then it’s already night, or I just woke up, and it’s already the middle of the day.
How the relationship began
Over time, we realized that there was more between us than just sympathy. We began to move on to love topics, flirting, coming up with cute nicknames for each other.
And in the end, in the winter, we decided that we had a relationship. nine0003
We wanted to see each other and gradually began to prepare relatives for this. Irkutsk was chosen for the first meeting. But my parents were categorically against it, and I understand them. Imagine, my daughter comes and says: “I want to go to another country, I have a young man there, and I love him!” In the end, we arranged for our parents to have a Skype conversation. After that, mine melted and were allowed to go.
I remember how my heart was pounding when I was already at the Irkutsk airport.
I was very afraid that I would turn out to be much worse than the picture on the Internet. Or that at a distance they saw me as a riddle, and now I will be uninteresting. nine0003
From the road, dusty and rumpled, I went into the airport building, and it is beautiful and with flowers. When I approached him, we hugged, kissed, and then I realized that my fears were in vain.
What it's like to meet at a distance
There were very few meetings - only four, but we tried to make them as long as possible. We planned to come to each other in turn, and already in the winter Grisha came to me.
I soon graduated from the university, and I had to go through the compulsory work, which lasts two years. We were unable to solve this problem, and it crippled us greatly. nine0003
Over the course of four years of long-distance relationship, we made each other happy in different ways, for example, we sent gifts: soft toys, sweets. Grisha once even sent me a ring. I still laugh at him: they say, how were you not afraid to send such a thing via Russian Post.
Illustration: Anna Guridova / LifehackerWe tried to devote all our free time to each other. I shifted my daily routine for a few hours in order to at least slightly reduce the time difference and be able to be with my loved one. nine0003
Sexual life was organized in Skype, and then in instant messengers.
When they met, everything was live, but apart, they also really wanted closeness, so they coped as best they could.
We had no reason to be jealous. We believed each other and were calm, especially since both are home people. We didn't have any fights over distance either. We understood that it did not depend on us, and we were hostages of the situation.
Looking back, I wonder how we survived. It is very difficult when you do not have the opportunity to meet at any time. It is banal to approach a person, sit down together and be silent. nine0003
The most difficult period was when we didn't see each other for more than a year.
I was thinking of finishing everything. The young man is far away, work has begun and autumn - everything has piled up together.
Grisha helped me cope with these thoughts. He did not give up, constantly called and reached out to me. And closer to winter, I found out when I would have a vacation, and I lived with the thought only of him, counting the days to come.
After I finished my work, I sorted out the documents, packed my things and immediately moved to Irkutsk. And a year later we got married - just on the fifth anniversary of our acquaintance, on July 3rd. And we have been living together for more than three years. nine0003
What is the result
I perceive this time more as a test and see two big disadvantages of such a relationship. The first is the huge distance and time difference. The realization that there are 6,000 kilometers between you is very pressing. The second is the lack of intimacy, and not only intimate. I want to support each other, hold hands, hug and stay close. Nothing could fill this void inside.
But there are pluses. Long-distance relationships allowed us to look at problems differently. The fact that we are far from each other and it is not known how long this will last immediately made other difficulties less significant. And it also helped to check how serious we are. And thanks to the distance, we have learned to solve difficulties through dialogue.
nine0003
We had a lot of cute things in our relationship. For example, I remember how our eyes find each other in the crowd, we go towards each other, we feel the first touch and the emotions that fill us. It's all incredible. Even parting was touching. With tears in our eyes, we tried to delay the time in order to get enough of each other as much as possible, and promised to definitely meet again.
Our couple even had their own tradition - before leaving, to hide small notes in each other's things. And when it was really sad, we said where they are. It was very nice to find handwritten "I love you." nine0003
Advice for those who started a relationship at a distance
Such relationships have a future when there are feelings, patience and respect. Communicate more with each other. Try to meet as often as possible - it is very difficult to do without such recharge.
How do you feel about romance at a distance? Or maybe you yourself found yourself in such a situation? Share in the comments.
Read also 🧐
- What to do if it seems that you have stopped loving
- Is there a chance for long-distance relationships
- 10 subtle signs that you don't love yourself
- Passion paradox: why in a relationship one partner always loves more
- I want to change my partner. Is everything okay with me? What about our relationship?
sad stories of Krasnoyarsk divorces / News of the Society of Krasnoyarsk and the Krasnoyarsk Territory / Newslab.Ru
If you believe the statistics, in 2019 Krasnoyarsk residents began to divorce less often - the figures fell by almost 30%. Numbers are numbers, but many marriages are still terminated as soon as they are concluded. There are many reasons for this - from mutual reproaches and the lack of common goals to treason and other meanness. Newslab recorded the stories of several city residents who shared their divorce stories. nine0003
“The stamp has changed us a lot.
Not for the better." Oleg's story I was 22. A new employee came to our office. Not to say that I liked her at first sight, but time passed, we worked, talked, we had our own jokes, themes, and at some point there was a strange awkward first kiss.
A month later I invited her to live with me because I thought she was the one. Why? People always say "when you love, you will understand." And I thought that it has everything that I need. Decided she was the one. A month later, I proposed to her. In order not to pull, not to lose, not to miss. She said yes. The next year we lived, went to work together, hung out and everything was fine. We were saving money for a honeymoon - we wanted to go to Thailand. We didn’t want a wedding: to gather relatives from all over the country for a couple of hours - well, that’s it. So our goal was to accumulate 300 "pieces", sign and fly away. nine0003
A lot has happened this year. There were also signs that it would be better to cancel the wedding, but this stupid feeling that you need to fight for love, that relationships are work, made us slaves of the situation.
I didn’t think so then, but now I understand it perfectly. Somewhere in a couple of months, we submitted an application through public services. Then there was a registry office, close friends, champagne and an airplane.
As if the stamp affects relationships - everything has changed. We began to quarrel more often, understand each other less, and everyday life really began to eat up. And then she decided that she wanted to surf, so she quit smoking, went to the gym, started running in the morning, which she tried to encourage me to do as well. It's strange when they try to force you to be different. It pissed me off. Like in that joke when a girl changes you, and then says that you are not the one she fell in love with. nine0003
She went to the ocean for a month, then two, then another. I haven't seen my wife for six months. Friends said that she was cheating on me there, but I did not believe. I was sincerely happy for her that she had found her own and was enjoying herself.
And just making money. And loved as best he could. We again drove to Tai, where the drunks on the beach discussed our relationship, prospects, criticized each other, promised to change.
We returned to Russia and... nothing has changed. We became more and more distant. At some point, conversations over wine, understanding, even sex disappeared. We have become strangers. Roommates. nine0003
Then she flew away for two months. By the time she arrived, I had baked pancakes with caviar and made okroshka (“I missed Russian food,” I decided). And so she went home, sat down, took the spoon out of her mouth and said: “I want to go there. Are you with me?" I said "no" because I have a job here, a life, I'm not a fan of change at all, and the decision would be too rash, especially with our current relationship.
At the end of 2018, 65% of marriages broke up in Russia, while 70 years ago divorces were rare. From 1950 and until 2002, there was a rapid upward trend in divorces in Russia, the "boiling point" was recorded in 2002 - 84 out of 100 marriages broke up.
And without giving me a second, she said: "Then let's get a divorce." I stood with my back to her, washed the dishes and did not understand what was happening to my life. Everything collapsed. I thought that she was the one, and this is forever. I crossed out the issue of personal life, family, future and children from the to-do list, and here it is.
I agreed.
A couple of days later we went to file for divorce. We slept in the same bed, talked, as if not realizing that it was all empty. A month later, we received divorce papers, but for another month we lived together while she received a visa and got ready. We parted like old friends. I put her in a taxi to the airport and kissed her goodbye. We talked, called up via telegram, her father sends me a catch from fishing, and my mother likes her posts on Instagram. I found a couple of projects for her, we even did one together. When her visa ran out, I let her go home again for a couple of weeks. nine0003
But as time went on, this connection melted away.
She is doing well there, but I was left alone in the apartment where we were once happy. Now we don't communicate. I know that it was all a mistake and stupidity. I don't know why I proposed, why she agreed. I guess we both needed it - I didn't want to be alone, and she needed someone to cover for her while she decides what to do with her life. Now she has a boyfriend, a dog and a house. I have nothing. I wore the wedding ring on my other hand for a long time, and then threw it out the window. And then I lost my passport, and now it doesn't even have stamps. For memory, only sheet A4 remained - a certificate of divorce. nine0003
"I realized that my husband is not in the first place." Alena's story
I met Seryozha in my first year at university - we ended up in the same group. I was in a relationship, he was in a relationship, and we just discussed computer games during breaks between couples. Seryozha was very attractive: blue eyes, dark thick hair, a coquettish half-smile, half-grin.
When my relationship ended and the ex-boyfriend pursued me for some time, Seryozha supported me, although he did not show any enthusiasm. Our relationship began in much the same way: the girl left him, he was not against it, I offered to meet, and again he was not against it. nine0003
We dated for four years until graduating from university, got married right after graduation. Looking back, I understand that when I asked the question of where we would move next, he took the path of least resistance and decided to marry me, and then it naively seemed to me that he was burning with enthusiasm and simply did not know which end to organization of the wedding to step up.
My parents gave me an apartment before the wedding, and while we were preparing for the wedding, it was being renovated, and we lived separately. We moved in just after the wedding. nine0003
Our family life lasted a little over one year. I soon realized that for my husband I was not in the first place. He got back into his old hobby (Magic The Gathering card game) and spent most of his salary on new boosters, building a deck that could beat everyone in the tournament, and went out to play with friends on the weekends.
I worked from Monday to Saturday, so we saw each other only on weekdays in the evening, before going to bed, and on Sunday he left at 9 am and returned already dark. I felt lonely, but I tried to be understanding. Serezha was reluctant to help around the house: he grew up in a "same-sex family" consisting of a mother and grandmother, who protected him in everything, did everything around the house on their own, therefore he did not know how to cook and did not wipe his computer desk until I told him about it asked. His mother was very worried about her son: on each of his visits, she gave him frozen cutlets, pancakes, juice and water with her. Even if there was food for a week in the refrigerator, Serezha warmed up his mother's cutlets in the microwave and ate only them. nine0003
Interesting facts about marriage in Russia
- In 62% of married couples there is no sole leader, in 29% the head of the family is a man, and only in 7% of families the leader is the wife.
- 60% of the population believes that a family is created primarily for procreation, 43% of the population - in order to be close to a person who is ready to provide support in any situation.
- 70% of the population believes in the ability of fathers to take care of children and run the household as well as women. nine0248
- 25% consider the creation of a family a moral duty of every person.
- The most common reason why men don't marry is "unwillingness to take responsibility, to tie oneself."
- 8% of citizens allow the legalization of polygamy in Russia, 2% consider it a necessity.
When I got a driver's license, the question arose about buying a car. For some reason, I couldn’t ask my relatives for help in choosing, and therefore I wrote to our mutual old acquaintance, Sasha, who that year married a girl with whom he had been together for about three years. Sasha did not refuse to help, and after purchasing the car, we decided in response to invite him and his wife to visit, and so the four of us began to communicate. nine0003
Sasha and I had a lot in common. We were usually the initiators to go, go, see, take a walk, and our spouses made up the company.
Naturally, we corresponded a lot. We had a chat for four, but we also often talked in private with Sasha. The conversations moved from discussing hobbies to more frank topics: about life, about work, about our marriages. Sasha turned out to be for me what in English is called the word soulmate - a person with the same principles, interests, energy, position. We were perfect for each other, and therefore it is not surprising that we fell in love. nine0003
However, this story is not a story of betrayal. Realizing that it couldn’t go on like this, I met with Sasha to talk. We confessed our feelings to each other and discussed further plans for life. There were two options: either we part with our spouses and try to build new relationships, or we stop communicating and live on as we lived. For me personally, there was no longer a choice - I was tired of life with Seryozha and thought with horror that I would have to spend my whole life with him. Sasha had similar feelings - he was unhappy with Alena.
They got married only because their parents wanted it. nine0003
The end of the story is simple: we got divorced. Both marriages fell apart: mine and Serezha, Sasha and Alena. After filing for divorce, Sasha and I moved in and began to live together. Our life improved instantly: Sasha was not too lazy to cook dinner for me if I was late at work, we immediately helped each other in everything, made surprises, continued to travel around the cities and see the sights, spend time together.
The divorce process went pretty quickly: we both had nothing to share except property. I left the machine of discord with me, paying my husband its full cost. Alena also received good financial compensation. When all passions subsided, Sasha and I got married. We have been married for several years, we are expecting a baby and enjoy every day together. Alena met a young man from Germany and went to live with him. Serezha moved to Moscow, where he continued to participate in Magic: The Gathering tournaments and met a girl from the same party, with whom he is now in a relationship.
nine0003
"We had enough for five years." The story of Ksenia
For some reason, every time I say the phrase "So I'm a divorcee", people are very surprised and do not believe. And this only makes me more fun: I don’t see anything criminal in divorce - now it’s more a manifestation of consciousness than a disaster.
Our story began when I was 18 and he just turned 19. And it was a big and pure love (no sarcasm, the feelings were really strong). We even had a rule: we had to see each other every day, and if it didn’t work out, he persuaded a friend with a car and they drove over to my place for 10 minutes so that we could hug. nine0003
We moved in together very quickly — literally after two months of relationship, in the middle of the night, with a huge bear in my hands, having made a fiery scandal to my mom and dad, I moved in with his parents. Now I am always wary when a guy offers me the keys to his apartment in just a couple of weeks.
Our problem turned out to be that we could not part even for a second, we did everything together and for everyone personified the halves of one whole.
At 20, it seems sweet, but now I'm 27 and I understand how wrong I was then. nine0003
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“I choked with one hand, hit my face with the other — but I didn’t scream: I was afraid to wake the children”: how my loving husband turned into a sadist in a year
The story of one exhausted mother and wife
After five years of relationship (having hardly moved away from his parents, trying to move to St. Petersburg together, returning, faced with difficulties in finding the ideal job) - I decided that we should part. Relations were tense, we constantly quarreled from scratch, I wanted to move forward and some visible changes, but we stalled. And then I left for a month to work on a project and suddenly realized that I could exist on my own and be interesting. Before that, I always thought that I couldn’t imagine anything without him. nine0003
We parted hard and for a long time, he made an offer that I was really looking forward to, but at that moment I could not answer him.
And in the end, I asked for a month of silence and could not stand it, because then I had not yet stopped loving. We agreed again, and I answered “yes” to the next proposal. Here it would be worthwhile to understand that everything is not going according to plan at all: when our parents do not communicate, mine refuse to come to the wedding, he misses the date of filing an application with the registry office, and the wedding venue does not have time to complete construction. But the stamps happened, the rings were put on, but the family did not line up. As soon as we were married, the relationship went completely downhill - for every problem and request for help, a person went into the sunset. I freaked out and delicately dissected his brains. I offered to break up every quarrel, and he thought that I was intimidating him like that, and did not want to get a divorce. nine0003
The car became the extreme point: I really wanted to buy it, he was against it, which did not stop me.
Two months after the purchase, I had an accident, turned the car over. Plus - I then left work, and bought a car, borrowing money from my father.
And here I am sitting in the evening after the accident in the kitchen: the car is cold, I am in shock. And then he asks what I will do with the car. Not us, but me. After that, he didn’t talk to me for a few more days, and I tried to deal with the rebuyers and repairmen, along with my girlfriend. And I thought: why do I need a husband when I do everything myself? I can also do everything myself and not drag a person along with me to where he doesn’t want to. I always wanted to travel, work till I drop, walk a lot. And he had a different value system. I had to wait almost seven years to finally understand that we just grew up and went down different paths. nine0003
Now I don't regret the divorce at all. During these two and a half years, of course, I did not do everything I wanted, but a lot and realized the value of myself as a separate unit.
