Your son is very skilled

Excellent prevention of relationships with the child and what we really need and important:

We came together. Husband and wife. First time for me. I am tired (5th consultation), hungry, and for some reason, calm and unperturbed.

— My first time with a psychologist! the man says angrily. The jaws are walking. All kind of showing "What the hell."
- My wife persuaded me!
- And?
- What?!! We have a son. I have. Moron! he fires up.

“A moron is a psychiatric diagnosis,” I say wearily. - Is your son a moron in this sense?

The man is already looking at me like I'm an idiot. Then he looks at his wife with a silent question: “Who did you bring me to, finally?!!!”
She huddled, sits on the edge of her chair, averts her eyes. Hands clasped between knees.
He frowns in annoyance, turns to me, is silent. Me too. Can't stand it. Angry even more.

— Well, you're like a psychologist, right? Hm. So tell me then what should I do with it?
- With whom?
- With my son!!!!
- What about him?

The man rolls his eyes, surprised at my stupidity and inability to read minds. Again he turns to his wife with an expression: “Where did you find this fool?” But the wife is an experienced fighter, she sits without raising her eyes, and only by the way her face turns pale, I understand that all her strength went into bringing her husband to me.

- He does not see the coast, you understand. brat. 14 years old, but behaves like, like...
— How?
- I'm coming home. After work. The shoes are in the middle of the rug. I told him: “Do you know anything in this life? At least put your shoes back in place." I told him a hundred times, put your shoes on the side, but no, like a moron, he does not understand anything. Everything in life comes easily. The phone is broken. Do not appreciate. Doesn't share anything with me. Mothers are rude. Doesn't do anything at home. All words are like peas on the wall. No shame, no conscience. And so, how, how to behave with him?! How to find a common language. You are a psychologist, well, advise !!! Do you have a prescription?
- Yes, - I answer, violating all the canons of psychological counseling.
- Is there a solution?
— Yes, I am even more stunned by my impudence.

You see, there is an algorithm for psychological counseling. Especially the first one. And I was taught that the first meeting is the collection of information, the definition of the request, the establishment of contact. There is no talk of any therapy. Especially about any decision. What came over me ... (((

- I understood correctly that you do not know how to talk with your son and cannot find a common language with him?
- Well, yes, he did!
- There is a solution, very simple. But I don’t know if you can handle it,” I say with absolutely sincere doubt.
- Well? Speak!
- This is not to be said, this must be done.
- What to do?
- What is your son's name?
- Anton.

And then I’m completely grumpy (colleagues will understand what I mean), I take out a sheet of paper, write “son Anton, 14 years old” on it with a marker, put it in the far corner of the office and invite the man to imagine his son standing on this sheet.

Did it work? I ask.
- Yes.
— And now with slow steps approach the leaf, stand on it, enter into the image of your son and become him.

With obvious doubt on his face, he does so. Closes eyes.

— Now tell me how you feel?
Loneliness is terrible. Tears in throat. I want to cry.
- From what?
- From resentment. Everyone is twitching and squirming. That's not right, that's it. I don't want to live. I'm like a freak for everyone.
- For whom for everyone?
- Well, for everyone.
— For whom?
- Well, father.
— And what would you like from him?
- To praise at least once. He asked how are you. To not yell. To ... I'm also a man to be proud of me.
- Inhale and as you exhale, exit the sheet.

A man silently approaches a chair and sits down. Silence. The woman wipes her tears.

— I understood everything, — he was suddenly quiet, almost in a whisper. - Got it. I also felt small. And only reproaches from the father. Now I do the same. I understood everything. Thank you.

Both his eyes and his wife's are green. Clear. And his ears are kind, touching...

18 minutes all lasted. First time in my life.

Author: Ekaterina Savinova

First class - first problems! Advice from experienced psychologists. News. Channel One

The period of acute adaptation - this is how psychologists call the state in which the majority of first-graders are now. And no wonder: after an absolutely carefree life, children have to urgently change their habits and adapt to a new difficult regime.

Report by Elena Borisova.

Pasha, a second-grader, could never have imagined that studying could be a pleasure. After classes, he hurries to procedures. Relaxing baths are scheduled. Right at school - in the sensory room. The fact is that Pasha does not have the patience to sit at a desk even for 15 minutes. And so they try to calm him down.

A few years ago this child would have been called a bully. Now psychologists insist that children who are too mobile and naughty need special treatment. Hyperactivity - that is, increased impulsivity and inattention - is a distinctive feature of the 21st century generation. While scientists are trying to understand why there are too many such children, educators seem to have already found the answer to this question.

Larisa Pyatnitsyna, primary school teacher, secondary school No. 55 in Rostov-on-Don: "Children from an early age are not at home, but are in childcare facilities. From an early age, nurseries, then kindergartens, then school. Parents are busy with work. And now the child, it seems to me, lacks domestic affection.

If it takes 1.5 months for other children to adapt, then for those who are too active, this period is delayed. On average, it takes 2 years to get used to the school regime, sometimes more.

Of course, teachers have a lot of troubles and headaches, but even bad behavior is forgiven for these students for non-standard thinking.

Lyubov Kopylova, psychologist of Lyceum No. 36 in Irkutsk: "It is always more interesting to work with hyperactive children than with children who are very obedient. In fact, these are children who have great opportunities. You can discover a lot in them. They are so mobile, interesting, unusual children.

Teaching a first grader to learn is not easy, and even more difficult if he is only 6 years old. In the kindergarten preparatory group, the schedule is strictly followed: 30 minutes of classes, 10 minutes of rest. Otherwise, there will be no return. 6-year-old Katya learned to read and write here. She seems to be ready for school, but her parents decided not to rush.

Marina Kataeva: "My dad and I decided not to take the child to school from the age of 6, we decided to wait an extra year. Childhood, after all. Although she was already ready for school. According to their observations, it is more difficult for children who started school from the age of 6 to adapt. who went to school at the age of 7 or 8. And it is more difficult with them. They do not have developed hand motor skills, so there are problems with both handwriting and adaptation."

Sasha is the best confirmation of this. He went to school from the age of 6, but he had problems until the 5th grade. About people like him, they say "white crow". He lived with his back to the world for many years, making friends with classmates did not work. I had to change schools.

Another problem is poor progress. But even here it often comes down to psychology. Sometimes a "deuce" or lack of interest in learning is a reaction to stress. The beginning of school life for many children becomes a serious test. And how he survives it depends on both parents and teachers. As psychologists assure, if you do not overlook depression in a child, it will be easy and comfortable for him to communicate and learn.

Presenter: What should you do if your son or daughter has just started to study and faced a whole bunch of problems? Aleksey Obukhov, candidate of psychological sciences, will tell us about this. Tell me, what to do if a child from the first days does not want to insert and go to school in the morning? He didn't like it.

Guest: Usually a child, and even an adult, when faced with a problem that he cannot immediately overcome right now, starts to complain in a generalized way: I don’t like school in general, I don’t like it at all. And the reasons are often very specific. Maybe this reason is really in the sense that he was not accepted by the peer group, and he does not want to see this class. Here, not only parents, a teacher is also needed, with him some joint actions are needed. Or maybe it really is the absence of a motive for the desire to learn, which is either not formed, or the motive was inadequate, that is, the expectations were about one thing, and then another. Depending on the cause of this whim, appropriate actions are needed.

Presenter: If a child complains about the teacher, the relationship did not work out, what should the parents do?

Guest: In this case, it is important to talk to the teacher as well, and really ask the child what specifically you don't like about the teacher. That is, here you need to understand the reason and act again on the basis of it.

Presenter: What is the best way to check lessons? Pay attention only when the child asks for help, or is it imperative to check every time? What should be the control?

Guest: Here they are learning to count, we need to try to transfer it to everyday life. So they have mastered such and such an element of counting, and you go for a walk and start counting together with the child, and so on. But it is precisely hypercontrol, where in this case you most often imitate interest, that is, you perform a formal function - I have to control, and what is meaningful, interesting there is not interesting, it turns out to be insignificant. That is, I controlled it: I did it - I didn’t, but this is an administrative job. And here, after all, the family is better to preserve and consolidate the relationship between children and parents on the subject of study. And it's very important not to reduce the reinforcement of cognitive interest to marks, like, if you get "five", then I'll buy you a gingerbread.

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