Be my homer

Be My Homer by CJ Munn

Posted on February 2, 2015 by Author Annette J Dunlea Irish Writer

Be my Homer
I wanna be your Marge.
If I’m your Norfolk Broads
Will you be my barge?
Let’s please be Tom and Barbara,
I will show you The Good Life.
Even though we’re not yet married
I would love to be your wife.

I’ve the passion Lily Munster
has for her dear Herman.
I would love you if you were ginger,
I would love you if you were German.
Like Mr and Mrs Huxtable,
We’d smooch even when we’re wrinkly.
I’ll even consider ironing your shirts,
But I hope you like them crinkly.

Like Mr and Mrs Incredible
I’m flexible and you’re tough.
But if you promise to be my true love
That will always be enough.
Like Bonny and that Clyde guy
without all the dying.
Like Gwyneth and that Coldplay man
without all the crying.
My partner in crime, the love of my life,
My muse, my joy, my fun.
Please be my one and only,
Cos you’ve always been ‘The One’.

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About Author Annette J Dunlea Irish Writer

I Support Ukraine 🇺🇦 Irish Writer Website: http://ajdunlea.webs.com/ Twitter: @adunlea Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/annettejdunleairishauthor

View all posts by Author Annette J Dunlea Irish Writer →

This entry was posted in Poetry and tagged Be My Homer, CJ Munn, poem, poetry. Bookmark the permalink.

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Rules of Life by Homer Simpson

Father of the Family

Edition of Rules of Life

Tags:

rules of life

If you really want to achieve something in life, you will have to work hard on it. And now it’s quiet: now the winning numbers of the lottery will be announced.

I love cold beer, the TV is loud, and homosexuals are on fire.

You know, guys, you can laugh, but I'm much more pleased to feel the sweet breath of a sleeping wife on my neck than stuffing dollar bills into some unknown lady's thong.

Take it easy, don't panic. If anything, I'll make money by selling one of my livers. Both are useless to me.

Children of are our future. That is why they must be stopped today.

Let's drink to alcohol - the source and solution of all our problems!

Beer... My only weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will.

If you are happy and you realize it, swear.

Education won't help me . Every time I remember something, it takes up space, pushing something else out of my brain. Like the time I took a winemaking course and forgot how to drive.

Catholicism has more stupid rules than video rentals.

Sure Dad did a lot of good things in life, but now he's grown old, and old people are absolutely useless.

Women are like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you're willing to step over your own mother to get them.

Son, you say "butt-licking" like it's a bad thing.

Do not grieve. People are constantly dying. Who knows, maybe you will wake up dead tomorrow.

Ha-ha-ha! My daughter thinks vampires are real! Yes, they are fictional, like elves, gremlins or Eskimos.

I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. If so, let him move the sofa in the living room and make the bed. I want to sleep.

My favorite book: "So, you decided to arbitrarily connect to cable TV."

From now on, , I will look forward to everything. My God! Tomorrow there will be a special promotion: two piano benches for the price of one! Oh-oh-oh, maybe tomorrow!

Radiation kills only those who are afraid of her.

I am a white male from 18 to 49. And everyone listens to me, no matter how nonsense I speak.

The Simpsons may be shown on the stupid channel, but they do!

It is not easy to be torn between a pregnant wife and an unbalanced child, but I still found my eight hours at the TV.

Kill the boss?! Will my hand rise to fulfill the American dream?

For lies needs two. One lies, the other listens.

Old people don't need company. They need to be isolated and studied to find out if they contain any substances useful to us.

Trying is the first step to failure.

Listen, people always have some statistics for everything. This is known to 14% of the population.

The only important thing in life is to be popular.

I see no point leaving the house. We still come back every time.

Nuclear reactor - like a woman. You just need to read the instructions and press the right button in time.

Tears of a dog will not bring you back. Unless tears smell like dog food. So you can sit at home, gobbling up can after can of dog food until the tears start to give away with it, so that the dog will smell the smell from the street and come back on its own. Or you can just go look for it.

We don't need a psychiatrist. We ourselves know that our child has a deformity.

I see the smiles of of my children. And I understand that they started something bad.

You can't fool your own mother. She cannot be fooled even on the first of April, even if you have an electric fooling chair with you.

My mother once told one thing that haunts me. She said: “Homer, you are a big disappointment.” She meant something, God rest her soul.

Unguarded breakfast is the sweetest taboo.

When it comes to compliments, women become irrepressible blood-sucking monsters and demand more and more and more. But if their desire is satisfied, the payment will be sweet.

If you get mad at me every time I do stupid things, I will have to stop doing stupid things!

Singing is the lowest form of communication.

And when will I finally understand that the answers to life's questions are not at the bottom of the bottle. They are on TV!

God bless atheists!

You can be great at something, but there are always a million people who are even better at it.

In sports , the main thing is not to win. The main thing is to get drunk!

You can't constantly blame yourself for something. Blame yourself once, and live peacefully on.

I think Mr. Smithers hired me for being motivated. All colleagues say that now they have to work twice as hard!

All my life I have dreamed of achieving all my goals.

Facts are absolutely meaningless. Having facts, you can prove any fiction!

God can't be everywhere, can he?

In France no one calls me "fat jerk". Here I am a foodie!

I get tired of dancing with sexual overtones.

Sometimes I am able to kill in a fit of anger or to prove my case. But I'm not some kind of maniac.

There are no donuts that taste bad.

Children are the same monkeys. Only more noise from them.

Just call your third offspring Child. Believe me, this will save you unnecessary confusion.

You can work several jobs at the same time and still be lazy.

I climbed the highest mountains, descended into the lowest valleys. Traveled to Africa and Japan. Even flew into space. But now, without hesitation, I would exchange it all for something sweet.

You can get a lot of things for free by mentioning it in an interview with a magazine. Cookies Chips Ahoy!

Smart Italians? Something is wrong here.

It was still not enough, , for some surgeon to tell me how to operate on myself!

Be generous in bed. Share a sandwich.

Sometimes I lie in bed and think that nothing will make me get up. And then I feel how it becomes wet under me, and I understand that I was mistaken.

Fool and money part quickly. I would pay a lot to someone who would explain this pattern to me.

Give a man a fish and he will be full all day. Teach a man how to fish and he will certainly get hooked on the eyelid or something like that.

Public transport - for jerks and lesbians.

Father never believed in me. I will not repeat his mistakes: from today I will be gentler with my son. And tougher with my father.

No matter how powerful and amazing is, I will not tolerate attacks even from the ocean!

Even if you borrow something from a neighbor for a while, it's still better to do it under the cover of darkness.

I won't lie: being a father is not easy. Not like a mother.

In my house we obey only the laws of thermodynamics.

It is always better to watch a process than to do something yourself.

To be loved, you have to be nice to everyone every day. To hate - you don’t have to strain at all.

Life is just a bunch of stuff going on.

Understand that there is a little Homer Simpson in every of us.

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1. Home
2. Foreign Old Literature
3. ⭐️ Gummer
4. 📚Iliad
5. Reviews for book

reviews and reviews of the book

zdalrovjezh

Evaluated the book

Well, okay. Probably, everyone should know the contents of the Iliad and the Odyssey, there, after all, the gods, Achilles ... all that. And, probably, everyone should read this book...

But personally, it seems to me that the Iliad definitely shouldn't be read. Probably, someone considers Homer a good chronicler and even seriously believes in it, but now I refuse to believe how he ran around the battlefield all twenty-four songs and learned the name, life drama, the material of the armor of each warrior (both Danaan and Trojan ) and most importantly, where everyone was wounded and killed: in the nipple, under the nipple, next to the nipple, between the nipples, in the pubic bone, in the bladder, next to the bladder, etc. He also wrote down in his chronicle notebook how beautiful the brains of the dead and wounded were splashed and how much they screamed, and how their relatives then cried for them.

Of course, only extras are killed, less often - not very main characters, the main characters are only non-lethally wounded, or gods save them from death, who, in turn, play such an interactive match..
During breaks, they have sex.
Don't be fooled by the ads, there's not even a Trojan horse here, it's in Odyssey!

Bottom line: just a 400 page battle with god tantrums and no plot development.

In the Odyssey, of course, not everything is so rotten, it's more fun there. There are already all sorts of monsters and cyclops, and you have to fight with them. That is, in the Iliad, the gods played a shooter, and in the Odyssey there are already more RPGs. The second half of the book is entirely devoted to how Odysseus disperses a gang of drunken thugs in his home. In the end, he won and he and his wife have sex.

All this with flashbacks: Achilles, as it turned out, died in the Trojan War, but, apparently, the ladies who read Homer's fairy tales really liked him (Brad Pitt, after all), so he decided to resurrect him in several flashbacks (Homer, unfortunately, is not Arthur Conan Doyle, he could not permanently resurrect the heroes).

That, in general, that's all. I highly recommend a summary.

January 2, 2018

LiveLib

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Melbourness

Rated the book

It is difficult to write a review of a great work - the authority of the author, the classic translators, and all the venerable reviewers for all the ages is crushing. Therefore, I will simply state my thoughts and impressions.

First, I want to talk about the text. The process of reading itself did not develop for me for a long time. I started reading in e-mail from my phone, the screen is small, the stanzas break and the perception is blurred. So it needs to be different. I switched to a laptop, the stanzas evened out, but it didn’t get any easier. The audiobook also went in one ear and out the other. Finally, I decided to read aloud. And then the text finally found color and volume. It was only by saying each word that I began to perceive the content. It took time to adjust to the rhythm, after all, ancient poems differ in structure from the usual modern ones. It was also necessary to keep in mind all the intricacies of the genealogies of a particular character, both poems are the quintessence of ancient Greek myths with a huge number of heroes.

The Iliad. I always thought that Homer wrote about all 10 years of the Trojan War, such a gap in education. It turned out that he was describing only the last few months, and not even the very end, but the most dramatic moments associated with Achilles. The greatest of heroes, the son of the goddess Thetis, Achilles seems to me a character of a romantic-mysterious character. To begin with, he just had no reason to get involved in the Trojan War. He did not marry Elena, and was not bound by the oath of the suitors. That is, he went to war at the behest of his soul, for exploits and glory. As events showed, without Achilles, the Greek team could not win so much, and he understood this well. An image of a hero emerges, who is "alone on an ice floe" and for justice. I cannot get over his tender friendship with Patroclus. I know that there is a lot of speculation on this topic, who slept with whom there. To be honest, it doesn’t matter to me, the very component of a strong feeling, love, affection is more important here. After all, it was the death of Patroclus that forced Achilles to enter the battlefield, kill Hector and drive the overly revived Trojans back behind the walls of the city. It is the anger of Achilles, who was deprived of a person dear to him, that serves as the axis around which the plot revolves.

And here I come to another important part of the tragedy. Homer perfectly showed the destructiveness of war, the senselessness of deaths on both sides, the same grief without dividing it into right and wrong. One of the strongest parts of the poem is the visit of old Priam to Achilles' tent. Not the king, but the father, came to ask to give him the body of not a hero, but a son. They weep together, each about their loss, realizing that their war is almost over, that there is no one to pass on life in peacetime. Both Trojans and Greeks mourn their fallen. Homer, as one of the first war correspondents, was at his best.

Despite the fact that the Iliad is about war and battles, there are a lot of female characters in it. Of course, all of them are secondary, after all, in ancient Greece, a woman was not quite a person. However, the author did not focus only on the battlefield. He constantly reminds the reader that all men who recklessly brandish swords have wives, beloved, favored or angry goddesses. Even immortal women descend from heaven to take part in the battles. It seems to me that by frequently referring to abandoned families, Homer wanted to say that war is not everything even for demigod heroes. You can't live just by fighting.

Another impression of the Iliad is that it is very fatalistic. On the one hand, people decide their own fate, on the other hand, at the most critical moments, everything is decided by the lot of the gods. And be you at least three times Achilles, if you are destined to die, then the arrow of Apollo is already flying in the heel. There is a very good oriental verse on this subject:

He who fears fate, be calm!
After all, everything is in the hands of the Great Seer.
Let words not be crossed out in the book of fates,
But what is not destined will not come true ...

Odyssey. As with the previous poem, I was deeply mistaken. This is not about all ten years of Odysseus' wanderings. It's not about his journey home at all. This is about a family. About what happens if a husband and father, the main protector of the family, disappears from his hometown for twenty years. The Odyssey is more domestic than the Iliad. Here the drama is more intimate, locked in the Odyssey palace. While he sat for ten years under the walls of Troy along with the rest of the Greeks, while he got to his native places for another ten years, he was declared dead and the suitors began to woo his wife Penelope and ruin his household.

First, I see The Odyssey as a coming-of-age story. The son of Odysseus, Telemachus, at the beginning of the poem sits and complains about the fate and suitors, whom he is unable to drive out of his house. Since there is often no step forward without a kick in the ass, the gods send him a messenger with a prophecy and advice on what to do. And then, inspired by hope, the young man begins to move actively, finds out news from distant countries, gathers the people and addresses them as the son of a king. For the first time, he feels like a master, a man in the house, able to fight back and shorten offenders.

Secondly, this is an ode to women's love and fidelity. Everyone knows the story of Penelope, who cheated on time by unraveling at night the fabric created in a day. But she could remarry, twenty years is quite a decent time for straw widowhood. There were many grooms - choose to taste. One catch - all these years Penelope loved Odysseus, the memory of him, the memory of their love. She wove herself a cocoon of thoughts and feelings about her husband, and did not want to get out of it.

And lastly, the poem sings of Odysseus himself, who directed all his cunning and strength to return home. He does not care about Poseidon and all the other gods en masse, he strives for his homeland. He wants his wife and son, his people, his goats and olives. Why does he need lotophages and nymphs? All the wonders of the world will not replace loved ones. Here Homer again returns to the theme of loss and the meaninglessness of existence without loved ones.

In summary, I will say that despite the complex ancient style and unusual rhythm, I really liked both works.

February 9, 2022

LiveLib

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Andrey_Rese

Rated the book

What do you think you read? The answer is obvious. This is possibly the earliest literary evidence for the existence of a "matrix". In this case, all events take place in the game. The author's gigantic talent vividly and authentically reflects the relationship between the characters inhabiting the game (people) and the players - users of the strategy (gods).

Most likely we are talking about games of the near future. Games in which, to enhance realism, the functionality of bots will be supplemented with an independent consciousness. Conditional Odysseus, a typical bot, will think, suffer, and do things. And some 13-year-old teenager under the nickname "Poseidon", logging into his account, will mock him, activating the "Hurricane" option for the money saved on the school breakfast.

Understanding Odyssey as a game described through the eyes of one of the bots explains a lot. For example, the relationship of the gods among themselves. Sudden disappearances of this or that god in the midst of events. Their non-omnipotence and non-omniscience. "Gods" can be deceived. Their actions occur in chronological order, i.e. the gods are within time. In addition, the author completely lacks the idea of ​​transcendence. "Gods" are in the same material reality with the heroes. There is no paradise. You can get to hell by ship, knowing the way. This is perhaps the only proof that you, dear reader, are not a bot after all. Unlike the bot-Homer, you understand that the Creator cannot be inside the reality he created. Therefore, Zeus and all kinds of Athens with Artemis, who are in the same temporal and physical reality, cannot be its creators. Asking yourself the obvious question - if Zeus is not the creator, then who is the Creator? You will understand that Zeus is not God.

Which side of this story are you and I on? When playing strategy, should we try to talk to bots? Or are we these bots and should we try to establish contact with the players?

Understand that behind the appearance of a beautiful gum of a goddess is hiding a thick sweaty gamer - what could be more humiliating . ..

January 8, 2019

Livelib

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HOOOOOK

Evaluated the book

What estimates, what reviews? The Iliad and the Odyssey must be approached as a monument, and here one can only evaluate one's own delight - and for me it is a little lower than I would like. A slight sadness from the fact that I was reading a translation interfered, and in the case of Homer this is not at all the same. Probably, I read the translation of the translation of the translation - for some reason this thought haunted me. Too lively work was created by Homer (or someone else), all the way she regretted that I did not have a time machine to go back three millennia, learn the dialect and listen to it in the original. Eh, I dreamed.
As for the poems, I liked the Odyssey more, Odysseus-Ulysses is one of my favorite childhood heroes, and Athena has always been my favorite goddess.

July 5, 2016

LiveLib

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BooKeyman

Rated the book

A work written long before the birth of Christ and with a translation of the 19th century, and even so complex that contemporaries' ears turned up - a recommendation that even reduces the cheekbones. It would be easier, of course, to take Kuhn, or a collection like "Homer in Twenty Minutes", and after a short puff pass for a connoisseur of antiquity, But ...
However... if you have ever listened to a beautiful and complex piece of music, you will be able to understand when the music begins to be understood and falls on the ear; this feeling gives ecstasy, joy, and the involuntary listener begins to listen to this rhythm and happily wait for the continuation. Perhaps all this can be said about the work of Homer translated by Gnedich. Although, reading Homer in different translations, you understand more that this is not a translation in the usual sense - it is its own interpretation, its own interpretation of a great work.
Reading Homer, one is most surprised by the epic, fascinating action, when a brilliant description of battles, bloody and cruel, is born behind the impartial descriptions of the author; when strong warriors pierce armor with their mighty blows and crush the enemy.
Description of wet scenes at a height, especially in the Iliad. Homer meticulously describes procedures for forced lobotomy with copper-toothed spears; the gods often control the course of the battle, arranging a massive exterminatus. However, according to the author's intention, the god mode does not save the celestials from external damage
Most amusing are the epic dialogues of the participants in the events, who manage to deliver long and pathetic speeches between battles, right in the midst of the battle.
And, of course, the battle scene itself - at least I have not seen a panorama more epic and more voluminous than the description of the Trojan War.
"Iliad" is also the first attempt to outline the composition of cherchet la femme. Taking into account the realities of the Homeric period, it is somewhat devoid of courtly romance, and boils down to the formula they took the thing - let's return it.
The "Odyssey" in Zhukovsky's translation is no less interesting, but its presentation is more lightweight and simple
Reading the works separately is still not recommended - the Iliad ends just on the theme of the burial of Hector, and does not fully reveal the theme of the Trojan War. Only in the "Odyssey" does there appear small references to the notorious Trojan horse and the final pogrom of the impregnable city of Priam; for a more detailed description, one should refer to the "Aeneid", but already Virgil.
Brilliant works. A magnificent, complex translation, to which Gnedich devoted his whole life, and which was translated by one of the best poets in Russia. This is truly a matter of life.
you can talk long and hard about this work, each line of which is the breath of time, where every step had meaning and existential significance, and the unknown world on the edge of the Oikumene gave rise to amazing associations and endless visions that for centuries formed the lines of works. It is a pity that the "Return" is another epic about the heroes of Troy, lost forever.
Read before you die. And read, in order to live