Calming techniques for toddlers

75 Easy and Fun Calm Down Strategies for kids (that they'll love!)

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Inside: These science-backed calm down strategies for kids are easy, engaging and will help your child develop strong emotional regulation skills.

When it comes to children’s emotional development you’re going to be hard-pressed to find another skill as important (and as predictive of future success) as emotional regulation.

Due to your child’s immature nervous system and still under major construction, developing frontal cortex, it makes sense that they often lack the skills that help them to successfully manage their emotions and feelings (and if you’re being honest, I bet you’d say you’re still working on this particular ability too- even as an adult!).

One of the most helpful things you can do as a parent (and when it comes to how to raise an emotionally intelligent child) is to support your child in exploring different calm down strategies for kids that help foster your child’s emotional regulation.

You may have mistakingly assumed that these skills would appear naturally on their own, but it’s only through a lot of trial and error, repetition and teaching, that your child will develop strong Emotional regulation skills and the ability to consistently seek out healthy coping and calm down strategies when experiencing intense emotions.

(**This post contains affiliate links which allow me to make a small commission of your purchase to support our mission of raising emotionally healthy kids- thank you!)

What makes this list of calm down strategies for kids different?

You might be wondering what makes these calm down strategies for kids different than other’s you’ve tried. These strategies are proven effective and are research-backed because they:

1) are grounded in the neuroscience of emotional regulation, or how your child’s brain functions when processing stress and intense emotion

2) include activities that utilize co-regulation, or a child’s need to have close connected support from a caregiver in order to return to a physiologically regulated state

3) focus on physical movements that provide calming and organizing sensory input to the brain and nervous system

Check out or PIN for later: Anger management for kids: A child therapist’s no Fail Secrets to Calm

75 Calm Down Strategies for Kids that they’ll love!

1. Breathe.

We have to start with this one because it’s powerful. Breathing exercises for kids are the quickest and most efficient way to disengage your child’s limb system and decrease stress bodies stress response. 

2. Cuddle with a warm compress (my kids love these cute animal ones)

3. Play/cuddle with a pet.

4. Write a letter.

Write a letter to someone you’d like to share your feelings with, or about a challenging topic or situation.

5. Breathe in a favorite scent.

Essential oils work amazingly for this! The brain’s olfactory center overlaps with areas that control emotions, so scent has a major impact on our emotions. Here are some safe, kid-friendly options we love!

6. Count your heartbeats.

7. Get wrapped up tight in a blanket like a burrito.

8. Tell a grown-up what you need.

9. Draw/color what your feelings would look like.

10.

The reason ‘squeeze balls’, putty, squishes work is they send the brain calming proprioceptive sensory input (from compressing the joints). Try it yourself and you’ll feel what I mean!

11. Do animal walks (bear, crab, frog jumps etc)

12. ‘Yell your anger’ into a pillow/blanket/sleeve.

13. Watch an animal.

Animal watching is a great way to teach mindfulness with kids 

14. Make a fort to hide in.

15. Cuddle up with a cozy blanket.

16. Do a handstand.

Inversion (or handing upside down) is a proven technique that quickly affects the autonomic nervous system, slowing down the body’s stress response.

17. Try a short guided meditation for kids (learn more about other

18. Play with water.

19. Listen to music.

20. Jump.

21. Visualize a ‘happy place’.

22. Stretch.

23. Do a downward-facing dog yoga pose (you can find more in this

24. 5-4-3-2-1 Challenge.

Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This helps pull us into our bodies senses (which has a grounding effect), and out of our overly-activated ’emotion center’ of the brain.

25. Go outdoors.

26. Give yourself a hand massage.

27. Slow down your breathing with an

28. Squeeze a stuffed animal.

29. Identify your emotions (grab the flashcards in my ‘Calm Kids Set’)

30. Get in touch with nature.

Just holding something from nature or watching nature on TV has been found to produce calming effects on the brain!

31. Do wall push-ups.

32. Do a

33. Ask for a hug.

34. Drink a glass of water

35.

This is one of the quickest, easiest and most convenient ways to give the brain calming sensory input.

36. Put on noise-canceling headphones for quiet.

37. Turn off the lights.

Related read>>>  The 50 Most EPIC  Anger Management Tools for Kids

38. Run/walk around the outside of the house a few times.

39. Get a back scratch.

40. Take a warm bath.

41. Read a book about emotions.

42.

43. Rock back and forth.

44. Do a ‘brain dump’ in a journal.

Related Read >>> 10 Anxiety Symptoms in Children that Most Parents Miss

45. Rip up or crumple a piece of paper.

46. Name 5 favorite things.

Focusing on gratitude will help soothe and de-activate the emotion center of the brain.

47. Chew gum or a chewy.

48. Rock yourself like a baby.

49. Cover up with a weighted blanket.

50. Color or read on your stomach.

This is referred to as ‘prone position’ and will help regulate your nervous system.

51. Go to the park.

It’s an amazing way to improve a child’s behavior and mood!

52. Watch a

53. Find a cozy space to crawl into.

54. Do 15 squats.

55. Squeeze your fists as tight as you can.

56. Count backward from 50.

57. Remind yourself it’s ok to be angry/upset/hurt etc.

58. No, seriously. Go outside!

(Here’s 40 Benefits of Outdoor Nature play for Kids)

59. Go for a bike ride.

60. Try a

61. Make a pillow trail and crawl over it.

62.

63. Close your eyes and tune out the world.

64.

65. Sit with your feelings for a few minutes and allow yourself to experience them.

66. Call a friend.

67. Pray

68. Eat a crunchy snack.

69. Knit/crochet or create something with your hands.

70. Repeat

71. Look at a magazine.

72. Use these

73. Recite the alphabet backward.

Focusing on a specific cognitive task helps de-activate your brain’s ’emotion center (amygdala) and activate the ‘thinking center’ (frontal lobes).

74. Climb.

75. Remind yourself emotions are like waves, they come and they go.

Read or PIN: The Best Thing you can do to Help an Angry Child

Important points to remember about these calm down strategies for kids

When it comes to emotional development in children there’s no ‘one size fits all’ option.

Every child will differ with what their nervous system needs to down-regulate or slow down in order to regain emotional control. Their preferences will also change with different stages of development, seasons or ages.

A large part of raising an emotionally intelligent child is helping them to understand how to take care of their brain and body when experiencing emotional intensity and this list of calm down techniques for kids will get you off to a running start!

Grab your free printable list of calming strategies!

This post comes with a free printable list of calming strategies! (It’s hard to remember 75 things (even before having kids!) so let’s make things easy)

Here’s a peek at it…

1. Download the calming strategies list. You’ll get the printable, plus join 10,000+ parents who receive my weekly insights, tips, and strategies on how to raise emotionally healthy kids who will change the world, every week!
2. Print.
3. Place it on your refrigerator or in a centralized area (and experiment with what your child responds best to).

Click HERE to get your printable list and join!

Related articles you’d enjoy:

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About Angela Pruess LMFT

Welcome! I’m Angela, a Licensed Children’s Mental Health Professional, Positive Parenting coach, and mom to Spirited Kids that help me learn and grow (grey hairs) every single day. I believe EVERY child deserves to live their BEST life and that emotional health is the magic key to lifelong success and happiness. Read more about me and the Parents with Confidence manifesto.

How to Help Children Calm Down

Many children have difficulty regulating their emotions. Tantrums, outbursts, whining, defiance, fighting:  these are all behaviors you see when kids experience powerful feelings they can’t control. While some kids have learned to act out because it gets them what they want — attention or time on the iPad — other kids have trouble staying calm because they are unusually sensitive.

The good news is that learning to calm down instead of acting out is a skill that can be taught.

What is dysregulation?

“Some children’s reactions are just bigger than their peers or their siblings or their cousins,” explains Lindsey Giller, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “Not only do they feel things more intensely and quickly, they’re often slower to return to being calm.” Unusually intense feelings can also make a child more prone to impulsive behaviors.

When kids are overwhelmed by feelings, adds Dr. Giller, the emotional side of the brain isn’t communicating with the rational side, which normally regulates emotions and plans the best way to deal with a situation. Experts call it being “dysregulated.” It’s not effective to try to reason with a child who’s dysregulated. To discuss what happened, you need to wait until a child’s rational faculties are back “online.”

Rethinking emotions

Parents can start by helping children understand how their emotions work. Kids don’t go from calm to sobbing on the floor in an instant. That emotion built over time, like a wave. Kids can learn control by noticing and labeling their feelings earlier, before the wave gets too big to handle.

Some kids are hesitant to acknowledge negative emotions. “A lot of kids are growing up thinking anxiety, anger, sadness are bad emotions,” says Stephanie Samar, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. But naming and accepting these emotions is “a foundation to problem-solving how to manage them.”

Parents may also minimize negative feelings, notes Dr. Samar, because they want their kids to be happy.  But children need to learn that we all have a range of feelings. “You don’t want to create a dynamic that only happy is good,” she says.

Model managing difficult feelings

“For younger children, describing your own feelings and modeling how you manage them is useful,” notes Dr. Samar. “They hear you strategizing about your own feelings, when you’re nervous or frustrated, and how you’re going to handle it, and they can use these words.”

For kids who feel like big emotions sneak up on them, you can help them practice recognizing their emotions, and model doing that yourself. Try ranking the intensity of your emotions from 1-10, with 1 being pretty calm and 10 being furious. If you forget something that you meant to bring to Grandma’s, you could acknowledge that you are feeling frustrated and say that you’re at a 4. It might feel a little silly at first, but it teaches kids to pause and notice what they are feeling.

If you see them starting to get upset about something, ask them what they are feeling, and how upset they are. Are they at a 6? For some younger kids, a visual aid like a feelings thermometer might help.

Validate your child’s feelings

Validation is a powerful tool for helping kids calm down by communicating that you understand and accept what they’re feeling. “Validation is showing acceptance, which is not the same thing as agreement,” Dr. Giller explains. “It’s nonjudgmental. And it’s not trying to change or fix anything.” Feeling understood, she explains, helps kids let go of powerful feelings.

Effective validation means paying undivided attention to your child. “You want to be fully attuned so you can notice her body language and facial expressions and really try to understand her perspective,” says Dr. Samar. “It can help to reflect back and ask, ‘Am I getting it right?’ Or if you’re truly not getting it, it’s okay to say, ‘I’m trying to understand.’ ”

Helping kids by showing them that you’re listening and trying to understand their experience can help avoid explosive behavior when a child is building towards a tantrum.

Active ignoring

Validating feelings doesn’t mean giving attention to bad behavior. Ignoring behaviors like whining, arguing, inappropriate language or outbursts is a way to reduce the chances of these behaviors being repeated. It’s called “active” because it’s withdrawing attention conspicuously.

“You’re turning your face, and sometimes body, away or leaving the room when your child is engaging in minor misbehaviors in order to withdraw your attention,” Dr. Giller explains. “But the key to its effectiveness is, as soon as your child is doing something you can praise, to turn your attention back on.”

Positive attention

The most powerful tool parents have in influencing behavior is attention. As Dr. Giller puts it, “It’s like candy for your kids.” Positive attention will increase the behaviors you are focusing on.

When you’re shaping a new behavior, you want to praise it and give a lot of attention to it. “So really, really focus in on it,” adds Dr. Giller. “Be sincere, enthusiastic and genuine. And you want it to be very specific, to make sure your child understands what you are praising. ”

When helping your child deal with an emotion, notice the efforts to calm down, however small.  For example, if your child is in the midst of a tantrum and you see him take a deep inhale of air, you can say, “I like that you took a deep breath” and join him in taking additional deep breathes.

Clear expectations

Another key way to help prevent kids from getting dysregulated is to make your expectations clear and follow consistent routines. “It’s important to keep those expectations very clear and short,” notes Dr. Samar, and convey rules and expected behaviors when everyone is calm. Dependable structure helps kids feel in control.

When change is unavoidable, it’s good to give advance warning. Transitions are particularly tough for kids who have trouble with big emotions, especially when it means stopping an activity they’re very engaged in. Providing a warning before a transition happens can help kids feel more prepared. “In 15 minutes, we’re going to sit down at the table for dinner, so you’re going to need to shut off your PS4 at that time,” Dr. Giller suggests. It may still be hard for them to comply, but knowing it’s coming helps kids feel more in control and stay calmer,” she explains.

Give options

When kids are asked to do things they’re not likely to feel enthusiastic about, giving them options may reduce outbursts and increase compliance. For instance: “You can either come with me to food shopping or you can go with Dad to pick up your sister.”  Or: “You can get ready for bed now and we can read a story together — or you can get ready for bed in 10 minutes and no story.”

“Giving two options reduces the negotiating that can lead to tension,” Dr. Samar suggests.

Coping ahead

Coping ahead is planning in advance for something that you predict may be an emotionally challenging situation for your child, or for both of you. It means talking, when you are both calm, about what’s coming, being direct about what negative emotions can arise, and strategizing how you will get through it.

If a child was upset last time she was at Grandma’s house because she wasn’t allowed to do something she gets to do at home, coping ahead for the next visit would be acknowledging that you saw that she was frustrated and angry, and discussing how she can handle those feelings. Together you might come up with something she is allowed to do at Grandma’s that she can have fun doing.

Talking about stressful situations in advance helps avoid meltdowns. “If you set up a plan in advance, it increases the likelihood that you’ll end up in a positive situation,” Dr. Samar notes.

Problem solving

If a child has a tantrum, parents are often hesitant to bring it up later, Dr. Samar notes. “It’s natural to want to put that behind us. But it’s good to revisit briefly, in a non-judgmental way.”

Revisiting an earlier event — say a meltdown at the toy store — engages the child in thinking about what happened, and to strategize about what could have been done differently. If you can come up with one or two things that might have led to a different outcome, your child might remember them next time he’s starting to feel overwhelmed.

Five special minutes a day

Even a small amount of time set aside reliably, every day, for mom or dad to do something chosen by a child can help that child manage stress at other points in the day. It’s a time for positive connection, without parental commands, ignoring any minor misbehavior, just attending to your child and letting her be in charge.

It can help a child who’s having a tough time in school, for instance, to know she can look forward to that special time. “This five minutes of parental attention should not be contingent on good behavior,” says Dr. Samar. “It’s a time, no matter what happened that day, to reinforce that ‘I love you no matter what.’ ”

Video Resources for Kids

Teach your kids mental health skills with video resources from The California Healthy Minds, Thriving Kids Project.

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How to calm a child quickly - Lifehacker

October 9, 2019LikbezAdvice

Lifehacker has collected only working methods for different ages.

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How to soothe a newborn

1. Pick up, hold to your chest

A universal method that works for children of all ages and even adults. Hugs soothe, give a sense of security, convince you that you are not alone in this harsh and terrible world. They also increase the production of the hormone oxytocin (not for nothing it is sometimes called the “cuddle hormone”), which increases the level of satisfaction with life and reduces pain.

In general, take the baby in your arms, remembering to support the head at the back of the head with the palm of your hand, and press it to you. The crying, if it doesn't stop immediately, will surely become quieter. And there, before the child calms down, not far.

2. Swaddle or, conversely, unswrap

Newborns still have strong physical memories of the time when they were in their mother's stomach. Therefore, perhaps the child needs to feel that he is in a safe, restrictive cocoon. Swaddle him.

Another option (if crying has already begun in diapers) is to free the baby's arms and legs from the fabric. Maybe he's wrapped too tight and feels uncomfortable.

3. Give a breast, bottle or pacifier

Even if the baby is not hungry, suckling will help him calm down.

4. Rock your baby to white noise

Ideal if you have a white noise generator. Then just turn it on and rock your baby to these soothing sounds.

However, if there is no special device at hand, it does not matter. Use the old grandmother's method. Take the child in your arms, rock him rhythmically and quietly hiss over his ear in a monotone: "Sh-sh-sh-sh."

5. Use Dr. Hamilton's 5-Second Technique

The video that California pediatrician Robert Hamilton posted on YouTube has already garnered over 36 million views. And no wonder - it contains an almost magical way to instantly soothe a crying baby.

“My parents have asked me a million times to share this recipe,” the pediatrician himself explained the appearance of the video. Robert Hamilton has been a pediatrician in Santa Monica, California for 30 years, and the method he describes is the culmination of years of experience.

Hamilton calls the proposed technique "holding." It consists of only four steps, the implementation of which can be put in literally 5 seconds.

• Take the baby in your arms and cross his arms over your chest.
• Press the crossed arms with your left palm against his chest and lay the child on the same palm - at an angle of 45 degrees to the floor. Hold the chin with the fingers of the same left hand so that the head does not fall.
• Support the newborn under the diaper with your right hand.
• While holding the child at a 45 degree angle, gently rock him. It can be up and down or side to side. Choose the most comfortable option for you. The main thing is that the movements are soft and smooth. Literally after a couple of seconds, the baby will be silent.

Watch Dr. Hamilton's video for details:

Pediatrician warns: This technique is suitable for babies under 3 months of age. Later, they become too heavy to hold safely in this position.

And one more note. If the child does not calm down, then there are serious reasons for crying. Perhaps the baby is hungry, he is hot, or maybe he just has a wet diaper. Help a newborn get rid of physical discomfort, and he will give you a long-awaited smile and silence.

How to calm a child from 4 months to a year

By this time the baby is strong and begins to realize himself, so simple physical methods are no longer so effective. To calm the child, you have to connect the fantasy. But let's start with the classics.

1. Pick up

Again, this option is suitable for all ages. Use it as often as possible. While hugging the child to you, whisper something soothing to him in a gentle soft voice.

2. Shift your attention

Pick up the child and walk to the window with an enthusiastic voice saying something like “Wow, look at that big dump truck!” or “Look what a cute fluffy cat in the yard!”. Turn on the cartoon TV. Put on your favorite children's songs and start dancing with your baby in your arms.

Your goal is to shift the baby's attention from the situation that disturbed him and caused him to cry, to something new and interesting.

3. Replace emotional activity with physical activity

Take the child under the arms and let him jump on the bed. Or do some gymnastics. Or throw in the air (low). The need to concentrate in order to coordinate muscle activity will cause the infant to stop crying.

Attention! This method is not suitable if there is even the slightest suspicion that the crying is caused by a fall or pain.

4. Turn crying into something funny

For example, tickle a child. Or take his toy and set up a little puppet show. Speak for her in a funny theatrical voice: “Oh, who is crying here? Hush, hush, I'm afraid! - and hide it behind your back. The goal is to make the baby smile. Children's crying, if you try, easily enough turns into laughter.

How to calm a child from one to 3-4 years old

At this age, most children already understand adults well, know how and like to communicate. This is the basis of the most effective methods of calming.

1. Pick up and sympathize

Hold a crying child close to you, say something like “You are crying. You must be upset about something. Tell me what happened, how can I help you? He will most likely tell you what is bothering him. This will help solve the problem of crying.

2. Be mindful

Ask your baby to cry more quietly (for example, so as not to wake up a resting mother) or in a lower voice, “like a bear”. If he obeys, you win. Crying will turn into conscious vocal exercises, from which the child will quickly get tired.

3. Remind me of an important task worth putting off crying for.

It might look like this: “Come on, you will cry later, otherwise it will soon become dark and if you cry for a long time, we will not have time to take a walk.” Thus, you do not deprive the child of the right to tears. Just ask to be rescheduled for a more convenient time.

4. Find a way to vent the child's bursting emotions

Offer him, for example, a pillow: "Let's not cry, we will beat her!" And together with the child, start knocking on a soft thing with your fists. You can also give an inflatable hammer or offer to throw plastic balls at the wall. Any kind of activity that will help get rid of negativity will do.

5. Create a funny ritual

For example, as soon as a child starts crying, run for a hair dryer to dry the tears immediately. “So, where is our hair dryer, where did I lose it? Oh, let's blow on the cat? This will help to switch children's attention and, perhaps, even make the child laugh.

6. Come up with “bad mood pills”

These can be bear-shaped jelly gummies, chocolate dragees, any other small sweetness. "Who's crying here? We urgently call an ambulance, she brings us pills from a bad mood! Eat and your tears will dry!” The basic rules for this: there must be one “pill”, and if the child refuses it, this time it will no longer be offered.

How to calm a child 3-4 years old and older

By this age, children are already full-fledged individuals. And the reasons for their tears are much more diverse than those of babies. Each of them must be worked on individually. Fortunately, the child can already clearly voice what exactly made him cry, and this makes the task easier.

Only one thing remains unchanged: to pick up, hug, kiss, say how much you love the child and how much you sympathize with him. Empathy and support help people pull themselves together at any age - from 4 years old, and at 15, and at 45.

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• What to do if your child's ear hurts
• TEST: Can you trust a child?
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• What to do if the child has a temperature of

How to reassure a crying child - there are no analogies

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