Do it for your mama
Adam Sandler - Do It For Your Mama
[J.N.:] "I can make a bigger splash than you!"
[Jimmy:] "Oh yeah, give it a shot."
[While jumping up and down on diving board]
[J.N.:] "Can opener!"
[Big splash]
[Jimmy:] "Man, that one was huge."
[J.N.:] "You go."
[While running towards pool]
[Jimmy:] "Ahhhh, jacknife!"
[Jumps in and small splash]
[Tracy:] "That was a dud, Jimmy."
[Jimmy:] "Shutup, Tracy."
[Tracy:] "You shutup."
[Door opens, walks over]
[Momma:] "Lunch time kids."
[Kids yelling happily]
[Momma:] "I made some jelly sandwiches and sliced up some cantelope.
I figured you could eat a little food and and then maybe play with yer cock and balls fer a while."
[J.N.:] "I'm just gonna eat, mom."
[Momma:] "All right. And then maybe a little later, you can play with yer cock and balls fer momma."
[J.N.:] "I don't think so."
[Momma:] "Ok. Slow down Jimmy, yer already halfway done with yer sandwhich.
You're gonna get a belly ache."
[Jimmy:] "No I'm not. I'm hungry."
[Momma:] "I know, but you shouldn't so fast.
You're rushing honey, you're gonna choke. Put down your sandwhich and beat off your cock and balls for a little bit. Pace yourself."
[Jimmy:] "Oh god."
[Momma:] "Tracy, do you want some fruit or a sandwhich?"
[Tracy:] "No mom, I'm trying to lose weight. Guy said I'm getting fat."
[Momma:] "What? You look beautiful honey. He's crazy."
[Tracy:] "Guy said last summer I looked better in a bathing suit, so I'm gonna try to lose like three or four pounds."
[Momma:] "Awww, sweetheart.
You've got so much to learn.
Guy doesn't want you to lose weight, baby.
It's just his way of telling you he wants you to smack around his cock and balls some more, honey.
He's got some balls and some cock. You gotta stroke his schlong or at least bite his nuts."
[Tracy:] "Mom!"
[Momma:] "You're scared, aren't ya honey.
You want momma to help you?
Momma will stroke Guy's penis for him.
No one has to know. I'll sneak in when it's dark."
[Tracy:] "No! Mom, please!"
[Momma:] "You don't know how to tug on the cock and balls?
You need momma to show you?
Get me a carrot, sweetheart.
Where are you going!?"
[J.N.:] "Mom, where's the suntan lotion?"
[Momma:] "It's under the chair baby.
You gonna lube up yer cock and balls and wack it for a little bit?"
[J.N.:] "Uhh, no. I'm just going to put some on my face so I don't get sunburnt."
[Momma:] "Smart thinking honey.
And while yer at it you can put some on your brother's ding dong and knock around his nuts for him."
[Jimmy:] "Mom!"
[Momma:] "What Jimmy. Why don't you let your brother wack your cock and nuts for a little bit.
You're not playing with them right now so why not let him. Share, baby!"
[Jimmy:] "You're weird mom! I'm going swimming!"
[Momma:] "Oh, you shouldn't swim for a half an hour. I read that."
[Jimmy:] "Why?"
[Momma:] "Because you just ate, honey.
And you'll get cramps.
Why don't you just lay on the side of the pool and jiggle your balls for momma."
[Jimmy:] "It's ok. I'll stay in the shallow end."
[Momma:] "Ok, baby. But don't hurt yourself with that big juicy hog of yours."
[Jimmy:] "Hey, J.N. Throw me that frisby."
[J.N.:] "Here! Whoops!"
[Sails over and falls to the ground]
[Jimmy:] "Nice throw. Right over the fence and into the Chasen's yard."
[Momma:] "Don't get all huffy puffy. I'll get it.
Momma will make everything all right.
J.N. you watch Jimmy and make sure he's safe in that water."
[J.N.:] "Ok, ma."
[Momma:] "And if you want you can beat your cock and balls. Hi Mr. Chasen!"
[Mr. Chasen: "Oh, hi Emily. How are you?"
[Momma:] "Oh, the boys threw the frisbee over the fence again.
And there it is under the bush."
[Mr. Chasen:] "I'll get it for you."
[Momma:] "Sorry. Thank you.
And while your under that bush, why don't you jack around your cock and balls for yourself.
You can stare at my jugs and play with that healthy wang of yours."
[Mr. Chasen:] "No, I'll just.. I'll just get your frisbee."
[Momma:] "All right baby."
[Mr. Chasen:] "Here you go."
[Momma:] "Thank you. Thanks. Thank Mr. Chasen, boys!"
[Boys:] "Thanks Mr. Chasen!"
[Mr. Chasen:] "You're welcome fellas."
[Momma:] "Have a good day.
Oh, and..and tell your son Tommy,
if he wants to come over later and play with his cock and balls with the kids he's always welcome.
I don't know what happened with him and the boys,
but they don't seem to be friendly anymore."
[Mr. Chasen:] "I'll do that Emily."
[Momma:] "All right. He's got a big one. You know that."
[Momma:] "Tracy! You're boyfriend Guy's car just pulled up."
[Tracy:] "Ok mom. Please don't embarass me!"
[Momma:] "Everything embarasses you at this age, but I'll do my best.
Don't worry."
[Guy:] "Is it ok to come in?"
[Tracy:] "Come on back here guy!"
[Momma:] "Oh!"
[Tracy:] "Thanks for coming over!"
[Momma:] "Nice to see you Guy.
"
[Guy:] "Hi Mrs. Tucker."
[Momma:] "Why don't you go for a swim with the others?"
[Guy:] "I didn't bring a bathing suit with me."
[Momma:] "Oh no! You don't need a bathing suit.
Just pull off your clothes and let your cock and balls feel the nice warm water."
[Guy:] "Uhhh, that's ok, Mrs. Tucker."
[Momma:] "Come on! Pull out your cock and balls.
The water's heated. You'll love it."
[Tracy:] "Mom! Stop it! Now!"
[Momma:] "What are you talking about, honey!?
This way his balls are out, you can stroke his ding dong in front of all of us.
Come on, pull out that hog of yours.
I wanna see it anyways.
I wanna know what my daughter's been stroking."
[Tracy:] "Mom! Stop it!"
[Momma:] "In fact, everybody, pull out your cock and balls and rub it for momma.
Play with yourself. It'll be good. Everyone. Wack away!"
[J.N.:] "You're sick mom! I'm leaving."
[Jimmy:] "I'm going to Billy's house. I can't take this anymore.
"
[Walking away]
[Guy:] "Come on, let's go."
[Tracy:] "You've humiliated me and Guy. We are so outta here."
[Momma:] "What did I do? What is the matter with you all?
Come back here!
You're ruining the day!
It's so beautiful out.
This is too much of a..."
[Picks up phone and starts dialing while car drives off]
"I can't take these kids anymore..."
[Phone rings and gets picked up]
[Grandma:] "Hello?"
[Momma:] "Momma, it's me, I'm very upset,"
[Grandma:] "Oh, what's the matter, baby?"
[Momma:] "The kids are yelling at me and they left me here all alone."
[Grandma:] "Did you tell them the kids to play with their cock and balls?"
[Momma:] "I told them to play with their cock and balls."
[Grandma:] "And what did they say?"
[Momma:] "They don't wanna play with them anymore."
[Grandma:] "Why don't they wanna play with them anymore?"
[Momma:] "I don't understand. They've got cock and balls. They should play with them.
"
[Grandma:] "Poppy always loves when I play with his cock and balls."
[Momma:] "You smack around daddy's cock still, why shouldn't they beat theirs?"
[Grandma:] "Tell them to come over to grandma's house. I'll play with their cock and balls."
[Momma:] "Oh momma."
Do It For Your Mama Lyrics by Adam Sandler
[J.N.:] "I can make a bigger splash than you!"
[Jimmy:] "Oh yeah, give it a shot."
[While jumping up and down on diving board]
[J.N.:] "Can opener!"
[Big splash]
[Jimmy:] "Man, that one was huge."
[J.N.:] "You go."
[While running towards pool]
[Jimmy:] "Ahhhh, jacknife!"
[Jumps in and small splash]
[Tracy:] "That was a dud, Jimmy."
[Jimmy:] "Shutup, Tracy."
[Tracy:] "You shutup."
[Door opens, walks over]
[Momma:] "Lunch time kids."
[Kids yelling happily]
[Momma:] "I made some jelly sandwiches and sliced up some cantelope.
I figured you could eat a little food and and then maybe play with yer cock and balls fer a while."
[J.N.:] "I'm just gonna eat, mom."
[Momma:] "All right. And then maybe a little later, you can play with yer cock and balls fer momma."
[J.N.:] "I don't think so."
[Momma:] "Ok. Slow down Jimmy, yer already halfway done with yer sandwhich.
You're gonna get a belly ache."
[Jimmy:] "No I'm not. I'm hungry."
[Momma:] "I know, but you shouldn't so fast.
You're rushing honey, you're gonna choke. Put down your sandwhich and beat off your cock and balls for a little bit. Pace yourself."
[Jimmy:] "Oh god."
[Momma:] "Tracy, do you want some fruit or a sandwhich?"
[Tracy:] "No mom, I'm trying to lose weight. Guy said I'm getting fat."
[Momma:] "What? You look beautiful honey. He's crazy."
[Tracy:] "Guy said last summer I looked better in a bathing suit, so I'm gonna try to lose like three or four pounds.
"
[Momma:] "Awww, sweetheart.
You've got so much to learn.
Guy doesn't want you to lose weight, baby.
It's just his way of telling you he wants you to smack around his cock and balls some more, honey.
He's got some balls and some cock. You gotta stroke his schlong or at least bite his nuts."
[Tracy:] "Mom!"
[Momma:] "You're scared, aren't ya honey.
You want momma to help you?
Momma will stroke Guy's penis for him.
No one has to know. I'll sneak in when it's dark."
[Tracy:] "No! Mom, please!"
[Momma:] "You don't know how to tug on the cock and balls?
You need momma to show you?
Get me a carrot, sweetheart.
Where are you going!?"
[J.N.:] "Mom, where's the suntan lotion?"
[Momma:] "It's under the chair baby.
You gonna lube up yer cock and balls and wack it for a little bit?"
[J.N.:] "Uhh, no. I'm just going to put some on my face so I don't get sunburnt.
"
[Momma:] "Smart thinking honey.
And while yer at it you can put some on your brother's ding dong and knock around his nuts for him."
[Jimmy:] "Mom!"
[Momma:] "What Jimmy. Why don't you let your brother wack your cock and nuts for a little bit.
You're not playing with them right now so why not let him. Share, baby!"
[Jimmy:] "You're weird mom! I'm going swimming!"
[Momma:] "Oh, you shouldn't swim for a half an hour. I read that."
[Jimmy:] "Why?"
[Momma:] "Because you just ate, honey.
And you'll get cramps.
Why don't you just lay on the side of the pool and jiggle your balls for momma."
[Jimmy:] "It's ok. I'll stay in the shallow end."
[Momma:] "Ok, baby. But don't hurt yourself with that big juicy hog of yours."
[Jimmy:] "Hey, J.N. Throw me that frisby."
[J.N.:] "Here! Whoops!"
[Sails over and falls to the ground]
[Jimmy:] "Nice throw.
Right over the fence and into the Chasen's yard."
[Momma:] "Don't get all huffy puffy. I'll get it.
Momma will make everything all right.
J.N. you watch Jimmy and make sure he's safe in that water."
[J.N.:] "Ok, ma."
[Momma:] "And if you want you can beat your cock and balls. Hi Mr. Chasen!"
[Mr. Chasen: "Oh, hi Emily. How are you?"
[Momma:] "Oh, the boys threw the frisbee over the fence again.
And there it is under the bush."
[Mr. Chasen:] "I'll get it for you."
[Momma:] "Sorry. Thank you.
And while your under that bush, why don't you jack around your cock and balls for yourself.
You can stare at my jugs and play with that healthy wang of yours."
[Mr. Chasen:] "No, I'll just.. I'll just get your frisbee."
[Momma:] "All right baby."
[Mr. Chasen:] "Here you go."
[Momma:] "Thank you. Thanks. Thank Mr. Chasen, boys!"
[Boys:] "Thanks Mr. Chasen!"
[Mr.
Chasen:] "You're welcome fellas."
[Momma:] "Have a good day.
Oh, and..and tell your son Tommy,
if he wants to come over later and play with his cock and balls with the kids he's always welcome.
I don't know what happened with him and the boys,
but they don't seem to be friendly anymore."
[Mr. Chasen:] "I'll do that Emily."
[Momma:] "All right. He's got a big one. You know that."
[Momma:] "Tracy! You're boyfriend Guy's car just pulled up."
[Tracy:] "Ok mom. Please don't embarass me!"
[Momma:] "Everything embarasses you at this age, but I'll do my best.
Don't worry."
[Guy:] "Is it ok to come in?"
[Tracy:] "Come on back here guy!"
[Momma:] "Oh!"
[Tracy:] "Thanks for coming over!"
[Momma:] "Nice to see you Guy."
[Guy:] "Hi Mrs. Tucker."
[Momma:] "Why don't you go for a swim with the others?"
[Guy:] "I didn't bring a bathing suit with me.
"
[Momma:] "Oh no! You don't need a bathing suit.
Just pull off your clothes and let your cock and balls feel the nice warm water."
[Guy:] "Uhhh, that's ok, Mrs. Tucker."
[Momma:] "Come on! Pull out your cock and balls.
The water's heated. You'll love it."
[Tracy:] "Mom! Stop it! Now!"
[Momma:] "What are you talking about, honey!?
This way his balls are out, you can stroke his ding dong in front of all of us.
Come on, pull out that hog of yours.
I wanna see it anyways.
I wanna know what my daughter's been stroking."
[Tracy:] "Mom! Stop it!"
[Momma:] "In fact, everybody, pull out your cock and balls and rub it for momma.
Play with yourself. It'll be good. Everyone. Wack away!"
[J.N.:] "You're sick mom! I'm leaving."
[Jimmy:] "I'm going to Billy's house. I can't take this anymore."
[Walking away]
[Guy:] "Come on, let's go."
[Tracy:] "You've humiliated me and Guy.
We are so outta here."
[Momma:] "What did I do? What is the matter with you all?
Come back here!
You're ruining the day!
It's so beautiful out.
This is too much of a..."
[Picks up phone and starts dialing while car drives off]
"I can't take these kids anymore..."
[Phone rings and gets picked up]
[Grandma:] "Hello?"
[Momma:] "Momma, it's me, I'm very upset,"
[Grandma:] "Oh, what's the matter, baby?"
[Momma:] "The kids are yelling at me and they left me here all alone."
[Grandma:] "Did you tell them the kids to play with their cock and balls?"
[Momma:] "I told them to play with their cock and balls."
[Grandma:] "And what did they say?"
[Momma:] "They don't wanna play with them anymore."
[Grandma:] "Why don't they wanna play with them anymore?"
[Momma:] "I don't understand. They've got cock and balls. They should play with them.
"
[Grandma:] "Poppy always loves when I play with his cock and balls."
[Momma:] "You smack around daddy's cock still, why shouldn't they beat theirs?"
[Grandma:] "Tell them to come over to grandma's house. I'll play with their cock and balls."
[Momma:] "Oh momma."
Wife. Love story. Elena Malysheva: "If you start doing something, do it better than anyone" wife of physician Igor Malyshev, mother of two children and grandmother of one grandson - Elena Malysheva.
We offer you a fragment of the conversation.
- Dozens of people call you every day with requests. Don't get tired?
I don't get tired. I have one advantage - I do everything very quickly.
– And they ask themselves: "How is your health? What are you complaining about?"
- No. But if they see that I, for example, cough, then everyone asks: "How, are you sick?" This, of course, is ridiculous, because I also get sick, like ordinary people.
– Should I complain at all?
– Sometimes you have to. But my husband always says: "You are great, you will succeed!" And this is necessary in order not to lose touch with the world.
– To whom is it easier to complain: husband, mother, girlfriends?
- Mother, husband and elder sister. Because she, having lived a hard life, having had cancer, remained a bright, uncomplicated person. And when I call her, I get incredible support.
– Psychologists love the term "energy metabolism", and they advise active people to run away from hypochondriacs and pessimists. They are right?
- Of course not, because strong people will not suffer from either a hypochondriac or a pessimist. They have enough brain biochemistry to be in a normal state.
Are you a good mother-in-law?
- Yes. Because we got a wonderful girl. I even sometimes tell her: "Karina, sometimes it seems to me that I raised you - you are so good and understandable to me.
"
– Are you and your husband the same people?
- Igor and I - "water and stone, poetry and prose, ice and fire ..." On September 11, we will have 30 years of marriage, and I think it was hard for him with me. The main thing is that he is very silent, and I constantly talk and listen badly. We call each other Igor and Lenochka. If Igor and Lena, then we have a scandal.
- What is your main principle?
- My principle is: "Do everything with passion." It makes life very beautiful. Even as a child, washing floors, I figured out how best to do it.
– Who are you first in life?
– First of all, I am a mother and a wife. It's 100%. Children are the core of my life, around which everything revolves.
– Your relatives are all doctors. In what directions do they work?
– Mom is a pediatrician. Dad was a general practitioner and chief physician of a vast region in Siberia. The older sister is a neurologist. The cousin is a very famous surgeon.
I am a cardiologist.
– In which case will you cure each other?
- 100%!
– Are all excellent students in your family?
- Yes. I graduated from school with a gold medal. Musical - with honors. University - with a red diploma. And I also won the All-Russian competition for young scientists when I was a graduate student ... It seems to me that if you start doing something, do it best of all. At least try.
– You don't allow yourself any "wrong things"?
- Which ones? Get drunk and dance naked on the table? Firstly, I don't want it, and secondly, I don't see the point in it. Cheating on my husband and saying that I fell in love with someone else? It's useless to me. I treat my family with such respect that I see no reason to immerse anyone in this.
– As a rule, doctors pay very little attention to the lives of their own children. Did it upset you as a child?
- No. We grew up in a very happy family and our parents loved us very much.
There were a lot of family holidays. We were perfectly happy children, although our parents worked hard. But there were also funny stories. When, for example, parents were called to work, and a nurse was sent to us so that at least someone could wake us up and take us to school. My brother and I woke up snoring, even though we knew no one in our family snored. We took the ax and moved to kill the enemies. The poor nurse almost went crazy...
Was the guest's career competitive with her mother? In what way was she unlucky in character? Has Elena always been self-confident? What were you afraid of in the first years of family life? When did vision problems appear and did wearing glasses develop complexes? What should be the main thing in the life of girls and girls? Answers to these and many other questions in the program "Wife. Love Story".
Recorded by Dmitry Tolkachev
“Grandfather Frost, please make my mother stop getting sick”
Komsomolskaya Pravda
SocietyInterestingIntimate conversation
November 26, 2014 15:14
Readers keep sending us warm stories
Readers keep sending us warm stories.
Photo: frame from the film
***
This story happened 8 years ago on New Year's Eve. My youngest daughter was in 1st grade. I opened the freezer to take food, and there was a letter signed "Grandfather Frost." I opened and read. In childish handwriting, with errors in every word, it was written: “Grandfather Frost, I don’t need a computer from you, don’t give me a Barbie doll, please make my mother stop getting epilepsy” (and I myself am disabled). A fountain of tears gushed from my eyes when I found out the most cherished dream of my seven-year-old daughter. This letter is the most precious letter I have ever read in my life.
Natalia S.
***
My friend has known a guy for a year. She knew that he was very afraid of heights. On her birthday, he promised her a surprise. They went to see how they jump with a parachute. When they arrived at the flying club, his phone rang. He went away supposedly to talk.
And then she saw him jumping from a height of 3000 meters on a parachute! Landing, he gave her a ring. So he overcame the fear of his whole life for the sake of love.
Elena Yarotskaya
***
On October 5, my father and mother became husband and wife for 54 years. And I want to tell the story of their life and great, true love.
Everything, probably, was like everyone else at that time. He went in the evening for her after work, they went to the registry office and signed. And on October 7, this event was celebrated in the circle of relatives and friends. Then I appeared, and four years later - my brother. My brother and I were surrounded by parental love. At the same time, our family did not have any expensive things, but there were those human relationships between parents that gave us, children, a feeling of complete happiness. On a motorcycle, to which my father made a stroller with his own hands, the whole family went out into the countryside, set up a tent there and rested.
If we came to a lake or a river, then a home-made sidecar from a motorcycle turned into a boat on which we sailed with my father. My parents never went to resorts to take a break from each other or from us. The best vacation for all of us were these unforgettable family trips to nature.
Years passed, I grew up and went to study at the institute. By the end of my studies, trouble came to our family - my mother fell ill. Doctors made a disappointing diagnosis - schizophrenia. And immediately the feeling of love and happiness that had reigned in our family all these years somehow disappeared. My parents were 45 at the time. Mom's relatives unanimously began to say that his father would leave his mother, why would he, such a prominent man, have a sick wife. My heart sank with pain when I heard such conversations of people close to me, and I decided to talk to my father about this. With youthful maximalism, I asked my father: “Dad, tell me, when are you going to leave mom so that my brother and I are ready for this?” And he, looking at me very seriously, answered: “Daughter, how did I teach you? The wounded are not left on the battlefield, no matter how hard it is, they are dragged along.
Do you really think that in life I will do otherwise? Said and done. There were many years of hard struggle with my mother's illness. Dad did not let us lose heart in difficult moments when despair approached. When the doctors said that this disease was incurable, dad insisted that we believe that everything would be fine with mom. I want to say that my mother loved my father no less than he loved her. I remember the case when she accidentally found out that her father was on a business trip in Afghanistan, there was a war then. He, so as not to worry her, said that he was going to advanced training courses. She could not find a place for herself, and then, when her father called that he was already in the Union and would soon be home, she burst into tears and told me that she had been praying all this time that her father would return alive, even without arms and legs, but only that alive. “Not every woman is able to wait for her husband without arms and legs after the war,” I thought then.
My brother and I have our own families, and they, our parents, have always been there. My father had many difficulties because of his mother's illness, but he did not give up, and her illness receded. Over the past 15 years, my mother has never been to the hospital. Now they are already 80. Here is a story where, contrary to the laws of human logic, LOVE won.
Tamara Lasko
PRIZE SECTOR
Heaters and blankets - for the most impressive stories!
All autumn you, our dear readers, warmed us with your warm stories. And autumn, mind you, turned out to be really very warm.
Once a month we gave you nice and useful prizes - heaters and blankets - for the most interesting stories (at the choice of Komsomolskaya Pravda journalists). Today we announce the winners of November. Heaters receive:
Another three authors of warm stories receive blankets from Komsomolskaya Pravda:
Congratulations to the winners! Where to get prizes, you can find out by calling (017) 284-68-58.
WRITE LETTERS!
Dear readers!
There were so many of your letters under the heading “Warm autumn with Komsomolskaya Pravda” that we did not have enough autumn to print everything we wanted. And we decided that we should continue to warm each other with warmth. Our competition continues! If good and positive stories have happened to you, share them with us and with other readers of Komsomolskaya Pravda. It doesn't matter if they happened today or many years ago. Good has no statute of limitations. The authors of the best six stories of stories (we choose them by the entire editors) at the end of December, on New Year's Eve, will receive heartfelt prizes from Komsomolskaya Pravda - warm blankets and electric coffee pots.
Send your stories by e-mail [email protected] or to the address: 220005 Minsk, PO box 192, marked "Intimate conversation".
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