Funny family stories
6 Hilarious Family Stories You Won't Believe Are True!
Reader's Digest CanadaUpdated: Feb. 19, 2021
From Valentine's Day faux pas to home repairs gone awry, you won't believe these Canadians' hilarious family stories.
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A Good Bad Egg
By Gary Barwin
The police called us in the middle of the night. “Where is your son?” the officer asked. “In bed?” we said. “He’s with us,” came the reply. Our 10-year-old had unfortunately egged the local school with a friend. How was he caught? He was nabbed running back to the school with the empty cartons because, he told the cops, “There wasn’t anywhere else to recycle them.”
If you’re looking for more laughs, check out our collection of hilarious anecdotes and cute quotes from the mouths of kids.
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Chicken Dance
By Cassie Stocks
The doorbell rang in the late afternoon. A bearded man, dressed in a dark blazer and pants, handed Mom a large garbage bag. “Your mister ordered these,” he said, then turned and left.
Mom dragged the sack into the kitchen of our home in suburban Sherwood Park, Alta. My 10-year-old brother came into the room: “What’s in there? It’s moving.”
I gave a piercing, seven-year-old-girl shriek. Something in the lumpy bag was struggling to escape. Mom spun around. “Oh, shi—shoot. Take it to the garage.”
My brother hauled the bag away. In the garage, Mom grabbed the axe from its spot on the wall. Dark-jacketed men, mysterious packages and now axes, I thought. It was turning out to be an interesting day.
Mom approached the bag like a bomb-squad member, opened the top and retreated a few feet. There was a rustle and then a chicken with a partially detached head blasted out. Dad was a thrifty man, unable to resist the Hutterite’s price for unplucked, freshly killed (or, in this case, mostly killed) poultry.
The chicken, delighted to be free of the cramped bag and its deceased kin, made several leaps around our garage, like a spasmodic ballerina.
Mom’s former-farm-girl know-how abandoned her, and she looked a little sick. She handed my brother (whose closest experience with a live chicken was an undercooked nugget) the axe. “Chop its head off,” she said.
“Okay.” He took a half step forward, turned pale, then handed the axe back. “You chop it off.”
The hen ran in enthusiastic circles, letting out garbled squawks, more bothered by captivity than its neck problem. It darted toward us, wings flapping, feathers shedding. We all screamed and tried to hide behind one another. The bird darted away, terrified. Mom admitted defeat, herded us inside and called my father. Until he arrived, she eyed the door as though the chicken might grab the axe itself and hack its way through.
Hours later, I snuck out to the garage. No more chicken, and the axe was back on the wall. When I asked Dad what happened to the animal, he told me it had run away.
For months I watched in vain for a droopy-headed chicken lurking in the neighbourhood.
To my dad’s credit, no more dark-suited men carrying bags ever arrived at our door again. And, many years later, my brother, still horrified, exclaims, “Mom handed me the axe.”
Next, check out these funny pizza delivery stories.
Check out this roundup of hilarious pizza delivery stories!
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Family Feud
By Ed Hill
Every generation responds to crisis differently. One time, during a dinner out, my mom and my aunt got into a huge fight over the latter’s spending habits. My mom, prone to dramatic displays, protested by leaving the restaurant and lying down in the middle of traffic. Everyone immediately rushed outside. My dad was convincing her to get off the road, I was redirecting cars and my two uncles were trying to calm the gathering crowd behind us.
After my aunt apologized and my mom agreed to get up, we suddenly realized that my younger brother, 20, was missing.
Fifteen minutes later, we finally found him crouching behind a large garbage bin. When asked why he was hiding, he said, “I don’t want to end up on YouTube.”
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Little Big Lie
By Megan Murphy
“Kerry, you’re seven, so it’s time you knew our family secret.” Kerry idolized my older sister, Kate, and me, so whatever we said was gospel.
“Mom isn’t really our mom,” I continued. “Our real mother was eaten by a lion while she and Dad were on safari. An agency sent this replacement lady. The good news is you don’t have to listen to her.”
She stared with huge, credulous eyes. “Does Dad know?”
“Yes,” Kate said. “Just ask him.”
Our sister spent the day ignoring Fake Mom’s requests, and when Dad got home from work, she implored him to tell her if it was true. Dad, full of Irish blarney, sighed, “Why, yes, it is.
She was a lovely woman. You look like her.”
Finally, Fake Mom clued in and produced a photo of herself holding Kerry as a newborn. She added, “This real mom will deal with your sisters, and your father, later.”
It’s been 30 years since then, and Kerry is still charmingly gullible. I think it’s about time we finally told her the truth about how babies are made.
See if you can pull off these simple gags for April Fool’s Day.
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Wanna Get Lucky?
By Judy Millar
I’ve become something of a legend in my family for regularly landing myself in awkward situations.
Take Valentine’s Day last year, for instance. My husband and I had agreed not to spend much—it’s the thought that counts. After more than three decades of marriage, I thought it was time to spice things up. At the store, I spotted a greeting card called “The Wheel of Love.” Perfect! My man would get to spin it and try his luck.
Maybe he’d score a “Romantic Candlelight Dinner.” Maybe he’d land on “A Big Wet Smooch.” Or just maybe he’d hit the jackpot: “Cupid’s Choice: Meet me in the Bedroom NOW!”
To add to the thrills, music played when the wheel spun. Not the clinkety-clink of a slot machine, but more like a dramatic game-show melody—followed by the pièce de résistance: a taped message from me! In my best sultry voice, I recorded: “Hey babe, wanna get lucky?” The card was a hit on Valentine’s Day, and a few days more. After a while, though, having a spinner card on the bedside table gets exhausting. I needed to pitch it.
Problem is, I’m a pack rat. I have every card and letter my husband and I have ever exchanged stashed in bags on the top shelf of my bedroom closet. There are other bags up there, too, filled with Halloween costumes and Christmas stuff. I tossed “The Wheel of Love” in their general direction and promptly forgot about it.
A few months later, we had to call the gas company to install a new line.
Enter Gus, the gas guy. He told me he needed to access the crawl space through the floor of our bedroom closet.
Gus is not a small gas guy. There was considerable bumping around as he jammed himself in there and lowered into the hole. As he touched down, the game-show music sounded, followed by my own come-hither voice: “Hey babe, wanna get lucky?”
I froze in horror, hoping by some miracle he hadn’t heard it. But the top of his head was still visible, with both ears attached. He too was frozen, possibly weighing what his wife would make of this unexpected invitation. Then, ever so slowly, he disappeared into the darkness below.
What to do?! Get a stool and search for the card? But I’d need to replace the closet floor in order to properly position that stool. Gus would be trapped below! You hear about these perverts who trap people in their basements—you just never think you’re going to be one.
All I could do was pray it wouldn’t go off again. Mercifully, when Gus finally emerged, the card stayed silent.
And so did Gus.
After he left, I pulled the bags down and found the card—but the sound mechanism had fallen off! I couldn’t find it anywhere.
The next night, around 2:30 a.m., the music played. “Hey, babe, wanna get lucky?” (There is no one in our house feeling lucky at that hour.)
I have combed through the closet to find it. No luck—and it has gone off randomly five more times. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. Fortunately, the music plays slower each time, clearly running out of juice.
I just hope it wears out before I do.
Make your sweetheart giggle on February 14 with these hilarious Valentine’s Day stories.
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Favour Returned
By Jennifer McAuliffe
To save some money, I asked my brother, who is deathly afraid of heights, to patch my roof. He has tools and a convenient reluctance to say no to his hapless sister. I couldn’t seem to get my balance to assist him, so I was instructed to hand over water when needed—and to stop requesting he take photos of me pretending to use a hammer.
After six hours, as he was finishing up, our radio played a tornado-warning siren. The next day, shingles were strewn all over the road. I think I did him a favour, though, by imploring him to patch it again, because falling is no longer his greatest fear. Now it’s receiving a text from me.
For more giggles, check out the funniest Reader’s Digest jokes of all time.
Originally Published: May 15, 2019
Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada
Great big list of stories to make you laugh!
Every time our family gets together we sit around and tell funny family stories. Some are the old ones that have been passed down generations and get told over and over through the years. Then of course there are always the new things that have happened to us that we share and laugh till our sides hurt.
Here is my list of funny family stories. I hope this helps preserve some that may have otherwise been forgotten, and I hope you get some great laughs!
Funny Travel Stories
- Trying to fly with kids has never been this bad: Why I don’t fly with kids.
- Embarrassing things I said on my trip to Peru.
- How much can go wrong in a day? It’s always bad when it includes throw up!
- Along the Natural Bridge Animal Safari…
- Indiana Road Trip Mishaps
- I wore a new pair of shoes once…
- Help I’m stuck in a sports bra, and I can’t get out.
- Sending them off! Kids first time to fly alone!
- Family Road Trip Mishaps
- Another open mouth insert foot moment.
- You might be a redneck…
Funny Marriage Stories
- Does your spouse forget things everywhere they go? I’m always trying to be helpful but… Sunglasses.
- Keep the FUN in marriage!
- What he said this time.
- Bloopers from our Wedding Day
- Sleep Talking
- Winning isn’t everything
- Funny Husband Quotes
- Things you don’t say to your wife when she has the flu
- Marriage: Gotta laugh
- Funny husband. Dumb Smart phone.
- Marriage, Communication, and Ice Cream
- Funny family stories about my husband
- I told you so!
- What language are you speaking?
Embarrassing Moments
- How to Scare Your Teacher
- Embarrassing moments from our dating days
- When you think no one is watching and you’re singing like you’re alone in the bathroom… A Little Carried Away with my Veggie Tales Music
Funny Things Kids Do and Say
- A Christmas Story Concert gone wrong
- Funny Kids Quotes About Daddy
- Kids come out with the funniest things.
This one was about…ME! - Funny kids in the school play.
- Embarrassing Kids Quotes
- Funny Kids Quotes about Remarriage
- Funny things kids say about birthdays
- How to dye your hair?
- Who are your friends?
- Funny Things Kids Say to Company.
- Kids Say the Funniest Things.
- Oh the things he says…
Funny Stories from Work
- I cleaned houses during my college years. Oh the funny things that happened: My Adventures as a Cleaning Woman
- You Said, “What?”
- Random Funny Kids Quotes
Funny Cooking Stories
- Spaghetti Disaster
- Funny Husband Quotes about cooking
- Meals that Flopped
Funny things that happen at home
- The Hauntings–when a mouse invaded our home.
- The repairman came and left..I have WHAT on my nose?
- How did that come out of my mouth?
- The time share lady called with a deal.
- The funnies of mom life
- Daily Humor
- Life’s Funny Moments
- Laugh Every Day
- Laugh much? Oh the funny things that happen!
- They’re watching WHAT?
- What’s Wrong with my Parenting?
- Cleaning toilets
- The night we left the door unlocked
- Company and communication
Funny things that happen while out and about
- Attack of the Pantry Moth
- The right place at the right time in the right clothes
- A Bug in My Shirt
- I asked the wrong guy a question…
- The day I tried to ruin the mother/daughter tea
- Foot in mouth disease
- Crazy Restaurant Stories
- A funny thing happened at McDonald’s
- Something stuck to the bottom of the shoe
- The sauce explosion.
- How hard can it be to rent a movie?
- Bwaa Ha Ha Mom! What could happen at the Walmart checkout line?
- Eating out with kids
- That man–How he makes me laugh.
- How I embarrassed myself at a conference.
- The Potluck
- Appearance does matter!
- Who’s the favorite Daddy?
- What happens when we eat out…
- If you give a child a balloon…
- Who pays for valet parking?
- Should every Christian learn Greek?
- My competitive man
- This sermon’s for you!
- Weightlifting, sore muscles, and my crazy man!
Funny Stories about Trying to Save Money
- Pay for Parking or Plug a Meter?
- To save or not to save…
Funny Stories About Engineers
- I can fix that!
- If you give and engineer a vacuum…
- You may have married an engineer if…
Funny Stories about Mom Life
- Mom’s losing it!
- Sorry we Can’t be Friends!
- Tooting Baby
- What could go wrong spending the afternoon at Costco with the family?
- Yes, they’re all mine!
Funny homeschooling stories
- The Trouble with Homeschooling
- Awesome homeschooling mom
- Homeschooling Myths
- Teaching Moments
- You know you’re an awesome homeschool mom when
- Tooting and Tutoring
- A very frightening moment in time
- Laboring Latin
There ya go.
That’s my great big list of funny family stories. If these stories just aren’t working for you, and you still want to laugh. Ya gotta do it yourself: 40 Things to do when you just need a good laugh!
Funny Family Stories : qkempek - LiveJournal
1. I am 150 cm tall, my husband is 157 cm tall. My father is 180 cm tall and wears a long beard. When dad comes to visit, he always says hello: “Well, hello, hobbits!” - and the husband replies: "Great, Gandalf!"
2. There are four of us in the family: me, my wife and two daughters. Today we couldn't decide who would go for a walk with the dog. They started a game: whoever says the first word, he goes. As soon as the dispute came into force, the stony-faced daughter went to get dressed, gathered everything she needed to walk the dog, and put on her shoes.
And now she opens the front door, the dog is on a leash, the whole family is lined up in the hallway, and we are almost in unison: “Well done, Polya!” And Polya, pleased, begins to take off her jacket and says: “So you got caught.
”
3. Every morning, when I wake up, I cook breakfast for my niece. To be honest, I got used to it within a year, and it has already become even a joy. And so yesterday morning (I had a day off, so I set the alarm clock half an hour later), I woke up as usual to cook scrambled eggs and hot sandwiches. And I had tea on the table, there were 2 sandwiches and cottage cheese was mixed with sour cream and sugar. A nephew (grade 2, 8 years old), knowing that I have a day off, decided to give me such a gift. Children know how to say thank you sincerely.
4. Mom, looking into the room, sternly orders:
— Go to sleep, you brute!
Startled, I protest guiltily that it is too early for sleep. It is immediately explained that the mother was talking to her little dog, who rustles and fumbles under the table.
“That's how you raise a child, you love it, but he still automatically perceives the address “cattle” at his own expense,” mother sighs.
— Why is there a child! Dad responds immediately from the couch.
“I just exhaled myself.
5. When I was 5-6 years old, my mother and father and I went out into nature in the late afternoon. Dad took a fishing rod, and where the float should have been, he tied a small piece of wood. You will never guess why ... We drove to a large, large field, got out of the car, walked a little. And dad, lifting up the fishing rod and waving it, made sounds reminiscent of the squeak of a mouse. After a while, an owl flew by. A real big owl! She tried to take a piece of wood in her beak, but she did not succeed. And I could look at her. Thanks to my dad, I have a huge love for nature. Love to the animals. Those were the best moments of my childhood.
6. One day my young man came to my father to ask for my hand in marriage, and my father fell at his feet, shouting: “You are our Savior!”
Dad said that when he was still a student, when he heard this anecdote, he always dreamed of doing it.
7. We went with my brother and our families (his: wife and daughter, 7 years old; mine: husband and son, 11 years old) to the village to my mother.
We decided to buy water pistols for the children on the way so that they would have fun in the village. Bought cool machines. The children had a lot of fun watching their parents arrange a Sea Battle for themselves.
8. I thought about why we never quarrel with my husband… I remembered all the stories of my girlfriends about their disagreements, it all started with some everyday little things.
She looked around: socks and T-shirts are scattered on the sofa, crumbs and unwashed mugs, candy wrappers are on the table. There is a pile of cat hair on the carpet, jeans hanging on the chairs. And nothing “pisses me off,” as my girls say.
We sit on a piece of the sofa in an embrace and watch our favorite series. Yes, we are just two happy pigs. lovers...
9. My husband lost his mother early, my mother replaced his mother. Today he invited us (me, my two sons and my mother) to a restaurant and told her thanks in front of everyone that she loves him like her own son.
10. We are standing at the post office with a petty one: she is looking at magazines, I am waiting in line, there are two girls in front of me. The little one turns to me and says: “Dad, look, there is a magazine with Winx, there is Stella on the cover.” I looked, I answer her: "There is not Stella, but Bloom." Both girls turned around at the same time with surprised eyes...
What? - Dad is in the subject, dad is raising a daughter.
11. I love mother-in-law and father-in-law. When the father-in-law crushed the car door, he hid her glasses so that she would not see and swear.
12. My daughter is 8 years old. Yesterday he comes running from the street, walking. Watching the emotions on his face, he begins to tell:
- Dad! There on the street ... Wow, they saw such a butterfly! Multicolored!
Shows roughly a Hudson hawk with his hands.
— Everyone there was afraid of her, no one wanted to come near… the boys stood there, they wanted to kill her.
But they were afraid to approach! They even tried to crush it with a stick, but they were afraid!
Jumping:
- And only I, dad, was not afraid! I took a stick and…
Surprised by my daughter’s cruelty, I already opened my mouth to say that you shouldn’t hurt butterflies and in general “why did you kill her”, when my daughter continued:
— I took the stick and ka-a-ak drove those boys away so they wouldn't kill the butterfly! And she frightened the butterfly away so that it flew far, far away.
Home and family | Tru-HA - Funny stories from real life: interesting stories, funny jokes
Dinner
0 My soulmate and I recently got married and have been living together for a short time, but it has already become so that my wife always cooks, although I sometimes like to cook something like that, especially if ...
Read more >
Rating 3.67 out of 5
Painting
0A friend said that his uncle, when he gets down to work, the house becomes on end. Everyone present knows that something will happen today, they sit down in their places, as if they came to the exhibition and do “facepalm”,… Read more >
Rating 4.80 out of 5
Walk at home in slippers
0 For a whole week I sawed my husband about a torn off plastic threshold in the apartment.
And, finally, he decided to do useful work around the house. First of all, I went to the store and bought glue… Read more >
Rating 5.00 out of 5
Young but early...
0My daughter told me an interesting story. You don’t know whether to laugh, or to think about how to properly raise children. The situation is this. A friend came to visit my daughter with her daughter… Read more >
Rating 4.33 out of 5
New Year's gifts
0 New Year 2015 my wife and son celebrated with friends.
Our friends also have children, a boy and a girl. Children of friends of the weather, the boy is 5 years old, the girl is 4 years old. Our… Read more >
Rated 3.67 out of 5
Delicious joke
0One summer I had to defrost the refrigerator. And I note that we have an old unit, and it takes a long time to defrost it. And among other things, a kilo pack was lying around in my freezer ... Read more >
Rated 4.00 out of 5
How my grandfather went hunting
0 This is a humorous story about how my grandfather went hunting as a child.
It was in 1952. Hungry times, post-war. At that time, children, willy-nilly, matured early, and helped ... Read more >
Rated 4.88 out of 5
Citro
0As a child, every summer my mother and I went to Kherson. My mother lived there, my grandmother. Once my grandmother sent me to the store to buy a bottle of vinegar. I went to the store… Read more >
Rating 4.75 out of 5
Sudden loss
0 We had a case in our family, which later became a family pearl.
One day my mother was going to have tea. I decided to boil the kettle, but it was not on the stove. Somewhat surprised, she began to look for him ... Read more >
Rating 4.67 out of 5
Apartment for rent
0I recently started a family. I had to move to another city. And my husband did not have a separate housing, but I refused to live with his parents. I won't and don't want… Read more >
Rating 4.00 out of 5
Meet my family
0 I decided this year to take a responsible step - I decided to introduce my beloved to my family, and my family is big - 5 people.
