Funny stories to read

Funny Short Stories to Tell Your Friends

Steps for Mommy

One of my wife’s third graders was wearing a Fitbit watch, which prompted my wife to ask, “Are you tracking your steps?” “No,” said the little girl. “I wear this for Mommy so she can show Daddy when he gets home.” —James Avery

One of my wife’s third graders was wearing a Fitbit watch, which prompted my wife to ask, “Are you tracking your steps?” “No,” said the little girl. “I wear this...

Pleats Will Come Back

I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!” Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully, “Hang on to it, honey. Pleats will come back someday.” —Mary Lou Wickham

I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. I wore it confidently to an evening...

My Newspaper Was Different

A customer walked into my clothing shop and asked to see the pants that were advertised in the paper that day. “We don’t have an ad in the paper today,” I told her. She insisted I was wrong, so I got a copy of the paper, and we went through it, eventually landing on an ad for pants from another local store. Exasperated, the customer glared at me and said, “In my newspaper, the ad was for this store!” —Edward Oppenheimer

A customer walked into my clothing shop and asked to see the pants that were advertised in the paper that day. “We don’t have an ad in the paper today,”...

Without Her Man

When I was a proofreader, I shared with my coworkers this example to illustrate how writing can skew based on gender: A professor wrote on the blackboard, “Woman without her man is nothing.” The students were then instructed to insert the proper punctuation. The men wrote, “Woman, without her man, is nothing. ” The women wrote, “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.” —Susan Allen

When I was a proofreader, I shared with my coworkers this example to illustrate how writing can skew based on gender: A professor wrote on the blackboard, “Woman without her...

Learn to Whistle

Thinking no one could hear me as I loaded a UPS tractor trailer, I began to whistle. I was really getting into it when a coworker in the next trailer poked his head in. “You know, I always used to wish I could whistle,” he said. “Now I just wish you could.” —Megs Brunner

Thinking no one could hear me as I loaded a UPS tractor trailer, I began to whistle. I was really getting into it when a coworker in the next trailer...

A Great Uncle

The first thing I did when I heard our great-granddaughter was born was to text my son: “You are a great uncle!” He texted me back immediately: “Thank you. What did I do?” —Peggy Klasse

The first thing I did when I heard our great-granddaughter was born was to text my son: “You are a great uncle!” He texted me back immediately: “Thank you. What...

Looking Forward to Your Death

I was admiring my aunt’s necklace when she surprised me by announcing, “I’m leaving it to you in my will.” I was overjoyed, perhaps too much. “Oh!” I shouted. “I’m looking forward to that!” —Mona Randem

I was admiring my aunt’s necklace when she surprised me by announcing, “I’m leaving it to you in my will.” I was overjoyed, perhaps too much. “Oh!” I shouted. “I’m...

I Want the Left Side

As my two sons were climbing into the back seat of our car, Eric, five, yelled, “I call the left side!” That didn’t sit well with Ron, four. “No, I want the left side!” “I want the left side!” “No, I want the left side!” Intervening, I said, “Since Eric is older, he can have the left side.” “Thanks, Dad!” said Eric. “Which side is left?” —Josh Weston

As my two sons were climbing into the back seat of our car, Eric, five, yelled, “I call the left side!” That didn’t sit well with Ron, four. “No, I. ..

Previously Beautiful

Teaching is not for sensitive souls. While reviewing future, past, and present tenses with my English class, I posed this question: “‘I am beautiful’ is what tense?” One student raised her hand. “Past tense.” Reema Rahat, in Reader’s Digest International Edition

Teaching is not for sensitive souls. While reviewing future, past, and present tenses with my English class, I posed this question: “‘I am beautiful’ is what tense?” One student raised...

Bring it Back Tomorrow

A customer walked into the post office wanting to mail a package. “Two-day shipping will cost $12.95 to get it there by Friday,” my coworker Billy told her. The customer, clearly looking to save a few bucks, said, “The package doesn’t have to get there till Saturday. Is there any way to make that happen?” Billy nodded. “Sure. You can bring it back tomorrow.” —David Cutcher

A customer walked into the post office wanting to mail a package. “Two-day shipping will cost $12.95 to get it there by Friday,” my coworker Billy told her. The customer,...

Expired 18

“Yesterday was my 18th birthday!” a customer said after walking into our convenience store. He then asked for some e-cigarette products and handed me his ID to prove he was indeed of age. I scanned the ID, but it came back expired. Now thoroughly deflated, he asked, “Does that mean I’m not 18?” —David Hansen

“Yesterday was my 18th birthday!” a customer said after walking into our convenience store. He then asked for some e-cigarette products and handed me his ID to prove he was...

First Day of Retirement

My mother was browsing in a store when a saleswoman offered assistance. Mom admitted she didn’t have anything particular in mind, and the pair started chatting. The woman quickly learned that Mom was retired. Interested, she confessed that she, too, was considering retirement. Mom immediately started telling her how much she liked no longer working and how the saleswoman would enjoy it too. Finally, convinced by Mom’s enthusiasm, she asked, “How long have you been retired?” Mom said, “This is my first day.” —Lee Beacham

My mother was browsing in a store when a saleswoman offered assistance. Mom admitted she didn’t have anything particular in mind, and the pair started chatting. The woman quickly learned...

Meet the Genius

We Uber drivers never know whom we’re going to end up with as a passenger. One day, I was driving over a new bridge, the design of which was very confusing. Completely confounded, I muttered, “I’d love to meet the genius who designed this mess.” With that, my passenger extended his hand in my direction and said, “Well, today is your lucky day. My name is Mike, I work for the county engineer’s office, and I’m the genius who designed this!” Surprisingly, he still gave me a tip. —Patrick Grilliot

We Uber drivers never know whom we’re going to end up with as a passenger. One day, I was driving over a new bridge, the design of which was very. ..

Do It Right the First Time

After doing some DIY projects around the house, I have a new motto: Do your best to do things right the first few times. —Thomas Ngo

Lady Godiva

When the box with my Halloween costume arrived, it was empty. I called the company and asked where my Maid Marian costume was. “We’re sorry, ma’am. We’ll send your costume tomorrow,” the representative said. “In the meantime, feel free to keep the Lady Godiva costume you got by mistake.” —Karen Atanasoff

When the box with my Halloween costume arrived, it was empty. I called the company and asked where my Maid Marian costume was. “We’re sorry, ma’am. We’ll send your costume...

Lazy Award

At an event famous for giving out awards in bizarre categories, the emcee enthusiastically announces, “The next prize will go to the laziest person in the audience. If you think you qualify, raise your hand.” Everyone raises their hands except a middle-aged man who seems to show little interest. “Congratulations! You are the winner,” says the emcee to the man. “Your prize is this $100 bill!” Still showing no emotion, the man replies, “Would you mind coming over here and putting it in my pocket?” —Submitted by José J. Zuluaga

At an event famous for giving out awards in bizarre categories, the emcee enthusiastically announces, “The next prize will go to the laziest person in the audience. If you think...

Can’t Remember the Name

I had a chance encounter with a pastor who told me about a wonderful event held at his church. “We had a singing group the other day that performed without instruments,” he said. “A cappella?” I asked. He shrugged. “I don’t remember the name of the group.” —Wade Hampton

I had a chance encounter with a pastor who told me about a wonderful event held at his church. “We had a singing group the other day that performed without...

Back to Reality

Tanned, relaxed, and unshaven, I landed at the Denver airport after returning from my bucolic Caribbean vacation. As the customs agent handed my passport back to me, she cheerily welcomed me home by declaring, “Back to reality for you!” —Bruce Neal

Tanned, relaxed, and unshaven, I landed at the Denver airport after returning from my bucolic Caribbean vacation. As the customs agent handed my passport back to me, she cheerily welcomed...

Birthdays to Grow

I asked the kids in my nursery school class what they needed in order to grow up nice and strong. One little girl answered, “Birthdays!” —Abigail George

Get a Better Face

If I ever voiced disapproval of a photo of myself, my mother always had a ready reply: “Want a better picture? Get a better face. ” —Maria Zagorski

If I ever voiced disapproval of a photo of myself, my mother always had a ready reply: “Want a better picture? Get a better face.” —Maria Zagorski

Irritated Scalp

Suffering from an unsightly scaly rash, my friend Denise made an appointment with a dermatologist who happened to be very attractive. After a full examination, the doctor cocked his head and asked, “Denise, did you get your hair done?” “Why, yes. Thank you for noticing,” said Denise, flattered. “I thought so,” the doctor replied. “Because your scalp looks red and irritated.” —Sandy Hagglund

Suffering from an unsightly scaly rash, my friend Denise made an appointment with a dermatologist who happened to be very attractive. After a full examination, the doctor cocked his head...

Straw Up Your Nose

A few of us were discussing the perils of drinking and driving when my five-year-old granddaughter threw in her two cents. “I can see why it would be dangerous to drink and drive,” she said. “The straw could go up your nose.” —Marlene L. Banwart

A few of us were discussing the perils of drinking and driving when my five-year-old granddaughter threw in her two cents. “I can see why it would be dangerous to...

Only Sign We Have

I was waiting at a small train station when a man put up a sign regarding my train: “30-Minute Delay.” “What happened?” I asked. “The train went off the rails,” he said. “How long will that take to fix?” “Quite a few hours.” “So why put up a sign saying it would take 30 minutes?” “It’s the only sign we have.” —James Joy

I was waiting at a small train station when a man put up a sign regarding my train: “30-Minute Delay.” “What happened?” I asked. “The train went off the rails,”...

Full Time Soon

I was in a small store in a nearby town one evening. Wanting to find out when it opened the next morning, I stopped a teenage staffer on her way out and asked, “What are your hours?” Her reply: “Right now, six to nine because I’m in school. But next month it will be full-time.” —Darlene Query

I was in a small store in a nearby town one evening. Wanting to find out when it opened the next morning, I stopped a teenage staffer on her way...

Prayers Before Bed

I’m a nurse in a hospital’s children’s ward. One night, I was at the nurses’ station when I heard a little boy in his room talking. He kept the patter up for some time. Finally, I got on the intercom and said softly but firmly, “All right, Johnny, it’s time to go to sleep now.” There was quiet in the room, and then he said, “OK, God, I will.” I didn’t hear a peep from him until morning. —J.C.

I’m a nurse in a hospital’s children’s ward. One night, I was at the nurses’ station when I heard a little boy in his room talking. He kept the patter...

Grow Up to Be a Mother

My three-year-old son: I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Me: You can be anything you want. Son: (after a few seconds) I think I’ll be a mother. —Mary Lahl

My three-year-old son: I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Me: You can be anything you want. Son: (after a few seconds) I think I’ll...

Change the Sign

Spotted on a business marquee in Tacoma, Washington: MY BOSS TOLD ME TO CHANGE THE SIGN, SO I DID. —K.H.

Only Thing in My Closet

A coworker once showed up to the office in a white wedding dress with a crinoline, beading—the works. When our manager asked why she’d worn her wedding dress to the office, my coworker replied, “I was out of clean clothes and didn’t feel like doing laundry.” —Lauren Emily on Facebook, via buzzfeed.com

A coworker once showed up to the office in a white wedding dress with a crinoline, beading—the works. When our manager asked why she’d worn her wedding dress to the...

In His Terms

After my beloved dog Lucky passed away, my daughter tried to explain to her four-year-old son what had happened in terms he might understand. “Remember that baby bird we found on the sidewalk the other day?” she asked. As the truth sank in, Ian grew alarmed: “Lucky fell out of a tree?” —Laurie Navin

After my beloved dog Lucky passed away, my daughter tried to explain to her four-year-old son what had happened in terms he might understand. “Remember that baby bird we found...

Teeth Impression

As the dentist labored over my teeth, he tried to make small talk. “What do you do?” he asked. “I’m a comedian,” I answered. “Interesting.” After a pause, he said, “Let’s get an impression—” “It’s more observational humor, actually,” I interrupted. “I don’t do impressions.” The dentist continued, “—of your teeth.”

As the dentist labored over my teeth, he tried to make small talk. “What do you do?” he asked. “I’m a comedian,” I answered. “Interesting.” After a pause, he said,...

Mom’s Side of the Car

In his late 80s, my father-in-law went to the DMV to renew his driver’s license. At one point during the road test, he approached a four-way stop, looked to his left, and cruised straight through the stop sign. “Sir! You didn’t look to your right,” yelled the frightened inspector. My father-in-law calmly shook his head. “That’s Mum’s side.”

In his late 80s, my father-in-law went to the DMV to renew his driver’s license. At one point during the road test, he approached a four-way stop, looked to his...

Gone Soon

After my husband injured himself, I ran him over to the doctor’s office. There, the nurse dressed his wound and gave him instructions on how to care for it. She then reassured him by adding, “Now, if you do everything I’ve told you, you won’t be with us for long.”

After my husband injured himself, I ran him over to the doctor’s office. There, the nurse dressed his wound and gave him instructions on how to care for it. She...

Last Time For Everything

I was trapped in an elevator for 30 minutes before the doors finally opened. Relieved, I said to a fellow hostage, “There’s a first time for everything.” She grumbled back, “There’s a last time for everything too.”

I was trapped in an elevator for 30 minutes before the doors finally opened. Relieved, I said to a fellow hostage, “There’s a first time for everything.” She grumbled back,...

I’ll Take Something Else

My 35-year-old son and I had just finished our meal when I realized I’d left my wallet in my truck. As I headed out the door, I told the waitress what had happened. “But don’t worry,” I said with a grin. “I’m leaving my son for collateral.” She looked at him. He winked at her. She turned back to me. “What else you got?”

My 35-year-old son and I had just finished our meal when I realized I’d left my wallet in my truck. As I headed out the door, I told the waitress...

Started With an S

A coworker was telling us all about her trip to Las Vegas. “That sounds great. Where’d you stay?” asked a colleague. “I can’t remember,” she said. “But I think it began with an s.” “Was it Caesar’s?”

A coworker was telling us all about her trip to Las Vegas. “That sounds great. Where’d you stay?” asked a colleague. “I can’t remember,” she said. “But I think it...

She Looks Like You

Sometimes honesty isn’t the best policy.A patient showed up at our medical office and asked, “You’re Mary, aren’t you?” I smiled. “No, sorry, I’m not.” “Are you sure? You look just like someone I know named Mary.” “Well, I hope she’s young and skinny.” “No,” he said, settling into his chair. “She looks like you.”

Sometimes honesty isn’t the best policy.A patient showed up at our medical office and asked, “You’re Mary, aren’t you?” I smiled. “No, sorry, I’m not.” “Are you sure? You look...

Bathroom Break

I was working from home, interviewing a famous neurologist for an article, when my three-year-old announced she had to go potty and waddled into the bathroom. After some loud moans, she yelled, “I did it, Mom! I pooped in the toilet! I pooped on the floor too! But I’ll clean it! Oh, I stepped in it!” There was an uncomfortable silence as I realized the doctor had heard every word. “Ha ha,” I laughed nervously. “Do you have kids?” “No,” he said, “and I never will.”

I was working from home, interviewing a famous neurologist for an article, when my three-year-old announced she had to go potty and waddled into the bathroom. After some loud moans,...

None Are Sharp

My job as a facilities maintenance engineer required a wide range of skills. One day I might have to fix the furnace, while the next day could see me painting the CEO’s office. When I described it to a coworker as “I’m a jack of all trades, master of none,” I was amused, yet slightly offended, when she offered a less than complimentary interpretation from her native Cantonese: “Equipped with knives all over, yet none are very sharp.”

My job as a facilities maintenance engineer required a wide range of skills. One day I might have to fix the furnace, while the next day could see me painting...

Forgot Mom’s Name

At the doctor’s office, a 20-something man was trying to make an appointment for a Mrs. Brown. Try as he might, he just could not remember her first name. Frustrated, he left. A few minutes later, I passed him outside the office on the phone.“Hey, Dad,” he said. “What’s Mom’s first name?”

At the doctor’s office, a 20-something man was trying to make an appointment for a Mrs. Brown. Try as he might, he just could not remember her first name. Frustrated,...

It’s an Uncle!

A friend was due to give birth around the same time that her oldest daughter was due to give birth to her first baby. On the morning my friend went into labor, I happened to drive by her house, wondering what she’d had. A sign on the front porch gave me my answer: “It’s an Uncle!”

A friend was due to give birth around the same time that her oldest daughter was due to give birth to her first baby. On the morning my friend went...

George Washington the Inventor

Our eight-year-old daughter: “Are you saying that George Washington didn’t invent the toilet?”

The Cat’s Taxes

Turning to me with some urgency, my sleeping husband stated, “I have to do the cat’s taxes!”

No Suggestions from the Horse

My husband was tossing and turning in bed, so I asked whether he was all right. He replied, “Yes, I talked with the horse, and he didn’t have any suggestions or answers for the project.”

My husband was tossing and turning in bed, so I asked whether he was all right. He replied, “Yes, I talked with the horse, and he didn’t have any suggestions...

Sheet for Dinner

As a kid, I was at a sleepover, and I watched my friend stuff the bedsheet into her mouth, pull it out, and say, “That was good, Mom; what’s for dessert?”

As a kid, I was at a sleepover, and I watched my friend stuff the bedsheet into her mouth, pull it out, and say, “That was good, Mom; what’s for. ..

Personal Mistake

Our son was upset that his baseball coach yelled whenever he or a teammate made a mistake. “It’s just something coaches do,” I said. “It’s not personal.” His response was hard to argue with: “If it’s not personal, then why do they use your name?”

Our son was upset that his baseball coach yelled whenever he or a teammate made a mistake. “It’s just something coaches do,” I said. “It’s not personal.” His response was...

Simple Questions

I was describing my job as an engineer to some middle schoolers when I mentioned that “one of my colleagues and I designed a medical instrument for measuring human muscle tone.” Later, I added, “another colleague and I designed a system to allow merchants to print coupons at the cash register.” Thinking that all this technical talk was confusing, I asked if there were any questions. There was one: “What’s a colleague?”

I was describing my job as an engineer to some middle schoolers when I mentioned that “one of my colleagues and I designed a medical instrument for measuring human muscle. ..

Toilet Paper Appreciation

A woman at our checkout counter didn’t have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid the 96 cents. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m going to think of you every time I use this paper.”

A woman at our checkout counter didn’t have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid the 96 cents. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m going to...

One Brick

Visiting Annapolis, I noticed several plebes on their hands and knees holding pencils and clipboards. “What are they doing?” I asked our tour guide. “Each year, the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard,” he said. “So what’s the answer?” my friend asked. The guide replied, “One.”

Visiting Annapolis, I noticed several plebes on their hands and knees holding pencils and clipboards. “What are they doing?” I asked our tour guide. “Each year, the upperclassmen ask the...

Fight to Clean

I grew up above my father’s tavern. When we were kids, we would race each other down the stairs every morning to sweep up the bar and find the change customers had dropped during the night. Years later, as an adult, I found out that my father would throw a few coins over the bar for us to find in the morning. It cost him only a dollar a day to have us fight to be the first one to clean the bar.

I grew up above my father’s tavern. When we were kids, we would race each other down the stairs every morning to sweep up the bar and find the change...

Garage Dog

I held a garage sale with my little blond cairn terrier for company. Soon came the first customer. He took his time browsing and examining everything I had out for sale. Eventually, he found something that interested him. “Excuse me,” he said. “How much for the dog?”

I held a garage sale with my little blond cairn terrier for company. Soon came the first customer. He took his time browsing and examining everything I had out for. ..

Version of Mary

My 11-year-old takes his homework seriously. One question required him to write a sentence using the word version. His sentence: “Have you heard of the version Mary?”

No Oysters For Me

One day, my physician father treated himself to a plate of raw oysters and offered to share them with me. Just as I was about to dig in, he picked up an oyster, examined it, and commented, “They remind me of infected tonsils.”And that’s the story of how he ended up eating the entire plate of oysters himself.

One day, my physician father treated himself to a plate of raw oysters and offered to share them with me. Just as I was about to dig in, he picked...

Toyota Disease

My friend took her teenage daughter to a new doctor for a checkup. The nurse asked the usual questions, including if she had an STD. “No,” said the teen. “We have a Toyota.”

My friend took her teenage daughter to a new doctor for a checkup. The nurse asked the usual questions, including if she had an STD. “No,” said the teen. “We...

Turn at the Cornfield

Living in rural Minnesota, I find driving through crowded Minneapolis difficult. “I have trouble figuring out when to turn and what lane to be in,” I complained to my grandson. His wife could commiserate. “I know what you mean,” she said. “I never know at which cornfield to turn when we come to visit you.”

Living in rural Minnesota, I find driving through crowded Minneapolis difficult. “I have trouble figuring out when to turn and what lane to be in,” I complained to my grandson....

18 Months Old

My great-aunt looked confused when I told her that my daughter was 18 months old. “Oh,” she said. “I thought she was a year and a half.”

“But Aunt Marie," I said, “18 months and a year and a half are the same. ”

She shrugged. “What do I know? I never had kids.”

My great-aunt looked confused when I told her that my daughter was 18 months old. “Oh,” she said. “I thought she was a year and a half.” “But Aunt Marie,”...

Direct Sun

My daughter was anxious to do some landscaping at her new home, but then she called up sounding discouraged.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get these flowers planted,” she moaned. “It says to plant in full sun, but it’s been cloudy for four days.”

My daughter was anxious to do some landscaping at her new home, but then she called up sounding discouraged. “I don’t think I’ll ever get these flowers planted,” she moaned....

I Wanted to Flush

My six-year-old loved his pet fish. He watched and fed it faithfully, morning and night. But one day while he was in school, his fish died, so I flushed it down the toilet. I told him when he got home, and he was inconsolable. Nothing I said helped. After a while, I asked, “Why are you crying so much?”Arching his back, he shouted, “I wanted to flush!”

My six-year-old loved his pet fish. He watched and fed it faithfully, morning and night. But one day while he was in school, his fish died, so I flushed it...

Lost in Translation

I was on a business call when I realized I was late for a class at the gym. I must have sounded rushed, because the woman on the phone said, “Am I keeping you from something?”

I replied, “I have to leave for tai chi.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding intrigued. “What country is that in?”

—Linda Platt

I was on a business call when I realized I was late for a class at the gym. I must have sounded rushed, because the woman on the phone said,...

In the Mirror

Two regulars are sitting at a bar when one of them casually points to a couple of drunks across from them. “That’s us in ten years,” he says. His friend takes a sip from his beer, sets it down on the bar, turns to his friend, and slurs, “That’s a mirror.”

Two regulars are sitting at a bar when one of them casually points to a couple of drunks across from them. “That’s us in ten years,” he says. His friend...

Wrong Sauce

After I paid for my items in an adorable Italian shop, the salesperson smiled and said “Grazie,” Italian for “thank you.” My Italian isn’t very good, but I knew that the Italian word for “you’re welcome” was the same as the name of a spaghetti sauce. So I confidently replied “Ragú!” and walked out of the store. A few blocks later, it hit me: I had the wrong spaghetti sauce. “You’re welcome” is prego.

After I paid for my items in an adorable Italian shop, the salesperson smiled and said “Grazie,” Italian for “thank you.” My Italian isn’t very good, but I knew that...

Who is It?

During a high school visit to France, I stayed with a French family. One night, I was unsure what the meat on my dinner plate was, so I pointed to it and asked in my best 11th-grade French: “Qui est-ce?” The family’s expressions told me I needed some tutoring. Instead of asking “What is it?” as I had intended, I’d asked “Who is it?”

During a high school visit to France, I stayed with a French family. One night, I was unsure what the meat on my dinner plate was, so I pointed to...

Level Pause

After my kids bragged about what levels they’d attained in a video game, I decided to give it a try. Soon, it was my turn to boast that, in spite of being a newbie, I’d already managed to get to level 11. That’s when my youngest son pointed out that the “11” I was seeing on the screen was actually the game’s pause button.

After my kids bragged about what levels they’d attained in a video game, I decided to give it a try. Soon, it was my turn to boast that, in spite...

Disappointing Movie

My mother and I suffered through an overlong, confusing movie at an art theater. Apparently we were not the only dissatisfied patrons. Walking back to our car afterward, we overheard a man complain to his wife, “We left the dog home alone for that?”

My mother and I suffered through an overlong, confusing movie at an art theater. Apparently we were not the only dissatisfied patrons. Walking back to our car afterward, we overheard...

New Job Brain

The new busboy was  just 16, and because  it was his first job, we were all impressed  with how well he had done on his first day. Which is why we were surprised the next day when he didn’t show up for his shift. Then, an hour late, he came running in, red-faced and breathless. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said.  “I forgot I had a job.”

The new busboy was just 16, and because it was his first job, we were all impressed with how well he had done on his first day. Which is why...

Noisy Neighbors

Apartment life often means little privacy.  I realized that one day when my kitten was running around my bedroom, climbing onto shelves and into the dresser as I was getting ready for work. I finally exploded  at the kitten: “You’d  better sit down; you’re getting on my nerves!” A second later, a voice from upstairs  responded, “OK!”

Apartment life often means little privacy. I realized that one day when my kitten was running around my bedroom, climbing onto shelves and into the dresser as I was getting...

Did you eat him?

My three-year-old grandson asked his mother whether his younger brother used to be in her stomach. “Yes,” she said. “How did he get there?” he asked. “I’ll tell you when you’re a little older.” “Just tell me this,” he said, concerned. “Did you eat him?”

My three-year-old grandson asked his mother whether his younger brother used to be in her stomach. “Yes,” she said. “How did he get there?” he asked. “I’ll tell you when...

It’s Not Easy Being Green

My husband and I spent a rare day with our youngest grandson Malakai, as they live 350 miles away. We crafted, painted, and colored. I made his initials with glitter paint, green glitter paint. He said he didn’t like green, not at all. I asked why. He said, "Well, yucky, nasty garbage is green.....and then there’s broccoli.”

My husband and I spent a rare day with our youngest grandson Malakai, as they live 350 miles away. We crafted, painted, and colored. I made his initials with glitter...

Potty Training in the Wild

When my son was four-years-old, we went camping in a primitive area with a tent. Prior to our camping trip, I had been explaining to him the importance of washing his hands and flushing the toilet. The only toilets in our camping area were outhouses, which he had not used before. After using the outhouse, he stepped out the door and yelled to me, "Hey mom, where is the flusher??"

When my son was four-years-old, we went camping in a primitive area with a tent. Prior to our camping trip, I had been explaining to him the importance of washing...

Defender of the Innocent

I checked on my six-year-old son one morning, and he wasn't in his bed. I found him sleeping on the sofa. When I asked why he slept there, he said in case bad people broke in the house so he would fight them. I told him it wasn't his job to protect us, and he said, "But I'm almost 10. " Remember, he was SIX!

I checked on my six-year-old son one morning, and he wasn’t in his bed. I found him sleeping on the sofa. When I asked why he slept there, he said...

Uncle Pony

When my nephew, Victor, was five, I took him to a local stable for a pony ride. He was very impressed that the stable hands were riding without a saddle. I explained to him that it's called riding bareback. When I returned him to his parents, they asked him how he enjoyed his pony ride. He excitedly told them that he saw grownups riding naked!

When my nephew, Victor, was five, I took him to a local stable for a pony ride. He was very impressed that the stable hands were riding without a saddle....

Hockey and Hometowns

I took my eight-year-old niece to a Chicago Blackhawks hockey game against the Montreal Canadians. She asked, "Are the Canadians from Canada?"

Siblings in the Orchard

When I was a little girl, we always had a calf that was in an electric fence. One day I had some friends over, and we were walking in the orchard. There was a metal glider on the path in the orchard. My friends and I decided to sit on the glider, and talk as teenage girls will do. We sat on that metal glider with our feet in the seat for a good little while, but when we got up, we found a shocking surprise. My brothers had run a wire from the electric fence to the metal glider, and when our feet touched the ground, we got a shock. Needless to say that my brothers find this funny even after 45 years. You have to love brothers.

When I was a little girl, we always had a calf that was in an electric fence. One day I had some friends over, and we were walking in the...

Cashier Phrases

As a head cashier in a departmental store, I had to open and close the cash registers of the cashiers. Whenever a cashier started work, I was paged to open the register. "Open my register," "Please let me start," and "Give me the go-ahead," were some of the terms used by cashiers. One day, a newly appointed bright-looking girl came to the register and said loudly, "Turn me on!"

As a head cashier in a departmental store, I had to open and close the cash registers of the cashiers. Whenever a cashier started work, I was paged to open...

4 Short Funny Stories for Kids

Searching for some funny stories for kids to read to your class or at bedtime? Your kids will love these!

There are two little bears who try to wake their mother at the end of winter, an elephant and a lion who have a battle of wills, five rats who try to sneak past a sleeping cat, and a brave kitten who gets lost.

These funny bedtime stories about animals are a great way to start building your child’s pre-reading and listening skills from a young age.

1.

Wake Up Mum

Written by Christina Wither

Illustrated by Dannaria

Two little bears peeped out of their cave. Winter was over and they could smell the fresh spring air. It was time to get up and play after their long sleep.

“Let’s run under the trees,” said Ben.

“I want to roll in the grass,” said Bessie.

“We’d better ask mum,” said the bears together.

Ben and Bessie went into the cave where they had slept with their mum. There she was in the far corner. Mother bear was still fast asleep.

The two little bears tiptoed over to their mum and shook her gently.

“Wake up mum. The snow has melted and it is time to play,” said Ben.

Mother bear did not even move. She grunted and rolled over to carry on sleeping.

“What can we do?” asked Bessie. “We need our mother to wake up and take us into the forest to have some fun.”

The two little bears sat outside the cave and tried to think of a way to wake up their mum.

“I know, let’s get some tickly spiders and see if they will wake up our mother,” said Ben.

The two bears went to find some tickly spiders. Bessie was feeling a bit scared of the spiders but Ben collected them on a big leaf. He took them to where his mum was lying.

The spiders walked off the leaf and across Mother bear’s back. Mother bear giggled in her sleep, but she did not wake up.

“I think we should ask a noisy cuckoo,” said Bessie.

The bears went out to the trees near the cave. Sitting in the tree was a cuckoo.

“Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo,” sang the bird.

The two bears asked the cuckoo to follow them back to the cave and call out to their mom.

“Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo,” sang the bird but mom just rolled over and carried on sleeping.

The two little bears did not know what to do. They had tried tickling, making a loud noise and calling out to mum.

“I know,” said Ben. “What about something she likes to eat?”

“Honey!” said the bears together.

Off they ran to a beehive. They talked politely to the bees and the bees gave them some honey. They ran back to the cave and tiptoed in to see if their mum would smell the honey.

Mum’s big brown bear nose began to twitch. Then her nose began to wiggle and she opened one eye. The baby bears took a few steps backwards.

Mother bear opened both her eyes and blinked. The baby bears took a few more steps back. Now they were up at the opening of the cave. Mother bear sat up and gave a big sniff.

“I smell honey,” she said.

Mother bear was awake at last. Ben and Bessie were so happy.

The little bears took a few more steps out of the cave and happily mother bear followed them. At last, they had found the best way to wake up mum!

Three happy bears skipped into the forest to enjoy the spring and have fun together.

2.

The Mighty Meeting

Written by Christina Wither

Illustrated by Dannaria

It was a hot, sunny day in Africa. Elephant was walking down the path on his way to his favourite water hole. He was looking forward to the cool water and a mud bath.

Lion was also walking along the path. Lion was on his way to the grassy plains. He was going to lie down and wait for his lunch.

Elephant turned the corner and lifted his trunk in the air. He smelt the water at the water hole. Lion turned into the same corner. He was getting closer to his favourite hunting spot.

Suddenly the two animals met in the middle of the path.

“Out of my way,” roared the lion.

“Out of my way,” trumpeted the elephant.

“Make way for the king of the jungle,” growled the lion.

“Certainly not! Where shall I go?” answered the elephant.

The path was blocked. The two strong animals stood facing each other.

The elephant would not move. The lion would not move.

Other animals began to walk along the path. Some were standing behind the elephant and others behind the lion.

Lion and elephant just stared at each other and refused to move.

A monkey came running past. He greeted the other animals. Then he reached the lion and the elephant. He looked at the fierce lion. He looked at the enormous elephant.

The monkey started to chuckle. He ran off into the jungle to get some ‘monkey vine’ that hung from the trees. He rushed back to the lion and the elephant.

“I know how to solve your problem,” said the monkey.

All the animals behind the elephant and the lion wanted to get a look at what was going on. They saw the monkey arrive with a long piece of monkey vine.

He tied one end around the elephant and the other around the lion. He stood on an anthill nearby and shouted!

“Friends, we are going to have a tug of war. When I say ‘heave’ then it is time for the lion and the elephant to pull the monkey vine!”

“May the best animal win,” shouted the monkey.

Elephant was very strong and pulled hard at the rope. Lion dug his extra sharp claws into the path and pulled hard too.

Suddenly there was a clap of thunder! The animals looked up into the sky. They saw huge dark rain clouds. A storm was on its way.

Then Lion felt the first drops of rain. He let go of the monkey vine and ran off into the bushes.

“My mane, my beautiful mane. I combed it as smooth as silk this morning!” he cried.

Lion ran to hide under an Acacia Tortillas, the umbrella thorn tree.

“I win,” cried Elephant, as he stood in the rain. Elephant’s thick skin was like a raincoat. He was not worried about getting wet.

Monkey hopped about with delight. He wanted Elephant to win.

Suddenly all the animals heard a mighty roar! “No, rain stopped play, there is no contest.”

Lion did not want the animals to think he had lost. No contest meant there was no winner.

Elephant nodded his head and walked down the path. He did not care if he got wet and he was looking forward to getting muddy too.

3.

Five Rats and a Funny Top Hat

Written by Christina Wither

Illustrated by Dannaria

Samson, the big black cat, lay across the mat fast asleep. He was a very big, fat cat. Samson looked as if he was asleep, but he really had one eye open all the time.

Samson’s one eye was looking right at the hole in the wall where a family of rats lived. One, two, three, four and five little rats.

Five little frightened rats were peeping out from behind the hole in the wall. The five rats wanted to get away from the big, black cat.

Samson yawned and stretched and turned over to sleep a bit longer. The rats were quivering with excitement. Now was their chance to escape. One rat tiptoed out to cross the room. He started to run towards the door.

Suddenly the door opened! In walked a tall man wearing a top hat. The man threw the top hat onto a chair but it missed the chair and fell on the floor.

Samson jumped up and hissed. The rat ran back to his hole with the other rats. The chance to escape had gone.

Slowly Samson went back to sleep. The rats looked at the cat and then they noticed the top hat lying on the floor and it gave them an idea.

The rats nodded to each other as they made a plan. They would hide under the hat and see if they could sneak past the big, black cat. Carefully, one by one, they wriggled under the hat and waited.

The rats heard Samson snoring. They thought they would start to walk towards the door under the shelter of the hat. Slowly the hat slid across the floor. The cat did not wake up.

The rats reached the door. It was open just enough for them to slip out and go on down the road. The hat, with the rats, went out of the door.

At the same time Samson woke up. His greedy eyes saw the hat moving across the steps and out of the door.

He jumped up and started to walk towards the door. The rats knew they would have to start to run.

The cat was getting closer and the rats could see no escape. Behind them was the cat and in front of them was the road and it led to a duck pond. Oh, what should they do?

Whoosh, a sudden gust of wind blew down the road. It tipped the hat over and the rats fell inside. They hung on tightly. What would happen now?

The hat blew down the road and into the pond. The rats peeped over the edge. They saw that they were floating on the pond. Now the hat was a boat!

Samson looked at the rats floating on the pond. He was very angry. He could not swim. The rats had escaped in their funny top hat. The little rats laughed at the cat. Samson hissed and went home.

4.

The Spotty Grey Kitten

Written by Christina Wither

Illustrated by Dannaria

Grady was a little, grey kitten. He had a white spot on his back and a black spot on his nose. Grady lived with his mum and two sisters on a farm.

Grady’s sisters were white with black spots. Both of his sisters were very good. Grady was the naughty one. He was always getting into trouble.

Grady was very adventurous. He wanted to explore the farm. One day he went out into the farmyard to see what was in the big wide world.

Grady said to himself, “I am not afraid of anything!”

Suddenly a big monster roared out of the garage and sent Grady spinning into the bushes. He did not know what had roared past. He picked himself up and decided it was time to go home.

Grady looked left and he looked right, but there was nowhere that looked like home. He was lost.

‘Oh dear,’ Grady thought. ‘Now what shall I do?’ He walked across a field and suddenly he stopped!

There in front of him was a furry, white animal with spots on its back. Grady thought it must be one of his sisters.

Grady ran up to the furry, spotted animal.

“Can you take me home?” asked Grady.

“No,” said the furry animal. “You do not belong in my home.

“Look at you, you do not have big ears and you do not hop like me,” said the furry animal.

Grady realized he did not belong with this animal. Grady ran to the farmyard where he saw another spotty animal. It was a bit bigger than Grady, but it had spots on its back.

Grady ran up to the spotty animal.

“Can I come home with you? You look just like me with all those spots,” said Grady.

The big animal grunted and jumped into a mud puddle.

“I have mud spots on my back. Come and roll in the mud if you want mud spots,” said the muddy spotty animal.

“No thanks,” said Grady. He did not want to get muddy. Grady ran away again.

Grady was getting worried. He was hungry too.

Then Grady saw another spotted animal. This animal had a loud voice.

“Ruff, ruff,” said the voice. “Can I help you?”

Grady just nodded. He felt himself being lifted up and carried away. A spotty dog had found Grady. He scratched at the front door. A little girl opened the door. She jumped up and down.

She was so happy to see the spotty dog and the kitten. She took Grady right back to his mother. She was lying in a basket in the kitchen.

Grady saw his mum and his two sisters. Grady listened to their soft purring.

“Purr, purr,” said the other kittens. They were happy too.

Grady was put back in his basket. He felt happy as he snuggled up with his family. He was safe now and he was going to get some milk for his supper.

Purr, purr, purr!

I hope you liked these stories. For a printable version of these stories, scroll to the FREE downloads at the end of the post.

Here are more short, bedtime stories for kids and here is some info on the importance of listening skills in early childhood.

These stories are written by Christina Wither and illustrated by Dannaria.

About the Author:

Christina Wither lives in the Natal Midlands of South Africa. She loves writing stories for children. She believes stories are a great way of empowering parents to connect with their children.

‘A story a day will bring happiness your way,’ says Christina, who especially enjoys writing quirky stories for the very young.

Christina is a co-writer for Empowered Parents and is also the creator of the awesome children’s brand Wart and Fish – Play and Learn.

HAT. Funny Stories №26731

The story of my friend Marat, who is already thirty years old, moved from his Tatar village to Moscow. Further on his behalf:

... About a year and a half ago, I came for a couple of days to my father in the village.

On the very first evening he showed off and took out his most, most, most favorite knife.

(Ah, I must say that Marat is an avid knife lover, he has eighty pieces in his collection, no less. Well, a person loves this business)

…At first I dreamed about it for a long time, then I made up my mind and started saving money. I saved up for a long time, saved up, waited for discounts and finally ordered a friend who was flying to the States. For someone, it may be nothing special, a knife is like a knife, well, beautiful, well, the steel is good, it clicks nicely, nothing more, but it warms my soul. I confess that the first days I even put it under my pillow in order to get it out at night in the dark and “click” a couple of times. You can not understand. Yes, I'm a maniac, I realize and I'm not proud of it.

Well, so, it was necessary to cut some string. Father fussed, began to look for scissors, and then I pulled HIM out of wide trousers.

Dad stretched out his hand, asked to see, put on his glasses, scratched the blade with his finger, said “Wow, what a handsome man” and added, “Maratik, son, maybe you can give dad a knife. BUT? I have never even seen such people, and you can still buy them in Moscow.”

Here I thought hard – it was a serious choice, just not a choice, but a blow in the stomach. On the one hand, my father is already seventy-eight, his mother is buried, he lives here alone, he is bored.

Well, what joys does he have in life, and how long does he have left...? If I refuse, I will never forgive myself later.

On the other hand, I couldn't say the price of the knife either, otherwise he would have gone crazy if he knew that his son bought himself a folding knife for one hundred and ten thousand rubles. After all, I saved up for it for a whole year, denied myself in many ways.

But, there was nothing to do and I, almost without a trembling hand, handed my dad a knife and lied that I didn’t feel sorry at all, I would buy more.

A year and a half has passed since then, and now, recently, I finally got out to visit the old man, and at the same time to see "my" knife.

I arrived late in the evening, I didn’t even have time to wash my hands from the road, I hugged my father and asked - “How is your American knife doing?”

My father winked slyly and silently sat me down by my mother's trellis, told me to close my eyes and put something on my head. I open my eyes - I see myself in the mirror in some kind of stupid fawn hat.

Here, he says, wear it, Maratik, to your health:

- Do you like it? And with the size, like, guessed. The dressing is excellent, enough for a lifetime.

- Like (I lied)

- Well, that's good, you'll be the most fashionable one in Moscow and your head won't freeze. And how well it all worked out. Can you imagine, a month ago I was sitting at home, turning a wedge for an ax with your knife, then one man from an old job looked in. Word for word, I saw a knife and caught fire right away - sell it, sell it, at first I refused, it’s still your gift, but this fool says - “Sell, I’ll give you four thousand ladies for it” Imagine, for some kind of knife, that kind of money? Well, I did not yawn, and of course I sold it. Then I added a little bit from my pension and at the market I bargained for you this hat for seven. Wear it to your health and remember your father.

The teapot in the kitchen whistled for dad to come to him, and I sat in a mothballs hat and watched in the mirror, how to distill, tears rolling down my cheeks. And you won't say anything. Why kill the old man?

Father came back from the kitchen and placed an oblong velvet bag in front of me.

I opened... my knife was in it.

Dad neighed and said:

- What, Maratka, did you crap yourself? I joked, I joked. After all, I immediately realized how much it costs, I'm not a fool at all. Here, I sewed the bag so that the handle would not be scratched. Take it back, I've already played enough. And wear a hat, a good, warm hat.

I love batin's plain Tatar humor…

Funny and touching stories about books read at the dacha

Summer is a dacha! And a dacha is not only a forest-lake-strawberry, but also books. Bookmate Journal and PostPost.Media asked readers to share their stories about country reading — and learned how books help in marriage, what is better to read under the howl of the wind, and what is the "pure happiness of prepubertal age." Here are some of these stories (spelling and punctuation are copyright).

Dina Lyakh: My grandmother had a limited selection of books and magazines at her dacha, so I read them several times. Most of all I remember Korolenko's "Children of the Underground", they contrasted so sharply with reality: outside the sun, flowers and gooseberries, and I was reading about a gloomy and penetrating world in a dark attic. And also an article about Siamese twins, it seems their names were Masha and Dasha Krivoshlyapovs. For some reason, I remember a paragraph about how one of the sisters drank alcohol, and the second one also got drunk, although she did not want to.

“My mother died when I was six years old. Father, completely surrendering to his grief, seemed to have completely forgotten about my existence.

Read

Konstantin Osnos: A special branch was on a thick pine tree, there was almost an armchair, the neighboring branch was a back. I spent hours there reading "St. John's Wort" by Fenimore Cooper, absolutely endless. Later, at the dacha, I leisurely reread stacks of "Chemistry and Life" and the Riga Spring. Still, when it was raining outside the window, and it was cozy in the house, leafing through grandmother's books about gardening, the most beautiful thing was the systematics of plants. And there was also a pre-revolutionary book "Country Garden" with engravings of wheelbarrows and shovels and a warning that garden workers are lazy and require supervision.

“To one who has traveled a lot and seen a lot, it seems as if he lives in the world a long time ago; the richer the history of the people with important incidents, the sooner the imprint of antiquity falls on it.

Read

Daria Amirkhanova: The most unnecessary reading material turned out to be at the dacha. Stacks of "Young Technician" magazines from which my brother grew. "Murzilka", from which I grew up. "Brownie", which my mother read. And also very random books - Yuri Nikulin's autobiography, for example. Several volumes of Pushkin. A book about therapeutic fasting. The book is about the fact that people descended from the ancient Atlanteans - six-meter translucent giants. Children's colorful books about Lenin and pioneers. Some creepy action movie about a Russian spy who was trained in secret training and now he can lie in ambush for days, and then kill enemies with his bare hands. Everything except Pushkin and starvation, out of boredom, I read more than a dozen times.

“As soon as people didn’t start writing about themselves! Just takes envy - what good, juicy, capacious words everyone has. But these are their phrases. And I need my first offer"

Read

Anastasia Linnala: For some reason, I began to carry books like Simone de Beauvoir's "The Power of Things" in the original, which I picked up somewhere for free, to our Finnish forest dacha without electricity. In everyday reality, it would not even occur to one to read such a thing - those years have passed when there was time and resources for this. And in the country, when the phone is dead, there is a thunderstorm outside the window and a candle is burning, you almost involuntarily open Simon - and there she has Sartre, friends, wine and a lot of the verb "tituber" - to sway when walking - and you seem to read out of boredom and a little with boredom, but so nice.

"I spent a very merry night in the company of Camus, Chauffard, Lola Bellon, Witold and a charming Portuguese woman named Vioja"

Read

Oleg Lekmanov: Our dacha bookshelves mostly had all sorts of waste paper gathering dust, for example, a book of feuilletons by a certain Boris Privalov, which I re-read a million times out of nothing to do and remember almost by heart. But the Tales of Sherlock Holmes was also there, so reading The Motley Ribbon on a late summer evening with the wind howling is one of my most terrible and sweetest memories.

"Tonight we have a lot of terrible things to go through, and therefore, I ask you, let's calmly light our pipes for the time being and spend these few hours talking about something more fun"

Read

Anna Marchenko: The Forsyte Saga at a friend's dacha. She came every year and re-read it with pleasure, feeling like different heroines depending on the situation in her personal life: either Irene, or Dinny, or someone else. Only the attitude towards Soames did not change - she could not stand him, but her friend defended him, and so we had life-literary conversations over evening tea. Long-foggy London went very well in the heat on the summer cottage, and suddenly in the scene of the death of old Forsyth there was a complete coincidence (I don’t remember verbatim): “Heat, heat! July ... Singing grasshoppers in the grass.

"The boy was handsome: he had a Forsyte chin, deep-set dark gray eyes, but something sunny sparkled in his face, like old sherry in a crystal glass - was it his smile?"

Listen

Ekaterina Rakitina: Magazines! Long-term collections of "Science and Life", "Young Naturalist", "Around the World", etc. How much I learned from there, eating young carrots and gooseberries, is incomprehensible to the mind. Sometimes something unexpected still pops up, from where? ... Yes, from there, from the second summer cottage floor, from under the balcony door covered with old tulle from flies - it was cooler to read lying on the floor.

And sometimes in "Science and Life" there was an unsolved crossword puzzle with fragments, such were only there, and it was supposed to be honestly taken to the veranda to be solved by everyone together over afternoon tea.

Alla Sobolevskaya: In the summer I came to the dacha in Orekhovo, to our Leningrad friends. I am 12 years old, there is a cot behind the garden rose bushes. And at the dacha there are bundles of magazines "Foreigner", "New World", "Seeker" with fantastic stories and the book "1001 Nights". Time on this folding bed was my window into the wonderful world of domestic and foreign literature. I dream of a cot under roses. But I don't have a dacha.

Shahrazad said: “They say, O happy king, that there was one merchant among the merchants, and he was very rich and did great business in different lands. Once he went to some country to collect debts ... ""

Read

Lilith Wolf: In the dacha, papa built himself a man's cave (Shelter - Ed.) - a tiny house with a single room and a half by one and a half. He had a couch, a workbench, a potbelly stove and a shelf of old magazines that he brought from Germany. No one, including himself, read German, so everyone just looked at the pictures. And above this room was an attic, and this was my cave. All sorts of unnecessary things were thrown there, all sorts of bent bicycle wheels, parts from no one knows what - and the old magazines "Science and Life" and "Knowledge is Power". I dragged hay there and hung a hammock. A stuffy dusty attic, a hammock, a pot of sand to put out cigarette butts - and fantastic stories from old magazines, Sheckley, Bradbury, Lem, Asimov, Strugatsky, Bulychev. The pure happiness of prepubertal age.

In puberty, alas, it all ended: I became too tall to sit comfortably there, and too heavy not to crush the ceiling. I was forbidden to sit there, but the hammock, magazines and a saucepan are still there.

Maria Galina: Among the dacha girls (the case was near Kyiv, in a cooperative of e... art workers, and the director of Kievmultfilm lived next to us) went from hand to hand drenched in tears and tattered "Chalikushka, a singing bird", perfect an example of a Turkish ladies' novel. The heroine fell in love with a certain Kamran, but after learning about his affair with a certain Yellow Flower, she broke off relations and left for the village to teach. I suspect that for Turkey at that time the book was quite bold, almost shocking. But again, we did not understand this, shedding tears over the fate of Chalykushka, songbirds, she is Gülbesheker, rose petal jam, so named for her beautiful complexion.

“Years have passed. And now, in a strange city, in an unfamiliar hotel, I am alone in a room and write in my diary everything I can remember. I write only to conquer the night that seems to last forever!”

Listen

Yekaterina Zakharova: Grandfather held a senior position in the police, so an incredible amount of periodicals about crimes and investigations accumulated in his house over the course of a year. And besides, at home there were books on forensics, with pictures and diagrams. I loved to come to their house for the summer, I was allowed to drag my criminal "treasures" into a comfortable chair - and read, read all day and night long.

My grandmother was horrified when I ran to my grandfather for explanations - and in the pictures there are all sorts of consequences of violent deaths. And the grandfather just chuckled and honestly, without pressure and lyrics, explained.

Evguenia Lanyaguina: I read a lot at the dacha, but I remember two things the most.