Homer but i want it now

Rules of Life by Homer Simpson

Father of the Family

Edition of Rules of Life

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rules of life

If you really want to achieve something in life, you will have to work hard on it. And now it’s quiet: now the winning numbers of the lottery will be announced.

I love cold beer, the TV is loud, and homosexuals are on fire.

You know, guys, you can laugh, but I'm much more pleased to feel the sweet breath of a sleeping wife on my neck than stuffing dollar bills into some unknown lady's thong.

Take it easy, don't panic. If anything, I'll make money by selling one of my livers. Both are useless to me.

Children of are our future. That is why they must be stopped today.

Let's drink to alcohol - the source and solution of all our problems! nine0003

Beer... My only weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will.

If you are happy and you realize it, swear.

Education won't help me . Every time I remember something, it takes up space, pushing something else out of my brain. Like the time I took a winemaking course and forgot how to drive.

Catholicism has more stupid rules than video rentals.

Sure Dad did a lot of good things in life, but now he's grown old, and old people are absolutely useless.

Women are like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you're willing to step over your own mother to get them.

Son, you say "butt-licking" like it's a bad thing.

Do not grieve. People are constantly dying. Who knows, maybe you will wake up dead tomorrow.

Ha-ha-ha! My daughter thinks vampires are real! Yes, they are fictional, like elves, gremlins or Eskimos. nine0003

I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. If so, let him move the sofa in the living room and make the bed. I want to sleep.

My favorite book: "So, you decided to arbitrarily connect to cable TV."

From now on, , I will look forward to everything. Oh my God! Tomorrow there will be a special promotion: two piano benches for the price of one! Oh-oh-oh, maybe tomorrow!

Radiation kills only those who are afraid of her.

I am a white male from 18 to 49. And everyone listens to me, no matter how nonsense I speak.

The Simpsons may be shown on the stupid channel, but they do!

It is not easy to be torn between a pregnant wife and an unbalanced child, but I still found my eight hours at the TV.

Kill the boss?! Will my hand rise to fulfill the American dream?

For lies needs two. One lies, the other listens.

Old people don't need company. They need to be isolated and studied to find out if they contain any substances useful to us.

Trying is the first step to failure.

Listen, people always have some statistics for everything. This is known to 14% of the population.

The only important thing in life is to be popular.

I see no point leaving the house. We still come back every time. nine0003

Nuclear reactor - like a woman. You just need to read the instructions and press the right button in time.

Tears of a dog will not bring you back. Unless tears smell like dog food. So you can sit at home, gobbling up can after can of dog food until the tears start to give away with it, so that the dog will smell the smell from the street and come back on its own. Or you can just go look for it.

We don't need a psychiatrist. We ourselves know that our child has a deformity. nine0003

I see the smiles of of my children. And I understand that they started something bad.

You can't fool your own mother. She cannot be fooled even on the first of April, even if you have an electric fooling chair with you.

My mother once told one thing that haunts me. She said: “Homer, you are a big disappointment.” She meant something, God rest her soul.

Unguarded breakfast is the sweetest taboo.

When it comes to compliments, women become irrepressible blood-sucking monsters and demand more and more and more. But if their desire is satisfied, the payment will be sweet.

If you get mad at me every time I do stupid things, I will have to stop doing stupid things!

Singing is the lowest form of communication.

And when will I finally understand that the answers to life's questions are not at the bottom of the bottle. They are on TV! nine0003

God bless atheists!

You can be great at something, but there are always a million people who are even better at it.

In sports , the main thing is not to win. The main thing is to get drunk!

You can't constantly blame yourself for something. Blame yourself once, and live peacefully on.

I think Mr. Smithers hired me for being motivated. All colleagues say that now they have to work twice as hard! nine0003

All my life I have dreamed of achieving all my goals.

Facts are absolutely meaningless. Having facts, you can prove any fiction!

God can't be everywhere, can he?

In France no one calls me "fat jerk". Here I am a foodie!

I get tired of dancing with sexual overtones.

Sometimes I am able to kill in a fit of anger or to prove my case. But I'm not some kind of maniac. nine0003

There are no donuts that taste bad.

Children are the same monkeys. Only more noise from them.

Just call your third offspring Child. Believe me, this will save you unnecessary confusion.

You can work several jobs at the same time and still be lazy.

I climbed the highest mountains, descended into the lowest valleys. Traveled to Africa and Japan. Even flew into space. But now, without hesitation, I would exchange it all for something sweet. nine0003

You can get a lot of things for free by mentioning it in an interview with a magazine. Cookies Chips Ahoy!

Smart Italians? Something is wrong here.

It was still not enough, , for some surgeon to tell me how to operate on myself!

Be generous in bed. Share a sandwich.

Sometimes I lie in bed and think that nothing will make me get up. And then I feel how it becomes wet under me, and I understand that I was mistaken. nine0003

Fool and money part quickly. I would pay a lot to someone who would explain this pattern to me.

Give a man a fish and he will be full all day. Teach a man how to fish and he will certainly get hooked on the eyelid or something like that.

Public transport - for jerks and lesbians.

Father never believed in me. I will not repeat his mistakes: from today I will be gentler with my son. And tougher with my father. nine0003

No matter how powerful and amazing is, I will not tolerate attacks even from the ocean!

Even if you borrow something from a neighbor for a while, it's still better to do it under the cover of darkness.

I won't lie: being a father is not easy. Not like a mother.

In my house we obey only the laws of thermodynamics.

It is always better to watch a process than to do something yourself.

To be loved, you have to be nice to everyone every day. To hate - you don’t have to strain at all.

Life is just a bunch of stuff going on.

Understand that there is a little Homer Simpson in every of us.

60 life lessons from Homer Simpson

October 17, 2021 Inspiration

Witty sayings about self-development, career achievements, family values, love and more. nine0003

Homer Simpson is 65 years old, according to a driver's license shot in one of the episodes. It's time to share worldly wisdom.

About self-development

1. Kids, you tried your best and still failed. Conclusion: never try.
2. Son, if you really want to achieve something in life, you have to work hard on it. And now it's quiet: the winning lottery numbers will be announced now.
3. All my life I have had one dream: to achieve all my goals. nine0314
4. If it's hard to do something, don't do it.
5. If you don't succeed the first time, give up.
6. Trying is the first step to failure.
7. No matter how good you are at something, there will always be a million people who do it even better.
8. Beer is the cause and solution of all life's problems.
9. Books are useless! I've only read one, To Kill a Mockingbird, and I never got any idea of ​​how to kill mockingbirds. Of course, she taught me not to judge a person by the color of his skin, but what good did she give me? nine0314
10. Son, this is the only time I will say this. Losing is not good.
11. It's not easy to be torn between a pregnant wife and a restless child, but I still carve out my eight hours of watching TV.
12. The only way to make everyone think good of you is to make everyone think bad of themselves. I'm tired of giving everyone the pleasure to think well of myself.

About career achievements

1. There are three phrases that you should carry with you through life. First: "Cover me." Second: "Oh, great idea, boss!" Third: "When I came, it was already like that." nine0314
2. If something goes wrong at work, blame it on a guy who doesn't speak English.
3. I think Smithers hired me for my ability to motivate others. Now that I'm around, everyone says they need to work twice as hard.
4. Kill the boss?! Will my hand rise to fulfill the American dream?
5. You don't like your job, but you don't go on strike. You go to work every day and do it somehow. This is the American way.
6. Fell asleep at the meeting? I didn't sleep, I was drunk.
7. Work is work. Take, for example, me. If my factory pollutes the water and poisons the city, by your logic I must be a criminal.
8. Marge: “Homer, they called from the factory. They say if you don't come tomorrow, you don't have to show up on Monday." Homer: "Yo-hoo! Four days off!”
9. You can work several jobs at the same time and still be lazy.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat all day. Teach a man to fish, and he will certainly catch a hook on the eyelid or something like that. nine0314

About family values ​​

1. Marge, two people are involved in a lie. One to lie and one to listen.
2. Son, the main thing in sports is not winning or losing. The main thing is to get drunk.
3. Space aliens! Please don't eat me! I have a wife and children. Eat them!
4. Old people don't need company. They need to be isolated and studied to find out if they contain any substances useful to us.
5. Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy anything, like... love!
6. Marge, don't disturb the boy! It is important to learn how to avoid obligations. This is what distinguishes us from animals.
7. So, it's already one in the morning. It's better to go home and spend some time with the kids.
8. Schoolyard code, Marge! Rules that make a man out of a boy. Let's see... Don't gossip. Always make fun of those who are different from you. Never say anything until you're sure everyone else thinks the same as you. What else?..
9. Just because I'm not worried doesn't mean I don't understand.
10. Dad, you have done a lot of good things in life, but you are very old and old people are useless.
11. I see the smiles of my children. And I understand that they started something bad.
12. My mother once said one thing that haunts me. She said, "Homer, you're a big disappointment." She meant something.
13. My father never believed in me. I will not repeat his mistakes: from today I will be softer with my son. And tougher with my father. nine0314
14. Dad wanted to say that the family is the coffin, and the children are the nails in its lid.

About love

1. You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is like a woman. You just need to read the instructions and press the right button in time.
2. Son, women are like beer. They smell good, they look good, and you're willing to step over your own mother to get them. But don't stop at one.
3. When it comes to compliments, women become irrepressible blood-sucking monsters and demand more, more and more. But if their desire is satisfied, the payment will be sweet. nine0314
4. If a woman says that everything is right , then everything is wrong . And if she says that everything is wrong , then is generally wrong .
5. I won't go to bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. Let him make a sofa in the living room. I want to sleep.
6. Marge, I don't want to scare you, but I think I love you...

About money

1. Oh no! What have I done! I broke my little boy's piggy bank! And for what? Just a few miserable cents, not even enough for one beer. Wait a minute, let me count and make sure… not even close. nine0314
2. Everything is fine, don't panic. If anything, I'll make money by selling one of my kidneys. Both are useless to me.
3. A fool and money part quickly. I would pay a lot to someone who would explain this pattern to me.

About philosophy, religion and education

1. I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, I love my children. So why should I spend half my Sunday listening to how I'm going to hell?
2. What's the point of leaving the house? We still come back every time. nine0314
3. A stupid risk gives meaning to life.
4. Of course, everything will look bad if you remember this.
5. I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually brings results.
6. And when will I finally understand this? The solution to all life's problems is not at the bottom of the bottle, but on TV!
7. How can education make me feel smarter? Every time I remember something, it takes up space, pushing something old out of my brain. Like the time I took a wine class and then forgot how to drive. nine0314
8. People can come up with any statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know this.
9. Facts are absolutely meaningless. You can use facts to prove any fiction.

The important things in life

1. Being popular is the most important thing in the world.
2. Beer… My only weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will.
3. You can't constantly blame yourself for something. Blame yourself once and move on with your life. nine0314
4. To be loved, you have to be nice to everyone every day. To hate, you don’t have to strain at all.

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