How do you feel today kids

Imagine for a moment that you don't have a birth certificate and your age is only determined by how old you feel. How much would you give yourself?

Like your height and shoe size, the number of years that have passed since you were born is an indisputable fact. But it is also a fact that we all age differently, and many people feel older or younger than their actual age.

Recently, scientists have shown increasing interest in this feature. They found that our subjective age may be key to understanding why some people only flourish with age, while others wither before our eyes. nine0011

"How much younger older people feel can determine what decisions a person makes, both day-to-day and life-changing," says Brian Nosek of the University of Virginia.

Various studies have even shown that your subjective age can be a predictor of important changes in health, including the likelihood of death.

It turns out that the words "you are as much as you feel" can be interpreted in the most direct sense. nine0011

Now scientists, intrigued by these findings, are trying to cull from a variety of biological, psychological, and social factors that shape the individual's experience of aging, and then to understand how this can help us live longer and healthier lives.

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After the age of 25, most people begin to feel younger than they actually are

New understanding of the aging process did not come overnight and required decades of research. The very first works on this topic began to appear in 1970s.

But now the initial trickle of interest has turned into a real stream. Over the past 10 years, a lot of new research has been trying to understand what psychological and physiological consequences this discrepancy in feeling and real age can lead to.

One of the most interesting areas is the study of how our subjective age affects our character.

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It is now generally accepted that as we age, a person's character softens, we become less extroverted and less open to new experiences. Such changes in character are not so noticeable in those who are young at heart, and are clearly expressed in those who subjectively feel older than in reality.

It is interesting, however, that people who are subjectively younger, among other things, become less neurotic and more conscious - that is, they still acquire the qualities that come with life experience, but do not lose the energy and vivacity of a young age. . nine0011

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So lower subjective age doesn't freeze us into a state of immaturity.

Feeling younger than your age seems to mean both a lower risk of depression and a healthier mind as we age. nine0011

Add to that a better state of health, a reduction in the risk of dementia and the diseases that bring the elderly to the hospital bed.

Yannick Stephan of the University of Montpellier reviewed data from three long-term studies that tracked the lives of more than 17,000 middle-aged and older participants.

Most felt about eight years younger than their age. But some felt like old people, and the consequences of this were very serious. nine0011

Feeling 8-13 years older resulted in an 18-25% increased risk of death during the study period, as well as more disease, even when other demographic factors such as education, race, or marital status are controlled.

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As people with lower subjective age age are less likely to experience dementia

There are many reasons why subjective age affects our health in such a way. All this may be the result of a cumulative change in character. For example, those of us who feel younger continue to enjoy traveling or new hobbies in old age. nine0011

"Research has shown, for example, that subjective age helps predict how physically active a given person will be," Stefan says.

But the mechanism linking physical and mental health to subjective age almost certainly works both ways.

If you are depressed, if you feel physically weak, often forget everything, then most likely you feel old.

• Scientists: Strict self-assessment of health can kill him

This may seem like a vicious circle: psychological and physiological factors add years of subjective age to us and worsen our health, which in turn makes us subjectively feel even older and more vulnerable.

Stefan's analysis, to be published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine, is the largest study to date on how subjective age affects mortality rates. His results are so serious that they should be carefully looked at. nine0011

Just think: your subjective age can predict your health much better than the date on your birth certificate.

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In people with lower subjective age, the retention of youthful energy is combined with the wisdom acquired over the years

With this in mind, many scientists are trying to isolate the social and psychological factors that influence for this complex process.

When exactly do we begin to understand that our brain and our body have different ages? And why is this happening?

Brian Nosek of the University of Virginia, working with colleague Nicole Lindner, has explored how the discrepancy between real and subjective age develops over the course of life.

As you might expect, most children and teenagers feel older than they really are. However, this changes around the age of 25, when the self-perception of age falls below the real one. nine0011

By age 30, approximately 70% of people feel younger than they really are. And over time, this discrepancy only grows.

As Nosek and Lindner write in their study, "subjective aging seems to occur in Martian time, where one Earth decade equals 5.3 Martian years."

Lindner and Nosek also measured the "desired age" of the study participants: it turned out that Martian time was also in effect in this case.

According to Nosek, this "reinforces the idea that over time we tend to give ourselves less and less years." nine0011

There are several peaks of change in attitudes towards one's age throughout life. As we said, 60% of twenty-year-olds want to be older. But by the age of 26 already 70% prefer to be younger, and from that moment on, most of us put on rose-colored glasses when it comes to our age.

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Health care can become more effective if we start considering people's subjective age

Some psychologists suggest that lower subjective age is a kind of self-protection. In this way, we protect ourselves from the negative stereotypes associated with aging. nine0011

In particular, this is shown by the results of a study by Anna Kornadt from the University of Bielefeld (Germany).

Kornadt suggested that subjective age is a multifaceted thing: at work, for example, you feel like one number of years, and with friends - another.

She asked study participants whether they felt older or younger in different areas of their lives.

She found that at work, in financial and health matters, people underestimate their age. And this is natural - after all, it is in these areas that old age has negative connotations. nine0011

Kornadt also found that people with lower subjective ages tended to see their future in a more positive light.

This kind of psychological self-defense protects us from the negative views on old age and old people that are characteristic of part of society, and gives us optimism. In addition, she explains where the health benefits of feeling young at heart come from.

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Many of the limitations imposed by age are dictated by your ideas about yourself

However, despite the fact that the studies mentioned have opened our eyes to some aspects of our perception of our own age, scientists are only beginning to approach all possible applications of this knowledge - in particular, for improving people's health.

For example, in one of the few existing studies on this topic, older study participants performed better in physical fitness if they were regularly praised. nine0011

Since knowledge of subjective age helps to predict the future state of health, Yannick Stefan believes that doctors should definitely ask patients how old they feel, and based on this, plan a treatment plan.

In general, it is always worth remembering that no matter how old you are, the limitations imposed by age may well be dictated by your ideas about yourself.

You can read the original of this article in English on site BBC Future .

10 forbidden phrases that parents still say to children - light blog And instead of the words that experts advise, I want to say those from which we ourselves cried in childhood. What are these phrases and how to get rid of them, explains psychoanalyst Marina Babushkina.

The specialist advises an experiment: imagine that you say the same thing to your husband (wife). Then it will be easier to reformulate the sentence as delicately as you usually address an adult whom you love and do not want to lose. nine0011

In Chukovsky's Moidodyr, the "clubfoot and crooked" Washbasin said: "Now I love you" and by this did not express love at all, but simply approval. So parents sometimes do not notice that the approval or disapproval of the child's actions is replaced by words about love.

It seems to parents that a simple “It's impossible” is not effective enough. But the threat of deprivation of love scares even the adults themselves.

What the child thinks: “Then I don't love you when you yell at me or don't buy what I want. And when you don't let me do what I want. It turns out that I often do not like you. nine0011

Check with partner : "I won't love you if you don't buy me a fur coat (you won't lose weight)".

How to replace : "You will make me happy if...", "You will make me sad if. .." in the sandbox. Parents believe that in this way the child will remember exactly what can or cannot be done.

What the child thinks : "You don't know how bad I can be." nine0011

Checking with partner : “Again, you don't remember where you put the TV remote control? You are bad".

How to replace: “You did a bad thing. You can't do that because…" Try to give the most understandable and practical explanation, then there is a better chance that the child will remember.

Children cry louder than adults. And it is physically difficult for parents to withstand this. In addition, it is also difficult for adults psychologically - because of the feeling of guilt. They believe that good moms and dads don't cry. nine0011

Adults forget at such moments that a child has the right to feel, worry, get rid of negativity so that it does not affect health. And children learn to calm down without help only with time.

What the child thinks: "Parents do not care that I feel bad."

Checking with a partner: “— I am desperate about what is happening at my work. - Don `t cry".

How to replace: “Tell me why you are crying?”, “Why are you sad/offended?” Say it, even if the reason is your prohibition or act. Add: "I'm sorry. Let me hug. I'm with you, son (daughter)." nine0011

When parents are focused on work or household chores, and the child asks for the hundredth time to explain where a cow's milk comes from, nerves can fail. The same applies to situations when you have to listen to regular disputes “I want or don’t want to go for a walk, I will go or not go.”

What the child thinks: "Nobody needs me."

Checking on a partner: “Finally we are together. "Let go, you're tired."

How to replace: Come Later. For a child, specifics are important, so add: “When the clock hands reach here” or “When the cartoon ends. ” nine0011

Parents are worried about what others will think about their methods of upbringing, if the daughter looks like a little robber, and the son looks like Pierrot. Adults also say this when they are annoyed by crying or fighting and there is no time to comfort and sort it out, and reasonable arguments are over.

What does the child think: “Are you blind, mother? I am a boy, and here I am crying.

We check on a partner: "All men are goats (women are bitches)."

How to replace: None. Just drop the stereotypes.

Adults are uncomfortable in front of the parents of children who stretch their hands to the toys of your little one, and in response they receive a look from under their brows and a squeal of “I won’t give it!”

What the child thinks: “Are you my mother or this impudent one? And if he breaks or does not give back?

We check on the partner: “My colleague came to visit us. I gave him your bathrobe and poured coffee into your favorite cup. You don't mind?"

How to replace: “What toy can you give a boy (girl) to play for a while? Will you play together? Then the boy (girl) will give you his toys.” You can also turn to the parents of another child: "Sorry, but these are his favorite toys, he does not share them." Or, "My daughter doesn't want to play together right now."

Tired parents after a busy day sometimes have only one desire: for the child to sleep. He didn’t ask for a drink, a potty, a blanket… Adults forget that it’s not always possible to influence your body. And that sleep depends on physiological processes. nine0011

What the child thinks: “Tell me how this can be done at will?”

Checking on a partner: “Let's make love quickly. You have 5 minutes."

How to replace: Extra words are not needed here, just create comfortable conditions for the child to fall asleep. Speak quietly, do not raise your voice, do not get out of bed.

Adults feel embarrassed in front of those who are accidentally or intentionally offended by a child. Parents feel that children need to be "trained" to apologize so that they feel guilty or ashamed. But the problem is that guilt cannot be instilled - its understanding must come from within. And shame will only make you angry. nine0011

What the child thinks: “What is this? I'm not sorry at all."

Checking with a partner: “Why are you talking to the driver of the next car like that? Ask for forgiveness immediately."

How to replace: It's you, not the child, who should say: "Sorry, he didn't do it on purpose" or "Sorry, she's been acting bad today."

Parents try to be patient with the occasional harm the baby may cause. But when a child spills soup or breaks a glass for the tenth time, it is difficult to resist sarcastic remarks. “Paranoia” begins: what if he does it on purpose? nine0011

What the child thinks: “Oops! I really didn't mean to.

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