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Glückliche Mutter ihren Sohn beizubringen, wie man Zähne Busch

Junge macht Hausaufgaben mit Mutter arbeiten

Junge, der an einem Buch schreibt, während seine Mutter am Laptop arbeitet. Kind, das mit Mutter lernt, die von zu Hause aus arbeitet.

Kleinkind spielt mit Mutter

Niedlichen Kleinkind Mutter im Garten helfen

Süßes Kleinkind, das Mama im Garten hilft

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Homeschooling

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Mutter unterrichtet Sohn und hilft bei den Hausaufgaben zu Hause, Sohn gibt Mutter High Five

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Mutter hilft ihrer Tochter beim Lernen zu Hause

Mutter mit Baby Sohn mit Buntstiften

Glückliches indisches Kind und junge Mutter sparen zusammen Geld

Glückliches indisches Kind und junge Mutter, die zusammen Geld sparen und Geld in ein keramisches Sparschwein stecken. Mutter, die zu Hause mit Kind auf einer Fußbodenheizung spielt, dem kleinen Sohn beibringt, Geld zu investieren, Zukunft planen

Mama lehrt ihren Sohn Radfahren im Park

Verärgerte Mutter im Gespräch mit Sohn

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Wie man Kinder ans Sparen gewöhnt

Mutter sitzt mit Sohn Reading Story Indoors

Mutter hilft Helm zum Radfahren

Mutter hilft Sohn mit Helm zum Radfahren im Park. Junge, der sich mit einem Fahrradhelm fertig macht, um mit dem Radfahren zu beginnen.

Mutter mit Sohn zu Hause arbeiten

Mutter bringt Sohn das Fahrradfahren bei

Mutter bringt dem Sohn das Fahrradfahren bei

Mutter spielt mit ihrem kleinen Kind

Mama mit ihrem kleinen Kind im kontinuierlichen Linienkunst-Zeichenstil. Mutter spielt und unterrichtet ihr Kleinkind. Minimalistische schwarze lineare Skizze, isoliert auf weißem Hintergrund. Vektor-Illustration

Eltern, die Kinder bei den Hausaufgaben zu helfen

Glückliche Familie kochen zusammen auf heimische Küche

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Mutter, die von zu Hause aus mit zu Hause unterrichteten Kindern...

Brünette Frau mit ihrem Kind.

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Eltern bringen ihrem kleinen Kind das Fahrradfahren bei

Rückansicht von Eltern, die ihrem kleinen Kind beibringen, im Park Fahrrad zu fahren.

Mutter ihr Kind zu disziplinieren.

Unterrichten und erziehen Sie Ihr Kind.

Mutter und Sohn backen zusammen

Familie auf Fahrräder

Glückliche Familie fährt im Freien Fahrrad und lächelt. Eltern unterrichten ihre Kinder. Mama und Tochter im Vordergrund

Mutter korrigiert sanft die Hausaufgaben ihrer Söhne

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glückliche Familie Mutter lehrt Kind Sohn, ein Fahrrad im Park. ..

glückliche Familienmutter bringt dem Sohn bei, im Park in der Natur Fahrrad zu fahren

glücklich niedliche kleine Kind Junge lesen Buch mit Mama

Mutter hilft ihr Sohn mit dem Fahrrad

Glückliche Eltern bringen Kindern bei, bei Sonnenuntergang am...

Glückliche Eltern, die Kindern das Fahrradfahren am Sandstrand in der Nähe des Meeres bei Sonnenuntergang beibringen

Surfunterricht

Foto von einem kleinen Surferjungen und seiner Mutter (seinem Lehrer), die einen Surfkurs am Strand am Meer haben

Glückliche Familie beim gemeinsamen Abendessen

Mutter und Sohn

Mutter unterrichtet ihren zweijährigen Sohn mit einem Kinderbuch.

Mutter hilft Ihrer Tochter und lernen

Glückliche junge Mutter, die ihrer Tochter hilft, während sie zu Hause lernt

Ja, Sie können

Mutter lernt ihren Sohn, Fahrrad zu fahren

Logopädin Sprachunterricht ein autistisches Kind in einem Büro

Schöne Lehrer und Kleinkind Mädchen Zeichnung zeichnung mit...

Mama hilft kleinem Jungen, Um Hausaufgaben zu machen. ...

Lernen, mit dem Fahrrad

Foto eines kleinen Jungen, der mit ein wenig Hilfe seiner Mutter Fahrradfahren lernt; breite Fotoabmessungen

Buch vater und sohn lesen

Mutter Sohn der Lehre von einem tablet

Afrikanischer Teenager, der mit seiner Mutter Autofahren lernt

Afrikanischer Teenager justiert den Rückspiegel, während er mit seiner Mutter Autofahren lernt

Mama hilft ihrem 4-jährigen Sohn mit einem Pinsel zu malen

Mama beobachtet und hilft ihrem Sohn beim Malen

Erwachsener Sohn zeigt älterer Mutter neue Anwendung auf dem. ..

Tausendjähriger erwachsener Sohn demonstriert älterer Mutter neue Anwendung auf dem Smartphone sitzen auf der Couch zu Hause, hilft ihr und lehrt, zeigt alten Mama Fotos, teilt persönliche, Spaß habende, moderne Tech-Nutzungskonzept

Mutter, Vater, Kinder Schüler machen Hausaufgaben....

Mutter, Vater, Kinder Schüler Charaktere machen Hausaufgaben. Familienbildung, Konzept Schule zu Hause. Eltern und Kinder machen gemeinsam Unterricht, bereiten den Unterricht vor. Cartoon People Vektor Illustration

Wandern

Mutter lehrt Sohn, ein Fahrrad auf der Straße zu fahren

Laptop Computer Bildung Mutter Kinder Sohn Familie Kindheit

Frau gibt Geld und ermahnt Jungen

Kinder- und Geldkonzept. Frau, die den Teenager ermahnt, während sie ihm zu Hause Geld gibt

Glücklicher schwarzer Vater und Sohn putzen Gemüse, während sie...

Glücklicher afroamerikanischer Vater und Sohn, die Salat an der Küchenspüle waschen, während sie zusammen eine Mahlzeit zubereiten. Mutter und Tochter sind im Hintergrund.

Mutter und Sohn in der Küche

Junge afroamerikanische Mutter und ihr süßer Sohn bereiten gemeinsam gesunde und leckere Sandwiches in der Küche zu.

Gruppe von Eltern, die Eltern und Wandern mit Kindern genießen

Mutter unterrichtet gelangweilten Sohn und hilft bei den. ..

Eine Mutter, die gelangweilten Sohn unterrichtet und zu Hause bei den Hausaufgaben hilft

Mutter mit Kind

Neue genration

Mutter hilft Sohn, wie man ein Laptop und Internet benutzt

Junge asiatische Frau lehren ihren Sohn sparen Geld haben gute...

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7 types of parents who harm themselves and their children: do you recognize yourself among them?

Parents are different. And all parents make mistakes - this is normal, it is impossible to be perfect. But you can monitor your reactions and sometimes look at yourself from the side - you can. An article by our blogger, psychologist Yulia Guseva, can help with this.

1. Parent in fusion

It is clear that a pregnant woman is initially very strongly connected with the child. The first stirring is the beginning of the separation. A newborn baby is physically separated from the mother, but psychologically she is still in merger with him, and he himself does not feel his own boundaries. Young mothers often say, "We ate, we slept, our tummy hurts, we're going to the doctor." When it comes to a baby, this is a healthy reaction. Both mother and child need time to separate from each other.

By about the age of three, the child finally separates from the mother, the child feels like a separate being. Here it is important that the mother also begins to perceive the child as a separate person and behave accordingly.

Theoretically, everything is clear, but what does a merge parent look like in practice? If, at a psychologist’s appointment, the father of a ten-year-old boy says: “We have fears,” there is a merging parent. At the same time, dad's actions clearly illustrate his words - he removes a scarf, a jacket from the boy, helps to untie the laces on his shoes. Or another example: a merging mother teaches lessons with a third grader, literally inspecting every letter written by a child. She collects his briefcase (what if he forgets his pencil case or notebook?).

Why is mother doing this? Because, mom says, the boy is not independent, irresponsible, he always forgets everything and never shows initiative himself. Indeed, such a boy. But why is he like this? He has no opportunity to express himself. As soon as he comes home, his mother immediately opens his briefcase and takes out a diary with the words: "What did they ask us?". She organizes his workplace herself, arranges pens and notebooks. Sometimes he even pulls out a pen to correct a sloppy letter. It is difficult in this case to feel like a separate person, it is almost impossible to take the initiative.

A parent who merges with a child ceases to live his own life. His "I" seems to dissolve in the child. Such a parent does not allow the child to take a step on his own. Already an adult child is on a "short leash" of a mobile phone - a "merging" mother can require her twenty-five-year-old son to report on each step taken and regularly calls him, checking where he is, whether everything is in order with him.

Questions and advice for parents:

• Do you sometimes say "we" instead of "I" or "he (a)"? If yes, in what situations? What do you think you are going to say, merging with the child?
• Try to reformulate the phrases you said, abandoning the pronoun "we" and using the pronouns "I" or "he (a)". What do you feel? Has the meaning of what was said changed?

2. Introjecting parent

An introject is a message (idea, thought, belief) that is transmitted from one person to another. Accordingly, the introjective form of interaction between the parent and the child is manifested in the fact that the parent “puts” various messages into the child, not giving him the opportunity to make a decision on his own.

The introjecting parent exists and operates according to strict rules. He knows exactly what can and cannot be done. Of course, there are useful introjective messages. For example, the messages “you can’t cross the road at a red light”, “you need to brush your teeth twice a day”, “you need to wash your hands before eating”, “you can’t take someone else’s without permission” are useful. They show the child how to act in certain situations. By the way, these messages are assimilated by the child without pronunciation. If the parent, having come home, washes his hands, then the child, looking at the parent, does the same.

But there are also other messages: “You should always have soup for dinner”, “A boy should not cry”, “A woman should be weak”, “If you don’t study, you will become a janitor”, “You must definitely get a higher education”. A child who regularly hears the message “It is imperative to finish music school” has not made an independent choice. He follows the wishes of his parents. After all, parents do not explain why "A boy should not cry" and what would be terrible if a boy cries.

It is difficult for a child of introjecting parents to learn to make decisions on their own. Often he lives "as it should", forgetting about his needs and desires and the possibility of their satisfaction.

Questions and advice for parents:

• What messages did your parents give you? How have they affected your life? How do you feel as you remember these messages now?
• Make a list of your own introjective messages that you convey to your child. Which ones are useful? Maybe you should give up some of them?
• Try to "try on" each introjective message for yourself by changing "you" to "I". If you tell your child: “You must definitely eat everything that is on your plate,” say to yourself: “I must definitely eat everything that is on my plate.” What do you feel? Are you ready to follow this message?

3. Projecting parent

A person attributes his motivations, desires, interests to the outside world. In our case, the parent attributes something to the child. The simplest example of projection: a mother, frozen on a walk, puts a sweater on her child.

The projecting parent knows everything: he knows when the child is hungry, when he is sad, when it is difficult for him, and when it is interesting. But, most likely, the parent projects his own feelings, desires and needs onto the child.

For example, a girl does figure skating without much zeal. And mom says: “Katya likes figure skating so much! She enjoys the ice!" How does mom know what Katya likes and what she enjoys? She didn't even ask her. Mom herself likes figure skating, so she torments her daughter.

Or another example. Grandmother often says to her grandson: “My poor man, it is so difficult to study at school, there are so many things to ask!”. At the same time, the grandson is fine: he studies well and does not suffer. Grandmother talks about herself - to her, an elderly person, without education, the heaps of formulas in her grandson's textbook seem frightening. It seems to her that it is impossible to figure this out. And the grandson gradually begins to study worse. Regularly listening to grandmother's statements (projections), he begins to feel that learning is really difficult.

Questions and recommendations for parents:

• Can you remember the projective statements your parents said to you? What do you think of these statements now?
• Can you remember a few things you have ever said about children? Who are these statements about more: about you or about your children? How do these statements characterize you? How might they affect your children?

4. Retroflexing parent

Retroflection is “turning towards or towards yourself”. Retroflection occurs in two versions:

• mirror retroflection, in which a person does to himself what he would like to receive from others.
• retroflection of catharsis: a person does to himself what he would like to do to others.

The retroflexing parent is very self-sufficient. This is the parent who does everything himself and never asks for help from either the spouse or, especially, the child. At first glance, such a parent can command respect - he does not, for example, force the child to do household chores, does not interfere in his affairs (does not ask the teenager about friends, hobbies). But there is a downside: the child often feels unwanted and abandoned. He may even be jealous of the children of overprotective parents.

Parents deserve special attention, for whom catharsis retroflection is typical - they never scold their children. From the outside, they are gentle, very kind parents. Surrounding, looking at them, sometimes begin to feel guilty, because they are not like that at all. But there are nuances here too: all the energy of these parents is directed at themselves. Even the one that was originally intended for children. Retroflecting parents suppress in themselves the irritation, anger, anger that was intended for the child. Instead of telling the child about his disappointment, the parent bites his lips to the blood, bites his nails, or otherwise shows auto-aggression.

What happens to the child? He feels insignificant, unnecessary. It seems to him that his parents do not care what he is and what happens to him. After all, parents react poorly even to his problems - deuces or absenteeism. Then the child begins to behave in such a way that he is noticed, that he is paid attention to. The child starts smoking, drinking alcohol or drugs, running away from home, stealing. And all this time he is waiting for the reaction of his parents.

Questions and advice to parents:

• Don't be indifferent. Be sure to talk to children about feelings, including negative ones. Don't be afraid to sincerely say that you are upset, outraged, annoyed, or angry.
• Take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Requests are one of the means of communication. Do different things with your child. It is necessary for both him and you.

5. Deflexing parent

Deflexion manifests itself in the fact that a person does not direct energy to the object to which it was originally intended, but redirects it, directs it to something else. A deflexing parent really wants to engage in developmental activities with their child. But instead of sculpting, drawing, reading books or doing something else, the deflexing parent spends a lot of time looking for and reading methodological literature, communicates on specialized sites and forums. He really spends a lot of energy preparing for classes. But he doesn’t conduct classes or doesn’t conduct them at all as planned. Because too much energy has been spent preparing and waiting for the result.

The deflexing parent reads a lot of articles and books on pedagogy and child psychology. True, he buys even more books and downloads them on the Internet, leaving them unread. It often seems to him that right now he will learn something very important and after that he will become an ideal parent.

Deflection is a way of avoiding contact. The parent seems to fence off from the child by reading books or notations. Books, manuals, parent forums or notations become a wall between a parent and a child.

Questions and advice for parents:

• Don't try to be the perfect parent. An ideal is an unattainable absolute. And a child needs an ordinary loving and accessible parent.
• Do not plan many grand events and activities. Better just play, draw or take a walk in the park.
• Talk to your child about yourself, about your feelings and experiences. It's better than reading the notation.

6. Egotistical parent

A typical egotist is a Chekhovian man in a case: a man who consciously cuts himself off from others and not only does not strive for intimacy, but also tries to avoid it. And, indeed, an egoistic parent fences off from the child. A kind of snow queen - cold, insensitive, inanimate. Such a mother strives for the ideal. And he wants to see an ideal child: well-mannered, always clean and tidy, calm, quiet, polite. She often has high demands on the child.

To say that the egotistical parent is not interested in the child at all would not be true. He is interested. And even communicate. But selectively. The egotistical parent prefers structured and mediated communication. The so-called cultural program. Going to a museum, cinema, theater, zoo, planetarium - such entertainment is loved by an egotic parent. He is ready to read to a child, play board games, study with him, teaching him math or reading.

The mediation of communication is manifested in the fact that there is something between the parent and the child that creates the precondition for communication. This can be an event (performance), an exhibit in a museum, a book, and a development aid. No need to be spontaneous, no need to invent anything. You can watch the performance and discuss it. You can walk around the museum and discuss the exposition.

But spontaneous games, role-playing games or heart-to-heart talks are alien to egotism. In such games, the parent needs to invest too much of himself, take a lot of initiative. This is difficult for an egotistical parent, because in such games between a parent and a child there is no longer an object that is a reason for communication and sets the topic. The egoic parent unconsciously tries to avoid this form of communication with the child.

Questions and advice to parents:

• Try not to answer a question with a question. Answer the child's question and only then ask your own.
• Listen to the child. If you find it difficult to have a long dialogue (and some children like to talk endlessly), then limit yourself to supporting words, showing that you are a child. It is enough sometimes to nod your head and say “yeah”, “uh-huh”, “wow”, “wow”, “funny”. This is the first step towards dialogical communication.

7. Devaluing parent

The name speaks for itself. This is a person who devalues ​​what he has. There are two types here: the first devalues ​​himself as a parent, the second devalues ​​the child.

Self-defeating parent

This parent lives by the principle "I'm a bad mother" or "I'm a bad father." It seems to him that he does little for the child, that other parents are trying much more. At the same time, all these accusations against them are usually unfounded. Such a parent does not harm the child, at least apparently. But he does not allow himself to live in peace, as he constantly feels "bad", "inferior", "worst of all". Often a parent feels guilty and tries to make amends for it. And then the child gets even more attention, love, toys.

A parent who devalues ​​a child

Such a parent expects unprecedented heights from a child and is constantly dissatisfied with the current state of the child. The devaluing parent has too high demands on the child. He does not rejoice at the success of the child, but only sets him up for new achievements. Instead of praise, the devaluing parent will say, “Learned to read? Everyone can read. Now, let's teach you how to play chess better." The child studies and even wins the school championship. You probably already guess what the parent's reaction will be: "Well, the school championship is not difficult to win, you try to win the city one!". A graduate who received a gold medal, instead of congratulations, hears parting words for entering a university.

A devaluing parent is stingy with praise. It seems to him that the praise of a child can be spoiled. Such a parent looks accusingly at other parents, who, in his opinion, “praise” their children.

Questions and advice for self-devaluing parents:

• Make a list of things you do for your child but might not (shouldn't) do. Are all the items on this list carried out by other parents?
• Why are you doing all this?
• The most important thing a child needs is love.

Questions and advice to parents who devalue a child:

• What can your child do? Are all children like this?
• It is important not only to outline prospects, but also to evaluate what has been achieved. This will help the child to take the initiative.

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