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Scrabble Word Finder & Cheat Tool
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Are you searching for a reliable Scrabble® word finder? Look no further.
The WordFinder® word solver tool has everything you need. If you need a quick Scrabble® cheat or you’re dealing with a tricky anagram or word jumble, our word finder cheat can help. Simply type the letters into the search bar to find every word you need.
Word Finder Help for Your Favorite Word Games
Looking for word game help and cheats? Whether you’re trying to unscramble Scrabble® letters, play bingos in Words With Friends® or find the perfect starting word for Wordle, WordFinder® has you covered with a bevy of useful word game tools:
Words With Friends® cheat
Wordle solver
NYT Spelling Bee answers
Quordle solver
Anagram solver
Word scramble solver
5 letter words
… and many other word games !
Word games supported by WordFinder by YourDictionary
How to Use Our Word Finder
The WordFinder® word search unscrambles letters, searches our Words With Friends®, Wordscapes®, Word Chums® or Scrabble® dictionary for words that win, and gives them to you sorted alphabetically and by word length. Our word finder cheat tool is really easy to use! Whether you’re playing a mobile app or a board game, we’re here to help!
For a more detailed explanation of how to use our word finder tool, including examples, read our inside guide on how to use WordFinder® on our blog.
Make Words With These Letters
This is really at the heart of the WordFinder® Scrabble® cheat tool. You give us letters. We tell you how to make words with these letters.
See that big search field at the top of the page? Enter your letters here, as many as 20 characters at a time.
As part of those 20 letters, you can include up to three wildcards. These represent the blank tiles you get in Words With Friends® and Scrabble®. Enter a question mark (?) or a space to indicate a wildcard.
Wildcards can represent any letter. You’ll see them as blue letters on the unscramble results page.
Before you hit that search button, be sure to double-check the selected Game Dictionary.
Some words may be valid in some games but not others. And, the scoring system varies between games too.Once you’re ready, press that search button. Our word solver will take you to a page with all the words with these letters and blanks.
How to Use Our Word Finder
Advanced Search Features
Want to be more specific with the words you want to find? The advanced search features in our word solver are designed for exactly that purpose.
Words that start with: Use the “starts” field to limit your search results only to words that start with a certain letter or letters.
Words containing these letters: Find words that contain a certain letter or set of letters using the “contains” search field.
Words ending in: Use the “ends” field to look for words that end in a particular letter or combination of letters.
Words by length: The “length” field helps you search for words with a certain number of letters.
You can use any of these advanced search functions in any combination with one another too!
Word Games to Play Anywhere, Any Time
Thanks to smartphones and other devices, you can play word games basically anywhere at any time.
The access to online word games means you have variety too. One moment you can be finishing another level in Wordscapes. The next moment, you can find Wordle solutions or 4 Pics 1 Word answers. Scrabble® players have lots of options too!
Since most word games have simple designs, many people have created renditions of popular word game types. For example, did you know there are great alternatives to Wordle you can play while waiting for the next daily Wordle? Keep those skills sharp with extra practice.
Keep Up With Wordle and Other New Word Games
We constantly update the WordFinder® solver tools to keep up with the release of new word games. Take Wordle, for example, which became an instant hit in early 2022.
Millions of people added the game to their daily routines.
Of course, this meant many people also needed a reliable solver for more difficult puzzles. We quickly added the game to our collection and created a dedicated Wordle helper. If you just want a Wordle hint or three, we've got you covered too. Plus, if you ever want to look back, we’ve also got a full list of past Wordle answers, including the solution to today’s Wordle.
We’ll continue to make the same updates for other word games that spring up in the future.
Word Games for All Ages
Another great thing about word games is that players of all ages can enjoy them. Language is such a critical part of everyday life! Regardless of what you do or where you live, word games can offer an opportunity to flex those language-twisting muscles in a fun and engaging way!
Word Games to Help Kids Learn
Learning words can be hard, so why not make it fun? Young children may not quite be able to unscramble letters to form a 7-letter bingo bonus word in Scrabble®.
But, they can play age-appropriate word games.
Scrabble Jr. is a great example intended for a younger audience. Are your kids learning to play and need some help? Our Scrabble® word finder is handy for that game too.
Word Game Apps for Adults
Technology has allowed word game enthusiasts to play whatever game suits them best. And these games keep getting better!
Words With Friends®: The now-classic competitive word game inspired by Scrabble®. Play with friends or strangers, plus enter tournaments and special events.
Wordle: A daily word game with six chances to find a five-letter word. Once you find the answer, share your score on social media!
Scrabble® GO : This official Scrabble® app offers a fresh take on the classic word game. Explore several new modes and power-ups.
Wordscapes® : Take a more relaxed approach that still challenges your word knowledge.
Link letters and form words while solving a crossword puzzle without the clues.
Word Games for Senior Brain Training
Older players can play word games to keep their minds sharp while having fun too. Indeed, word games are a great way to boost brain power among seniors.
Daily Word Search : In addition to the word search in your daily newspaper, many apps and websites have word searches too.
Mahjong Words : Instead of finding matching tiles in the classic Chinese game, this version gets players to form words with letter tiles.
Wheel of Fortune : Playing along at home while watching the TV game show? Playing your own game via the mobile app? Both ways, Wheel of Fortune is well worth a spin.
From crossword puzzles to word search finders, word jumbles, and anagram puzzles, there’s a word game for everyone. Regardless of age or skill level, you just have to get in there and play!
Benefits of Word Games for Everyone
There are lots of reasons to play Words With Friends® and other similar word games.
You’re taking the chance to scour your existing word knowledge to win the game, all while learning new words along the way. It’s no surprise that people have been playing Scrabble® for years.
Some people might say that a word finder tool is just a Scrabble® cheat. Really, it’s more about finding the best possible moves to capitalize on opportunities. Plus, you’ll learn some new words, confirm your existing vocabulary, and brush up on your spelling. It’s about getting the Scrabble® help you need to level up your game.
Boosting Puzzle Solving Skills
Naturally, a big part of playing word games has to do with the words. And knowing words. And knowing which words to use for the most points. That’s obvious enough.
You not only have to find words, though. You have to flex your puzzle solving skills too. This takes some creative, critical thinking.
Take Wordscapes®, for example. The game presents you with five or six letters, but it’s up to you to find words with those letters.
And, those words have to fit into the crossword puzzle that comes with it. When you get stuck, you can use our word finder with letters you have in each level.
Expanding Vocabulary
With games like Scrabble® GO and Words With Friends®, it’s easy to remember common words like “cat” or “house.” But, when you’ve got just a few letters and you’re trying to reach that triple word score, you may stumble across new vocabulary words almost by accident.
This is one of the great advantages of word game apps. They automatically check the validity of your word before you can play it. This encourages some trial and error as you find words. As a result, you’ll learn some new words along the way.
Did you know that “qanat” and “qintars” are great Q words for big points? How about all the two letter Scrabble® words perfect for hook opportunities?
Supplementing Educational Resources
Word games, in and of themselves, can never replace a standard classroom curriculum.
They can, however, be a great way to bring classroom learning to life. With some word finder practice, they can help to solidify vocabulary (and trivia) among students.
Rote memorization is one thing. The application of that knowledge, though, is where students really come to understand the material.
Word games are meant to be fun. Playing with anagrams and jumble solvers is a great way to supplement school learning. They expand on lessons on phonics, diphthongs, and other spelling and grammar concepts.
Play Strategy and Scrabble® Cheat Tools
Just as word games like Wordscapes® are great for puzzle solving, more competitive word games like Scrabble® can test your strategic thinking. Sometimes, playing a big six-letter word might not be the best play. It may not take advantage of bonus squares, for example. Or, in some cases, it may open up bonus squares for your opponent.
Using a Scrabble® helper can give you a leg-up. It can help uncover your best options.
At the same time, it’s up to you to think critically to determine the best strategic move.
It’s like playing chess, but with letter tiles! Our Scrabble® solver provides the words you can play. Then, you decide which words you should play.
Find Words to Win With Powerful Word Lists
“What do you read, my lord?” Polonius asks in Shakespeare’s famous play Hamlet. Hamlet simply replies, “Words, words, words.” Yes, they may be “just” words. But, we also know how the pen is mightier than the sword!
To conquer games and vanquish your foes, you need to arm yourself with the mightiest words of all. To keep your Wordle streak alive, you'll need plenty of five letter words, for instance.
Need more help? No problem!
WordFinder® offers word lists full of power plays to take your word game skills to the next level. These lists can help you find words and prepare for the challenges ahead. You’ll always have just the right word to play at just the right moment.
Browse our word lists to find high scoring words. Or, if you know which letters you need help with, you can try some of these popular choices:
5 letter S words like serve, sower, spike, shrub and salad
Words with the letter X like axel, index, complex and unexpected
Words without vowels like lynx, rhythms, brrr and myrrh
Vowel words like aiyee, eye, eau, oe and ae
2 letter words like gi, ka, sh, xu and ag
The WordFinder Scrabble Dictionary
Just because you know a word doesn’t mean you’ll be able to play that word! Play around with our Scrabble® cheat tool to find words you can actually play in your favorite word games.
WordFinder Scrabble Dictionary
Did you know that Scrabble dictionary words aren’t necessarily the same as the words you find in Words With Friends®? And there are differences between the Scrabble® US and Scrabble® UK dictionaries too.
That’s why it’s so important to check, both for the validity of the word and the number of points it’ll score. The letter tile values are different in Scrabble® and Words With Friends® too.
A great example is the word “wordfinder.”
Curiously, “wordfinder” is perfectly playable — and good for 19 points — in Words With Friends®. However, it’s not a valid word in the Scrabble® US or Scrabble® UK dictionaries! The best Scrabble® word with those letters is “frownier” for 14 points. Using the right Scrabble® word finder with the letters you have gives you the best chance at winning.
Having WordFinder® by YourDictionary at your fingertips will surely put a smile on your face. Good luck and have fun!
SCRABBLE®, Words With Friends®, Word Chums® and Jumble® are the property of their respective trademark owners. These trademark owners are not affiliated with, and do not endorse and/or sponsor, LoveToKnow®, its products or its websites, including yourdictionary.
com. Use of this trademark on yourdictionary.com is for informational purposes only.
Words With Friends Cheat and Helper
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24+ Popular Games the WordFinder App Supports
Nov 15, 2022 • 8 min read
Is Co a Scrabble Word? Two Letters, One Question
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Your search for the ultimate Words With Friends® cheat tool is over. The WordFinder® WWF solver will help turn your letters into game-winning words. No matter what letters you have, if they can make a valid word to play, we’ll find it for you.
WordFinder® isn’t just a word search. It’s a total WWF cheat solution. All you need to do is type in your letter tiles, including on your rack and any on the game board you want to use.
Then, hit the search button.
The Words With Friends® cheat tool is an anagram solver that provides a full list of playable, legal words from those letters, straight from the Words With Friends® game. Every set of search results comes sorted by length and with point values included. Just check your list, look at your board and pick your favorite word to play.
Whether you’re just looking for a little help with a tricky set of tiles, or need a complete Words With Friends® word finder that will win you every game, WordFinder® has you covered. Go forth and win.
Words With Friends Cheat Instructions
It’s a close game with your fiercest rival, and you need all the Words With Friends® help you can get. What are the best words you can make with these letters? Especially if your opponent is doing it too, it is definitely in your best interest to use our Words With Friends® word finder. Using this word unscrambler is how you’ll find the high-scoring word you need to win in Words With Friends®!
Enter Your Letters
Let’s break down how to use the WWF cheat tool.
Here are some simple instructions:
The first step in using our Words With Friends® helper is obvious enough. See that “ENTER LETTERS” search bar? Care to guess what you’re supposed to do there?
You can enter up to 20 letters here, including up to three wildcards. Use either question marks (?) or spaces to enter your wildcards. The tool will automatically convert spaces into question marks. Convenient, right?
Words With Friends Cheat Instructions
Use the Advanced Search
Look right below the main search bar where you enter your letters. The four boxes can help you find words with specific parameters. These include:
Words that start with a certain letter or letters
Words that contain a certain letter or letters
Words ending in a certain letter or letter
Words of a certain length based on the number of letters
You can enter several letters into any of these fields, except for length, of course.
And you can use these fields in any combination you’d like.
This means you can narrow your search to find words with letters in a specific order. For instance, you can look for words that start with AN, contain S, end in ING, and are 9 letters long. “Answering” is one such word that fits all these criteria.
Daily Wordle hints can help you find specific puzzle answers each day. But, choosing the best option in Words With Friends® can be more about preference and strategy. Need to cut down on the time you spend searching for a word? These filters are the Words With Friends® help you need.
Sort Your Results
After you type in your letters, enter your advanced search parameters and hit that search button, you’ll receive the bounty of your efforts. Well, it’s the bounty of your letters coupled with our Words With Friends® word generator!
Results are grouped together by word length, starting with the longest words. So, all the 7-letter words are together, all the 5-letter words are together, and so on.
By default, each word list is sorted by point value with the highest value words first. Prefer to see them in alphabetical (A to Z) or reverse alphabetical (Z to A) order instead? Just click the “Sort by” button at the top-right corner of the word list.
Click on the “definition” icon next to each word to get its definition from YourDictionary. Next to that icon is a kebab menu (three vertical dots). In this menu are options to save a word to your favorites or report a word that doesn’t seem to work in WWF. To view your saved words, click on your profile picture at the top.
Play Your Cheat Words With Friends
Last but certainly not least, you’ve got your payoff. This is why you’re using the best Words With Friends® cheat app in the first place, right?
After sifting through the search results, and maybe playing around with different placements on the Words With Friends® game board, it’s time to make some words! Rack up big points and bask in the glory of the lead you’ve taken in the game.
Our Words With Friends® cheat board is here to help you win.
How to Play Words With Friends
If you’ve ever played Scrabble®, then you’ll feel right at home with Words With Friends®. It’s basically the same game. They’ve just changed the board layout slightly and the word list is a little different.
Where to Play Words With Friends
You have a few options to play Words With Friends® online. The most common way is on your mobile device of choice.
These days, that probably means you’re playing on an Android smartphone, Android tablet, Apple iPhone or Apple iPad. You can also play Words With Friends® on an Amazon Fire tablet, Nook tablet, and other compatible mobile devices.
The other way to enjoy WWF online is to play Words With Friends® on Facebook. That’s the easiest way to play Words With Friends® on a computer, since it’ll work in any browser. If you’ve got a Google Chromebook, you can likely install the Android app via the Google Play Store too.
Unscramble Letters and Play Words
The standard Words With Friends® game board is the same size as Scrabble®. The standard grid is 15 squares by 15 squares, adding up to 225 squares in all. Some game modes, like the Solo Challenge, use a smaller 11 x 11 game board (121 squares) for a tighter, faster-paced game.
Words With Friends Board
Then, you’ve got a bunch of letter tiles. Words With Friends® letter tiles are very similar to Scrabble® letter tiles. However, their point values differ. The distribution of letters also differs.
Players take turns placing tiles on the board, forming words, and earning points. You have up to 7 letter tiles on your “rack” at any given time.
Each time you form a word, it must connect with letters already on the board. You can only play one word, either horizontally or vertically. If you create additional words by playing that one word, though, you also get those points. Every word you form must be valid, which is why having the best Words With Friends® cheat on hand is so beneficial.
Win With a Words With Friends Word Finder
So, you’ve got a bunch of letters. And the best you can come up with is “AT” for a paltry 2 points. You can do better. Indeed, you must do better.
When you want Words With Friends® help, you can turn to us, your friends with words. Use our handy Words With Friends® word finder to look for words with your letters. Find the best words for the most points and lay them down for the win. That’s the biggest and most obvious benefit of using a Words With Friends® cheat tool.
Take Advantage of WWF Bonus Squares
If you go around playing any word any which way, you’re probably not going to win. A big part of learning how to win every game of Words With Friends® is capitalizing on bonus squares! After you’ve used our WWF word finder, look to see what word you can play to cash in on these bonus spaces.
DL stands for Double Letter. It doubles the point value of the letter played on that square.
TL stands for Triple Letter. It triples the point value of the letter played on that square.
DW stands for Double Word. It doubles the point value of the entire word.
TW stands for Triple Word. It triples the point value of the entire word.
These are the same bonus squares as you find when playing a Scrabble® word, except they’re in different spots on the board. This can affect your strategic choices for what words to play and where.
Better still, you can stack these bonuses on top of one another. If you can stretch a word across two DW squares — there are four places on the board where this is possible — you get to double your double word score. That’s four times your word score!
Power-Ups and Other Options
One more thing. Actually, a few more things.
If you’re having trouble making a good Words With Friends® word out of a particularly annoying word scramble, you can always swap letters.
This costs you a turn, but may open up better opportunities for your next turn. Just hit the “Swap” button near the bottom.
For a fresh perspective, hit the “Shuffle” button to move your letters around. You can also choose to “Pass” your turn. Or, you can use one of the four power-ups near the top of the screen.
Hindsight shows you the best possible word you could have played in your previous turn.
Word Radar highlights where you can play a word on the game board. A supercharged version of this power-up shows where you can play the best possible word on the board.
Swap+ lets you swap tiles without losing your turn.
Word Clue highlights one place on the board where you can play a word, along with which letter tiles you can use to form a word there.
You have a limited number of power-ups, so use them wisely. You can earn more power-ups via in-game activity or buy them using in-app purchases.
Of course, using our Words With Friends® word finder is the best power-up of them all. But, that goes without saying.
Level Up With Our Word Finder
There are two main ways that you can get better at Words With Friends®. One of them is to play a lot of games over a long period of time. Like so many other skills, hobbies and endeavors in life, the more experience and practice you have, chances are the better you’ll get at it. It helps to play against increasingly challenging opponents too.
But, here’s a little secret. Another awesome way to get really good at Words With Friends® is to use our WWF word finder. This will put you on the fast track to success, because you’ll be able to find the best Words With Friends® words for the most points in just a few quick clicks.
Nothing beats practice and experience. But, our WWF word cheat moves that process along more quickly than if you tried to muddle through your existing vocabulary on your own. Level up your game by learning new words, many words that you may not use in everyday life, and solve word jumbles like a pro.
Scoring Points in Words With Friends
Did you know that the highest scoring word in Words With Friends® is the same as it is in Scrabble®? Well, sort of. You could lay down OXYPHENBUTAZONE for a theoretical 1,674 points... except it’s not really feasible to play that word in the game. Some better documented high score plays include BADMOUTH for 191 points and BLAZONER for 167 points.
Surely, using our handy WWF cheat would help in finding such high-scoring words. On average, you can expect to get between 300 and 500 points in a game. Another goal to keep in mind is to average at least 30 points per turn. That includes any bonus points or additional words you play in a single turn.
Play Single-Player Words With Friends
Does this completely ignore the whole “with friends” part of Words With Friends®? Maybe, but you can still brush up on those word game skills by enjoying some solo action too. Words With Friends® provides two main options for singles play.
Words With Friends Solo Challenge
The first option is something that they call the Solo Challenge. You face off against themed opponents — characters inspired by literary greats, for example — on a smaller 11 x 11 game board. It’s a “challenge” because they increase in difficulty and you can unlock game content as you defeat them.
If your WWF Solo Challenge gets stuck, we’ve got a guide for getting you unstuck.
Single-Player Practice Mode
If you want a different way to practice your Words With Friends® game, there’s also the suitably-named practice mode. It’s a bit hidden, so here are the steps to find it.
From the WWF main screen, tap on the + symbol button to start a new game.
Select “Create Game” from the provided menu.
Choose “Practice Mode” to “practice offline and sharpen your skills.”
This is how you can play WWF offline against an unnamed computer opponent. The Practice Mode opponent makes a move every two minutes.
Unlike the Solo Challenge, you get the full 15 x 15 game board in this mode.
Why Play Words With Friends?
There are many reasons to play Words With Friends®, some practical and some less practical. In fact, we wrote a whole article on why you should play WWF. While it can be difficult to arrange an in-person game of Scrabble®, you’ve always got a game at your fingertips with WWF on Facebook or on your phone.
The game also taps into your strategic thinking and critical problem-solving skills. Using a WWF word cheat to find the best words to play is one aspect. Figuring out how best to play them is another part. All the while, you’re building up your word knowledge. This expanded vocabulary is awesome for school, work, and for shutting down trolls on social media too!
Words With Friends vs. Scrabble Cheat
Depending on your perspective, this is another reason why you should play Words With Friends®. It allows for more creative play.
The bigger playable word list compared to the Scrabble® dictionary means you’ve got more tools in your toolbox.
Even if something isn’t a valid Scrabble® word, it might be in the Words With Friends® dictionary as a playable word. You can always verify this by using our Words With Friends® word generator.
Get Social, Have Fun
Did you know that Words With Friends® has a built-in chat function? And you can easily connect your Facebook account to your Zynga Words With Friends® profile so that you can match up with your Facebook friends too!
Just as “games night” can be a regular thing with your best chums, Words With Friends® on your phone, tablet or computer can be a 24/7 thing. It’s a social endeavor with a good dose of healthy competition (and gloating rights for the winner). Not only will you have fun and network with other players, but you may learn a few things along the way too.
Community is a major factor in why Words With Friends® has been so successful. We can see further proof of this in other games that emphasize social interaction. Wordle flourished because people shared their scores online.
Players offered each other tips, like their best Wordle starting words, too. Being able to connect with other players is one of the best aspects of online word games.
Fun Facts About Words With Friends
As one of the world’s most popular word games and mobile apps, Words With Friends® understandably gets a lot of attention. And love. Here are some fun facts about the game that just might surprise you.
Words With Friends Fun Facts
WWF Started With Newtoy in 2009
Newtoy, Inc. developed the original Words With Friends® game in 2009. Paul Bettner, David Bettner and Michael Chow co-founded the video game company only the year before.
Words With Friends® got its start via the Apple App Store, launching only for the iPhone and iPod touch. It was an instant sensation. Words With Friends® expanded to Android in 2012.
Zynga Acquired Newtoy for $53.3 Million
The hype was real in 2009. It was so real, in fact, that just a year later in November 2010, Zynga went ahead and scooped up Newtoy, Inc.
for a cool $53.3 million, plus an undisclosed amount of company stock. The next month, in December 2010, Newtoy became Zynga with Friends, operating as a subsidiary of Zynga.
Other “With Friends” Games
Words With Friends® wasn’t the first game that Newtoy developed. The company’s first game was Chess with Friends, published in November 2008 for the iPhone and iPod touch. It took the classic game of chess and allowed for asynchronous play, just like how Words With Friends® offers an asynchronous take on Scrabble®.
Beyond Chess with Friends® (2008) and Words With Friends® (2009), the company also developed and published:
Hanging With Friends® (2011)
Scramble With Friends® (2012, later renamed Word Streak With Friends®)
Matching With Friends® (2012)
Gems With Friends® (2012)
Running With Friends® (2013, later renamed Stampede Run®)
They also published We Rule (2010), a simulation RPG that doesn’t share the same “with friends” naming scheme as their other titles.
Words With Friends Board Game Collaboration
It’s funny how things can come full circle. First, there was the traditional Scrabble® board game with an actual physical board and wooden letter tiles. This inspired the Words With Friends® mobile app, a digital take on the original. Then, Hasbro and Zynga partnered to launch a physical Words With Friends® board game in 2012.
In other words, the offline went online, only to be transformed into an offline version. Choice is good!
Millions of Words With Friends Players
At this point, we all know that Words With Friends® is pretty popular. Maybe you’ve been playing since day one. Or perhaps you’ve only picked up the game recently. Whatever the case, you’re in good company.
According to some reports, Words With Friends® was downloaded more than 60 million times in its first two years. That number ballooned to more than 218 million total users as of 2019! Today, an estimated 13 million monthly active users play Words With Friends® regularly.
A Huge Words With Friends Game
Did you know that the Words With Friends® dictionary contains over 173,000 words? The official WWF word list is based on the Enhanced North American Benchmark Lexicon (ENABLE). However, Zynga has added several words — like QI and ZEN — to create its own custom Words With Friends® game dictionary. Use our WWF word cheat to find words to play in your game!
4 PICS 1 WORD®, Words With Friends® and Scrabble® are the property of their respective trademark owners. These trademark owners are not affiliated with, and do not endorse and/or sponsor, LoveToKnow®, its products or its websites, including yourdictionary.com. Use of this trademark on yourdictionary.com is for informational purposes only.
Words of encouragement that are better than "don't worry"
Words of encouragement can be difficult to find. Comforting a person, you can inadvertently upset him even more.
We tell you how to support a person, what words will help express sympathy and show your loved one that you are on his side.
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Now the Burning Hut has a group in Odnoklassniki. The only thing missing is your classes! Subscribe yourself and send our articles to mothers and grandmothers.
What's wrong with the phrase "don't worry"
A few years ago, a canary lived in my house. I did not look for souls in her, and even the fact that the little bird woke up early in the morning with her songs did not in the least diminish this love. Once an accident happened to her: the cage fell off the shelf, and the canary damaged the wing. The vet calmed me down, gave her medicine and told me to make special compresses for the wing.
In the evening, I completed all the procedures and went to bed peacefully.
And in the morning I didn't hear a sound from the cage. I came closer and saw the lifeless body of my favorite bird. My heart was broken. I blamed myself for not saving my pet, that I made a mistake somewhere and overlooked it. With tears and a howl, I grabbed the phone and wrote with trembling fingers about what had happened to my friend, hoping for words of support and comfort. But she received one sentence in response: “Well, don’t worry.” Perhaps she wanted to cheer me up with this phrase. But my pain only added a burning resentment: “How did my emotions devalue so easily?”
“We get psychological injuries much more often than physical ones. And they, like a scratch on the knee, get worse if we ignore them: “Oh, do you feel depressed? Never mind, it's all in your head.
" Imagine saying this to a person with a broken leg: “Oh, just put it out of your head, it’s all in your leg” ”.
Psychologist Guy Winch TED Talk Why Everyone Should Practice Emotional Emergency
According to one of the dictionary definitions, experience is a state of mind caused by some kind of strong sensations, impressions. In fact, uttering the phrase “do not worry”, a person calls on the interlocutor not to experience emotions, to remove their feelings deeper.
But, firstly, it is very difficult to do this if a person has lost someone close, has been rejected, or has suffered a major setback. Secondly, the containment of emotions leads to bad consequences for psychological and physical health, provoking cardiovascular diseases, psychosomatic pain and depression.
If you really want to help your loved one go through a difficult moment, show your participation and support, it is better to forget the phrase “don't worry” first. There are words that will help you establish a dialogue and actually ease the experience of a dear person.
"I can always listen to you"
First of all, people just want to express what is bothering them, not to find a solution to the problem. And sometimes it just doesn't exist. So the first thing to do is to make it clear that you are ready to listen. Most often, this becomes the best manifestation of support. At the same time, try not to look at your smartphone, do not fiddle with your watch and do not switch your attention to the environment.
If the frustrated person finds it difficult to start talking or gets lost, try asking leading questions:
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Tell me what happened?
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What's bothering you?
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Why did this happen?
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What caused these feelings?
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Help me understand how you feel.
The monologue that you help build your interlocutor can be more effective than advice. By saying everything that worries him, your loved one can find a solution himself, understand that in reality everything is not so bad. Or just feel better, because you no longer need to keep emotions in yourself.
But don't insist if you see that the person obviously doesn't want to talk. In this case, just let him know that you are always ready to listen if he changes his mind.
“Loneliness inflicts a deep psychological wound that distorts our perception and confuses our thinking. It makes us think that others care about us much less than they really do. It makes you afraid to turn to someone, because why subject yourself to rejection and suffering if your heart already hurts more than you can bear? There is a lot of research on loneliness, and they are all terrifying.
Loneliness not only makes you unhappy, it kills. I am not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases the likelihood of early death by 14%” .
Guy Winch
“Your feelings are normal”
Faced with the anxiety of another person, you involuntarily want to try to get him out of this state with smiles or jokes. It may seem that his problem is nonsense and not worth the tears. But what seems insignificant to one person is really important to another. Do not underestimate the importance of sadness, anger or resentment. For everyone, these emotions are individual.
And while some allow themselves to surrender to grief completely, others are afraid to show their feelings. It seems to them that then they look weaklings or the subject of ridicule.
Or that their problem does not deserve such violent emotions.
Therefore, if you see that your loved one is obviously upset about something, but tries to hide it, try to explain that their emotions are normal. You will not shame or ridicule him. Perhaps these words of support will help an upset person open up to you and ease their feelings.
"I know that feeling."
This phrase must be handled very carefully. Even if you think you've had a similar experience, it won't be exactly like the person who's seeking your support. Your pain is different. But you can share your story if you feel it's appropriate.
You must not shift the focus of the conversation to yourself. Do not say that you had worse situations, do not go into details. It is better to briefly talk about how something like this went through, and then return the attention to your loved one.
If he needs to, he will ask for details.
With this phrase you tell a person that he is not alone with his pain. That there is someone nearby who has experienced similar feelings. Or maybe he will find in your story tips on how to get through his pain and overcome it.
“After failure, the mind tries to convince you of your inability to do something. If you believe this, you will begin to feel helpless and stop trying too soon or not at all. And then you'll be even more convinced that you can't succeed. That is why so many people operate below their potential. Because somewhere along the way, a single failure convinced them that they couldn't succeed, and they believed it.
Guy Winch
"What can I do for you?"
When you feel that you have the strength and desire to help a person, and not just listen, ask what you can do for him.
If a frustrated person asks for your advice, first find out if they have any ideas to improve the situation. Reflect with him, sketch out a few options, but invite your loved one to evaluate them. Decisions are more likely to be made if a person comes to them on their own.
If you are in the immediate vicinity of an upset person, you can also provide them with domestic care. Make tea, offer to watch a movie, or cook something together to take your mind off things. And if the conversation takes place in the evening, advise to go to bed. Many feel better in the morning.
But sometimes an upset person is sad, not because of a particular event, but because he suffers from depression. If so, encourage him to do something other than talk, like take a walk. Overthinking can exacerbate depressive feelings. Discuss with the person his feelings, gently suggest contacting a specialist who will help alleviate his condition.
“If we are rejected, we all start thinking about our shortcomings and shortcomings, we scold ourselves. I wonder why we do this when our self-esteem is already so hurt? Why do we want to hurt her even more? If you cut your hand, you wouldn't think, "Oh, an idea: I'll take a knife and see how much deeper I can make this wound." But with psychological trauma, we do this all the time” .
Guy Winch
"What happened to you is really awful"
One of the most difficult things is realizing that you don't know what to say. But most of the time, frustrated people are not really looking for specific words of encouragement, but for comfort. When a person is in pain, he really needs understanding and sympathy for his pain. American psychologist John Gottman called this "evidence of the plight of a loved one."
This means that sometimes it is enough to "witness" the experiences of a loved one. To calm him down, describe what you see and feel. Recognize that someone close to you is going through a difficult time. That it's hard for you to see his pain. And yes, what happened to him is really terrible. If you see fit, hug the person. Hugs are our unique way of coping with adversity, providing comfort and reassurance just as much as talking.
How to ask colleagues for help correctly
Varvara Grankova
Research in neuroscience and psychology shows that the fear of asking for help is often associated with feelings of uncertainty, with the risk of being rejected, losing status and, possibly, independence. These feelings activate the same areas in the brain as physical pain. However, modern business is designed in such a way that cross-functional teams, adaptive project management technologies and matrix or flat structures somehow imply constant interaction with managers, colleagues and subordinates. Not only work results, but also career advancement depends on the ability to seek advice, recommendations and resources. According to some estimates, between 75 and 90% of cases people help each other in response to a request.
Costs and benefits
The easiest way to learn how to ask for support is to realize that, oddly enough, most people are willing to lend a hand to us. After analyzing the results of her own long-standing experiments, Cornell University professor Vanessa Bons found that strangers are 48% more likely than expected to respond to requests for help. In addition, according to research, we do not understand how much effort they are willing to put in to support us. A Swiss study published in 2017 showed that people who decide to spend even a small amount on others feel happier than those who plan to spend only on themselves.
If you want your request to be answered, switch the person's attention. Your counterpart should feel that he helps out of his own free will, and not under duress. Therefore, avoid hints that help is a duty or someone's instruction. Don't say "Can I ask you a favor?" and people feel like they've been cornered. Don't apologize: "I'm terribly embarrassed to stress you ..." - because help looks like something painful. Don't emphasize the reciprocity of the service ("Next time I'll help you"): no one likes to be in debt and work according to the soulless scheme of "you - to me, I - to you." Don't try to downplay your needs with "I rarely ask for help at all" or "I have a very small request" - they hint that help is not really needed. Instead, say reinforcing key phrases, building them into specific requests. These phrases can also be used in everyday communication to “program” people to be responsive in advance.
Three keys
Elbow feeling. First of all, show a potential assistant that you are on the same team - and this team is very important. Everyone has a need to belong to a certain social group and support each other. This need can be addressed in different ways. For example, a study by Priyanka Carr and Greg Walton of Stanford University shows that even one word "together" can impress a person. Participants who were told that people in other rooms were doing the same tasks (assembling puzzles) and could be exchanged with them worked 48% longer, had better results, and were less tired than those who thought they worked alone .
Mention a common goal, a common enemy, or a common trait in your team, such as the desire to overachieve, outperform industry competitors, or become like superheroes. But the best way to bring people together is to remind them of shared experiences, ideas, thoughts, and feelings. If, say, there are only two women in the management of the company, you should not just say “We are two” - it is better to ask: “Did you notice that we are interrupted all the time?” So you emphasize not a common feature, but a similar experience.
What helpers need
The helper needs to recognize that you need help: people are often too focused on their own affairs, so make sure they are aware of your problems first.
The helper must be convinced that you need help: people do not offer help, not because they do not see a need for it, but because they are not sure that they understand the situation correctly and suspect that you would prefer to handle it yourself.
The Helper Must Take Responsibility for Helping: One of the major obstacles to helping is spreading responsibility, a classic mistake is sending letters asking for support. Reach out to each potential helper personally and with a specific proposal.
The helper should be able to provide what you need: people are very busy and don't always have the resources or skills they need, but the request can be "customized" - detail all the details, don't demand the impossible, be willing to accept help, even if it doesn't live up to your expectations.
Positive image. The second option is to tell or remind the potential helper that his qualities or position give him a unique opportunity to support you and that he is not just a random figure, but a generous person who comes to the rescue of everyone. For example, studies have found that people give more to charity when they are asked not just to “donate” but to “donate with a generous hand,” and that as early as age three, children are more likely to finish things (say, clear blocks) if they offer not to "help", but to "become an assistant".
Another way to make the helper feel good about himself is to thank him. Boomerang, a software company, recently analyzed 350,000 email threads and found that emails ending in "Thanks in advance" or "Thank you" were much more likely to be replied to than emails with a simple "Respectfully" or "Congratulations." Best wishes". Even if there is nothing to thank for yet, expressing gratitude arouses a desire to help - provided that you focus on the generosity, nobility and other qualities of the addressees, and not on how useful their help will bring you.
Recoil. People want to see what their help has led to. Many psychologists are convinced that the feeling of bestowal (understanding that your actions have given the desired result) perfectly motivates and fills life with meaning. Adam Grant of the Wharton School of Business conducted research in the call center of an education and marketing software company. The operators knew that the income they bring in goes to support another department, but they never saw people working there. One day, one of these "strangers" came to the call center and told how useful agents bring him and his colleagues. Since then, the call center's sales and revenue have doubled. To make potential helpers realize how important their support is, explain to them exactly what you need and what they can influence. For example, when asking a colleague to review a proposal for a client, say, “Could you review this document before I send it? Last time you helped me a lot with the presentation.”
Promise to report on the results of your support - and report back! If possible, let people decide how to help you, and be prepared for your ideas about helping to differ.
Personal and professional
In explaining to the audience how these strategies work, I give a real life example. About a year ago, a friend of mine asked me to help her build an intricate IKEA bookcase model. That same morning, I refused to write a review for an article for a scientific journal, ignored a letter from my daughter's school, and barely made myself start the washing machine. Why did I easily say yes to a friend? Firstly, we have been friends for a long time (feeling of the elbow). Secondly, I always help a friend in such matters (return). Whenever I come to her rescue, she always ends by saying, “Heidi, thank you so much! You are so kind, you help me so much!” (positive image).
50%
employees don't ask for help to look like "high potential" employees, University of Oklahoma's Price College of Business and Virginia Tech's Pamplin College of Business and Virginia Tech's Pamplin College of Business
20%
employees said they refuse the help of colleagues in order not to feel obligated, scientists found out
8%
employees believe that their colleagues lack the competence to provide the necessary assistance
I have seen something similar in a professional environment. One day, the head of the product development department of a company that produced educational software decided to improve interaction with the sales department. Resellers promised customers to deliver custom-made software as soon as possible—and that made life difficult for developers. The head of development wanted to participate in negotiations with customers, but sales managers felt that he was interfering with them. To be sure, both departments were convinced that they were acting in the best interests of the company.
In the end, the head of the development department arranged a meeting with the sales managers and described the development process to them: it turned out that no one understood how complicated it was, and did not realize that the developers needed help. Then, at every opportunity, the head of development emphasized that both departments had the same goal - to please the client and bind him to himself. In doing so, he gave sales managers a strong sense of comradeship.
