Fun family stories
6 Hilarious Family Stories You Won't Believe Are True!
Reader's Digest CanadaUpdated: Feb. 19, 2021
From Valentine's Day faux pas to home repairs gone awry, you won't believe these Canadians' hilarious family stories.
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A Good Bad Egg
By Gary Barwin
The police called us in the middle of the night. “Where is your son?” the officer asked. “In bed?” we said. “He’s with us,” came the reply. Our 10-year-old had unfortunately egged the local school with a friend. How was he caught? He was nabbed running back to the school with the empty cartons because, he told the cops, “There wasn’t anywhere else to recycle them.”
If you’re looking for more laughs, check out our collection of hilarious anecdotes and cute quotes from the mouths of kids.
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Chicken Dance
By Cassie Stocks
The doorbell rang in the late afternoon. A bearded man, dressed in a dark blazer and pants, handed Mom a large garbage bag. “Your mister ordered these,” he said, then turned and left.
Mom dragged the sack into the kitchen of our home in suburban Sherwood Park, Alta. My 10-year-old brother came into the room: “What’s in there? It’s moving.”
I gave a piercing, seven-year-old-girl shriek. Something in the lumpy bag was struggling to escape. Mom spun around. “Oh, shi—shoot. Take it to the garage.”
My brother hauled the bag away. In the garage, Mom grabbed the axe from its spot on the wall. Dark-jacketed men, mysterious packages and now axes, I thought. It was turning out to be an interesting day.
Mom approached the bag like a bomb-squad member, opened the top and retreated a few feet. There was a rustle and then a chicken with a partially detached head blasted out. Dad was a thrifty man, unable to resist the Hutterite’s price for unplucked, freshly killed (or, in this case, mostly killed) poultry.
The chicken, delighted to be free of the cramped bag and its deceased kin, made several leaps around our garage, like a spasmodic ballerina.
Mom’s former-farm-girl know-how abandoned her, and she looked a little sick. She handed my brother (whose closest experience with a live chicken was an undercooked nugget) the axe. “Chop its head off,” she said.
“Okay.” He took a half step forward, turned pale, then handed the axe back. “You chop it off.”
The hen ran in enthusiastic circles, letting out garbled squawks, more bothered by captivity than its neck problem. It darted toward us, wings flapping, feathers shedding. We all screamed and tried to hide behind one another. The bird darted away, terrified. Mom admitted defeat, herded us inside and called my father. Until he arrived, she eyed the door as though the chicken might grab the axe itself and hack its way through.
Hours later, I snuck out to the garage. No more chicken, and the axe was back on the wall. When I asked Dad what happened to the animal, he told me it had run away.
For months I watched in vain for a droopy-headed chicken lurking in the neighbourhood.
To my dad’s credit, no more dark-suited men carrying bags ever arrived at our door again. And, many years later, my brother, still horrified, exclaims, “Mom handed me the axe.”
Next, check out these funny pizza delivery stories.
Check out this roundup of hilarious pizza delivery stories!
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Family Feud
By Ed Hill
Every generation responds to crisis differently. One time, during a dinner out, my mom and my aunt got into a huge fight over the latter’s spending habits. My mom, prone to dramatic displays, protested by leaving the restaurant and lying down in the middle of traffic. Everyone immediately rushed outside. My dad was convincing her to get off the road, I was redirecting cars and my two uncles were trying to calm the gathering crowd behind us.
After my aunt apologized and my mom agreed to get up, we suddenly realized that my younger brother, 20, was missing.
Fifteen minutes later, we finally found him crouching behind a large garbage bin. When asked why he was hiding, he said, “I don’t want to end up on YouTube.”
Ten Canadian comedians reveal the best jokes they’ve ever told.
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Photo: Shutterstock
Little Big Lie
By Megan Murphy
“Kerry, you’re seven, so it’s time you knew our family secret.” Kerry idolized my older sister, Kate, and me, so whatever we said was gospel.
“Mom isn’t really our mom,” I continued. “Our real mother was eaten by a lion while she and Dad were on safari. An agency sent this replacement lady. The good news is you don’t have to listen to her.”
She stared with huge, credulous eyes. “Does Dad know?”
“Yes,” Kate said. “Just ask him.”
Our sister spent the day ignoring Fake Mom’s requests, and when Dad got home from work, she implored him to tell her if it was true. Dad, full of Irish blarney, sighed, “Why, yes, it is.
She was a lovely woman. You look like her.”
Finally, Fake Mom clued in and produced a photo of herself holding Kerry as a newborn. She added, “This real mom will deal with your sisters, and your father, later.”
It’s been 30 years since then, and Kerry is still charmingly gullible. I think it’s about time we finally told her the truth about how babies are made.
See if you can pull off these simple gags for April Fool’s Day.
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Photo: Brent Hofacker/Shutterstock
Wanna Get Lucky?
By Judy Millar
I’ve become something of a legend in my family for regularly landing myself in awkward situations.
Take Valentine’s Day last year, for instance. My husband and I had agreed not to spend much—it’s the thought that counts. After more than three decades of marriage, I thought it was time to spice things up. At the store, I spotted a greeting card called “The Wheel of Love.” Perfect! My man would get to spin it and try his luck.
Maybe he’d score a “Romantic Candlelight Dinner.” Maybe he’d land on “A Big Wet Smooch.” Or just maybe he’d hit the jackpot: “Cupid’s Choice: Meet me in the Bedroom NOW!”
To add to the thrills, music played when the wheel spun. Not the clinkety-clink of a slot machine, but more like a dramatic game-show melody—followed by the pièce de résistance: a taped message from me! In my best sultry voice, I recorded: “Hey babe, wanna get lucky?” The card was a hit on Valentine’s Day, and a few days more. After a while, though, having a spinner card on the bedside table gets exhausting. I needed to pitch it.
Problem is, I’m a pack rat. I have every card and letter my husband and I have ever exchanged stashed in bags on the top shelf of my bedroom closet. There are other bags up there, too, filled with Halloween costumes and Christmas stuff. I tossed “The Wheel of Love” in their general direction and promptly forgot about it.
A few months later, we had to call the gas company to install a new line.
Enter Gus, the gas guy. He told me he needed to access the crawl space through the floor of our bedroom closet.
Gus is not a small gas guy. There was considerable bumping around as he jammed himself in there and lowered into the hole. As he touched down, the game-show music sounded, followed by my own come-hither voice: “Hey babe, wanna get lucky?”
I froze in horror, hoping by some miracle he hadn’t heard it. But the top of his head was still visible, with both ears attached. He too was frozen, possibly weighing what his wife would make of this unexpected invitation. Then, ever so slowly, he disappeared into the darkness below.
What to do?! Get a stool and search for the card? But I’d need to replace the closet floor in order to properly position that stool. Gus would be trapped below! You hear about these perverts who trap people in their basements—you just never think you’re going to be one.
All I could do was pray it wouldn’t go off again. Mercifully, when Gus finally emerged, the card stayed silent.
And so did Gus.
After he left, I pulled the bags down and found the card—but the sound mechanism had fallen off! I couldn’t find it anywhere.
The next night, around 2:30 a.m., the music played. “Hey, babe, wanna get lucky?” (There is no one in our house feeling lucky at that hour.)
I have combed through the closet to find it. No luck—and it has gone off randomly five more times. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. Fortunately, the music plays slower each time, clearly running out of juice.
I just hope it wears out before I do.
Make your sweetheart giggle on February 14 with these hilarious Valentine’s Day stories.
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Favour Returned
By Jennifer McAuliffe
To save some money, I asked my brother, who is deathly afraid of heights, to patch my roof. He has tools and a convenient reluctance to say no to his hapless sister. I couldn’t seem to get my balance to assist him, so I was instructed to hand over water when needed—and to stop requesting he take photos of me pretending to use a hammer.
After six hours, as he was finishing up, our radio played a tornado-warning siren. The next day, shingles were strewn all over the road. I think I did him a favour, though, by imploring him to patch it again, because falling is no longer his greatest fear. Now it’s receiving a text from me.
For more giggles, check out the funniest Reader’s Digest jokes of all time.
Originally Published: May 15, 2019
Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada
Funniest True Family Stories | Reader's Digest
Erin Patrice O'Brien for Reader's Digest
As that paragon of fatherhood Homer Simpson once told his brood, “Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family.” Then again, we’ve never met a normal family. With that in mind, we invited readers to share hilarious stories about their kith and kin with the chance to win a $500 grand prize. After sifting through the many anecdotes, we can honestly say each family is uniquely eccentric.
THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER:
For the second week in a row, my son and I were the only ones who showed up for his soccer team’s practice. Frustrated, I told him, “Please tell your coach that we keep coming for practice but no one is ever here.”
My son rolled his eyes and said, “He’ll just tell me the same thing he did before.”
“Which was?”
“That practice is now on Wednesdays, not Tuesdays.”
Annette Olsen, Layton, Utah
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Bloody Awful
When my five-year-old daughter came down with a virus, I took her to the doctor’s office. Holding her hands, I explained the sad facts: “The doctor is now going to draw some blood.”
Calmly and stoically, she responded, “Whose?”
Faye Hintz, Glendora, California
Hung Jury
After painting the bedroom walls, my husband prepared to put back the pictures. “How should I hang them?” he asked me.
“Too high or too low?”
Nancy Setter, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Pooped Out
Upon being reminded to use the toilet after waking up, my four-year-old was thoroughly dismayed: “You mean I’m going to have to go potty every day for the rest of my life?!”
Penelope Inan, Palmdale, California
Harvard, Here I Come!
“How was your first day of school?” I asked my kindergartner.
“Fine,” she said. “They want me to come back tomorrow.”
Shirley Sprague, Concord, California
The Gutter Truth
Although my daughter wasn’t much of a bowler, when her friend’s bowling team was down a player, my daughter agreed to fill in. “So how’d you do?” I asked a few days later.
She rattled off her scores: “One sixty, one sixty-seven, and one fifty-five.”
“Wow! That’s great.”
“No! One game sixty, one sixty-seven, one fifty-five.”
Ruth Saarela, Garden City, Michigan
Little Einstein
We’re not sure how it happened, but my three-year-old nephew James got his tricycle stuck under another bicycle’s tire and gear mechanism.
My four-year-old kid, Rowan, watched him patiently and painstakingly extricate the trike, then turned around to us and declared, “Him’s a genius!”
B. O., Montclair, New Jersey
Let’s Rat Out Grandma
During Thanksgiving dinner, my young niece Mackenzie started fiddling with my father’s wedding band. Dad said, “That never comes off. You know why? Because I love your nana.”
That’s when Mackenzie informed him, “Nana takes hers off.”
Elizabeth Veldboom, New Braunfels, Texas
Erin Patrice O'Briend for Reader's Digest
And on the Seventh Day, He Got Paid
In church, my three-year-old insists on being the one to put the money into the collection basket. One Sunday, as the basket came toward him, he held out the envelope and asked aloud, “When is God coming to pick up his paycheck?”
Chris Allen, St. Louis, Missouri
Hear No Evil
It was a typical noisy dinner at my parents’ home, and Dad was having trouble following the conversations.
He kept jumping in with off-topic comments and asking for things to be repeated. I finally told him he needed to get a hearing aid.
Looking at me as if I were crazy, he said, “What would I do with a hand grenade?”
Pat Tornatore, St. Louis, Missouri
Mystery Man
My ex-husband hosted a graduation party for our son that included his new family and mine. My confused nephew wondered who was my son’s father. When I pointed him out, he asked, “Do you know him?”
Laurie Strand, Vernon Hills, Illinois
Blow Out the Pipes
I take after my father in the sense that we both have proud, prodigious noses. Anyway, one morning, following a night of tossing and turning, I sat on the side of the bed. “What’s wrong?” my husband asked.
“I can’t sleep,” I said. “My nose is so stuffed up.”
My loving man got out of bed and said, “Let me go get the plunger.”
Lisa Boudreau, Yorkville, Illinois
Listen to Reason
“Can you play with me?” my preschooler asked.
“Not now,” I said. “I have too much work to do around the house.”
Taking my hand, and with the wisdom of one who has lived many a lifetime, he said, “Mom, I have advice for you. When people tell me to do work, I don’t listen to them. Then I don’t have work to do. It works for me. You should try it.”
A. Caldwell, Farmington, New Mexico
Yeah, He’s Always There
We ran into our minister at the mall, but my son couldn’t place him. It was only later that it hit him. “I know that man,” he said. “He goes to our church.”
Charles Stockhausen, St. Louis, Missouri
Book Him
A book I’d ordered arrived in the mail. I unwrapped it and flipped through its pages. My 21-year-old son, Sean, was at the other end of the table, gesturing as if he wanted to see the book. I started to hand it to him, when he stopped me.
“No, I’ll take the trash,” Sean said. “What would I do with a book?”
Mary Kelley, Gillette, Wyoming
Over and Out
When her six-year-old daughter and four-year-old son ran outside to play with their new toy, my sister sat back to enjoy a cup of coffee and a rare moment of quiet.
The peace was shattered when my nephew ran back into the house, crying.
“What’s wrong?” my sister asked.
“She won’t stop calling me Roger!” he sobbed, and threw down his new walkie-talkie.
Melissa Johnson, Johnson City, Tennessee
That’s My Girl!
Herein lies the difference in my kids’ personalities: My teenage son bought me a beautiful necklace; my daughter called dibs on it when I die.
Jenni Phomsithi, Belleville, Arkansas
Erin Patrice O'Brien for Reader's Digest
Driven to Distraction
My mother and father were driving when she was pulled over by the police. Mom was in a hurry and told the officer so.
“I understand, ma’am,” he said. “But I have to ticket anyone over 55.”
Mom was beside herself. “That’s discrimination!” she shouted.
The officer calmly explained, “I meant the speed limit.”
Tamara Encke, Holladay, Utah
The Anatomy Lesson
Great hoopla followed my newborn son’s umbilical cord’s falling off.
So it was only natural that during one of his diaper changes, his eight-year-old sister would point and ask excitedly, “Will that fall off too?”
Susan Wise, Campbellsville, Kentucky
Careful What You Wish For
My son and his wife were determined to have a boy, and two years after their fourth daughter, Bridgette, was born, Trey arrived. When he was six, Trey complained to Bridgette that he had no one to play with and wished she were a boy.
“You’d better be glad I’m not a boy,” she told him. “Because if I was a boy, my name would be Trey, and you wouldn’t be here.”
Bettie Cashion, Picayune, Mississippi
Stable Relationship
We had just pulled up to the pig farm when my aunt bolted out the front door of her home to greet us. After the hugs and kisses, Dad asked about my uncle.
“He’s in the barn with the pigs,” she said. “Don’t worry; you won’t have any trouble finding him. He’s the only one with a hat on.
”
Monique LaPerle, Burlington, Vermont
Better Than Milk
I walked into our family room just in time to see our kitten standing on a side table, sniffing my husband’s wineglass. “Get down!” I yelled.
As she jumped away, I turned to my husband and son: “I’ve never seen her do that.”
My son shrugged. “Really? We watch her drink out of your glass all the time.”
Rebecca Pervere, Fairfield, Connecticut
Erin Patrice O'Briend for Reader's Digest
Good Question
Having absorbed the birds-and-the-bees discussion, my sister’s young son asked, “Is that how we were born?”
“Yes, it is,” she said.
He took it all in for a second, then, pointing to his father across the room, asked, “Where’d we get him?”
Kathleen O’Hara, via e-mail
Oh, Deer
One year, the family went to the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. The Rockettes represented reindeer by wearing headband antlers.
At the end of the show, I asked my husband, a biologist, what he thought.
“The antlers were wrong,” he said.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“Reindeer have palmate antlers. Those were white-tailed bucks’ antlers.”
I knew he wasn’t kidding. I just couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed anything below the antlers.
Sandy Feinstein, Silver Spring, Maryland
Awkward …
“So I understand how a baby can look like its mother,” my nine-year-old son told the school nurse. “But how can it look like its father?”
Unsure how much he knew about where babies come from, she deflected. “That’s a good question,” she said. “So who do you look like?”
“My uncle.”
Penny Gregory, Richmond Hill, Georgia
Hair Apparent
Pointing to a 30-year-old picture of me, my five-year-old granddaughter said, “Grandpa, next time you get a haircut, have them cut it like that picture.”
Problem is, I wasn’t half bald then.
Allen Jochim, Spearfish, South Dakota
Erin Patrice O'Brien for Reader's Digest
Seeing Is Believing
After my mother suffered a bout of serious headaches, we persuaded her to visit her doctor. While we were in his office, the doctor asked, “Have you been seeing any flashes of lights or auras?”
“I don’t know,” Mom said. “I didn’t have my glasses on.”
Judy Kelley, Conway, Arkansas
Oh, Fudge
We were driving to dinner when my five-year-old shouted, “Guess what! I know the F-word!”
Saying to myself, “Now it starts,” I asked him what it was.
He proudly announced, “Phonics!”
Stacy Stevenson, Tucson, Arizona
Save the Snoozing For Class
My brother was trying to awaken his son for school one day, but the boy wouldn’t budge. “Gimme a minute,” he said. “I’m watching previews for tomorrow’s dream.”
Kimberlee Woodward, Waterford, Michigan
With a Side of Argument
We were in a restaurant, perusing the menu, when I let my husband know that he rarely paid attention to me when I spoke.
Well, of course he disagreed, so we went back to reading our menus in chilly silence. After a few uncomfortable minutes, I said, “I think I’m getting a headache.”
He responded, “Go ahead, sweetheart; get whatever you want.”
Angel Salamanca, via e-mail
Whatta Pistil
Our daughter-in-law was telling her three-year-old about the brain surgery he had had when he was an infant. “Why did I have to have the operation?” he asked.
“Because you had something growing in your head,” she answered.
His next question: “Was it a flower?”
Marilyn Lindberg, Providence, Utah
Gee, Thanks …
Just as I got out of the shower, my three-year-old son walked into the bathroom. As I frantically grabbed for my robe, he quickly assured me, “It’s OK, Mom; I won’t laugh.”
Ella Robbins, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Checked Out
Mail from the bank was piling up for my daughter, who was away at college.
So I called her. “Open one up and see what it is,” she said.
I unsealed an envelope. “It says your account has insufficient funds.”
“That’s got to be a mistake,” she said. “I still have plenty of checks left.”
Patty Happy, Granville, New York
No. 1 on the Naughty List
Seven-year-old Lily is very polite. So as her grandparents, we let her know just how proud of her we were. She smiled gratefully and said, “That’s OK; I’m just trying to get through Christmas.”
Nathan Dunaway, Madison, Mississippi
Dr. Hubby
Mom had a small decorative windmill in her yard. A storm broke one of the blades, causing the windmill to shake violently. Dad announced that he would “take care of it” and rebalanced the windmill by snapping off the opposing blade. Watching him, Mom remarked, “I hope I never break a leg.”
Gerald Loffredo, Chandler, Arizona
Erin Patrice O'Brien for Reader's Digest
Flip a Coin
“Are you going to have a boy or girl?” my four-year-old nephew asked while staring at my pregnant stomach.
“I don’t know,” I told him.
“When will you decide?”
Cindy Forish, Red Oak, Texas
Why, Yes. Yes, You Do
Once, when my mother asked me if she had any annoying habits, I observed that she typically follows up statements with a question asking for validation. She thought a moment and then admitted, “I do do that. Don’t I?”
Bill Spencer, Cullowhee, North Carolina
Deep Thoughts
It was autumn, and the leaves were at their colorful best. My four-year-old son looked out the window and said, “Look, Mom; the trees have their pajamas on.”
Betty Childress, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Wherefore Art Thou?
My granddaughter loves my Chihuahua puppy so much, she asked, “When you die, can I have Romeo?”
“Of course,” I said.
She was thrilled. “Oh, I can’t wait!”
Barbara Correy, Woodbury, Tennessee
Funny Family Stories : qkempek — LiveJournal
1.
I am 150 cm tall, my husband is 157 cm tall. My father is 180 cm tall and wears a long beard. When dad comes to visit, he always says hello: “Well, hello, hobbits!” - and the husband replies: "Great, Gandalf!"
2. There are four of us in the family: me, my wife and two daughters. Today we couldn't decide who would go for a walk with the dog. They started a game: whoever says the first word, he goes. As soon as the dispute came into force, the stony-faced daughter went to get dressed, gathered everything she needed to walk the dog, and put on her shoes. nine0004
And now she opens the front door, the dog is on a leash, the whole family is lined up in the hallway, and we are almost in unison: “Well done, Polya!” And Polya, pleased, begins to take off her jacket and says: “So you got caught.”
3. Every morning, when I wake up, I cook breakfast for my niece. To be honest, I got used to it within a year, and it has already become even a joy. And so yesterday morning (I had a day off, so I set the alarm clock half an hour later), I woke up as usual to cook scrambled eggs and hot sandwiches.
And I had tea on the table, there were 2 sandwiches and cottage cheese was mixed with sour cream and sugar. A nephew (grade 2, 8 years old), knowing that I have a day off, decided to give me such a gift. Children know how to say thank you sincerely. nine0004
4. Mom, looking into the room, sternly orders:
— Go to sleep, you brute!
Startled, I protest guiltily that it is too early for sleep. It is immediately explained that the mother was referring to her little dog, who rustles and fumbles under the table.
“That's how you raise a child, you love it, but he still automatically perceives the address “cattle” at his own expense,” mother sighs.
— Why is there a child! Dad responds immediately from the couch. “I just exhaled myself. nine0004
5. When I was 5-6 years old, my mother and father and I went out into nature in the late afternoon. Dad took a fishing rod, and where the float should have been, he tied a small piece of wood. You will never guess why .
.. We drove to a large, large field, got out of the car, walked a little. And dad, lifting up the fishing rod and waving it, made sounds reminiscent of the squeak of a mouse. After a while, an owl flew by. A real big owl! She tried to take a piece of wood in her beak, but she did not succeed. And I could look at her. Thanks to my dad, I have a huge love for nature. Love to the animals. Those were the best moments of my childhood. nine0004
6. One day my young man came to my father to ask for my hand in marriage, and my father fell at his feet, shouting: “You are our Savior!”
Dad said that when he was still a student, when he heard this anecdote, he always dreamed of doing it.
7. We went with my brother and our families (his: wife and daughter, 7 years old; mine: husband and son, 11 years old) to the village to my mother. We decided to buy water pistols for the children on the way so that they would have fun in the village. Bought cool machines. The children had a lot of fun watching their parents arrange a Sea Battle for themselves.
nine0004
8. I thought about why we never quarrel with my husband… I remembered all the stories of my girlfriends about their disagreements, it all started with some everyday little things.
She looked around: socks and T-shirts are scattered on the sofa, crumbs and unwashed mugs, candy wrappers are on the table. There is a pile of cat hair on the carpet, jeans hanging on the chairs. And nothing “pisses me off,” as my girls say.
We sit on a piece of the sofa in an embrace and watch our favorite series. Yes, we are just two happy pigs. lovers...
9. My husband lost his mother early, my mother replaced his mother. Today he invited us (me, my two sons and my mother) to a restaurant and told her thanks in front of everyone that she loves him like her own son.
10. We are standing at the post office with a petty one: she is looking at magazines, I am waiting in line, there are two girls in front of me. The little one turns to me and says: “Dad, look, there is a magazine with Winx, there is Stella on the cover.
” I looked, I answer her: "There is not Stella, but Bloom." Both girls turned around at the same time with surprised eyes...
What? - Dad is in the subject, dad is raising a daughter.
11. I love mother-in-law and father-in-law. When the father-in-law crushed the car door, he hid her glasses so that she would not see and swear.
12. My daughter is 8 years old. Yesterday he comes running from the street, walking. Watching the emotions on his face, he begins to tell:
- Dad! There on the street ... Wow, they saw such a butterfly! Multicolored!
Shows roughly a Hudson hawk with his hands.
— Everyone there was afraid of her, no one wanted to come near… the boys stood there, they wanted to kill her. But they were afraid to approach! They even tried to crush it with a stick, but they were afraid! nine0004
Jumping:
- And only I, dad, was not afraid! I took a stick and…
Surprised by my daughter’s cruelty, I already opened my mouth to say that you shouldn’t hurt butterflies and in general “why did you kill her”, when my daughter continued:
— I took the stick and ka-a-ak drove those boys away so they wouldn't kill the butterfly! And she frightened the butterfly away so that it flew far, far away.
Funny stories about young couples living together
Family life seems complicated, and all the stories of acquaintances about “grinding and household chores” even scare. However, the decision to live with your lover actually turns into a series of funny situations. nine0004
New hearth
When I began to live with the first guy, he climbed into the common linen closet, where mine and his underpants were, took mine, pressed it to his cheek and said: "An idiot's dream came true!" We laughed for a couple of hours.
“Somehow, at the dawn of a foggy youth, I moved to live with a good boy. The boy was working, and I was goofing off at the institute. Well, word for word - I began to cook food in the evenings.
The first time didn't work out very well. Once I remember I baked a chicken and ... a little bit of it ... mmm ... overcooked it. He came, picked the coals with a fork, joked something.
The chicken immediately ended up completely in the trash can, and I ran into the room in tears. He ran after me with a piece of chicken taken out of a bucket and shouting: “Very tasty chicken! Look, I'm eating it, I'm eating it!" And he never was capricious again. nine0004
Two months before the wedding, I took a pregnancy test in my husband's favorite crystal glass. She just came across first...
“I forgot that I don't live alone now. This was expressed in the fact that I could well go on a spree all night without telling anyone. For the first time, fortunately, the man guessed to call my parents, who wearily said: "In the morning it will be ready, prepare aspirin and ori closer to the evening." It was, of course, embarrassing, but I lived alone for a long time and lost the habit of reporting!” nine0004
For the first few months we spent the night together, I jumped up at 5am EVERY morning to run to the bathroom and put in my colored contacts.
For the young man was sure that my eyes were of such an emerald color, straight from nature. Didn't want to disappoint."
“After a month of living together, I lost my favorite underwear. I blamed the man for being a fetishist, and he at one time blamed me for leaving these panties somewhere. They found it 3 years later (the baby was already born) in the pocket of my pants that I wore every day at home. They neighed like horses, but they could have run away because of this. The washing machine was to blame for everything, which put the laundry in the pocket. nine0004
As soon as they moved in, I decided to feed the then young man, he was already painfully skinny - 53 kg with a height of 170 cm. In general, this bastard did not even add 100 grams, and I - 24 kg. Of course, I lost weight, and my husband eats healthy and wholesome food and does not show off.
“We moved in together in 2010, in 2011 we got a cat, and in 2012 we moved into a new cool apartment, freshly bought by my husband.
