How to teach children social skills

How can I teach my child social skills?

Some children may find socialising more difficult than others. If your child struggles or seems reluctant to be with other people, they may need some support to learn social skills. There are some things you can do to help.

Practise talking

Practise talking through role play, puppets and storytelling. Talk to your child through the day. You can also narrate what you’re doing, to help develop their language.

Let your child see you using good manners, like please and thank you. This will encourage them to act this way with their peers.

Listen and take turns

Children learn both verbal and non-verbal skills from the people around them. To help your child to listen well, you can:

Try showing them what good listening looks like through your own behaviour.
Use games like ‘Simon Says’.
Read some ideas for listening games for toddlers.

Find ways to make taking turns fun. Choose an object and tell your family they have to be holding it when they talk. Pass it between you. If your child is a little older, take it in turns to make made up sounds as if you are having an alien conversation.

Show the importance body language

Practise making eye contact and smiling with your child. If they are old enough to understand, ask them to talk about something while you use poor body language. This could be crossed arms, looking away, or fidgeting.

Ask them how your actions made them feel. Then show them attentive body language. Take it in turns.

Teach them about personal space

Consider teaching your child about personal space. Try:

Asking them to put their hands on their hips and stick their elbows out – this is their personal space.
Getting everyone in the room to walk around with their elbows out, to see how to give others space.

Introduce the idea of boundaries by asking if you can come into their space. You could say things like, “Can I give you a hug?” or ‘I know you don’t like hugs so shall we high five?”

Develop their emotional skills

Help your child understand, express and cope with emotions. This develops their empathy for others and helps them sense how to react to the emotions of others.

Teach them to problem-solve. If they’re old enough, ask them how they think they could tackle any issues they have. Guide them with questions like “What could you do?” or “What could you say?” Try to avoid fixing it for them.

You can also talk to them about friendships and what it is to be a good friend. If you can, arrange and support opportunities for socialising.

Find moments for learning in play

Children use lots of social skills when playing. It can be helpful to spot opportunities in play for learning. You can:

Ask your child to help with tasks, and see if they’ll try activities with others, to build teamwork skills.
Teach your child positive ways of responding to winning, losing or not getting their way.

Show them you understand when they’re upset, but help them see what the positives could be (might the outcome have made their friend happy?).
Show them what sharing looks like when playing at home.

If your child hits or bites, help them recognise how others feel when they’re hurt. Praise your child when you see them playing well. You can also gently encourage your child to apologise if they do hurt someone during play. Or if they don’t feel comfortable doing this, model apologising for them until they feel more confident. You could say something like, “Freddie feels sad that he’s hurt you and he wants to say he’s very sorry.”

You can read more on hitting and biting or playing well with others. We also have advice on teaching your child to share.

8 Important Social Skills For Kids And How To Teach Them

Teaching social skills for kids is one of the most complex, confusing, but rewarding aspects of raising young children.

It’s no secret that preschoolers and kindergarteners are naturally egocentric. Even when playing or interacting with others, many children have difficulty sharing, empathizing, collaborating, and cooperating.

HOMER is here to help you learn eight of the most important social skills for kids, as well as how to incorporate them into your family life.

8 Important Social Skills For Kids

1) Sharing

Sharing is a part of daily life. That doesn’t mean it’s easy!

Sharing is a difficult concept for young children to get behind. Toddlers, preschoolers, and kindergarteners have a particularly difficult time, as they are more focused on their needs and desires than the needs and desires of others.

This is normal. The feeling that something “belongs” to them is typically much stronger than their desire to please others.

Even though it’s hard to share, doing so is critical to a child’s social skill development, as it helps them keep and advance friendships. It’s also a great way to bond and show appreciation.

2) Listening

Active listening is an important skill that even some adults struggle with. Properly deciphering and absorbing information requires significant focus.

We all know this can be challenging for young kids, but active listening can strengthen their receptive language skills (the ability to comprehend spoken language).

Receptive language skills help your child:

Handle social interactions
Answer questions
Understand stories
Comprehend what they’re reading
Understand gestures

While developing their social skills, your child will come to see how important it is to actively listen when others are speaking.

Paying attention to what someone is saying and responding directly to their statements or questions is a big part of healthy communication.

3) Following Directions

The cousin of good listening skills would be executing the instructions your child heard — a. k.a., following directions!

Following directions becomes particularly important once your child enters into their school years.

It’s one thing to follow directions at home with their parents where they’re innately comfortable; it’s another task entirely to follow directions from adult authority figures they may not know well.

Your child will learn how listening and following directions overlap with one another. If they listen well, it becomes easier for them to follow directions accurately. And when they follow directions accurately, they’ll often be rewarded for their hard work!

Keep in mind, however, that multi-step directions are challenging for young children. To help them develop the ability to follow directions, give them one direction at a time.

4) Collaborating And Cooperating

Similar to sharing, your child will learn how to move beyond sharing objects to sharing ideas, stories, and work.

With good collaboration and cooperation skills, children will learn that working in a group gives them a chance to express their ideas and listen to the ideas of others. It allows them to see that it can be fun to work on a shared project!

This may sound simple, but for young children, cooperation can often require real effort. It will take time for them to learn to respect others’ opinions even when they’re different.

By working together toward a common goal, kids can advance their sharing skills to include both intellectual and physical (think: cleaning the dinner table with a sibling) feats.

5) Patience

How many times have you heard the cliche, “Patience is a virtue”? Well, we are here to say it one more time!

It’s normal for young children to be impatient. However, patience really is one of the most rewarding social skills for kids.

Patience is critical for many things, including maintaining friendships and relationships and achieving big goals that can only be completed over an extended period of time.

This is where the concept of delayed gratification comes into play. When you help your child understand that good things often take time (not everything in life is microwaveable!), you nurture them into a patient person.

Learning patience takes practice and, you guessed it, patience! Trust that it will come with time (as everything does).

6) Empathy

When we say “empathy,” we’re referring to the traditional definition — the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Your child will learn how to appreciate the similarities and differences between their lives and those of people they meet. They will also learn how to empathize with these people, no matter how different they are.

For young children, this can mean small gestures.

For example, if their friend or sibling cries because your child is playing with a specific toy, your child may pause and say, “I know you want to play, too. Don’t be sad. We can take turns!”

But this sense of empathy will likely not appear overnight! Empathy develops over time and across a variety of scenarios.

The easiest way to promote your child’s development of empathy is by showing it in action. When you extend grace to your child often, they will learn how to extend it back.

7) Respecting Boundaries

Some people require different emotional and physical boundaries than your child.

This can be a particularly difficult concept to learn, especially for very young children who receive most of their socialization from within the household.

Likely, if your child is extroverted, they may assume everyone is OK with hugs, questions, or lots of chit-chat. In some cases, they may be right! In others, they may accidentally cross boundaries in their efforts to be friendly.

Teaching your child how to ask permission and identify boundaries helps them establish a sense of respect between themselves and others. The same goes for helping them establish boundaries for themselves.

Let your child know that it’s OK to say no to hugs, kisses, or other displays of affection from someone — no matter who it may be — if they feel uncomfortable. Model this idea by asking questions yourself (“Would you like a hug?”).

When they make their boundaries clear and ask for others to do the same, it will make both parties feel much more at-home.

8) Positivity

Working on positivity can make it exponentially easier for your child to tackle many of the other social skills for kids we’ve mentioned, especially patience, boundaries, listening, and sharing.

With a positive attitude, your child will find it easier to make and keep friends, succeed in school, and achieve their goals.

The easiest way to demonstrate positivity is by modeling it. The more positive you are about your child’s social skill development (including their inevitable slip-ups), the more reassured and positive they will become themselves.

This doesn’t mean you have to be positive all the time. In fact, a healthy amount of honest criticism can be beneficial in helping your child learn to express their feelings.

To do this, start with your own emotions. Let them know how you’re feeling and how you’re managing it in real time if you can. Kids need to know it’s OK to be sad, angry, or mad sometimes and how to handle it.

How To Teach Social Skills To Kids

Now that you know what social skills for kids to include, how do you go about teaching them at home? Let’s take a look!

Normalize Mistakes

Your child should know that you do not expect perfection. There is no way to execute all of these social skills every time, everywhere, without mistakes.

That is OK! In fact, it’s encouraged. Mistakes are normal; they’re how we learn what went right or wrong.

Make sure you normalize this for your child. If they know all humans learn lessons this way, it’ll be easier for them to push through the sting of a mistake and try again.

Encourage Sharing (Without Violating Boundaries!)

Although sharing is great and should be encouraged, there may be some things that are special to your child that they don’t want to share. This can be especially true of stuffed animals, blankets, or special toys.

This is OK, too! It’s great for your child to set boundaries that you and other children respect. To encourage sharing, try not to force it.

Encouraging without forcing also demonstrates to kids how boundaries can be created, acknowledged, and respected between people.

This will motivate them to share with those around them by taking comfort in the fact that what is special to them has been kept sacred and separate. It will also encourage them to be direct about their and others’ boundaries when it comes to play, school, or emotional issues.

Check Their Listening

During social interactions within your own family or outside of it, pay attention to your child’s listening skills. You can observe them to see if they are listening carefully.

Do they seem engaged? Are the asking questions?

And remember it is just as important to listen to your child. This shows them that what they are saying is important and encourages them to listen to you in return.

Think About How You Give Directions

In teaching social skills for kids, the parent or authority figure is responsible for ensuring the directions they give are something a young child can execute successfully.

When giving instructions, be clear, firm, and gentle. As we mentioned earlier, children have a very difficult time executing tasks with many directions at once. Start with one direction at a time that your child can focus on.

When giving instructions, have your child repeat what you want them to do. Only give an additional instruction when the first has been completed. Repeat until the task is complete.

Your child can give you directions, too! That way they have a sense of what it takes to delegate, manage, and execute a task from start to finish.

Give Empathy To Get Empathy

Show your child that you think about other people’s emotions, too! This is less of a teaching moment and more of an authentic display of empathy.

If you see that your child is expressing an emotion, validate it for them. “Oh, I see that you’re excited. I love that you’re so eager and happy to do this!”

You can acknowledge negative emotions, too. For example, you might say, “I know that must make you angry. Do you know how I can tell? What can we do together to make you feel less unhappy?”

This not only helps them feel seen and heard in the moment, but it also gives them a direct example of how to tackle empathy with others in similar situations.

Social Skills For Kids Are Essential

The more your child experiences the benefits of social skills, the more intuitive these skills will become for them. However, all children learn at different rates. With practice (and patience!), we know they’ll get there.

The Learn with Sesame Street app is an effective tool that helps kids learn and develop their social and emotional skills. With the help of their Sesame Street friends, kids learn how to express their emotions, empathize with others, and create healthy relationships. Explore the Learn with Sesame Street app today!

Author

How to develop social intelligence in a child: 7 tips from a psychologist

Publishing house "Alpina Publisher" 123007, Moscow, st. 4th Magistralnaya, 5, building 1 +74951200704

December 13, 2017

2348 views

6 minutes to read

Success in life is often achieved by people from whom neither teachers nor parents expected it. “A bully, a slacker, a C student” suddenly turns out to be much more successful than his classmates, who spent all their childhood sitting at textbooks. The answer is not in "accidental luck" or "happy fate", but in social intelligence. Our social adaptation, the ability to understand people and, ultimately, success depend on how developed it is.

Social intelligence, unlike formal intelligence, can be developed. And it is better to start doing this from an early age. How exactly?

Pay attention to who and how the child communicates. To begin with, we need to take the most objective position and look at the child's social circle. Where and with whom does he spend his free time? Does he have real (and not virtual) friends with whom he meets regularly, visits them? Does he have the opportunity to choose friends on his own? Or do we conduct a thorough audit of his acquaintances and, in an attempt to protect him from bad influence, we forbid him to communicate with "unequal", "bad" boys and girls? Does he know how to get out of difficult situations, resolve conflicts, or does he run to his parents for help?
Expand the child's social circle. By limiting the child's contacts, we inhibit the development of his social skills. Growing up, he goes out into the world, not understanding how to live in it and how to interact with people who live in this world. There is a rule in aikido training: each athlete must work out the same technique with the maximum number of sparring partners, because with each of them it will be a little different - the athlete learns to see the strengths and feel for the weaknesses of the opponent, adapt to his height , weight, speed, and at the same time find their advantages. That is why the child must communicate with people of different ages, different material wealth and cultural levels. He must practice his social skills.
Give experience of various social situations. Relationships with people are always a risk. We are all different, someone likes you, and someone annoys and repels you. Someone can treat you kindly, and someone can intrigue. For full development, children need unplanned, unexpected, sometimes even conflict situations. The experience of getting into and out of such situations helps to develop social immunity. The child got into a fight - let's not rush to figure out who is right and who is wrong. It’s better to ask him what happened, and together we will discuss how it was possible to resolve the conflict peacefully and how to behave in the future.
Use social equipment. Even if a child is driven in a car with a personal driver, it is useful for him to take a ride on the subway or tram from time to time. Traveling by public transport is an ideal option for practicing social skills. Despite the apparent simplicity, even the ability to correctly find a place in the cabin is developed gradually. Which one is considered good? The place where we do not interfere with others and no one interferes with us, from where you can clearly see what is happening around. The task of “squeezing between people” is solved much easier if you turn to your neighbors with the words: “Are you not going out now? Please let me pass!” The child learns from experience that words are much more effective than brute force.
Teach communication boundaries. For successful social interaction, it is very important for a child to learn to understand the boundaries of the personal space of other people and try not to violate them. This is especially true for the boundaries of strangers - in public places, on the street, in a restaurant, on an airplane, on a train. For example, a child rushes screaming around the restaurant from table to table - you need to stop him and say that he is bothering everyone. And if he does not understand, punishment should follow. Demanding compliance with external boundaries, we thereby give impetus to the formation of internal self-control, that is, the ability to monitor ourselves, cope with our impulses, emotional outbursts.
Learn to understand your feelings and the feelings of other people. Life sets tasks for the child, for the fulfillment of which it is necessary to achieve something from people with different views, values and characters. To successfully cope with these tasks, it is necessary to be able to understand and anticipate the behavior of other people, evaluate their motivation, intentions and determine who can be trusted and who cannot. But often we ourselves do not know what we feel - resentment or anger, annoyance with ourselves or envy of another, joy or satisfaction. The ability to recognize your feelings is a very useful skill. Only by learning to understand our feelings can we learn to empathize, that is, to understand the feelings of other people.
Teach the child to respond adequately in various communication situations. In the big world, the child will have to solve his own problems, win a place under the sun, determine who is a friend and who is not. Somewhere you have to step aside, somewhere you need to agree and compromise, somewhere you need to actively insist on your own and directly express your opinion. To do this, the child's arsenal should have many ways to respond and cope with different situations. The more diverse the child's experience, the more rehearsals he had, the more convincingly he will play the performance called "life".

Our poor rich children

Marina Melia

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Social skills of preschoolers - the development of social skills in children

The development of social skills is a necessary point of education. A child with a high degree of socialization will quickly get used to kindergarten, school, any new team; in the future will easily find a job. Social skills have a positive effect on interpersonal relationships - friendship, the ability to cooperate.

Understand what social skills are.

What are social skills and why develop them?

Social skills - a group of skills, abilities that are formed during the interaction of a person with society and affect the quality of communication with people.

Man is a social being: all our talents and aspirations are realized thanks to other members of the group. Others evaluate our actions, approve or condemn our behavior. It is difficult to reach the pinnacle of self-actualization alone.

This is why social skills are important. They should be developed from early childhood and honed throughout life.

Social skills are a reflection of the child's emotional intelligence, to which educators and teachers assign an important role in the process of personality development. Without this group of skills, a smart child will not be able to apply the acquired knowledge in practice: it is not enough to create something outstanding, you need to be able to correctly convey thoughts to the public.

Sometimes people mistakenly believe that social skills relate exclusively to the topic of communication, communication. In fact, skills include many multidirectional aspects: an adequate perception of one's own individuality, the ability to empathize, work in a team, etc.

Why do we need social skills?

Regulate the area of interpersonal relationships: the child easily makes new friends, finds like-minded people.
Minimize psychological stress: children with developed social skills quickly adapt, do not feel sad due to changes in external circumstances.
They form an adequate self-esteem from childhood, which positively affects life achievements and development in adulthood.
Social skills cannot be separated from building a successful career: the best specialists must not only understand the profession, but also have high emotional intelligence.

Development of social skills in a child

Social skills need to be developed from preschool age, but older children and even teenagers may well learn to interact with the world.

It is recommended to pay attention to areas of life that bring discomfort to the child, significantly complicate everyday life.

Friends, interesting interlocutors: the kid does not know how to join the team, he prefers to sit in the corner while the others play.
Verbal difficulties. The child does not understand the rules of conversation, is poorly versed in the formulas of etiquette (when you need to say hello, say goodbye, offer help).
Problems with the non-verbal side of communication. Such a baby does not recognize the shades of emotions, it is difficult to understand how others relate to him. Cannot "read" faces and gestures.
Does not know the measure in expressing a point of view: too passive or, conversely, aggressive.
The child bullies classmates (participates in bullying) or is a victim.

In case of severe moral trauma, one should consult a psychologist: for example, school bullying is a complex problem that children are not able to cope with on their own. The involvement of parents and teachers is required.

In other cases, family members may well be able to help the child develop social skills.

What are the general recommendations?

1. Be patient

Don't push your child to get the job done. Let them take the initiative: for example, do not rush to help during school gatherings, let the baby work on the problem on his own. The same goes for lessons and other activities.

2. Support undertakings

Children's dreams seem trifling to adults, but the initiative turns into a habit over the years and helps to discover new projects, meet people, and experiment.

3. Criticize the right way

When making negative comments, remember the golden rule of criticism: you need to analyze the work, highlighting both positive and negative aspects in a polite manner. Commenting on the specific actions of the child, and not his personality or appearance - this will lead to problems with self-esteem.

4. The right to choose

It is important for children to feel that their voice is taken into account and influences the course of events. Invite your child to personally choose clothes, books, cartoons. Ask about ideas, plans: “We are going to have a rest together at the weekend. What are your suggestions?

5. Personal space

Make sure that the baby has a place where he can be alone and take a break from talking. Personal things should not be touched: rearrange without prior discussion, read correspondence with friends, check pockets, etc.

Children, noticing the respectful attitude of adults, quickly begin to pay in the same coin; the atmosphere in the family becomes warm and trusting.

What social skills should be developed in a child?

Let's dwell on the main qualities and skills, the development of which is worth paying attention to.

1. The ability to ask, accept and give help

Without the ability to ask for help, the child will deprive himself of valuable advice; the lack of the ability to accept help will lead to losses, and the inability to provide help will make the baby self-centered.

Let the child help those in need: for example, a lagging classmate.
Explain to your child that getting help from friends and teachers is not a shame.
Show by personal example that mutual help enriches experience: tell how you exchange advice with colleagues, friends.

2. The ability to conduct a conversation and get the right information

Being a good conversationalist is difficult, but the skill is honed over time and brings a lot of benefits.

Prompt the child for dialogue development options: for example, you can start a conversation with an appropriate question, a request for help.
Do not leave the child in the role of a silent listener: when discussing pressing issues at home, ask the opinion of the baby.
Support children's public speaking: reports at school, performances, funny stories surrounded by loved ones will add confidence.

3. Empathy

Empathy is the ability to recognize the emotions of others, put yourself in the place of another person, empathize.

This ability will make the child humane, prudent. How can it be developed?

Start by recognizing the child's feelings - it is useless to listen to people if the person does not feel personal feelings. Ask your baby: “How do you feel after a quarrel with friends?”, “Do you want to relax today?”
After conflicts with classmates, ask your child how the children with whom the quarrel may feel now.
While watching cartoons, reading books, pay your child's attention to the emotional state of the characters.

4. Ability to work in a team

Many children can easily cope with tasks alone, but this is not a reason to refuse to work in a team. It gives the opportunity to exchange ideas and experience, delegate tasks, achieve goals faster and more efficiently.

If the child does not communicate with members of the team, try to introduce him to another social group: for example, the lack of communication with classmates can be compensated by a circle of interests, where the child will feel calmer.
Make the family a friendly team in which the child has his own "duties": for example, do housework, remind parents of upcoming events. Any activity related to the well-being of other family members will do.

5. Respect for personal boundaries

The absence of an obsessive desire to interfere in other people's lives is a valuable skill that helps to win people's sympathy.

Respect the child's personal boundaries: do not enter the nursery without warning, do not rummage through personal belongings and correspondence, if the life and safety of the baby is not at stake.
If the child violates other people's boundaries (takes toys without permission, asks uncomfortable questions), talk about it in private.

6. Ability to overcome conflict situations

It is difficult to imagine our life without conflicts. The task of the child is to learn how to culturally enter into a discussion, defend his point of view, and not be led by the provocations of his interlocutors.

Talk about problems calmly, without raising your voice. Do not put pressure on the child with parental authority unnecessarily: the child is a separate person who has the right to an opinion.
Do not judge people for views that differ from those of your family but do not affect your well-being. Show your child that the world is very different.
You can demonstrate to children the basics of a civilized dispute, explain what arguments are, etc. It is advisable to teach this child in kindergarten.

7. Self-confidence

Stable and adequate self-esteem is a quality that not all adults possess.

It is formed under the influence of many factors: relationships between parents, the role of the child in the family circle, the characteristics of the environment that surrounded the child in early childhood.

It is important that the child does not grow up to be either a narcissistic narcissist with fragile self-esteem, or an overly shy person. How can you help your child find balance?

Praise your child for personal progress: to receive a compliment from parents, it is not necessary to win prizes in school competitions.
Learn more