Taking on challenges

Take on Challenges – Nurture for the Future

There is one area of weakness that Aristotle has constantly demonstrated to me that I have been concerned about. Whenever I present him with a challenge, he often declines to pick up the gauntlet. I have been concerned that his fear of failure is crippling his willingness to give things a go and it’s having a negative impact on his growth and development. So I decided to go back and review Chapter 6 of Ellen Galinsky’s Mind in the Making on helping children learn to “Take on Challenges”.

What Does it Mean to “Take on Challenges”?

In her book, Galinsky defines “taking on challenges” as “being proactive rather than reactive when difficulties arise”. It is, in part, about managing stress and developing resilience. In a nutshell, it is getting back on the horse after falling off.

How to Encourage Children to Take on Challenges

1. Manage your own stress

Being able to taken on challenges requires the ability to handle stress. Since parental stress spills over to children and affects them, the first step is to handle our own stress. This needs to be distinguished from covering up our stress. The aim of this is not to hide your stress from your child but to be a living example to your child how stress can be managed.

Make sure your child knows that your stress is not because of something your child did
Tell them what you are going to do to feel better – e.g. “I need some time out”, “I’ll feel better after some exercise”, etc.
Conclude the story so they can learn through your experiences how to handle the tough times

2. Turn to others who can help you manage your own stress

If you are unable to cope with your own stress, make sure you seek out others who can help. It may be friends and family members that you turn to, or professional help that you seek.

3. Take time for yourself

As a parent, taking some time to yourself can feel selfish, but having some “me time” can be the positive boost you need to keep your best foot forward. Let’s face it, it’s hard to be a good parent when you’re tired and stressed out so you’re not doing anyone any favours by martyring yourself and refusing personal time.

4. Don’t shield your child from everyday stresses

Children need to learn how to deal with stress through experience so it is important not to overprotect them. This doesn’t mean you should throw them into the deep end, however, but it does mean you should help them figure out how to cope.

5. Maintain a warm, caring and trusting relationship with your child because it makes you a stress-buster for your child

Children with warm, caring relationships with their parents generally feel more safe and secure. This helps them to cope with difficult situations more easily because they find strength in the trust that they have in their parents.

Stress is when challenge overwhelms your capacity to manage it. With a trusting relationship with a parent who’s been there for you and who’s accessible, you’re not overwhelmed.

6. Try to keep your “alarm button” on low

Just as our children feed off our stress, they also feed off our reactions to the things that they do. There are two characteristics parents need to be aware of:

Alarmists – parents who see danger everywhere and are constantly warning their children “you’re going to hurt yourself!” or “your blocks are going to topple!”
Intrusive – parents who overprotect their children by interfering with what their children area doing. They do not give their children the opportunity to explore.

7. Understand your child’s temperament – observe what your child does to calm down and build on his strengths

Your child’s temperament affects:

how he reacts to a new experience
how he regulates his response to that new experience

Watch what your child does that helps him to cope best with challenging situations and encourage him to apply that tactic to other challenging situations. Talk to your child and help him to identify what helps him when he is upset. I find that Aristotle likes to sit in a room by himself of a while before rejoining the family when he is upset about something he can do nothing about. Hercules, on the other hand, recovers quickly if you can distract him without appearing like you are trying to distract him. Different children will find that different methods work or do not work for them. Your task as parent is to help your child identify the ones that work best for her.

8. Fit your expectations to the nature of your child

Rather than focussing on what your child can’t do (the weaknesses), sometimes it is important to concentrate on your child’s strengths and build those up. Those strengths can help to overcome or compensate for the weaknesses. If you only look at your child’s inadequacies, those inadequacies will increase.

9. Give your child appropriate levels of control to manage their own stress

Set the boundaries but give your child the leeway to determine how things will be done within those boundaries. This empowers our children by giving them a sense of control over their actions, while the boundaries limits the liability in the event that things do not work out.

Let your child know who she can turn to for help when she needs it.
Help your child learn to be accountable for the consequences of their actions – e.g. if you squander the time you get to do an assignment and end up having to stay up late the night before to complete it, we will not be available to help you.

10. Allow a period of observation before gradually introducing change

For the shy child, try not to be pushy. Give your child the time and space to adapt at his own pace. Let him watch first then slowly introduce the change. Making allowances for their nature allows them to develop the confidence to handle a situation. If you attempt to squash their nature by being too pushy, you can end up increasing their fear of new challenges.

11. Encourage your child’s passions

Sometimes your child’s passion for an activity can help her to overcome a fear that would otherwise paralyse her. An example given is of a child who is afraid of amusement park rides but a fan of vehicles of all sorts. This child’s obsession with vehicles gave him the courage to take on an amusement park ride featuring a bus. Another example is the photographer who is afraid of heights but is able to overcome the fear while in pursuit of the perfect picture.

12. Cultivate a growth mindset in your child

An individual with a growth mindset knows the value of effort and hard work for achieving goals. She isn’t reliant on “innate ability” to get her there.

13. Praise effort not personality

Related to helping your child develop a growth mindset. Praising your child’s effort might be: “Wow! You worked really hard on that!” as opposed to “Wow! You’re really smart!” which equates to praising personality.

And that is basically how you can help your child cope with stress and develop resilience so that he can take on life’s challenges and get back onto the horse.

Related:

Mind in the Making by Ellen Galinsky
Focus and Self Control
Perspective Taking
Mindset by Carol Dweck
Brainology by Mindset Works

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The importance of taking on challenges for young children

Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension - May 04, 2016

Dealing with challenges is an essential life skill. Learn why it is so important and how you can help young children learn and practice these skills.

Adults can help support children in learning to deal with life's challenges.

Life is full of challenges, so how can we help prepare children to take on those challenges and succeed? In her book, “Mind in the Making: The seven essential life skills every child needs,” author Ellen Galinsky describes how adults can help support children in learning to deal with life’s challenges.

Adults who have a relationship of trust with their children are in the perfect position to be both a source of comfort and support as well a source of knowledge in teaching their children how to manage life’s stressors and get through challenges. The presence of a supportive adult helps children manage the stress that accompanies challenging situations and helps them learn specific methods or ways of dealing with the stress and provides opportunities to learn and grow.

Supporting the development of taking on challenges

Michigan State University Extension has some tips on helping your child learn to deal with challenges.

Set a good example. Model healthy and appropriate ways to manage stress. It’s OK to share your mistakes of stress with children when it is appropriate. Tell them how you are going to manage that stress, “I am going to go for a short walk and then come back and talk about this,” or “I am going to take a few deep breaths before I try to solve this problem. ”
Expose them to stress in small appropriate doses. If you protect your child from every stressful situation, then they miss out on opportunities to learn how to effectively deal with stressors. As they grow into adulthood they will be faced with stress that you cannot prevent or mediate. Help them be prepared to deal with this stress by helping them practice on smaller, less important situations now.
Be your child’s stress buffer. Children who have a steady, warm and trusting relationship with at least one adult are better equipped to manage stressful situations. You can help your child deal with challenges by being present, engaged and remaining a constant source of support for your child.
Allow and promote risk-taking. It’s temping as parents and caregivers to protect children from every potentially stressful or risky situation. Just like a toddler learning to walk, they have to fall and bump into a few things before they get it right. Allow your child to take small risks and help them figure out how to manage whatever happens next.
Allow your child to manage their own stress. When you give children tools, methods and space to practice their own stress management, they will not only feel like they have control over the stresses in their life, but they will be able to find methods of stress management that work well for them. You can give your child ideas about ways to manage their stress and encourage them to utilize them, but make sure you provide plenty of opportunities for children to work out their issues with some independence.
Teach your child a “growth mindset.” Failure is often seen as the worst-case scenario and something to be ashamed of. But failure is a natural and necessary part of life. Help your child learn to deal with challenges and failures by encouraging them to adopt a growth mindset and teach them to see failures as opportunities to learn, grow and do things differently next time.

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the MSU Extension website.

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit https://extension.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit https://extension.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit https://extension.msu.edu/experts, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

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Making and receiving calls from a computer

Your Phone app Windows 10 More...Less

Note: We've changed the name of the Your Phone app to Link to Microsoft Phone. In addition, your Android phone manager is now called Link to Windows. For more information, see Introduction to the Link to Microsoft Phone and Link to Windows apps.

Leave your Android device in your pocket the next time it rings and answer the call from your computer. Calls require Bluetooth functionality on both your computer and Android device, so turn it on on both devices.

Making a call on a computer:

Open the Connect to Phone app and select Calls .
In the Search contacts field, search for the name or number of the contact. Alternatively, you can enter a phone number directly in the dial pad.
Select icon Dial to start a call.

If Bluetooth is not available (or turned off) on your device, you will not be able to make or receive calls on your computer.

If you're having trouble using the call feature, these troubleshooting tips may help.

This feature requires Android permissions

Before the first call, you will be asked to grant the appropriate permissions on your Android device. If you select Allow for these permissions, the Link to Phone app on your computer will access the data and display information from the Android device.

Keypad update during a call

You may need to enter numbers during a call to select menu options. Be sure to use the keypad for the current call. To display the active call keypad, select it from the drop-down menu.

How can I view recent calls on my computer?

On your computer, open the Phone Link application and select Calls. Recent calls will be displayed here.

How many recent calls can I see?

The Phone Connection application displays the calls you have made or received in the last 90 days.

Can you manage or delete recent calls?

You cannot manage or delete recent calls on your computer.

How do I turn off the call sound?

You can mute the call using the Mute button on your Android device or computer.

When you make a call to your computer using Link to Phone, a small separate window will open showing your call:

Click the down arrow to expand the window. After that, the button Mute will become available:

After you start a call from a computer and transfer it to an Android device, you can only mute the call from the phone (not from the computer).

If the call is on your Android device, you will not be able to mute it from your computer.

Making emergency calls using the Phone Link application

Emergency services - You can call and answer emergency services using the Link to Phone app, however please note that Link to Phone is not a replacement for the basic phone service. Calls Communication with your phone may not work or may be interrupted due to power problems, the distance between your computer and your phone, or other technical problems. In addition, there are important differences between the Connect to Phone app and traditional wireless (mobile) or landline phone services. The Connect to Phone app is not required to provide access to emergency services in accordance with applicable local or national rules, regulations, and laws. The Phone Connect app is not intended to support or make emergency calls to any type of hospital, law enforcement, medical or other service that connects users to emergency personnel or public safety response points ("Emergency Services").

Make and receive phone calls on your iPad or Mac

With the iPhone (Cellular Calls) feature, you can make and receive phone calls from your Mac or iPad when these devices are connected to the same network as your iPhone.

Setting up iPhone (Cellular Calls)

Make sure your iPhone, iPad, and Mac meet the system requirements for Continuity.

Your devices must also be nearby and configured as follows.

Each device is signed in with the same Apple ID.
Each device is signed in to FaceTime with the same Apple ID.
Wi-Fi is enabled on each device.
Each device is connected to the same network using Wi-Fi or Ethernet.
On iPhone, go to Settings > Phone > Calls on Other Devices, then turn on Allow Calls.
On an iPad, go to Settings > FaceTime > iPhone Calls, then turn on iPhone Calls.
On a Mac, open the FaceTime app, choose FaceTime > Preferences, then iPhone Calls.

If your carrier supports Wi-Fi calling on other devices, you can set those devices to make and receive calls even when iPhone is not turned on or in close proximity. Learn more about Wi-Fi calling.

Make and receive phone calls

After you set up your devices, you can make and receive phone calls on your Mac or iPad whenever iPhone is nearby and on the same network as another device.