Feelings in children
How to Decipher the Emotions Behind Your Child’s…
My four-year-old daughter: You CAN’T comb my hair!
Me: It’s late—we have to leave for school in five minutes. I need to comb your hair.
My daughter: I’ll never let you comb my hair! I want wild hair!
Some version of this battle occurred daily over a very long three weeks, during which I tried five different types of brushing implements—from wide-toothed combs to wet brushes—three different kinds of spray-on conditioners, myriad forms of distraction (songs, books, TV), and, of course, the promise of lots of rewards. Yet nothing worked, for this kiddo did not want to have her hair combed. It was no use.
Quite often, we parent in what could be considered non-ideal circumstances—when we’re physiologically and emotionally running on empty and tending to many other demands. Understandably, this can result in us becoming frustrated and upset when our children refuse to heed our advice or when they continually engage in what we perceive as harmful habits.
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When it comes to many parenting challenges with typically developing kids, simple strategies can go a long way. However, every so often, a particularly irksome parenting challenge crops up—the kind that just won’t back down in response to our go-to positive reinforcement, clear limit-setting, or distraction.
Clearly, some situations require us to dig deeper. Research suggests that parental mentalizing—the capacity to seek to understand our own and our child’s behaviors from the perspective of underlying mental states, such as thoughts, feelings, and needs—can help us get to the heart of the trickiest parenting issues.
The power of parental mentalizing
Parents who have the ability to mentalize can perceive the less obvious and less immediately apparent causes of their children’s behaviors.
When a child is angry, for example, we might be tempted to respond by giving a firm consequence, such as a time-out, or by removing something that the child likes, such as a prized toy or technology time.
But a parent who mentalizes may see the hurt underneath the child’s outward anger and respond in a way that directly addresses that pain and gets to the root of the problem—for instance, by slowing down to ask the child whether they are upset and want to talk about it. In so doing, the parent may be able to remove the reason behind the anger, rather than addressing only the symptom of the problem, and may actually give the child a tool to address this issue in the future: reaching out for support.
It turns out that parents who mentalize see a wide range of benefits in their children. For one, their kids develop greater attachment security, which transpires when children feel safe and secure in their relationships with their parents. Further, in one experiment, parents who mentalized more for their own children persisted longer in trying to soothe a pretend crying baby. This vividly illustrates how being able to reflect on children’s thoughts and feelings may give us the mental flexibility to try multiple approaches in responding to their distress.
In turn, not surprisingly, children of parents who mentalize more are able to take better care of their own emotions, engaging in better self-regulation and -soothing.
In addition, recent research suggests that mentalizing may be especially important when parents or kids are experiencing higher levels of stress or trauma. Among mothers who seemed to be more prone to stress, those who mentalized more behaved the most sensitively toward their children. After another stressful night when our toddler refuses to sleep, learning to focus on their mental states and needs could help us respond sensitively to them, and even reduce these types of battles in the future.
Mentalizing also has advantages for the parents themselves. Mentalizing can allow us to reflect on our own emotions in the parenting role, providing clarity on why our children’s behaviors activate such strong reactions in us. For instance, after being criticized for incompetence by her colleague at work one day, a mother might be able to recognize that her frustration about her child’s limit-testing behavior is exaggerated—ultimately more related to her work challenges than to her own child.
Such clarity can help us identify the true source of our feelings, which in turn can assist us in regulating them. Ultimately, research suggests that parents higher in mentalizing experience greater well-being in their roles as parents.
OPENing up to your child
Although mentalizing sounds like a complicated concept, implementing it with your child involves only a few simple steps, represented by the term OPEN.
1. Reflect on your Own emotions. When you’re feeling stressed, pause and think about how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, and what the impact of that might be on your child. Your stress is a good guide to how your child is probably feeling.
Some questions to ask yourself include:
- How am I feeling right now?
- What’s happening in my body?
- What thoughts or feelings am I having that could be impacting my parenting or my child?
For example, during a stressful parenting moment, you may realize that you’re worried about arriving late somewhere and that pressure could be impacting your behavior, making you clench your fists and grit your teeth.
It may also be spilling over into your interactions with your child, causing you to speak more sternly with them.
Engaging in some mindfulness practices—in the moment or at other times in your day—may also help you to avoid any destructive emotional responses to your child. Learning to check in with yourself and pay attention to your current thoughts and feelings without judgment can help you attend to your own and your child’s experiences.
2. Pause to reflect on your child’s thoughts and feelings. When your child is exhibiting a behavior that is perplexing or upsetting to you, pause to allow yourself to think of all the different potential internal explanations for this behavior, such as the thoughts, feelings, or desires your child might have. Here, it is important to remember that often our emotions are layered, such that we may show one feeling but are actually experiencing others.
Some questions to ask yourself include:
- Is it possible my child is worried, sad, or angry right now?
- Even though my child’s behavior makes it seem as though they are angry, is it possible they are actually feeling something else that they are too scared to show?
- What underlying need might my child have that they are trying to express through their actions? How can I help them give voice to this need?
For example, if your child stomped off to a different room after an interaction with his sibling, it would be easiest to assume that he is angry.
If you paused to check on what he might be feeling, you may learn that he is feeling rejected or excluded, and talking about the feelings or getting help from a parent to feel included in his sibling’s play may help him feel better.
Trying to take a third-person perspective on the situation can help you figure out what your child may be experiencing without adding your own interpretation into the mix.
3. Engage. Slow down and ask your child what they are experiencing. Use open-ended questions and convey curiosity in understanding your child’s true thoughts and feelings, wherever they may take you. Make sure to do this at a time when your child does not have any time pressure or competing demands on their attention (a hard thing for a parent to accomplish, we know!).
Statements and questions such as the following may help set the desired tone:
- Is something on your mind?
- I’m wondering if you are feeling upset about something.
- I always want to know how you’re really doing.
4. Be open to New experiences. Once you have created the right environment to talk about your child’s thoughts and feelings, it is important to continue to convey a state of openness to new experiences. Maybe your child has always hated being the center of attention, so when a group of kids sing happy birthday to her, it would be easy to assume that she’s embarrassed. But remember to ask before assuming; you might be surprised to learn that the reason she’s actually upset is that her friends forgot to call her by her preferred nickname. It’s important to remember that, just like us, our children’s thoughts, feelings, and preferences are constantly evolving.
Past experiences serve as a database for us to reference when we encounter new situations. However, we must remain OPEN to the always-evolving child, continually revising this database. Once OPEN, always OPEN.
It turns out that my daughter’s hatred of hair combing had nothing to do with simple defiance, garden-variety limit testing, or avoidance of combing-induced pain.
She did not want to comb her extremely blond hair because kids at school made comments about it when it was combed—she is the only kid in her after-school program with blond hair, which makes her stand out, something she detests. Apparently, the groomed look accentuates what makes her “different” from other kids at school, and she was nervous about getting this kind of attention. I happened upon this information when we had a conversation about the combing struggle during a nightly pre-bedtime talk—notably, a less stressful time of day, when emotions run calmer and time pressure is lower.
This is something I, a child psychologist who studies mentalizing, never would have guessed on my own. It wouldn’t have been the fourth or even the tenth explanation I would have come up with as an account for her behavior.
Knowing that my daughter was nervous about the extra attention of combed hair allowed us to come up with a plan to address the issue in a way that would mutually achieve her parents’ goals (non-tangly hair) and her goals (not attracting undue attention): gradually exposing her to increasing amounts of combing each day over a week.
Although there will undoubtedly be challenges that stump even the most gifted mentalizers, this parenting trick is a good one to have in your back pocket—even better than those amazing wet brushes—especially when all of the rewards in the world can’t untangle the situation.
Acknowledging your child’s feelings will lead to resilient kids – Child & Adolescent Behavioral Health
“One of the most important tasks of parenthood is helping children learn to deal with their emotions. All children experience periods of stress in their lives and need the emotional skills to deal with it. Children’s emotional resilience, or ability to cope with their feelings is important to their long-term happiness, wellbeing and success in life. Emotional resilience involves six key skills: recognizing and accepting feelings, expressing feelings appropriately, having a positive outlook, developing effective ways of coping, being able to deal with negative feelings, and being able to manage stressful life events.
” – Triple P: Positive Parenting Program, Raising Resilient Children Seminar Series
Throughout a child’s development they are receiving messages and information from the world around them, shaping the way they acknowledge and understand feelings. Some simple ways to help children enhance this development follow.
Accept different emotions – Often children receive the unwritten message that the only acceptable emotion is happy, do your best to acknowledge and accept more than just happy.
Accept all emotions; the good, the bad and the ugly. Letting children know it is okay to feel the tough and challenging emotions of mad, sad, disappointed, frustrated and more.
Talk about feelings –Talk about them regularly. Pointing out how a character on their favorite show or in their favorite book are simple ways to start these conversations.
Share your own feelings - It is okay to express our own emotions at times, modeling that we too feel sad, upset and even angry from time to time.
Help your child recognize emotions – When your child is expressing an emotion, label it. Tell them what you are seeing or hearing them do that leads you to believe they are feeling a specific emotion.
Express feelings appropriatelyChildren learn by watching, this is no different when learning how to handle, express and cope with feelings. They are constantly watching us, the adults, when we are expressing and responding to small and big emotions. It is important to do our best and modeling socially appropriate ways to express and manage emotions. Acceptable ways of expressing emotions are related to cultural and family expectations. It is important for children to learn about culture through rituals and traditions relating to emotions. Weddings, funerals and festivals teach children how their family and culture deal with celebration and loss.
Help your child talk about feelings – Avoid telling children how to feel, rather encourage them to share with you what they are thinking and feeling about the events happening around them or to them.
When they start to talk to you about their feelings, stop what you are doing and give them your undivided attention. You can summarize what they share with the classic sentence starter “It sounds like you feel…”.
Reward appropriate expression of feelings – Give positive feedback and praise to children when they do express their emotions in a developmentally appropriate way. For example, “I think you handled your anger well. I saw you get very upset, take a deep breath and walk away. Wow!”
Deal with inappropriate expression of feelings – Decide how you plan to handle the inappropriate expression of feelings like being hurtful, disrespectful, yelling, swearing or hitting others. Consistent consequences that help children learn more acceptable ways of expressing their feelings are best.
- Acknowledge the negative emotion and problem first.
- Tell them specifically and clearly what to stop doing. Short, sweet and to the point.
- Implement a logical consequence like quiet time to encourage self-regulation.
Feelings are related to what children are thinking about and telling themselves. They can only pull from the experiences they have had so far. Parents can help children develop a positive sense of self through optimism.
Encourage Optimism – Looking on the bright side of situations and finding the positive is a skill, one that can be taught and encourages. We must model this optimism. Encourage children to set realistic goals and their use of creativity and initiative to meet them. Helping children find clubs or activities they are interested in and can find success after hard work helps teach this skill.
Encourage Curiosity – Curiosity can truly become a challenge to us as parents; the questions of “why”, taking things apart or getting into things we wish they would not. Going back to the above statement, have optimism, looking at this curiosity as a strength. Curiosity is how children learn about and become interested in the world around them.
Encourage this by supporting their interests in new activities, let them explore and learn about the world around them. Be available when they are excited to show you something, ask questions and teach them how to find more information about it.
Encourage Contentment – Helping children have contentment involves teaching them to be accepting, tolerant and appreciative of what they have. Model being appreciative and grateful. Talk to children about the highlight of their day. Encourage empathy and discussing other people’s point of view. Discussing acceptance of the things we cannot control or change. Boredom is an acceptable feeling to have.
Developing coping skillsCoping skills are the tools we use to help us regulate our emotions and solve the problems that may be causing or influencing negative emotions.
Help Your Child Become a Problem Solver – Sometimes we as parents fall into the trap of solving all our children’s problems.
We do not like to see them upset and sometimes it is just easier to do things ourselves. You are encouraged to allow children to be in the “yuck” for a bit. Ask them questions that will help them develop skills to solve problems on their own. Encourage them to solve the problem lets them know you believe in them and develops their ability to solve problems independently one day.
- State the problem clearly.
- Come up with some possible solutions.
- Think about the good points and bad points of the possible solutions.
- Decide on the best solution or plan.
- Try it out by putting the plan in to action.
- Review how the solution worked and make any necessary changes.
Encourage Positive Thinking – Encouraging again that positive thinking and self-talk is helpful here too. Encouraging children to think about the same thing in a different way to effect how they feel about it. Play games that prompt your child to imagine what someone might be thinking or feeling.
Point out helpful and unhelpful ways of thinking about a situation.
Help Your Child Learn to Relax – many of our days are go, go, go. The skill of relaxation is something that must be taught. Provide a good role model of how to manage stress by looking after yourself and taking time to relax. There are many tools, apps and websites that can help with teaching yoga, belly breathing, muscle relaxation and more.
Help Your Child Look for Support – Discuss with children that everyone needs to talk about their feelings, especially when they become overwhelming. Finding safe people to talk to is important. Help them find a trusted family member, friend, teacher or counselor.
Dealing with Negative FeelingsNegative emotions are part of everyday life, we need to help children not let them become overwhelming by teaching them how to manage them. Common negative emotions include anger, anxiety, boredom, disappointment, distress, guilt, jealousy, loneliness, loss, rejection and sadness.
It is not our job to protect our children from these emotions, but rather help them work through them by prompting problem solving.
Help Your Child Manage Negative Emotions – Notice when your child is upset and pay attention. Asking them what is wrong and listening to what they say. Label their feelings and help coach them through ways to solve the problem and feel better. Sometimes they simply want us to listen and sit in the yuck with them.
Help Your Child Learn to Cope on Their Own – Help your children deal with these negative emotions on their own by setting a good example of remaining calm. Talking with them about their anxious feelings and giving them small things to try when they want to feel better. Remember to praise them when they try new things and face their fears, reminding them when they were successful and overcoming a challenge. Simply saying, “I believe in you”, sends a positive message that you believe in them.
Coping with Stressful Life EventsWhen children are stressed by uncertainty due to a specific event ensure them of their safety and be available to help them through their emotions when needed.
Allow them to be upset and encourage them to talk about it when they are ready. Encourage them to use the skills you have been working on to enhance their resiliency and check in with them often. Often in times of stress we can all struggle to remember how to solve a problem or cope. Seek professional advice if the stressful event is causing more long-term effects on you or your child.
Child and Adolescent Behavioral Health's Early and Middle Childhood Program Manager Larissa Haring (LPC, OCPC, ECMHC) is an expert in the field of early childhood development with 20 years of experience. Larissa is the facilitator of the Positive Parenting Program (Triple P), which engages parents in topics parents are struggling with to be better parents. If you are looking for help to be a better parent, call C&A at 330-433-6075 or text @triplepca to 81010.
Big feelings of little children | PSYCHOLOGIES
For ParentsPractices how toKnow Yourself
“When I'm worried, it doesn't cost me anything to cry…” “I can't talk about my feelings.
And why? “I am a very calm person, but sometimes – rarely – I can scream at someone terribly, and then I think: what came over me?”
Why are we so different? Why, even in the same circumstances, each of us will always react differently? “I have such a character, I have always been like that,” we usually think. And yet there are doubts that it is exactly as we are at the present moment - timid or angry, enthusiastic or withdrawn - that we are born from the mother's womb.
First emotional experience
“The very first bodily sensations of an infant are emotionally colored,” says developmental psychologist Galina Burmenskaya. It is no coincidence that we say that in life something “touches” us, “hurts” us, because a person receives the primary emotional experience through the body.
“A baby's tactile or gustatory sensations can be pleasant, bringing comfort and pleasure, or, conversely, painful, frightening,” continues Galina Burmenskaya. “New emotions are imprinted in his memory, gradually adding to those that the child has experienced before.
”
But if we all start our emotional development from the same “starting position”, then where do these differences between us come from? The answer is simple: emotions come to us in one way, but how exactly they affect our further development is purely individual. The way in which a child can (or not) accept his emotions, feel them and express them, depends not only on himself.
“A child is formed not by himself, but in interaction with the people who surround him,” emphasizes Galina Burmenskaya. It is relatives that have an unusually strong influence on the emotional development of the child: they serve as an example, but also help him understand what he himself feels.
How to express emotions at home
The relationship that a child will establish with emotions depends primarily on how his parents relate to what they themselves feel. It is very difficult for children of those who are in the power of experiences and do not know how to cope with them.
“Such an explosive experience of emotions, even if it is not directed at the child, the inability to adequately express one's anger, one's aggressiveness, constant screaming and irritation are very traumatic for children,” warns Galina Burmenskaya.
“It is about children from such affective families that one can hear:“ He only reacts to a cry! ”Being under constant emotional shelling, they very quickly stop responding and learn not to hear.”
And a vicious circle is created: in order to get through to the child, parents start shouting even louder…
In other families, on the contrary, emotions are forbidden. Here they don’t talk about what they feel, you can’t admit that you are afraid, you can’t rejoice violently or get angry - it’s indecent. The prohibition may be unspoken, but the child very quickly learns that he must silence any manifestations of his soul. It's like he's turning the sound off.
“A child cannot kill his emotions, but, fearing to lose his parents' disposition, he will force them out,” explains Galina Burmenskaya. “However, such psychological defense is unproductive: the repressed problem does not disappear, experiences only accumulate.
”
Special case: emotional mask of parents. “I don’t understand why I perceive everything in life so tragically,” the grown child will later say. “After all, my father was always so cheerful and relaxed!” But if the constant struggle with depression was actually hiding behind the father's arousal, it is clear that the child perceived depression, which he unconsciously felt, as a model of behavior.
Whatever the mask behind which the truth of adults hides, it is with it that children identify themselves.
What can parents teach?
If a child depends on the way of life of his mother and father, he also depends on the way in which parents help him to get acquainted with his own emotions.
“A child needs the words of adults to get used to what he feels,” says Galina Burmenskaya. - He himself is still in the power of his feelings, they overwhelm him, but he does not know how to talk about them. The great role of an adult is to teach a child to put emotions into words, to make them truly “his own”.
And such help from parents is especially important when the child enters public life.
The first disappointments, the first friendly quarrels, the first insults, the first refusals - this is the emotional everyday life of a child who first joined the circle of his peers in a nursery, kindergarten, school. How many dramas worthy of the pen of Shakespeare, which are played out day after day in the school corridors ... and which adults often do not attach importance to!
When a child's feelings are underestimated
Whatever their personal relationship with emotions in adults, they, without realizing it, find themselves captives of the conventional view: the child is regarded as an immature person, who is presented in proportion to his height - small.
Hence everything else: adults underestimate the words of the child, underestimate the importance of his emotions: “Just think, it’s a great thing – he will cry and forget!” They question the strength of his attachments: “Well, yes, we changed the nanny, but nothing, he will get used to it .
..” They believe that the child does not yet understand what is happening around, and therefore cannot feel as strongly as adults.
Think (not only) about good things
Moreover, adults often believe that they protect children if they protect them from strong emotions, for example, hiding the death of someone close, illness, divorce. “And by doing this, they make a mistake, because children always feel the untruth,” says Galina Burmenskaya. “Out of good intentions, wanting to protect, adults, on the contrary, deprive the child of a sense of security: how can you feel safe if parents lie or hush up something terrible?”
In such a situation, the child cannot express his feelings: “If my mother hides this from me, I cannot tell her that I know about it and that it makes me feel bad. After all, if I tell her, she will be upset and maybe even angry. And between the child and his emotions an abyss is formed.
“Of course, it is necessary to talk to a child, given his age,” explains Galina Burmenskaya.
“But to cleanse his life of everything unpleasant, sad, tragic means not to let him become a person to whom both joy and sorrow are intended by nature - and this is her great wisdom.”
The child is excited. How to help him?
When children are confronted with something unfamiliar, unexpected or frightening, it is not always easy for parents to find the right words to ease their feelings. How to do it?
Recall: every parent does what he can - no one has a “perfect solution”. What will be said in a difficult situation is both important and unimportant at the same time. Because the most important thing for a child is:
-
For the words to be spoken. Thanks to this, his sadness will “speak” and move from the status of a crushing “blow” to another, of course, also painful, but which can be overcome.
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That a loving adult is willing to listen. He recognizes him as a person who is trustworthy and arousing interest. He shares his grief and will always lend his shoulder.
What can I say? And to do?
1. Sudden death
The truth is always painful, but never destructive - just the opposite. If the child is supported, then the situation turns out to be favorable for him in the end. He comes out of it matured, as he is taken seriously. Therefore, it is very important to tell the truth, to give him the right to share grief with adults.
2. A quarrel broke out between the parents
It is important that the child knows that:
-
It is not his parents who are quarreling, but the husband and wife, a couple that was formed apart from his participation.
-
He is not the cause of the quarrel, even if it started with a problem that concerns children.
-
It is not for him to be a judge or a comforter.
Having indicated this, it is important to show that he can express his feelings (anxiety, fear) that the quarrel caused him.
3. He says that his friend does not want to be friends with him
Explain to the child that:
-
This does not mean that he is not worthy of love.
-
Whatever he is, he cannot be loved by everyone without exception.
-
Perhaps he reminds a friend of someone he doesn't like. Or he did something, unwittingly, that his friend did not like.
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There are many other children around. Who can he count on in class? What new friend could he make?
4. If he is angry
Important:
-
Separate anger from the reason that causes it. Emotion is always legal, each of us has the right to "get nervous", even if others do not approve of it.
-
Show sympathy, sympathize with him and talk to him about what causes anger.
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If anger is caused by a ban, this does not prevent you from supporting it: "I understand that this is difficult to accept, but the rule is necessary." Having said this and making sure that the child is speculating on his anger, you can advise him to show emotions in a different way, for example, with the help of words.
Or send him to deal with anger in another room, depriving him of the audience ...
To help your child express emotions, you must also prevent him from speculating with them and teach him not to let them overwhelm him.
Associate Professor, Department of Developmental Psychology, Moscow State University named after M.V. Lomonosov, scientific editor of the bestseller "Affection" by John Bowlby.
Personal website
Text: Daria Mikheeva Photo source: Getty Images
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Children's Emotions Dictionary - Definition of Emotions for Children
When a bright event occurs in life, we react emotionally to it. Every person is sad, funny, ashamed. How to explain to a child what emotions are?
Our vivid sensations are called emotions. There are quite a few of them. It is important to be able to distinguish them from each other: this helps to know oneself, the inner world of parents and friends, to make speech beautiful, expressive.
Differences between emotions and feelings:
- feelings often last much longer;
- emotions are superficial: quickly arise, quickly disappear;
- feelings are specific, emotions are vague: "I'm scared" (emotion), "I'm afraid of her" (feeling).
Feeling - a set of complex emotions (for example, love consists of interest, joy, etc.)
What a child of senior preschool and primary school age should be able to:
- quickly distinguish emotions from each other;
- understand the emotional state of the interlocutor;
- describe your own mood;
- choose suitable epithets to describe life situations.
Let's see what emotions exist and how they manifest themselves.
Joy
This positive emotion is familiar to everyone: for example, people experience it when they win a competition, receive a long-awaited gift, hear praise.
The mood rises sharply, we begin to think optimistically: the future seems beautiful, and the world around us is benevolent.
Joy manifests itself in the form of a broad smile, light laughter.
Sadness
Sadness is a negative emotion that we encounter during unpleasant moments of life; the opposite of joy.
We feel sad when we lose, when our plans are violated. Emotion shows that a person's expectations have not materialized into reality.
Sadness also appears when we read sad books or watch movies where something sad happens to the main characters.
Sadness is a slight despondency that does not last very long. The look goes out, the smile leaves the face, but later everything returns to normal.
Anger
Violent, brightly colored negative emotion that can be beneficial - anger helps to start acting.
People get angry when something wrong, unfair from their point of view occurs on the path of life. For example, in a class, a quiet and calm classmate is offended, who does not wish harm to anyone - such a situation can cause the observer to become angry at the offenders.
Anger also signals that the surrounding reality does not allow one to achieve goals, to feel free and comfortable. A stranger got rude on the subway and stepped on his foot? This is one of the cases where anger is natural.
When angry, a person frowns, purses his lips, can look at one point. The opposite of anger is calmness, acceptance.
Fear
Fear is considered to be an evil, unpleasant and destructive emotion for a person, although it can save us from troubles.
This emotion is born when a person realizes that something bad is about to happen.
The future threat is not always real, sometimes we ourselves come up with troubles that could happen in the future.
Fear makes our body muster all the strength to fight an obstacle: the heart beats loudly, the body tenses up, the skin turns red or pale.
When the human brain realizes that the threat has passed or turned out to be fictitious, peace returns, the normal state. The opposite of fear is a feeling of complete security.
Admiration
This is a pleasant, uplifting emotion. It arises when we encounter the beautiful, the unique, the rare.
For example, people experience admiration when visiting museums, art galleries. We admire the beauty, grandeur of nature, the complex and mysterious structure of the cosmos.
However, others can also cause this emotion - we like to watch talented people, their work (dance, drawing), follow scientists, heroes, researchers.
Simple things (a fashionable dress, a cute toy) also become an object of admiration. It all depends on the person who is watching what is happening, on his taste.
The opposite emotion of admiration is disgust, contempt.
How does it manifest itself? A person can smile, raise his eyebrows, slightly round his eyes.
In the online course "Emotions for Children" we will introduce the child to the variety of human feelings and emotions, teach them to assess the emotional state of the interlocutor and correctly express their own emotions. The course is designed in the format of an interactive story game and is designed for children 7-13 years old.
Shame
Very unpleasant, internally destructive emotion, felt as heaviness or burning (people who are ashamed often blush from this experience).
Shame arises when we do ugly or ridiculous things in public. The presence of witnesses is the basis for the emergence of shame. For example, a person will be ashamed of the fact that he cursed loudly in a public place (and then calmed down and regretted it) or slipped and fell into a puddle in front of everyone.
Emotion is born when behavior does not correspond to the ideal - personal or other people's. The opposite emotion is superiority, looseness.
Resentment
A negative emotion that has much in common with disappointment. Its opposite is a slight feeling of forgiveness.
We are offended by a person when he does not live up to our expectations: for example, the betrayal of a best friend causes resentment, because we expect support and loyalty from loved ones. Feeling empty, confused.
You can also meet with resentment when faced with injustice, when the situation cannot be corrected: the student has been preparing for participation in the school Olympiad for a long time, dreamed of winning, showing knowledge, but lost. In the soul, resentment accumulates at oneself, at unfortunate circumstances.
How is resentment manifested? The lip moves forward a little, the person hides his eyes.
Interest
When we meet something new, we automatically show a positive emotion called interest: we stop looking at the object of interest, raise our eyebrows, open our mouth.
People love information: remember how you pay attention to your friends' new clothes, watch bloggers making weird videos.
A person is attracted by unusual things, he hurries to study them, get to know them better and understand: what if knowledge will help in the future? Any fact can be useful.
We may be interested in specific activities, phenomena, people (this is how hobbies, new friends appear). Interest makes you search, reflect, develop intellect and imagination.
The opposite emotion of interest is boredom.
Surprise
Surprise is considered an unusual emotion: it can be both positive and negative.
Indeed, the things that surround us can pleasantly surprise us, and sometimes we experience surprise combined with disappointment or disgust.
For example, the courage of a person who saved a child during a fire, as well as the dishonesty of a thief who stole other people's things, can surprise.
How to recognize this emotion? The man raises his eyebrows, lips and eyes round.
Indifference is the exact opposite of surprise.
Disgust
When we strongly dislike something, we make faces, squint. Wrinkles appear around the mouth and eyes. This is disgust.
One can feel disgust towards real objects: such an emotion will be caused by spoiled food, mold.
They also feel disgust towards bad people who do terrible things (for example, criminals).
Why does disgust appear? This is how the brain reacts to things that can harm: cruel people, surfaces with harmful microbes, etc.
Delight, pleasure are emotions opposite to disgust.
Contempt
This emotion is externally manifested through pursed lips and a slightly slow look.
Unlike disgust, contempt can only be felt for people and their actions. Tastes, smells, objects are not included here.
Everyone has an idea in their head about what is good and what is bad. Contempt appears when a person does not correspond to our ideas about what is good and right.
Sometimes this emotion helps us feel better than others.
Admiration and respect are emotions directly opposite to contempt.
Guilt
Causes a heavy sensation in the chest, intense gaze.
A person feels guilty when he realizes that the perfect deed was bad, wrong.
This is a state in which we punish ourselves for insults, insults of loved ones. Perhaps no one we know condemns us, but we feel that we need to ask for forgiveness.
The emotion of rightness, confidence is opposed to guilt.
Suffering, grief
Grief is an emotion that brings a huge amount of mental pain. We suffer when a beloved pet dies, a loved one dies.
In moments of grief, people cry, sob, refuse to have fun. Pay attention only to the unpleasant event that caused the suffering.
This is a complex process: sometimes the grief does not disappear for a long time.
A completely different emotion is the feeling of happiness, success, absolute satisfaction.
. Life becomes more pleasant, you enjoy spending time waiting.
Sound familiar? This emotion is called anticipation: nothing happened, but you planned a good event and imagine what it will be like.
A person who is in anticipation becomes more energetic, smiles more often; the opposite of anticipation is hopelessness.
Pleasure
A positive emotion that makes us smile, laugh, feel short-term happiness.
Occurs when a person achieves a goal (not even a very important one) — you can get pleasure from a portion of ice cream, buying a gadget.
Unlike joy, pleasure is not a deep emotion. It's easier to get, but it disappears quickly. Joy pleases with its presence much longer.
Moreover, pleasure is more often associated with sensations that we receive with the help of the senses: for example, a pleasant smell, a feeling of coolness on a hot day, a soft pillow, etc.
The opposite is inconvenience, suffering.
Grief
This is an unpleasant emotion that occurs when contacting people, the outside world. Its opposite is joy.
When upset, the corners of the lips go down, the person looks sad.
Disappointment is born from our dissatisfaction: you and your friends dreamed of going to a cafe, but when you arrived, it turned out that it was already closed.
The emotion of grief does not torment us for a long time: a person is upset, but quickly realizes that the problem is not very serious. Grief is not such a painful emotion as grief, sadness.
Anger
Anger is an emotion directed at a person or phenomenon. A state of irritation, rage, hostility. The opposite is kindness, calmness.
When angry, people frown, cannot sit still, speak loudly.
People feel angry during a violent fight, wanting to hit the opponent; at the moment of humiliation, insult.
You can be angry with yourself: this is how a person shows that he is dissatisfied.
For example, a broken leg is angry with himself for inattention and frivolity.
Humiliation
Every person has a sense of dignity. It is a feeling of value: "I exist, I deserve love and respect, my thoughts and desires have meaning."
When we are in a group (class, group of friends, family), people can put us down. They utter words that make you think: what if I'm bad, stupid, ugly, inept?
At the moment of humiliation, a person hides his gaze, may blush. Sometimes behavior changes: for example, after an evil mockery, a sociable classmate becomes quiet, withdrawn.
Emotion, the opposite of humiliation - veneration, support.
Fright
Fear appears when an unexpected and at the same time unpleasant situation arises; is the antonym of peace.
The man started to cross the road, but did not notice the car coming around the corner. I had to react quickly so as not to get under the wheels. The threat to life caused a strong fright.
Outwardly, fright manifests itself as follows: the heart beats faster, arms and legs may tremble, eyes become round, the person shudders.
Envy
Complicated emotion that destroys good mood and confidence. The opposite of friendliness.
Occurs when we compare ourselves with other people: for example, a classmate seems smarter and more beautiful. We regret that we do not have the same sharp mind, long hair.
Envy causes heaviness in the soul: a frown, lack of a smile. An envious person lives with pain, does not know how to get rid of it.
Emotion is often used for the right purposes — envy makes one develop, learn. But anger towards a person whom we envy will not bring any benefit.
Emotion recognition games
You need to be able to recognize other people's emotions, correctly assess the behavior of others. There are many games and exercises to practice the skill.
"Mirror"
The most popular game for developing a child's emotional intelligence.
You can play alone or in a group.
The host thinks of an emotion, depicts it with the help of facial expressions, gestures, posture. The task of the participants is to name the emotion and repeat it. Another option is for participants to guess the emotion, but portray the opposite.
“Name an emotion”
Open photos of people, cartoon characters, fairy tales, games on the big screen. The child needs to describe what emotions each of them experiences.
Picture books are helpful: as you read aloud, pay attention to the illustrations: "How does the character feel and why?" An additional exercise makes the plot more interesting, develops imagination.
“Imagine…”
Make a list of situations that can cause conflicting emotions, positive and negative.
The task of the players is to tell what emotions visit them.
For example: “Imagine that you were going to wish your friend a happy birthday, but found out that he decided not to invite you to the party”, “Imagine that your jacket was torn at school because they wanted to harm”.
