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Best Jokes for Smart People and Why They're Funny

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There's a special glee that comes from getting a really nerdy joke.

You feel smart both smart and dorky at the same time.

Redditors took turns sharing their own favorite intellectual jokes, and we've gathered our favorites here.

From chemistry to art to music, these are the jokes you can pull out at your next dinner party (if you want to hear a bemused groan from the crowd).

Time to test your knowledge — though there's an explanation if you don't get it.

Here are 15 of the best jokes for smart people: 

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

It's funny because: "Traveling light" is a turn of phrase used to indicate traveling without much (or any) luggage. In science, a photon is a particle of light (almost always moving).

It's on this list because: Air travel, amirite?!

Pretentious? Moi?

It's funny because: Only a pretentious person whose daily life doesn't require French would actually say "moi" and mean it.

It's in this list because: Clocking in at two words, it's the shortest joke in the English language.

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."

It's funny because: Processing that question through Boolean logic, "yes" is technically correct. How would you answer if the question were "Is it a boy AND a girl?"

It's on this list because: Logicians don't get enough love.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

It's funny because: A more labor-conscious plumber would pronounce the word as "yoon-yun-ized." A chemist would probably say "un-eye-on-ized."

It's on this list because: What other joke can simultaneously address the removal of charged particles from an atom as well as the organization of workers trying to achieve shared goals?

Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test.

It's funny because: The Bechdel test is a measure of gender equality in the media. A piece of media is considered to pass the test if it includes at least two women who talk to each other about something besides men. This joke passes the test.

It's on this list because: The media is self-referential.

Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet.

It's funny because: A gigabyte is a measure of data equal to 1,024 MB. As you can see, the band is only 1,023 MB — they haven't had any "gigs" yet.

It's on this list because: A lot of people probably thought one GB is a nice, round 1,000 MB.

Heisenberg was speeding down the highway.

It's funny because: Werner Heisenberg was a German physicist and one of the key figures in quantum theory. His famous "Heisenberg Uncertainty Principal" states that we can know either where a quantum particle is or how fast it's moving, but it's impossible to know both at the same time.

It's on this list because: Heisenberg's life was amazing. Seriously.

C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

It's funny because: C, Eb, and G are the musical notes that constitute a C-minor chord.

It's on this list because: The relationship between a major chord and its relative minor is pretty cool.

First Law of Thermodynamics: You can't win. Second Law of Thermodynamics: You can't break even. Third Law of Thermodynamics: You can't stop playing.

It's funny because: It's an absolute reductionist take on the real laws of thermodynamics, and the language is such that it implies life isn't worth living. In plain terms, the laws of thermodynamics are: Energy can't be created or destroyed; things tend to move from order to disorder, and the lower the temperature drops, the less disorderly things become.

It's in this list because: It's actually an accurate take on thermodynamics.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

It's funny because: You were expecting the word "problem," but the joke-teller replaced it with "precipitate," which is the solid that forms in a solution of liquid after a chemical reaction has taken place.

It's on this list because: Chemists are hard enough to understand as it is. Now you have a slight edge.

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

It's funny because: "Yeah" and "right" are technically affirmative words, but put these two positives together and you get an ultra-sarcastic, "Yeah, right. "

It's on this list because: It's totally true.

"This is the sort of English up with which I will not put."

It's funny because: This phrase, with varying versions often attributed to Winston Churchill, is a response to the famous rule in English that a sentence isn't supposed to end in a preposition. In constructing the sentence this way, the speaker is technically correct, but it's an incredibly awkward way to communicate.

It's on this list because: Language is complicated. Let's mock it.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

It's funny because: Surrealism is a movement all about creating weird, illogical art. As this joke makes no sense, it is itself a surrealist work.

It's on this list because: Banana.

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Who's there? Philip Glass.

It's funny because: Philip Glass is an American composer whose music is often described as minimalist and repetitive.

It's on this list because: You've very likely seen a few movies he scored.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.

It's funny because: This poor afflicted soul's dyslexia has caused him to confuse "God" with "dog." His agnosticism forces him to wrestle with "dog's" existence. And his insomnia has him losing sleep over it.

It's on this list because: You never know someone's struggle.

Dylan Love contributed to an earlier version of this post.

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The world's funniest joke: 50+ jokes

The ability to joke appropriately helps to maintain optimism, defuse tension, and soften awkward pauses in conversation. What joke can be called the funniest in the world and what topics are joked on most often? A selection of the best jokes will cheer up connoisseurs of high-quality humor.

What is the funniest joke in the world? This is a professional joke. A client asks a well-known lawyer: “Monsieur, if I pay you one thousand euros, will you answer two questions for me?” The lawyer replies: “Of course, dear. What is the second question?

Short jokes

A good sense of humor is a sign of a healthy personality. If there is an opportunity to joke, causing a smile on the face of a random interlocutor or a good friend, use short but capacious jokes. What is the funniest short joke? There are funny mini jokes.

***

Tsilya, take your shameless cat. He again portrayed a hungry swoon at the fish department.

***

Grandmother played school with her grandson for two weeks. By the end of the second week, she found out that she was doing his homework for him.

***

Modern two-year-olds can unlock their smartphone and access the Internet. I just ate sand at their age.

***

Oh, how good it is in nature! This fire, tent, clean air, bear. Bear?!!

***

Yesterday my grandma saw me talking to my friends on Skype and went to talk to the President on TV.

***

Do you love me?

— Yes, of course! And you?

— And I love myself!

***

Do you like sleeping? Me too. We need to try together sometime.

***

Marital status — in love with yourself!

***

I don't understand why I should look for a job if my girlfriend has two.

Jokes for children: about Vovochka and other characters

Children's jokes about Vovochka and other characters are a separate art form, because their sources are real stories. Some of them came into everyday life from cartoons and fairy tales. What is the funniest joke for kids? There are several interesting ones.

***

Parents thought for a long time what to do on the May holidays. Little Johnny decided everything for them - he brought an intestinal virus from school.

***

— Vovochka, why are you wearing rubber boots? The street is dry, there are no puddles and mud.

— No. But I will find.

***

Little Johnny stops the car:

— Uncle, give me a ride to school.

— But I'm going the other way.

— Ideal direction !

***

A dentist with a bandaged finger takes Vovochka out of the office and says to his mother:

— I just got a filling in him. Don't let him bite anyone else for at least another hour and a half. (Collection "And again Vovochka . .. Jokes about Vovochka").

***

Masha asks dad:

— Daddy, did your mom ever beat you?

— No, only yours.

***

The story was so scary that after the first chapter the teacher took the whole group out for a smoke.

***

Ivan the Fool comes to the Tsar:

— I fulfilled my promise, here is the head of the dragon. Will you do yours?

- Yes, here is the hand of the princess.

***

Carlson, who lives on the roof, got into a fight with a homeless man who wanted to live there.

Jokes about hunting and fishing

Connoisseurs of severe outdoor entertainment are not averse to playing a trick on themselves. What is the funniest hunting and fishing joke? Men have their own specific sense of humor.

***

Seeing the hunter, the wise hare says to the hares:

— Come on, kids, quickly close your ears! Now he will miss and will swear like that!

***

- Did you catch anything?

Yes. I caught one and threw it into the river.

— Perhaps he was small?

- No. About your height and just as annoying.

***

Wife is gathering her husband for fishing:

— Cat, catch me a big trout! If there is no trout in the store, then the carp is larger.

***

— Vasya, did you close the door?

— Yes, closed. On a key for 2 turns, on a chain, on a mop and a deadbolt!

- So, folks, don't pour Vasya any more! Vasya, we're in a tent.

***

A man asks a fisherman dozing with a fishing rod on the river bank:

— How is the water today?

— Amazing, the fish doesn't want to get out of it at all.

***

To hide his two-day drunkenness, returning from fishing, my husband bought a huge catfish. It was this pork carcass that betrayed him.

***

What is the difference between winter and summer fishing? The same drunk, only in felt boots.

The funniest jokes about love, family and relationships

Relations between partners are an occasion for humorous mini-stories. Jokes about mistresses, family or raising children are accepted with a bang in any company. What is the funniest joke about love, family and relationships? We present the funniest jokes.

***

Lost to her husband at wish cards. Who knew he was such a pervert?! He made me go away to my mom for a week.

***

Find a job like daddy wants. Marry someone your mom likes. Give birth to children for the joy of grandmother. Make sure everyone else is happy and calmly shoot yourself.

***

A husband says to his wife:

— Honey, what will you do if you see me kissing another woman?

— So what? As a faithful wife, I will visit you ... In traumatology.

***

A girl tells her friends:

— I had a man, girls, a real beast! Breed - sexual sloth . .. (Book "Collection of jokes for all occasions").

***

I go to the pharmacy and ask:

- Tell me, what is better for a husband - validol or valerian?

— What is the diagnosis?

- Shoes for 30 thousand.

***

Wife complains to her friend:

- Found someone else's thong and bra under the sofa. Now I'm wondering whose they are.

A friend answered:

- Honey, everyone should have your problems. The main thing is not to have a husband!

Professional jokes

Every profession has its own nuances. Good jokes about the work of rescuers, police officers or doctors are known and loved by many people. What is the funniest professional joke?

***

It's hard to find a good accountant, so Vera Pavlovna has been on the wanted list for twenty years.

***

— Doctor, why are you not interested in me at all as a woman?

- No, I'm a dentist, a gynecologist in the office opposite.

***

A conversation between two sysadmins:

— My computer has been turning off by itself all day today. Already checked everything, I can not find the reason.

- Do you have a system unit at the bottom?

Yes.

- Change your socks... He just faints.

***

We are representatives of the most ancient profession - we sleep for money.

- Confused, or what?

— We are the watchmen.

***

— Why did you leave your previous job?

- Due to fatigue.

— How tired?

- I don't know. They just told me that everyone was very tired of me ... (Collection "The funniest jokes." Author unknown).

***

In the store:

— Girl, I would like a box of good sweets, but not very expensive.

— You for a girl?

- Me for the doctor.

- Thank or revenge?

***

A conversation between two friends:

— Have you been interviewed at all companies?

- Yeah.

— And where do you want to go?

— Me? On the handles.

***

A sclerotic thief robbed his apartment for the third time.

Jokes about blondes

Charming blond ladies conquered everyone with their spontaneity and charm. Men adore blondes, and jokes about them are a separate section in humorous collections. What is the funniest blonde joke?

***

The blonde asks the doctor:

- Tell me, doctor, how is he?

- In serious condition, extensive heart attack, fractures.

— Can I talk to him?

— No. Tell me, I'll pass it on.

- Then ask him if I passed my driving test?

***

When asked who you like more - blondes or brunettes, a real man should answer "Yes!".

***

A blonde gets on a plane. She got a seat by the porthole.

- Will it blow me near the window?

***

The blonde is interested in:

— Where do you work?

— I make gyroscopes.

— Oh, I don't believe in gyroscopes.

***

0% of blondes will disappear from the face of the Earth!

***

A blonde writes a complaint against an ultrasound doctor: “During my examination, the doctor watched TV all the time.”

Jokes with local color

Residents of different countries and cities like to joke about differences in mentality. This is how Odessa anecdotes and English humor appeared. What is the funniest anecdote with local flavor? Connoisseurs of subtle English humor believe that only real gentlemen can joke funny.

***

After the hunt, two gentlemen sit by the fireplace for a long time with their legs stretched out towards the fire:

- Sir, I'm afraid your socks are starting to smolder.

- You probably mean that my boots are smoldering, sir?

— No, sir. The boots have been burnt out for a long time.

***

A conversation at a French restaurant table:

— Waiter, I found a gray hair in a glass of wine!

- No wonder, monsieur, 200 years of guilt.

***

A hundred-year-old deaf granny in a lingerie store:

— Daughter, how much do panties cost?

- These are not panties, these are pantaloons.

- Well, even the cowards are already on coupons.

***

With our domestic medicine, any parent who has raised a couple of children can automatically receive a pediatrician diploma.

***

— Fimochka, why are you winking at me all the time?

— Oh, Tsilechka, I have a nervous tic.

- Fima, after all, a deceiver and a scoundrel! I'm already set up.

***

Are you French?

Yes.

— Oh, can you say something in Arabic?

***

A girl for her new boyfriend:

— Moishe, can I ask you a question?

— Which one?

— When will we finally go to the movies?

— Not allowed.

***

The funniest joke in the world has probably not yet been invented. Use humor as a remedy for sadness, put people at ease with the help of a well-timed funny anecdote from our selection.

Original article: https://www.nur.kz/leisure/entertainment/1841405-samyj-smesnoj-anekdot-v-mire-podborka-50-sutok/

Jokes from nekdo.ru - fresh and funny jokes, jokes, jokes

today 17:37 2

short other

Refrigerators are not crowded at home for a good traveler.

today 17:36 1

girls

- Why does the blonde lick her watch?
- Because there are only two calories in Tic Tac.

today 15:42 4

Internet policy

Dear government! Don't ban torrents.
Downloading films from the USA and Europe, the Russians apply sanctions to their film companies!

today 15:42 4

short other

It seems that money is being spent on the card simply because I blink.

today 15:33 2

politics

Before the elections, in order not to tease voters, Putin froze all prices. And after the elections, he will immediately freeze them.
Well, who is he after that? Freeze or frostbite?

today 13:47 4

short other

- I'll just rearrange the alarm clock.
- Where to?
- In general!

today 13:38 4

Internet

If someone offends you on the Internet, then calmly write back "I looked at your browsing history. Don't embarrass yourself further, okay?".

today 13:38 5

girls

- Girl, can I ask you a question?
- Ask.
- Will you give me a chance to see you again?
- Of course I will, but what is your question?

today 13:38 4

short other

Sow character, reap destiny. Continuous agricultural work...

today 13:38 5

short other

- When was the last time you were in the theater?
- Never.
- A long time ago.

today 13:04 4

short job

The fastest way to lose weight is to lose your job.

today 13:04 5

others

- Give me acetylsalicylic acid, please.
- Aspirin, or what?
- "Aspilin" I don't pronounce!

today 11:18 8

auto

"Safe speed" is when the speed of the car does not exceed the speed of the driver's thoughts.

today 11:18 6

others

Broke his left arm three days ago. A fracture is not as bad as jokes about diamonds.

today 10:19 12

food and drink

It's just a different schoolboy in the cinema eating popcorn, and I'm an adult, respectable person. Therefore, I eat hot dumplings and wash them down with cold vodka.

today 09:42 6

others

- I told you that you can drink no more than two drinks and return home no later than ten in the evening.
- Yes? So I got it all mixed up.

today 09:42 7

others

- You have been playing on the stock exchange for a year now, and how much money do you have in your account now?
- One hundred thousand.
- Great! But how did you do it?
- The fact is that a year ago I had a million in my account.

today 09:42 7

doctors

The Ministry of Health of Russia warns: singing to the soundtrack leads to the inability of natural conception.

today 05:01 10

short drinks

- May I drink your beer?

today 05:01 13

short other

For a country to prosper, there must be an article "for idiocy" in the criminal code.

today 05:01 10

short other

Until a person rents out, they cannot be rented.

today 03:44 12

short girls

A woman's love is always a romance, and a man's love is just an epigraph to this novel.

today 03:07 7

philosophy

As you get older, you realize that "the love of your life" is a myth. You can build a normal relationship with any person, if he is not an asshole. Or you.

today 00:34 10

husband and wife work

Mistresses who behave like wives are like employees who behave like masters.

today 00:08 10

others

It's easy to talk nonsense. At least there are no cases when a person overstrained himself after carrying nonsense.

today 00:08 8

short job

- My company has 6 million employees.

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