Funny stories about babies
Funny Postpartum Stories: Not So Funny at the Time
Funny postpartum stories: we all have them. Lack sleep, inexperience, and the more physical aspects of having a baby are what lead to these anecdotes in the first place. We’re worn down and dragging, yet this being is totally dependent on us, so we run on autopilot. The results are often hilarious.
Mindy Cockeram, author of a book on breastfeeding, appropriately named “Breastfeeding Doesn’t Have to Suck,” remembers not understanding that her baby was giving her certain cues. “In the first few days after my first baby was born, I called to pediatrician to ask about my child’s odd head movement. She would turn her head and crane her neck towards me. I called it the ‘Woody Woodpecker’ move and thought she must have some neurological problem. I remember the response I got vividly: ‘She’s rooting for the breast – she’s hungry!’
“I was terribly embarrassed that I didn’t know the basics. I recount that story about three times a week because I now teach breastfeeding and cover it when we discuss feeding cues!”
Gross and Funny Postpartum Stories
Cockeram is not the only new mom to have awkward stories about breastfeeding. “I have A LOT of gross and funny stories to share about postpartum life after my three kids, but the most memorable was nearly blinding myself with my own breast milk. I was trying to clasp my bra back together after feeding and just wanted to see what I was doing, but Ol’ Reliable decided that was the time to squirt out a bunch of milk, which went all over my face, and, most importantly, right in my eye. Why did no one tell me that was a thing that could happen?!” said media executive Hannah Pierce.
Heidi McBain, a therapist for moms and moms to be, has a funny postpartum story that illustrates the way young siblings may not exactly understand the “purpose” of the new baby. “Our three and a half year old daughter was so excited about having a little brother to play with when he came home from the hospital. She would pile her stuffed animals around him and wait for him to play. Then she’d look at us and ask when he was going to do something. Luckily, those early days are short-lived and soon he was ‘doing something’ and eventually became old enough to play with her!”
McBain still likes to retell this story to the two siblings, who today are 16 and 13 years old.
“As teens they don’t find these early stories of how cute they both used to be as funny and endearing as we do. Or maybe it’s more about us and a way parents of teens get through these trying years, by reliving funny stories from the past.
Funny Poop Stories
Poop stories are always a fun time, as Liesel Teen, a labor and delivery nurse, and mom of two young boys can attest. “In the first few days and weeks postpartum, hands down the thing that was funniest and most surprising to me is the POWER behind a newborn’s poops! It seriously made me laugh out loud when it sounded like a trumpet of poop was going down in his diaper. It feels like a little bathroom humor is just what you need in those foggy, exhausting, early days and my husband and I found so much comic relief in our baby’s poops.
“The second story happened when my guy was 5 months old – and also involves poop. He was in his little baby activity center/bouncer thing and had a HUGE blowout. I was busy doing the dishes and didn’t notice for who knows how long.
He was just happily bouncing and babbling at me. When I looked over poop was literally EVERYWHERE. He had been bouncing in it, it was all over his legs and feet, all over the activity center, and truly all I could do was laugh. We went up to the bath, got him cleaned up and hosed off the thing outside. It’s a story I will DEFINITELY be telling him when he’s older.”
Teen has put her funny postpartum experiences to good use in the online classes and resources she offers at Mommy Labor Nurse that help to prepare women for pregnancy and birth.
Funny Postpartum Wrong Tent Story
Sleep, sleep, sleep. It’s the thing we need most after giving birth, but it’s in short supply. It makes new parents groggy and prone to ridiculous mistakes. Like Lisa Daniels, a content editor who “disappeared” during a family camping trip, as a new mom. “My family decided to go camping when I was two months postpartum. With my husband, my two toddler boys and my two months old newborn, our family is complete.
It was a typical family night with a few campers in tow. I asked my husband to look after the kids for a while when everyone chose to go to bed since I felt compelled to do so by the call of nature.
“I went straight to bed when I got back to our tent since I was so weary. Just as I was ready to close my eyes, I heard my husband shouting out my name, as if I am a missing person. Then I was in shock when I realized that the tent was not ours. Having the tent’s owner look at me as if I was a burglar made it an extremely embarrassing experience for me!
“‘Til now, I’ve always told this story to my children and they’ve all had a good laugh!”
“You Forgot Your Baby!”
It’s one thing to invade the wrong tent during a family camping trip, but Cockeram one-ups Daniels with this story of forgetting a baby altogether! “My neighbors and my husband and I went out for dinner when our newborns were about two weeks old. We left our baby home asleep with a relative but they brought their baby and put her under the table asleep in her car seat.
When we finished and left the restaurant, they forgot the baby under the table! The owner of the restaurant came running out yelling ‘You forgot your baby.’ It still makes us laugh that this could have happened!”
Every parent has a funny postpartum story. Perhaps we add a bit to the way we retell them over the years. But these are memories we cherish, that make us smile, and they’re great to share with other new parents and with our children. Most parents, in fact, can relate to these afterbirth stories, and appreciate them as much as their own, personal anecdotes of new parenthood.
As we tell these funny stories and listen to the stories of others, the memory of those early days with a newborn bring back those feelings we had as new parents. The insecurity and the fatigue, but also the almost overwhelming love we felt as we held, nursed, and bonded with our infants in the first few days and weeks. It makes us laugh, but also warms our hearts to tell and retell our funny postpartum stories, to anyone who will listen.
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Varda Meyers Epstein serves as editor in chief of Kars4Kids Parenting. A native of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Varda is the mother of 12 children and is also a grandmother of 12. Her work has been published in The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, The Learning Site, The eLearning Site, and Internet4Classrooms.
True Stories That Show How Hilarious Parenting Can Be
These parents get it.
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A classic guilt trip
We were at the dinner table eating pizza when I asked my son Logan if I could use some of his blue cheese dressing to dip my crust.
He obliged after a long deep sigh of annoyance. I was offended at this reaction and decided to remind him of the strenuous labor and delivery I had bringing his 9.9-pound body into this world—the old “I gave birth to you” guilt trip. His response: “Really Mom, how long are you gonna ride that scooter?” —Karly Molleberg. These adorable and hilarious baby photos will make you laugh out loud.
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At least he tried
As educators, my husband and I encouraged our son, Kenny, to always try to do his best. One afternoon, his dad, his godmother, and I took him to view the Henri Matisse “Paper Cut Outs” exhibit. Kenny was five years old at the time and looked a bit befuddled by the artwork. He mused for a bit and then, with his hands clasped behind his back, remarked, “Well, he tried his best!” —Catherine Russell. Here’s how to tell if you’re raising a child genius.
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Inside voices only
We attend a small church in south Mississippi where small children usually sit with their parents during mass. I was so proud of our two year old that day because being quiet during the sermon. Toward the end of the sermon the preacher—my dad—began raising his voice to accentuate his main points. Our little diva stood up and yelled, “Calm down Pawpaw!” Everyone in the church, including my dad, took a moment to laugh. —Cera Thompson
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People hunting
My great-nephew is five years old and loves sports, yet he was amazed when he visited his friend’s house and realized they were hunters. There he saw antlers, mounted deer heads, and shotguns. He came home all excited. “Mom, for Christmas I want a bow and arrow or a gun!” he said.
“I’m sorry, buddy,” his mom replied, “but we’re just not hunting people.” “Oh, I don’t want to hunt people, Mom,” he said. “I want to hunt animals.” —William Livers
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In case of emergency, eat snacks
After moving to the country, my three-year-old daughter and I were often alone in our house. Because we lived in a rural area with no close neighbors, I wanted to make sure my daughter would be able to call 911 in the event that something happened to me. After instructing her, I decided to test her: “OK, what would you do if you found me on the floor and you couldn’t wake me up?” I could see her little brain working. To my surprise she finally said, “I would go into the kitchen and eat anything I want.” —Laura Albrecht
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Reading lessons
Babysitting my two great-granddaughters, ages three and four, I read them stories and then, needing a break, I suggested they watch cartoons for a while.
As they were engrossed in their show, I decided to relax and finish a book I had been reading. The four-year-old kept looking over at me and finally asked, “Nana, what are you doing?” I told her I was reading my book. Looking puzzled, she said, “but you’re not saying anything.” —Patricia Spillman
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Not enough pixie dust
I was outside pruning my roses when I heard a loud thump and a cry. I ran to find my four-year-old son, Alex, at the bottom of the stairs in the garage. I found out that he had jumped from the top of the stairs, trying to fly like Peter Pan. After a long talk about reality versus make-believe, I walked away feeling I had gotten my point across. That was until I head my son whisper, “Must not have been enough pixie dust!” —Sharlene Landau.
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Dropping the ball
A very close friend of ours, Bob, had passed away and we took our eight-year-old son to the gravesite service.
He was in awe the entire time. After lowering the casket, Bob’s grandchildren gave each person a golf ball. Bob was an avid golfer and his widow decided to drop golf balls into the grave instead of flowers. Everyone smiled and joked. When we finished dropping the balls, our son, speaking in his outside voice had everyone laughing when he said, “Mom, it’s a good thing your friend wasn’t a bowler.” —Jim Lyons. These hilarious mom quotes will have you cry laughing.
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Don’t tell Papa!
After having a brand-new car for one day, I came home from Black Friday shopping with a fender bender. I told my three-year-old granddaughter, Landree, not to tell Papa or he’d be upset. Pretty soon, here comes Papa and he looked in the garage. Not saying anything, he went back downstairs to his man cave. I asked Landree if she had told Papa. She emphatically said, “No, I didn’t Gigi!” I said, “Well, what did you tell him?” She said, “I told him three times, ‘whatever you do, do NOT look in the garage!’” —Dianne Kreick
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The chain of command
I was raised in an Irish Catholic family with a strict father, charming mother, and eight siblings.
During Lent, it was common practice for our parish priest to visit our grade school classrooms and help us understand this religious observance. Father Lynch visited my youngest brother Danny’s first-grade class and asked, “Why did Jesus die on the cross?” My brother was first to raise his hand. His answer: “Because his dad told him he had to.” Clearly, Danny knew the chain of command with our family and with God. —Patricia Nihill
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How old are you?
My three-year-old great-great niece is a difficult eater. To get her to eat, I will ask her how old she is and she will say, “I am three years old.” I will then tell her she has to have three bites of whatever she’s eating. She wanted some whipped cream—a treat she loves—and so I asked her how old she was. “I am three years old,” she said. I told her she could have three squirts. Her face became very serious and she whispered, ” I am four years old.
” —Barbara Korpa. These funny tweets about parenting are sure to make you laugh.
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A busy woman
My favorite moment raising my children happened while tucking my daughter into bed. Jeanne told me she went to the nurse’s office that day with a classmate who had just lost a tooth. Unfortunately, the nurse said, “You know, your mother is really the tooth fairy.” My daughter looked up at me and asked if that was true, and I said, “Yes.” Then she asked, “How do you fly around to all the houses?” —Maryann Zacchea. These are our favorite funny true stories about tooth-fairy mishaps.
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Speaking human
My six-year-old son came home from school and notified me that they had gotten a new student in class. He said that she was from Sweden and spoke two languages.
When I asked him what they were he thought for a few seconds. “Swedish and um, and um,” he stammered. Then he smiled brightly and said, “Swedish and human!” —Sheila Bregg
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Thanks, big sis
After I had our second child, I was anxious to get home from the hospital to show my five-year-old daughter her new sister. When I got out of our car, I asked my daughter what she thought of her new sister. She looked a little disgusted and replied, “I told you that I wanted a puppy!” —Pam Vogel
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Super-dad
Like most dads, I imagine, I’d always assumed that my three-year-old son looked up to me like to a superhero. Until one day, that is. Having picked up my son from nursery school, I saw that our bus home was about to pass us and decided to make a run for it.
When we were safely aboard, I noticed that my son was staring intensely at me with his big, blue eyes. “What’s the matter?” I asked him still out of breath. Instead of answering, he simply leaned into my ear and whispered: “Daddy, I didn’t know you could run.” —Tanni Haas. Don’t miss these 14 short stories about the world’s kindest dads.
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‘A’ for effort
I’m not the world’s greatest cook, so I’m always trying to add to my repertoire. I’ve realized, though, that there are only so many recipes you can make with ground turkey and chicken. One night after dinner our son told me he didn’t like dinner. My husband quickly got after him and told him he needed to say something nice to me. He thought for a minute or two and nicely said, “Thanks mom for trying.” —Karen Heldt
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Don’t do that, either
When our son was about three, we discussed the importance of looking both ways before crossing the street.
We had a dog, Flower, who loved to play in the yard of our rural home. One day, Flower got away and was hit by a car. We carried her into the lower level of our home awaiting the veterinarian’s arrival. Sadly, she passed away. I explained to our son that Flower did not look both ways before crossing the street. After a few minutes, I asked him, “What is Mommy trying to teach you?” He quickly responded, “Don’t die in the basement.” —Ann Brothers
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Fit for a queen
When one of our grandsons was about eight years old, he announced at a family gathering that I treat my wife like a queen. Hmm. I puffed myself up and asked him a question, expecting that the answer would give me similar stature. “Since I treat her like a queen, what does that make me?” His immediate response? “A servant.” So much for my ego. —Jim Bartos. Ready for even more laughs? These stories of hilarious mistakes kids have made are guaranteed to put a smile on your face.
Originally Published: July 10, 2018
Stories about children that are funny to tears
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Son (12 years old) asks:
- What is the largest breast size?
Without really knowing it, I answer:
— Whatever you fantasize, it happens.
The small one thinks and says:
— Wow!!! nine0003
Reading a fairy tale about Baba Yaga with my granddaughter (4 years old). The granddaughter listened, listened, and then thoughtfully and said:
- You know, grandfather, Baba Yaga is not at all scary.
- Why?
- Well, look for yourself: she lives alone in the forest, she has no children, no grandchildren, an old hut, creaking on chicken legs, no bathroom, toilet in the bushes.
She has nothing! She eats some mice, frogs, and all sorts of filth. She flies in a mortar or on a broom, which means she often catches a cold. And then there are the good fellows, having nothing to do, they run into her and then shoot her in the ass with an arrow, then they push her into the stove on a shovel. Here, Baba Yaga is harmful! And she's just an old and lonely grandmother. I feel sorry for her. nine0003
Dialogue with sleepy Slavik tonight. Just an intrigue worthy of Poirot:
- Mom, you know, it's good that I got sick. You don't have to go to kindergarten. There's only Masha...
- Who is Masha?
- Masha is such a girl in the kindergarten. Masha is very harmful. She says "No" all the time. I ask politely. I am a very polite boy. I say: “Can I please? ..” And Masha says: “No-no!”
— What are you asking her for?
- Pancake ...
- Whose?
- Machine...
- Zaya, you can't take girls away from you! Did you have your own pancake too? nine0024 — No… My pancake was eaten… (tragic face)
— Who?
- Ilyusha!
— So he ate two pancakes: yours and his?
— No… His pancake was also eaten…
— Who?
Quietly:
— I… (very quietly) And I also ate Sasha's pancake…
The eldest son is 6 years old, the youngest is 2 months old.
I change clothes for the little one, and Slavka looks at him and says:
- Oh, mom, he's all white like me! Can you imagine what would have happened if Tyoma had been born with black skin and black hair?
"I can't imagine," I say. nine0024 - Damn you, mom!
My daughter has a boy Vanya in the kindergarten, she likes him very much, she dreams of marrying him.
I make Masha change her pajamas, she can't take off her panties herself. I am swearing.
She asks her father:
— Vanya won't marry me? She'll tell me why I need her if she can't take off her panties herself...
Our dad laughed to tears. Difficult to answer.
Early in the morning, completely tired of waiting for her parents to wake up, Masha (3 years old) loudly chants:
- Ma-sha ho-chet ka-shu!
I must say that we are constantly fighting for the absorption of it. The remnants of my mother's sleep disappear, and a very non-pedagogical one breaks out:
- Masha! You are crazy?
To which the child confidently retorts:
— Yes! Masha is crazy! Ma-sha ho-chet ka-shu!
Roma and Bogdan are twins (10 years old).
I'm calling home from work with an inspection. Bogdan picks up the phone. Me:
Did you have lunch?
- Yes.
- Are you lying?
- No!
- What did you eat?
- ...Soup!
- Call Roma better. nine0024 - Ro-o-oh! ..
A voice in the back of the apartment:
- Go, your mother is on the phone! We had lunch!
The husband is instructed to put his three-year-old son to bed. He lays himself down on the sofa and says to Danila:
- Come here!
- Why?
- We will sleep.
- I don't want to!
- Well, go, I'll read to you, bring a book ...
- Okay, I'll be right back!
Half an hour later I find my father fast asleep on the couch and my son trimming the cat's mustache...
— Leave the cat now! Why are not you sleeping? Well, go to bed with dad, I turn off the light! nine0024 The son understands that things are bad, grabs a book and starts pushing his father away:
— Dad! Dad! Why are you sleeping? You wanted to read to me!
Husband opening one eye with difficulty:
— Well… not to say that I really want to…
I ask my daughter (3 years old) how and what.
Says:
- The teacher scolded me today!
— For what? Did you misbehave?
- No, fine. It’s just that when everyone was drawing, I quietly jumped on the table.
I have a friend, and a friend has a five-year-old son. A friend is studying at a party at the PMM, the baby has nowhere to go, she regularly carries him with her - the kid sits there on the back desk, draws, reads, plays quiet games. This was the preface. History: we are going here the other day with a friend and a boy in a trolley bus. And on Kirov is a fabric store, in the window of which the letter “S” is lined with pieces of fabric. Malec, philosophically:
- Well, here ... Integrals were hung everywhere.
Some 40-year-old kid:
— Where are the integrals? What are integrals?
The kid shows:
- Out ... Well, the usual, indefinite.
— Why is it indeterminate?!
Malet, already tired of uncle stupidity:
- because the integration limits are not indicated ...
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Funny stories about children
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pumba
My son (4 years old) comes from kindergarten, I ask what he did there.
He answers me: they played parents with Gosha and Vika. Well, I think it has begun, soon the questions will be what, how, why ...
Okay, I ask this question: well, who was dad?
Answers: Well, I was a dad... (I thought everything would go on logically, but no!) Gosh mom!!!
Me (shocked): What about Vika?
Son: and Vika is a dog!
Super kids play!
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Alexander Igorevich
Asshole - how Vovka and I
A couple of days passed quietly. They dealt with the soldiers and fed them, collecting food for them for lunch "with the whole world." Vitka generally turned out to be a heroic guy. He did not hand over Vovka and me and attributed the whole incident to technical problems. For which, of course, he flew no less, but from us, to him "workers and peasants" thanks. Vovka and I remained innocent, although the grandmother looked suspiciously at us.
"Technical failure is you," she told us, but she had no evidence of our involvement.
nine0024 Nothing happened in the village, because we were strictly prohibited from doing good deeds, or anything at all.
- I will sew your hands into your pockets so that they do not reach for anything. So you will walk like two penguins until the end of summer, - the grandmother promised us and sent us for a walk so that we would not interfere with her lunch.
Vovka and I went to look for a treasure in cow cakes. More precisely, Vovka was looking for, and with the help of a twig with a horn, I identified treasure-bearing ones. I no longer remember where I came up with this idea, but I remember that I was sure that there should be gold and precious stones in cow cakes. But further speech not about it. nine0024 Then I remembered a terrible story that my grandmother once told me.
There were two toilets in the house. One in the house, with almost all amenities (my father brought a toilet there at one time, but g @ obviously still fell down on a pile of straw), and the second in the garden, in the form of a separate building, meter by meter, with a door and a window in her, in the form of a heart.
..
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Artist
Walked today with my son, 5 years old, on the street. We are already going home and decided to go to my father (his grandfather) in the garage, to find out how things are going with the repair. Father is distracted by us, sits on a chair, rests, communicates with us. The son begs him for a seat on a chair, citing the fact that he is small, walked a lot today and is tired. The father, out of harm, is not inferior, arguing that he is old, worked a lot today and is also tired))
They start haggling, they blow each other's brains out for a couple of minutes. The father asks:
- Misha, I'll give you a chair to sit, and what are you doing to me?
- Grandfather, and then I will give you a place to stand)
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Hemul
...
I sit next to him, I think - here it is, the moment, now I will teach the Son of Life! .
.
- Wait, - I say heartfelt, - let's figure it out. What do you think - do you agree with him? nine0024 - Yes! Aaaa...
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Natalya...
Once I come to the school, which I graduated from a long time ago, I go to the literature teacher.
And she told me the following story, literally a recent one (hereinafter from her words):
We are now going through "Woe from Wit" with the ninth grade. And so I’m teaching a lesson and thinking: what should I ask them about in order to put at least a three - because their faces are not marked with the seal of wisdom! Thinking, asking:
- Children! Why did Sophia prefer Molchalin to Chatsky?
The children hung their heads to one side and thought. And suddenly, on the first desk, Vanya, an angel with such curly hair, raises his hand:
- I know!
- Tell me!
- Because Molchalin stroked Sophia's face, but Chatsky didn't think of it!
I pick up my jaw from the floor and ask:
- Honey, where did you get that?
- In the text.
And he gives a quote, who can guess which one?
"And pet the pug in time."
I ask him:
- Honey, what is a "pug"? nine0024 And he answers me:
- And my mother often says to me - "go clean the pug, dirty."
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serzh
Children are optimists by nature. He told his 3-year-old daughter a famous rattler:
“The old drummer, the old drummer,
the old drummer was fast asleep.
He woke up, rolled over
Lost three kopecks!...
That's the end of the fairy tale!”
The baby was indignant:
- Wrong ending! It is necessary: “He got up, brushed his teeth, put on glasses, found three kopecks and began to live with them, live, make good! nine0003
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. After a general acquaintance, everyone together learns the song "We will survive this trouble." Teachers, turning to the kids: "Guys, what is a nuisance?"
Children: "Trouble is when mom doesn't buy ice cream, something breaks, they won't let you go for a walk.
.." and all that. nine0024 Egor (my friend's son): "That's when a lot of people gather in a room and fart - it's a nuisance." Miracle child.
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bundur
A girl of 5 years old. They play wife and husband with their brother. They took a toy, like a child, and put it to sleep ... They rustle, rustle, and then the small one squeaks: “B @ me, Kostya, hush f @ and! You'll wake up the little one!"
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lga69
Another endless collection of stories about how to turn decent words into obscene ones. nine0024 Happy Soviet pioneer camp childhood. Pre-transitional age, i.e. when swear words have already been learned to perfection, and interest in the opposite sex has not grown beyond pulling pigtails. The boys put the girls on the table in the room with a bottle of Mandarin soda, smearing the last 3 letters on the label.
But the girls also knew swear words ... The next day in the boy's room there was a similar soda, only "Apple" and the last 2 letters were smeared over. There was nothing to cover.
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Alexander Igorevich
After our trip, my zh@pa burned, and Vovka was covered with everything and a couple of fingers were swollen.
- Allergy. - Grandma said. - Still would. At least three kilograms of candy cx @ yarili in two snouts. So that you get diarrhea, and your eyes pop out on your forehead. It's gotta get to the point of chocolate. Grandfather, take a motorcycle from a neighbor and go for a doctor. We also need to look at the fingers of this sloppy. God forbid a fracture or a crack. It would be better if your f @ pa cracked. nine0024 I, of course, tried to ask my grandfather. I really enjoyed riding in the cradle. You put a helmet on your head, pull up a tarpaulin and imagine that you are flying in a fighter jet. But the grandfather said that my head was from x @ ya, and not a fighter, and went to a neighbor.
It would have been better if he had taken me with him...
Vovka was lying on the bed in Grandma's room and was ill. Well, how did you hurt? Nothing but his fingers hurt. Unless he was all in a small rash. I also remember how, as a child, I was sprinkled with red spots, and I walked all over in green dots. nine0024 - Are your eyes not popping out yet? I was interested in Vovka.
- No. Vovka answered. But something is already starting to hurt.
- No diarrhea yet?
I thought that I was not in danger, since I was not sprinkled, but I was afraid for Vovka.
Grandma went to her neighbor for an hour, hoping that during this time we would not burn down the house and fly into space. Because if we burn down the house, then she will stuff us with burning coals, and she worries less about space, because idiots are not allowed there.
We didn't want any coals, but we didn't intend to go into space...
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Alexander Igorevich
- Have you forgotten anything? Mom took one last look at the apartment.
Still. Vovka and I were sent for more than two months to the village to stay with our grandparents. Two suitcases for two and another large bag of groceries.
- I don't understand. Why do you load bags with canned goods, sausages and other products every year, dad did not understand. - After all, anyway, she will hide everything in the pantry until “better times”. When will these better times come? nine0024 - Well, you know she'll be offended if we don't bring anything. I do know my mom. It’s not difficult for us, but it’s nice for her, ”my mother justified herself.
I have been sent to the country for the whole summer twice already. Vovka went there for the first time. This year he was already five years old and his parents considered that he, too, could be sent to the fresh air with me. Deliver, so to speak, grandma and grandpa true, double pleasure.
- Let's sit down on the path.
Vovka and I sat on the same suitcase. Mom and dad on the second. There was a crash, and the suitcase under the parents broke into two parts.
nine0024 - There you go. A bad sign, - mom was upset, getting up from the floor and collecting our things.
- Well, you can't even guess, - dad laughed, sitting on the floor. There will be two this year. So I don't envy your parents.
A few minutes later, instead of a suitcase, things moved into a sports bag, and we went to a taxi waiting for us.
- Do you feel sick in a taxi? - the driver turned to dad. - And then yesterday I drove my mother with a small one from the station, so he did all the back seat for me. Barely laundered...
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Hayk Gaziaryan
him, will be naked.
If you have never heard of this, then congratulations - your childhood did not pass in Uzbekistan.
And in general, all the most interesting things in Central Asia happen through the blood of an animal.
I warn you right away, this story is not about how two anxious children discovered the Uzbek strain to the world.
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After watching Terminator 2, my brother and I dreamed of x-ray glasses, but it seemed easier to kill a bat than to meet a cyborg in Samarkand: “I need your pilaf, tea and skullcap!”
Basically, slaughtering a bat sounds normal when your father sacrifices a ram to God every weekend in the yard.
You are no longer afraid of blood when at the scene of the murder your mother smears a red cross on the forehead of all the children.
Armenian traditions prepared us in advance for Uzbek bikes. nine0003
I don't know exactly where the craving to see a naked woman came from at such an early age, but I guess it all started when our parents closed our eyes during the #rhotic scene in Van Damme's film "Double Impact".
None of us have ever seen a naked woman, well, except for that scene with Van Damme... It was a video cassette and we knew how to rewind it, so much so that that passage on the ship was completely erased.
Strip clubs in Uzbekistan have always been banned because it is indecent to throw plov at a dancer.
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Fortunately, unlike naked women, there were a lot of bats in Samarkand...
Read more three. Dad broke a glass, mom said that for good luck, and parents laughed. Soon mom broke the plate, dad said good luck and parents laughed. I drew conclusions and when my parents left for a short time, I broke everything I could reach. The apartment was filled with the scent of happiness. In anticipation, I sat down to wait for the return of my parents. Mom cried, dad laughed, the system failed. This world is not so simple. nine0003
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xanka139
Nephew of kindergarten age; does not know how to stand up for himself if they offend in the kindergarten or take away a toy, he will step aside or take another toy. His mother teaches him that he must be able to stand up for himself, to fight back against offenders.
Once again he was offended, complained to his mother that one bad boy had bitten him today.
