Funny stories toddlers

4 Short Funny Stories for Kids

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Searching for some funny stories for kids to read to your class or at bedtime? Your kids will love these!

There are two little bears who try to wake their mother at the end of winter, an elephant and a lion who have a battle of wills, five rats who try to sneak past a sleeping cat, and a brave kitten who gets lost.

These funny bedtime stories about animals are a great way to start building your child’s pre-reading and listening skills from a young age.

1.

Written by Christina Wither

Illustrated by Dannaria

Two little bears peeped out of their cave. Winter was over and they could smell the fresh spring air. It was time to get up and play after their long sleep.

“Let’s run under the trees,” said Ben.

“I want to roll in the grass,” said Bessie.

“We’d better ask mum,” said the bears together.

Ben and Bessie went into the cave where they had slept with their mum. There she was in the far corner. Mother bear was still fast asleep.

The two little bears tiptoed over to their mum and shook her gently.

“Wake up mum. The snow has melted and it is time to play,” said Ben.

Mother bear did not even move. She grunted and rolled over to carry on sleeping.

“What can we do?” asked Bessie. “We need our mother to wake up and take us into the forest to have some fun.”

The two little bears sat outside the cave and tried to think of a way to wake up their mum.

“I know, let’s get some tickly spiders and see if they will wake up our mother,” said Ben.

The two bears went to find some tickly spiders. Bessie was feeling a bit scared of the spiders but Ben collected them on a big leaf. He took them to where his mum was lying.

The spiders walked off the leaf and across Mother bear’s back. Mother bear giggled in her sleep, but she did not wake up.

“I think we should ask a noisy cuckoo,” said Bessie.

The bears went out to the trees near the cave. Sitting in the tree was a cuckoo.

“Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo,” sang the bird.

The two bears asked the cuckoo to follow them back to the cave and call out to their mom.

“Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo,” sang the bird but mom just rolled over and carried on sleeping.

The two little bears did not know what to do. They had tried tickling, making a loud noise and calling out to mum.

“I know,” said Ben. “What about something she likes to eat?”

“Honey!” said the bears together.

Off they ran to a beehive. They talked politely to the bees and the bees gave them some honey. They ran back to the cave and tiptoed in to see if their mum would smell the honey.

Mum’s big brown bear nose began to twitch. Then her nose began to wiggle and she opened one eye. The baby bears took a few steps backwards.

Mother bear opened both her eyes and blinked. The baby bears took a few more steps back. Now they were up at the opening of the cave. Mother bear sat up and gave a big sniff.

“I smell honey,” she said.

Mother bear was awake at last. Ben and Bessie were so happy.

The little bears took a few more steps out of the cave and happily mother bear followed them. At last, they had found the best way to wake up mum!

Three happy bears skipped into the forest to enjoy the spring and have fun together.

2.

Written by Christina Wither

Illustrated by Dannaria

It was a hot, sunny day in Africa.  Elephant was walking down the path on his way to his favourite water hole. He was looking forward to the cool water and a mud bath.

Lion was also walking along the path. Lion was on his way to the grassy plains. He was going to lie down and wait for his lunch.

Elephant turned the corner and lifted his trunk in the air. He smelt the water at the water hole. Lion turned into the same corner. He was getting closer to his favourite hunting spot.

Suddenly the two animals met in the middle of the path.

“Out of my way,” roared the lion.

“Out of my way,” trumpeted the elephant.

“Make way for the king of the jungle,” growled the lion.

“Certainly not! Where shall I go?” answered the elephant.

The path was blocked. The two strong animals stood facing each other.

The elephant would not move. The lion would not move.

Other animals began to walk along the path. Some were standing behind the elephant and others behind the lion.

Lion and elephant just stared at each other and refused to move.

A monkey came running past. He greeted the other animals. Then he reached the lion and the elephant. He looked at the fierce lion. He looked at the enormous elephant.

The monkey started to chuckle. He ran off into the jungle to get some ‘monkey vine’ that hung from the trees. He rushed back to the lion and the elephant.

“I know how to solve your problem,” said the monkey.

All the animals behind the elephant and the lion wanted to get a look at what was going on. They saw the monkey arrive with a long piece of monkey vine.

He tied one end around the elephant and the other around the lion. He stood on an anthill nearby and shouted!

“Friends, we are going to have a tug of war. When I say ‘heave’ then it is time for the lion and the elephant to pull the monkey vine!”

“May the best animal win,” shouted the monkey.

Elephant was very strong and pulled hard at the rope. Lion dug his extra sharp claws into the path and pulled hard too.

Suddenly there was a clap of thunder! The animals looked up into the sky. They saw huge dark rain clouds. A storm was on its way.

Then Lion felt the first drops of rain. He let go of the monkey vine and ran off into the bushes.

“My mane, my beautiful mane. I combed it as smooth as silk this morning!” he cried.

Lion ran to hide under an Acacia Tortillas, the umbrella thorn tree.

“I win,” cried Elephant, as he stood in the rain. Elephant’s thick skin was like a raincoat. He was not worried about getting wet.

Monkey hopped about with delight. He wanted Elephant to win.

Suddenly all the animals heard a mighty roar! “No, rain stopped play, there is no contest.”

Lion did not want the animals to think he had lost. No contest meant there was no winner.

Elephant nodded his head and walked down the path. He did not care if he got wet and he was looking forward to getting muddy too.

3.

Written by Christina Wither

Illustrated by Dannaria

Samson, the big black cat, lay across the mat fast asleep. He was a very big, fat cat. Samson looked as if he was asleep, but he really had one eye open all the time.

Samson’s one eye was looking right at the hole in the wall where a family of rats lived. One, two, three, four and five little rats.

Five little frightened rats were peeping out from behind the hole in the wall. The five rats wanted to get away from the big, black cat.

Samson yawned and stretched and turned over to sleep a bit longer. The rats were quivering with excitement.  Now was their chance to escape. One rat tiptoed out to cross the room. He started to run towards the door.

Suddenly the door opened! In walked a tall man wearing a top hat. The man threw the top hat onto a chair but it missed the chair and fell on the floor.

Samson jumped up and hissed. The rat ran back to his hole with the other rats. The chance to escape had gone.

Slowly Samson went back to sleep. The rats looked at the cat and then they noticed the top hat lying on the floor and it gave them an idea.

The rats nodded to each other as they made a plan. They would hide under the hat and see if they could sneak past the big, black cat. Carefully, one by one, they wriggled under the hat and waited.

The rats heard Samson snoring. They thought they would start to walk towards the door under the shelter of the hat. Slowly the hat slid across the floor. The cat did not wake up.

The rats reached the door. It was open just enough for them to slip out and go on down the road. The hat, with the rats, went out of the door.

At the same time Samson woke up. His greedy eyes saw the hat moving across the steps and out of the door. 

He jumped up and started to walk towards the door. The rats knew they would have to start to run.

The cat was getting closer and the rats could see no escape. Behind them was the cat and in front of them was the road and it led to a duck pond. Oh, what should they do?

Whoosh, a sudden gust of wind blew down the road. It tipped the hat over and the rats fell inside. They hung on tightly.  What would happen now?

The hat blew down the road and into the pond. The rats peeped over the edge. They saw that they were floating on the pond. Now the hat was a boat!

Samson looked at the rats floating on the pond. He was very angry. He could not swim. The rats had escaped in their funny top hat. The little rats laughed at the cat. Samson hissed and went home.

4.

Written by Christina Wither

Illustrated by Dannaria

Grady was a little, grey kitten. He had a white spot on his back and a black spot on his nose. Grady lived with his mum and two sisters on a farm.

Grady’s sisters were white with black spots. Both of his sisters were very good. Grady was the naughty one. He was always getting into trouble.

Grady was very adventurous. He wanted to explore the farm. One day he went out into the farmyard to see what was in the big wide world.

Grady said to himself, “I am not afraid of anything!”

Suddenly a big monster roared out of the garage and sent Grady spinning into the bushes. He did not know what had roared past. He picked himself up and decided it was time to go home.

Grady looked left and he looked right, but there was nowhere that looked like home. He was lost.

‘Oh dear,’ Grady thought. ‘Now what shall I do?’ He walked across a field and suddenly he stopped!

There in front of him was a furry, white animal with spots on its back. Grady thought it must be one of his sisters.

Grady ran up to the furry, spotted animal.

“Can you take me home?” asked Grady.

“No,” said the furry animal. “You do not belong in my home.

“Look at you, you do not have big ears and you do not hop like me,” said the furry animal.

Grady realized he did not belong with this animal. Grady ran to the farmyard where he saw another spotty animal. It was a bit bigger than Grady, but it had spots on its back.

Grady ran up to the spotty animal.

“Can I come home with you? You look just like me with all those spots,” said Grady.

The big animal grunted and jumped into a mud puddle.

“I have mud spots on my back. Come and roll in the mud if you want mud spots,” said the muddy spotty animal.

“No thanks,” said Grady. He did not want to get muddy. Grady ran away again.

Grady was getting worried. He was hungry too.

Then Grady saw another spotted animal. This animal had a loud voice.

“Ruff, ruff,” said the voice. “Can I help you?”

Grady just nodded. He felt himself being lifted up and carried away. A spotty dog had found Grady. He scratched at the front door. A little girl opened the door. She jumped up and down.

She was so happy to see the spotty dog and the kitten. She took Grady right back to his mother. She was lying in a basket in the kitchen.

Grady saw his mum and his two sisters. Grady listened to their soft purring.

“Purr, purr,” said the other kittens. They were happy too.

Grady was put back in his basket. He felt happy as he snuggled up with his family. He was safe now and he was going to get some milk for his supper.

Purr, purr, purr!

I hope you liked these stories. For a printable version of these stories, scroll to the FREE downloads at the end of the post.

Here are more short, bedtime stories for kids and here is some info on the importance of listening skills in early childhood.

These stories are written by Christina Wither and illustrated by Dannaria.

About the Author:

Christina Wither lives in the Natal Midlands of South Africa. She loves writing stories for children. She believes stories are a great way of empowering parents to connect with their children.

‘A story a day will bring happiness your way,’ says Christina, who especially enjoys writing quirky stories for the very young.

Christina is a co-writer for Empowered Parents and is also the creator of the awesome children’s brand Wart and Fish – Play and Learn.

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9 Funny And Interesting Short Stories For Kids To Read

Interesting addition to your routine of bedtime stories for your curious little ones.

Image: Shutterstock

Stories for kids are a fun way to instigate curiosity and imagination in them. However, children do not find all the stories funny and interesting. In this era of the internet, where there are a lot of activities to do, stories might not be able to catch children’s attention if they are not narrated interestingly. On the contrary, if your narration style is fascinating, even the simplest and silliest stories can make children laugh.

So, if you are looking for stories that your children will find funny, this post brings a compilation of them. Read on and enjoy.

9 Funny Stories For Kids To Read

Create an atmosphere that leads to boisterous laughter. Make sure you are calm and adjust your tone to make the narration most effective. Let’s have a look at some of the amazing funny stories of all time.

1. The missing tenth man

Image: Shutterstock

One day, ten men go to the Ganges to take a dip in the holy Indian river. They hold the hands of each other while taking the dip. But they somehow forget to hold hands while coming out of the water.

After coming to the shore, one of the senior men asks, “Have we all crossed the river safely?” The remaining men start looking at each other. They are confused.

Now the senior man asks everyone to lift their hand up to take a count. He starts counting and takes a count of each person.

When the count stops at nine, other men start screaming. They even go looking for the missing tenth man. This goes on with each person counting men up to nine and missing the tenth man.

A cap vendor, who keeps watching the amusing scene, offers help. The vendor gives a cap to each man and asks them to wear it. The men are confused as to what is happening. The vendor asks the senior man to gather all the caps, including his own and count them all.

Everyone is surprised and happy to see ten caps. The silly men credit the vendor to have helped them find their missing member and believe it to be magic. The vendor charges a good amount of money for each cap and walks away happily.

But what has really happened? The men forgot to count themselves and hence, the number was always nine.

Related: 11 Inspirational & Motivational Stories With Morals For Children

2. We are even

Image: Shutterstock

One day, Nasreddin Hodja goes to a Turkish bath. As he is offered an old towel and a robe, he is upset that nobody is paying attention to him. He says nothing but leaves a hefty tip at the counter while returning.

A week later, he goes back and is very well received this time. He is given a royal treatment and is also provided extra services. Hodja is happy but hardly leaves any tip.

Everyone is surprised and curious to know why Hodja left just a small tip this time.

He says, “Today’s tip is for the services offered during the last visit. And the tip given then was for today. We are even now.”

3. Emperor’s new clothes

Image: Shutterstock

There lived an emperor who fancied wearing expensive new clothes every day. He changed his outfit many times a day and paid utmost attention to his grooming while neglecting his duties as the ruler.

One day, two conmen visit the emperor posing as weavers. They convince the emperor that they have a fine fabric, visible only to wise and honest men. They pretend to show the fabric, and the emperor is forced to act as if he sees the fabric lest he is called a fool and dishonest. The emperor hires the two conmen to make special robes for him.

They keep pretending to weave clothes, and everybody in the king’s court is forced to act as if they are seeing the beautiful dress being woven for the emperor. One fine day, the conmen announce that the robe is ready, and ask the emperor to wear it for the upcoming procession.

Though the emperor couldn’t see the robe, he obliges. He pretends to wear the robe and goes on the procession naked. No one wants to be called foolish or dishonest; hence, all the people remain silent about the emperor being naked. However, a child, innocent that he is, could not contain himself and blurts out, “The emperor is actually naked. ” Then another child starts laughing, and the laughter spreads across.

The emperor is baffled but having no choice he continues to walk the procession.
He decides to punish the conmen, but they are already gone with the hefty money that they got as remuneration for the clothes that they never weaved.

Related: 25 Best Short Animal Stories For Kids With Morals

4. Ant’s accident

Image: iStock

In a faraway city, lived a unique couple — the elephant and his wife the ant.

One day, while returning home on their scooter after a long day’s work, happens something unexpected. They meet with an accident. The elephant gets badly wounded, but the ant escapes scratch proof.

Guess how? Because the ant is a safe rider and was wearing a helmet.

5. Frog and his belly burst

Image: iStock

Two frogs — father and son — live together in a pond. One day, the son frog was playing in a garden when he spots a cow. He returns to the pond and tells his father that he saw a giant scary monster.

The father frog does not believe it and tries to rubbish it away. When the kid insists, the father pays attention, and the son frog starts to explain how big the ‘giant’ was.

The father frog fills up the air in his stomach and asks him if the monster looked like that? The son says, “No, it is much bigger.” The father fills up some more air in his belly and asks the son if the giant was that big. The son says no again.

The father does it again and again until his belly becomes huge with air. Before he could ask the question, his belly bursts. The father starts crying out in pain.

Did you know?

“For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn” is the shortest story ever written. Ernest Hemingway wrote this flash fiction at a bar to win a bet with his mates.

Related: 11 Short Indian Mythological Stories With Morals For Kids

6. A man and three thugs

Image: Shutterstock

In a faraway village, a man used to help a landlord without asking for anything in return. He was extremely superstitious. Impressed with the work, the landlord rewards the man with a big healthy goat, one day.

The man carries the goat on his shoulders and starts walking back home. Three wicked thugs observe him and decide to trick him.

The first thug comes to him and asks, “Why are you carrying a dog on your shoulders.” The man gets angry and tells the thug that it is a goat and not a dog.

As he keeps walking, the second thug passes by and enquires why he was carrying a dead calf on his shoulders. The man’s anger multiplies and says, “You fool! Can’t you see this is a goat?” However, the second thug’s question plants the seed of suspicion in the man’s mind.

After walking for some more distance, the third thug approaches the man, and asks in a sarcastic tone, “Why are you carrying a donkey on your shoulders?”

The superstitious man gets scared thinking the goat is actually a ghost. He leaves it right there and runs away.

The three thugs take the goat away, laughing at the man’s stupidity.

7. Sandwiches for dinner

Image: iStock

Two friends, who are advocates, visit a restaurant and order drinks. They do not order anything to eat as they have a sandwich each in their briefcases. The advocates take out their sandwiches and start eating them.

The waiter comes, and sternly says, “You are not allowed to eat your own sandwiches inside the restaurant.”

The smart friends look at each other, laugh and exchange their sandwiches.

8. Age of the leg

Image: iStock

An old man visits a doctor to seek remedy for the terrible pain in his leg. The doctor replies saying, “I am sorry but this could be due to your old age.” He further explains why nothing can be done to help with the pain.

The old man gets angry and questions the doctor about his ability and expertise. This angers the doctor, who asks the old man, “How can you say that I know nothing and I am at fault for the pain in your leg?”

The old man innocently replies, “It is quite obvious you are wrong. My other leg is of the same age too, but has no pain at all!”

9. Bald man and a fly

Image: iStock

A bald man was the owner of a sweet shop, where he sold candies and sweets. The sweets attracted a lot of flies, and the owner tried everything possible to prevent the flies from sitting on his sweets.

One day, a giant fly comes and sits on the sweets. He tries to clap it with his hands, but it escapes and sits on another sweet. He tries to clap it again, but it flies away and sits on another dish, and this continues.

The fly challenges the bald man to clap and hurt it if he can. The man says, “I can sacrifice anything to keep you away from my store.”

Then the fly sits on the man’s bald head. Without much thought, he hits his own head to catch the fly. The fly flies away leaving a big red bump on the man’s head.

Keep our collection of funny and interesting stories for kids to read handy, so you can pick one for each day or night and spend some fun and quality time with your children. As parents, you must be familiar with the importance of storytelling to your children. It keeps them entertained while stimulating their imagination. The story and the reading should be engaging to grab your children’s attention. So, use your skills and narrate these short stories to your children to keep them waiting for the next one with anticipation.

Key Pointers

• Silly stories are effortless ways to make your child laugh.
• A simple story paired with an enthusiastic narration can bring a smile from ear to ear.
• Tales of an ant, ten older men, and more stories to boost your child’s day.

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Funny stories about children

Tell a funny story

pumba

My son (4 years old) comes from kindergarten, I ask what he did there. He answers me: they played parents with Gosha and Vika. Well, I think it has begun, soon the questions will be what, how, why ...
Okay, I ask this question: well, who was dad?
Answers: Well, I was a dad... (I thought everything would go on logically, but no!) Gosh mom!!!
Me (shocked): what about Vika?
Son: and Vika is a dog!
Super kids play! nine0003

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Alexander Igorevich

Asshole - how Vovka and I
A couple of days passed quietly. They dealt with the soldiers and fed them, collecting food for them for lunch "with the whole world." Vitka generally turned out to be a heroic guy. He did not hand over Vovka and me and attributed the whole incident to technical problems. For which, of course, he flew no less, but from us, to him "workers and peasants" thanks. Vovka and I remained innocent, although the grandmother looked suspiciously at us. nine0007 "Technical failure is you," she told us, but she had no evidence of our involvement.
Nothing happened in the village, since we were strictly forbidden to do good deeds, and indeed anything in general.
- I will sew your hands into your pockets so that they do not reach for anything. So you will walk like two penguins until the end of summer, - the grandmother promised us and sent us for a walk so that we would not interfere with her lunch.
Vovka and I went to look for a treasure in cow cakes. More precisely, Vovka was looking for, and with the help of a twig with a horn, I identified treasure-bearing ones. I no longer remember where I came up with this idea, but I remember that I was sure that there should be gold and precious stones in cow cakes. But further speech not about it. nine0007 Then I remembered a terrible story that my grandmother once told me.
There were two toilets in the house. One in the house, with almost all amenities (my father brought a toilet there at one time, but g @ obviously still fell down on a pile of straw), and the second in the garden, in the form of a separate building, meter by meter, with a door and a window in her, in the form of a heart. ..
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Artist

Walked today with my son, 5 years old, on the street. We are already going home and decided to go to my father (his grandfather) in the garage, to find out how things are going with the repair. Father is distracted by us, sits on a chair, rests, communicates with us. The son begs him for a seat on a chair, citing the fact that he is small, walked a lot today and is tired. The father, out of harm, is not inferior, arguing that he is old, worked a lot today and is also tired))
They start haggling, they blow each other's brains out for a couple of minutes. The father asks:
- Misha, I'll give you a chair to sit, and what are you doing to me?
- Grandfather, and then I will give you a place to stand)

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Hemul

...
I sit next to me, I think - here it is, the moment, now I will teach the Son of Life! . .
- Wait, - I say heartfelt, - let's figure it out. What do you think - do you agree with him? nine0007 - Yes! Aaaa...

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Natalya...

Once I come to the school, which I have long since graduated from, I go to the literature teacher.
And she told me the following story, literally a recent one (hereinafter from her words):
We are now going through "Woe from Wit" with the ninth grade. And so I’m teaching a lesson and thinking: what should I ask them about in order to put at least a three - because their faces are not marked with the seal of wisdom! Thinking, asking:
- Children! Why did Sophia prefer Molchalin to Chatsky?
The children hung their heads to one side and thought. And suddenly, on the first desk, Vanechka, an angel with such curly hair, raises his hand:
- I know!
- Tell me!
- Because Molchalin stroked Sophia's face, but Chatsky didn't think of it!
I pick up my jaw from the floor and ask:
- Honey, where did you get this?
- In the text.
And he gives a quote, who can guess which one?
"And pet the pug in time."
I ask him:
- Honey, what is a "pug"? nine0007 And he answers me:
- And my mother often says to me - "go clean the pug, dirty."

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serzh

Children are optimists by nature. He told his 3-year-old daughter a famous rattler:
“The old drummer, the old drummer,
the old drummer was fast asleep.
He woke up, rolled over
Lost three kopecks!...
That's the end of the fairy tale!”
The little girl was indignant:
- Wrong ending! It is necessary: ​​“He got up, brushed his teeth, put on glasses, found three kopecks and began to live with them, live, make good! nine0003

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. After a general acquaintance, everyone together learns the song "We will survive this trouble." Teachers, turning to the kids: "Guys, what is a nuisance?"

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bundur

A girl of 5 years old. They play wife and husband with their brother. They took a toy, like a child, and put it to sleep ... They rustle, rustle, and then the small one squeaks: “B @ me, Kostya, hush f @ and! You'll wake up the little one!"

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lga69

Another endless collection of stories about how to turn decent words into obscene ones. nine0007 Happy Soviet pioneer camp childhood. Pre-transitional age, i.e. when swear words have already been learned to perfection, and interest in the opposite sex has not grown beyond pulling pigtails. The boys put the girls on the table in the room with a bottle of Mandarin soda, smearing the last 3 letters on the label. But the girls also knew swear words ... The next day in the boy's room there was a similar soda, only "Apple" and the last 2 letters were smeared over. There was nothing to cover.

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Alexander Igorevich

After our trip, my zh@pa burned, and Vovka was covered with everything and a couple of fingers were swollen.
- Allergy. - Grandma said. - Still would. At least three kilograms of candy cx @ yarili in two snouts. So that you get diarrhea, and your eyes pop out on your forehead. It's gotta get to the point of chocolate. Grandfather, take a motorcycle from a neighbor and go for a doctor. We also need to look at the fingers of this sloppy. God forbid a fracture or a crack. It would be better if your f @ pa cracked. nine0007 Of course, I tried to ask my grandfather. I really enjoyed riding in the cradle. You put a helmet on your head, pull up a tarpaulin and imagine that you are flying in a fighter jet. But the grandfather said that my head was from x @ ya, and not a fighter, and went to a neighbor. It would have been better if he had taken me with him...
Vovka was lying on the bed in Grandma's room and was ill. Well, how did you hurt? Nothing but his fingers hurt. Unless he was all in a small rash. I also remember how, as a child, I was sprinkled with red spots, and I walked all over in green dots. nine0007 - Are your eyes not popping out yet? I was interested in Vovka.
- No. Vovka answered. But something is already starting to hurt.
- No diarrhea yet?
I thought that I was not threatened, since I was not sprinkled, but I was afraid for Vovka.
Grandma went to her neighbor for an hour, hoping that during this time we would not burn down the house and fly into space. Because if we burn down the house, then she will stuff us with burning coals, and she worries less about space, because idiots are not allowed there.
We didn't want any coals, but we didn't intend to go into space...
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Alexander Igorevich

- Have you forgotten anything? Mom took one last look at the apartment.
Still. Vovka and I were sent for more than two months to the village to stay with our grandparents. Two suitcases for two and another large bag of groceries.
- I don't understand. Why do you load bags with canned goods, sausages and other products every year, dad did not understand. - After all, anyway, she will hide everything in the pantry until “better times”. When will these better times come? nine0007 - Well, you know she'll be offended if we don't bring anything. I do know my mom. It’s not difficult for us, but it’s nice for her, ”my mother justified herself.
I have been sent to the country for the whole summer twice already. Vovka went there for the first time. This year he was already five years old and his parents considered that he, too, could be sent to the fresh air with me. Deliver, so to speak, grandma and grandpa true, double pleasure.
- Let's sit down on the path.
Vovka and I sat on the same suitcase. Mom and dad on the second. There was a crash, and the suitcase under the parents broke into two parts. nine0007 - There you go. A bad sign, - mom was upset, getting up from the floor and collecting our things.
- Well, you can't even guess, - dad laughed, sitting on the floor. There will be two this year. So I don't envy your parents.
A few minutes later, instead of a suitcase, things moved into a sports bag, and we went to a taxi waiting for us.
- Do you feel sick in a taxi? - the driver turned to dad. - And then yesterday I drove my mother with a small one from the station, so he did all the back seat for me. Barely laundered...
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Hayk Gaziaryan

him, will be naked.
If you have never heard of this, then congratulations - your childhood was not spent in Uzbekistan.
And in general, all the most interesting things in Central Asia happen through the blood of an animal.
I warn you right away, this story is not about how two anxious children discovered the Uzbek strain to the world. nine0003

After watching Terminator 2, my brother and I dreamed of x-ray glasses, but it seemed easier to kill a bat than to meet a cyborg in Samarkand: “I need your pilaf, tea and skullcap!”
Basically, slaughtering a bat sounds normal when your father sacrifices a ram to God every weekend in the yard.
You are no longer afraid of blood when at the scene of the murder your mother smears a red cross on the forehead of all the children.
Armenian traditions prepared us in advance for Uzbek bikes. nine0003

I don't know exactly where the craving to see a naked woman came from at such an early age, but I guess it all started when our parents closed our eyes during the #rhotic scene in Van Damme's film "Double Impact".
None of us have ever seen a naked woman, well, except for that scene with Van Damme... It was a video cassette and we knew how to rewind it, so much so that that passage on the ship was completely erased.
Strip clubs in Uzbekistan have always been banned because it is indecent to throw plov at a dancer. nine0003

Fortunately, unlike naked women, there were a lot of bats in Samarkand...
Read more three. Dad broke a glass, mom said that for good luck, and parents laughed. Soon mom broke the plate, dad said good luck and parents laughed. I drew conclusions and when my parents left for a short time, I broke everything I could reach. The apartment was filled with the scent of happiness. In anticipation, I sat down to wait for the return of my parents. Mom cried, dad laughed, the system failed. This world is not so simple. nine0003

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xanka139

Nephew of kindergarten age; does not know how to stand up for himself if they offend in the kindergarten or take away a toy, he will step aside or take another toy. His mother teaches him that he must be able to stand up for himself, to fight back against offenders.
Once again he was offended, complained to his mother that one bad boy bit him today. Mom once again teaches him - you have to hit back, you have to hit back, so that next time you will not be offended. nine0007 The child is almost in tears: - Mom, well, I don’t have this change, I don’t have it ... then screwed up. Mom, tired of fighting with him during the day, says: "Well, I just have no words!" After watching cartoons, the child: "You don't know what to say, you fell, did push-ups!"
Acceleration :(

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Funny stories about children to tears

Son (12 years old) asks:
— What is the largest breast size?
Without really knowing it, I answer:
— Whatever you fantasize, it happens.
Small thinks and gives out:
— Wow!!!

Reading with granddaughter (4 years old) a fairy tale about Baba Yaga. The granddaughter listened, listened, and then thoughtfully and said:
- You know, grandfather, Baba Yaga is not at all scary.
- Why?
- Well, look for yourself: she lives alone in the forest, she has no children, no grandchildren, an old hut, creaking on chicken legs, no bathroom, toilet in the bushes. She has nothing!!! She eats some mice, frogs, and all sorts of filth. She flies in a mortar or on a broom, which means she often catches a cold. And then there are the good fellows, having nothing to do, they run into her and then shoot her in the ass with an arrow, then they push her into the stove on a shovel. Here, Baba Yaga is harmful! And she's just an old and lonely grandmother. I feel sorry for her. nine0003

Dialogue with sleepy Slavik tonight. Just an intrigue worthy of Poirot:
- Mom, you know, it's good that I got sick. You don't have to go to kindergarten. There's only Masha...
- Who is Masha?
- Masha is such a girl in the kindergarten. Masha is very harmful. She says "No" all the time. I ask politely. I am a very polite boy. I say: “Can I please? ..” And Masha says: “No-no!”
— What are you asking her for?
- Pancake ...
- Whose?
- Machine...
- Zaya, you can't take girls away from you! Did you have your own pancake too? nine0007 — No… They ate my pancake… (tragic face)
— Who?
- Ilyusha!
— So he ate two pancakes: yours and his?
— No… His pancake was also eaten…
— Who?
Quietly:
— I… (very quietly) And I also ate Sasha's pancake…

The eldest son is 6 years old, the youngest is 2 months old. I'm dressing the little one, and Slavka looks at him and says:
- Oh, mom, he's all white like me! Can you imagine what would have happened if Tyoma had been born with black skin and black hair?
"I can't imagine," I say. nine0007 - Fuck you, mom!

My daughter has a boy Vanya in the kindergarten, she likes him very much, she dreams of marrying him.
I make Masha change her pajamas, she can't take off her panties herself. I am swearing.
She asks her father:
— Vanya won't marry me? She'll tell me why I need her if she can't take off her panties herself...
Our dad laughed to tears. Difficult to answer.

Early in the morning, completely tired of waiting for her parents to wake up, Masha (3 years old) loudly chants:
- Ma-sha ho-chet ka-shu!
I must say that we are constantly fighting for the absorption of it. The remnants of my mother's sleep disappear, and a very non-pedagogical one breaks out:
- Masha! You are crazy?
To which the child confidently retorts:
— Yes! Masha is crazy! Ma-sha ho-chet ka-shu!

Roma and Bogdan are twins (10 years old). I'm calling home from work with an inspection. Bogdan picks up the phone. Me:
Did you have lunch?
- Yes.
- Are you lying?
- No!
- What did you eat?
- ... Soup!
- Call Roma better. nine0007 - Ro-o-oh! ..
Voice in the back of the apartment:
- Go, your mom to the phone! We had lunch!

The husband was instructed to put his three-year-old son to bed. He lays down on the sofa himself and says to Danila:
- Come here!
- Why?
- We will sleep.
- I don't want to!
- Well, go, I'll read to you, bring a book ...
- Okay, I'll be right back!
Half an hour later I find my father sleeping soundly on the couch, and my son trimming the cat's mustache...
— Leave the cat now! Why are not you sleeping? Well, go to bed with dad, I turn off the light! nine0007 The son understands that things are bad, grabs a book and starts to push his dad away:
— Dad! Dad! Why are you sleeping? You wanted to read to me!
Husband opening one eye with difficulty:
— Well… not to say that I really want to…

I ask my daughter (3 years old) how and what. Says:
- The teacher scolded me today!
- For what? Did you misbehave?
- No, fine.

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