I long sound words

How To Teach The Long I Sound

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The long i sound can be tricky to teach since it has several different ways to spell it. But with a handy word list, plan of action, and some fun activities you’ll have a much easier time teaching long i words and your students will thank you.

Looking for a long i word list? You can download the list pictured by signing up below. If you don’t see the signup form, click here.

Six Ways To Spell Long I

The long i sound can be represented by 6 different spelling patterns:

i – silent
i_e – kite
igh – night
y – my
y_e – type
ie – pie

Spelling Generalizations For Long I

Just I

In open syllables, the long i sound is represented by just the letter i by itself. Most of these will be 2 or more syllable words, such as silent and idea. Students must understand open and closed syllables to be able to apply this.

I alone can also make the long i sound when it comes before two consonants, as in the words pint and kind.

I_E

The i silent e spelling pattern is very common and one of the first students learn. Of course, students should be confident with the magic e syllable. These words are most often one syllable, and the long i sound will be in the middle of a base word or syllable. Some examples of long i words with silent e are mine and hike.

IGH

The igh spelling pattern is another common representation of the long i sound. This spelling pattern appears in the middle of a base word or syllable. Some examples are sight and tonight.

Y

When the long i sound is at the end of a base word, the most common way to spell it is with a y. Examples include: cry and why.

IE Vowel Team and Y_E

Both ie and y_e are less common ways to spell the long i sound. Examples include pie and type.

Tips For Teaching The Long I Sound

When you start teaching the long vowel sounds, you really have to focus on spelling generalizations, homophones, and homographs. Teach one spelling pattern at a time, and once one is mastered you can add in another. It’s much easier to learn how to read these than to learn how to spell. Since they all sound the same and can appear in the same place, choosing the right spelling pattern can be tricky.

One rule you can teach is that English words do not end in i. So students should know words that end with a long i sound won’t be spelled with just i. There are a few exceptions, most of which are foreign words (chai, macaroni, kiwi) but the one most students will notice is hi, and hi is slang for hello. But you won’t be using foreign words in your instruction so this rule can help students.

Teach the process for deciding on the spelling pattern.

This is what you’ll do for all long vowels, though for long o it is more specific.

Once students are familiar with all the options for spelling long i and they know open syllables and the silent e syllable, you can teach them the process for determining the spelling pattern a word has.

When students come across a word with long i and they need to figure out which spelling pattern to choose, here are the questions they can ask:

Is there more than one syllable?
Is there a base word?
Where is the long i sound in the word?
Could this be one of the less common ie or y_e words?

Students should first break the word into its syllables, and go through the questions.

This will take some practice so try going through a set of words with your students a few times, then have them do some more on their own. This is the same process they will use with other long vowel sounds so it’s a great skill for them to have.

Also, because there are multiple options expect students to get them wrong sometimes, and tell them this! It’s ok if they make mistakes as long as it’s another valid spelling option and not something that doesn’t follow any rules. Through repeated exposure and practice they will eventually internalize the correct spelling pattern for words.

Long I Activities & Lesson Ideas

Phoneme Grapheme Mapping – This is a great activity that really isolates the phonograms for students to practice. You can get the Phonics & Spelling Through Grapheme Mapping book and follow the long i lesson, or use my word list to do the same activity using sound boxes. See below for an example from my Long I Word Work set.

Sorting – Sorting is always a good idea when you have multiple options for spelling. You can play matching games like memory, just sort them into piles/columns, or create any game that requires sorting by spelling pattern. This builds phonemic awareness so it’s always a good activity for all students.

The example below is a page from my Long I Word Work set.

SOS – If you don’t already know what Simultaneous Oral Spelling is, then check out this post here. I love this multisensory spelling method for practicing spelling. And you can do this whole class or one on one making it really easy to use in any setting.

Picture cue cards – Create visual graphics of tricky words, homophones, and homographs. These picture cues really help students remember which pattern to use. I suggest you make these using index cards and keep them in a baggie or box for reference. See an example below (it’s for a long o sound but you get the idea).

Games – Of course, I always include games because it’s just so easy to add a stack of flashcards to any game and make it educational! Use an easy to play board game where students need to pick up a card on their turn and add a task like reading the word aloud and sorting it, or asking another player to spell it, or even something as simple as having them air write the word after reading it aloud. Or print off a teacher-made game here.

Dictation – This is another fantastic activity but I would do this after you have spent some time on long i because it is harder for students. Also when dictating words, give students a clue about the spelling such as telling them it’s a vowel team or open syllable.

Constant Review – Remember to keep these spelling patterns in constant review after they are learned, so they are not forgotten. Using a sound wall is a great way to do this without it taking any extra time.

Long I Worksheets

If you’re looking for long i worksheets, check out my set of Long I Word Work. It includes worksheets focusing on the different spelling patterns for the long i sound, some games and activities, reference sheets and posters, and a word list. Check it out here for more info.

If you’re looking for more tips on teaching reading to struggling learners, check out these other posts:

Phonemic Awareness Strategies & Activities For Struggling Learners
The 6 Syllable Types
Why You Should Switch To A Sound Wall
Reading Strategies for Struggling Readers – Elkonin Boxes
Teaching Reading Comprehension Strategies – My Secret Tip To Improve Reading Comprehension
Multisensory Strategies for B & D Reversals – Dyslexia Intervention
Multisensory Spelling Strategy for Struggling Learners – Dyslexia Spelling Strategy

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Long Vowel Sounds: Word Lists & Activities

Phonics | Spelling

ByDelilah Orpi

This post may contain affiliate links, and I will earn a commission if you purchase through these links. Please read the disclosure policy for more details.

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In this post, I’m breaking down long vowel sounds (or long vowel words) to help you teach them when working with struggling readers and spellers.

Looking for long vowel word lists? Download all 5 of my pdf long vowel sounds word lists in my freebies library by joining my email list below.

What is a long vowel sound?

Long vowel sounds are vowels that are pronounced the same as their name. You’ll often hear teachers say that long vowels “say their name”.

Long vowels are very common but they can be tricky because there are so many spellings for each long vowel sound.

There are actually 4 ways to make long vowel sounds:

Vowels at the end of a syllable make the long sound. For example, in the words me and halo (ha-lo) the vowels are all at the end of a syllable so they make the long sound.
Silent e makes the previous vowel long. The words bike and phone have a silent e at the end that makes the previous vowel long.
Vowel teams can make the long sound. Vowel teams work together to make one sound, and usually, it’s a long vowel sound. For example, boat and meat both have vowel teams that make the long sound.
I or O can be long when they come before two consonants. In words like cold and mind, i and o make a long vowel sound.

Long Vowel Words

Long vowel sound words are words that have vowels that say their name. Below are a few examples:

Long a – baby, cake, rain, day, they, weigh
Long e – me, eve, hear, meet, piece, candy
Long i – silent, bike, light, my
Long o – go, home, toe, boat, snow
Long u – music, mule, pew, feud

Long A Sound

The long a sound can be represented by 8 different spelling patterns:

a – baby
a_e – cake
ai – rain
ay – play
ei – reindeer
eigh – weight
ea – steak
ey – they

Learn more about teaching the long a sound here, and check out my Long A Words Activities & Worksheets for printable activities.

Long E Sound

The long e sound can be represented by 8 different spelling patterns:

e – be
e_e – eve
ee – meet
ea – beach
ei – protein
ie – piece
ey – key
y – candy

For ideas, tips, and tricks when teaching the long e sound, read this post all about teaching the long e vowel sound, and check out my Long E Words Activities & Worksheets for printable activities.

Long I Sound

The long i sound can be represented by 6 different spelling patterns:

i – silent
i_e – shine
ie – pie
igh – light
y – my
y_e – type

You can learn more about teaching the long I sound in this post. And check out my Long I Worksheets set in my shop for printable activities on the long i sound.

Long O Sound

The long o sound can be represented by 5 different spelling patterns:

o – go
o_e – phone
oe – toe
oa – boat
ow – snow

You can learn more about teaching long o words and check out my long o worksheets.

Long U Sound

The long u has two sounds: yoo (/y/ /oo/) and oo (/oo/).

The long u sound can be represented by 7 different spelling patterns:

u – music
u_e – mule
ue – rescue
eu – feud
ew – few
oo – food
ou – soup

Learn more about teaching the long u sound here.

Tips for teaching the long vowel sounds

Teach one spelling pattern at a time!

I don’t mean one vowel sound, but just one spelling pattern. So for example, if you’re working on long a, you would work on the spelling pattern a silent e (cake, same, cave) until students have mastered it, then move on to ai, and so on. You should not be teaching multiple spelling patterns together, even though they make the same sound.

I know that most programs out there combine all the long vowel sound spelling patterns into one lesson, especially in spelling lists, but this does not work for struggling readers. You need to break it down for them and only do one at a time.

Teach the syllable types.

Because syllables have a lot to do with whether vowels make the short or long sound, if students do not already know the 6 syllable types then teach them along with the long vowel sound.

Here are resources for each syllable type:

closed syllable
open syllable
final silent e syllable
vowel team syllable
r combination syllable
consonant le syllable

Use a variety of activities to practice each spelling pattern.

Games, dictation, word sorts, memory or matching with flashcards, word hunts, textured writing, body spelling, and bingo are all fun ways to practice the long vowel sounds.

The main activity that is often overlooked is dictation. It seems so simple but the task involves listening to a word, deciding on the spelling, and transferring that info to written form. These are all skills that struggling readers need to practice.

Teach the spelling generalizations.

Some of the long vowel spelling patterns are spelling rules that make it easy to remember.

For example, ai is usually found at the beginning or middle of a syllable, and ay is usually found at the end of a syllable. [Examples: rain, aim, play, daytime]

Here is another example with long o: oa is usually found at the beginning or middle of a word, and ow is usually found at the end. [Examples: boat, coach, snow]

Long Vowel Word List

I made these word lists to help teach the long vowels. I find it handy to have these on hand when playing phonics games or planning activities for long vowel lessons.

Grab them for free below!

Visit my Teachers Pay Teachers shop to see all my literacy products.

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Delilah Orpi

Delilah Orpi is the owner and founder of Thrive Literacy Corner. She has a Bachelor's degree in Special Education, a Master's degree in TESOL, and is a member of the International Dyslexia Association. She is an experienced educator and literacy specialist trained in Orton Gillingham and Lindamood Bell. Delilah creates literacy resources for educators and parents and writes to create awareness about dyslexia and effective literacy instruction based on the science of reading.

“Man! That sounds…proud!” Satin's monologue from the play "At the Bottom" is read by Andrei Tsunsky

Text: Year of Literature.RF

We still have to celebrate the birthday of Maxim Gorky March 28, - but, using some calendar confusion associated with the transition from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian , we propose to turn to his texts without delay, according to the old, as they say, style. Moreover, our regular author Andrei Tsunsky has already read them for you - you just have to listen. Well, if you are fascinated by Andrey's voice - and you will certainly be fascinated - then below you can find a link to the playlist, where you will find even more lyrics performed by him.

AUDIO. Maxim Gorky "Satin's Monologue"

Maxim Gorky

Satin's Monologue

The play "At the Bottom" (1902)

Satin . When I'm drunk... I like everything. Y-yes… He is praying? Wonderful! A person can believe or not believe ... that's his business! A man is free… he pays for everything himself: for faith, for disbelief, for love, for intelligence – a man pays for everything himself, and therefore he is free!.. Man is the truth! What is a person?.. It's not you, not me, not them... no! - it's you, me, them, the old man, Napoleon, Mohammed ... in one! (He traces the figure of a man in the air with his finger.) Do you understand? This is huge! In this - all beginnings and ends ... Everything is in a person, everything is for a person! Only man exists, everything else is the work of his hands and his brain! Human! It's great! It sounds… proud! Human! You have to respect the person! Do not pity ... do not humiliate him with pity . .. you must respect! Let's drink to the man, Baron! (Gets up.) It's good... to feel like a man!... I'm a convict, a murderer, a cheat... well, yes! When I walk down the street, people look at me like I'm a swindler... and they step aside and look around... and often say to me - "Bastard! Charlatan! Work!" Work? For what? To be full? (Laughs.) I've always despised people who care too much about being fed... That's not the point, Baron! Not in this case! The man is higher! Man is above satiety! ..

AUDIO. Maxim Gorky " From Life".

From life

sketch

First published in the magazine , 1905

An administrator came to the village to calm the excited minds. Without leaving the carriage, he, surrounded by Cossacks, turned to the peasants with a soothing speech. He spoke graciously and menacingly, reproachfully and paternally, spoke for a long time.
Suddenly a question was heard from the crowd, interrupting the speech:
— And he?
— What? the administrator asked.
— How is he?
— That is, who is he?
- Well, you know...
- Fool! What is he?
— Of course... But still — how is he?
— What is it? What are you asking about?
— About him...
— Well?
— Will he stay?
- Smack! the administrator ordered. The man was captured. Spread out... Flogged. He got up and, buttoning his trousers, said:
— Well, that's it... I thought that as long as he stayed, they would flog us...

Source: gorkiy-lit.ru/gorkiy

Playlist "Reads Andrey Tsunsky" on YouTube

"Hold on", "I understand you", "It's time" - how not to comfort - About Palliative

Contents

“I understand you”

“Calm down”, “Pull yourself together”

“You have to be strong!”

“Hold on”

“Everything will be fine”, “Everything will be fine”, “Life goes on”

“You will have more children”, “You will give birth to a healthy baby”

“The time has come”

“God takes the best”, “God took, God gave”, “Now he is with God, he feels good”

“How are you?”

How to help? With indifference

When you think about what to say to a person experiencing grief, either banal words or dry phrases usually come to mind, or you don’t know what to say at all. For example, when a person goes to work after the loss of a loved one, colleagues find it important to say: “Condolences,” “I’m sorry,” “I sympathize.” But it’s one thing when it’s said from the heart, by those who really sympathize, it’s another thing when such words are repeated all over the place.

Duty phrases, at best, pass by, but can also offend, anger when they are said just to say, for the sake of form.

This happens not at all because people are stupid, cruel or indifferent, but because they feel embarrassed and consider it their duty to say something, somehow respond to someone else's grief. I believe that the principle should work here: if the words come from the soul, from the heart, if you want to say - speak. But don't use dry platitudes just to say it. If you don’t know what to say, shut up or tell the truth: “I don’t know what to say to you now. What can I do for you to make you feel better? Do you want me to just sit next to you? We can be silent or talk together. What can I do for you?". Because it happens that people in an attempt to console a grieving person only make it more painful.

“I understand you”

Usually the inner reaction to such an attempt to console is: “No, you don't understand!”. Your wounds always hurt more. Even if you had a similar situation in your life, it is yours, you experienced it differently. Grief is always individual.

In addition, when a person experiences his own grief, he does not want to hear about how it was with you. It is important for him to talk about his .

Once we were on the "Hot Line" (“Hotline” of the Center for Emergency Psychological Assistance of the Ministry of Emergency Situations of Russia, which Larisa Pyzhyanova headed from 2007 to 2014 - ed.) A woman called and told how her father, a pilot, died 20 years ago. Once, calling, she got on a young employee. And she began to tell him how hard it was for her, because at that time there was no psychological support, and she was left alone with her grief. And the young guy "on the machine" replied: "Yes, I understand." The woman asked again: “Your father, a pilot, also died 20 years ago?!”

The words “I understand you” can still be positively perceived when other parents who have also lost a child sympathize so much with parents who have lost a child. And you still need to be careful - everyone's situation is different! Someone had a child who was absolutely healthy, successful and died suddenly, as a result of a tragic accident: in one moment, his whole life changed. For others, on the contrary, the child was seriously ill for a long time, they realized that he would die. Which one is harder? Can they understand each other?

Test. Can you comfort someone in grief?

Take the test “Can you console a person in grief?

Pass the test

Therefore, there are no blanks and standard phrases for consolation, some kind of universal training manual: everything is very individual.

"Calm down", "Pull yourself together"

you feel!" This is a devaluation of his feelings. It must be understood that if he could, he would have calmed down without any "prompts". But his grief, his fear is poured out in this form, these are such strong emotions that he is not able to cope with them.

Actually, hysterics, screams, aggression, tears are nothing more than a request for help: he wants to be heard, understood.

In this case, it is necessary to recognize and describe his feelings in words: “I see that you are angry.” However, sensitivity is also needed here, it is necessary to choose the right words, because if a person who is furious says directly to the forehead: “I see that you are annoyed,” he will simply explode. You need to get into the emotion exactly: “You can’t cope, you want to do something, but you don’t know what.” Why is it important to say? To make the person feel that you understand him. In fact, all his reactions are about this: “You can’t hear me. Hear me!

Aggression, rage, hysteria can frighten the person who shows these emotions. He looks at himself from the outside and thinks: “What am I doing?! I must be crazy."

But in a situation of great grief, crying, crying is normal. We must give him the right to behave like this : “Cry, shout out. You're furious now, let her out. You have a right to it." By giving such “permission” to express feelings, you also remove guilt from a person.

Photo: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash

In our culture, it is generally not accepted to openly express one's feelings, boys are told from childhood: “Don't cry”, tears are considered weakness. Therefore, men often hold back. When I saw a man who had lost a child teetering on the edge — his lips were trembling, he was clenching his fists — I could sit next to him, take his hand and say: “There are times when everyone has the right to cry, even men. Cry, you have the right to do so . But how else - you have a great grief, how could it be otherwise? He cried. And he felt better.

Experience of grief at work How to help yourself when you have to experience acute grief and at the same time continue to work, fulfill your social functions

Grief causes strong emotions, acute feelings - and this is an absolutely normal reaction. Sometimes giving someone “permission” to cry when they don’t give it to themselves can be a big help.

"You have to be strong!"

In fact, when we say: "Calm down", "Pull yourself together", "Be strong" - we show concern not for the person who is in grief, but for ourselves.

It’s hard to see other people’s strong emotions, we don’t know what to do with them, we want it to stop, that’s why we say such phrases that have a message behind them: “Don’t show me all this horror, your emotions scare me! ".

But sometimes it is important to say to a person like this: “Now you are crying, sobbing, you are in grief, you have a right to it. But it will be very important for us today to do this and that (for example, to draw up documents). You cry, but when you can, let's talk about it."

It happens that someone alone in the family takes away the “monopoly on the mountain” and allows himself to blame everyone, to fight endlessly in hysterics and aggression, not noticing that his family is also very bad. It is important to say: “You are in great grief. But it is also with your husband, and with your children, your parents - they all suffer. You must be together in your common grief."

When else do you want to say to a person: “Pull yourself together, be strong”? When he has apathy, he turned his back to the wall and lies like that for days, not reacting to anything. Such manifestations of grief are worse than aggression or crying: apathy suggests that a person has no strength.

Therefore, it is pointless to demand from him that he pull himself together, get ready. You need to take care of him on a physical level: bring him food, drink, feed him, if necessary, give him tea. And then slowly stir him up: smoothly involve him in some kind of activity - offer to take a walk, go to the store, help with the housework. Then the forces will appear.

“Hold on”

Indeed, this very common duty phrase often causes nothing but irritation. “What are you holding on for?!”, “How are you holding on?”.

Society's attitude towards death. From the book “In the middle of life” Why, despite the inevitability of death, we try not to talk about it, and how this “conspiracy of silence” affects children who have lost loved ones

But just recently I heard the story of a young woman. She was very upset by the loss of her husband, she cried a lot, yearned. She had an elderly father-in-law, to whom she treated with great warmth. And once I went to him to support, to be near. However, when she arrived, she realized that if she started talking, she would burst into tears. She did not want to cry - she came to support, and not to be consoled.

It turned out that they just sat silently at the table all evening. We drank tea and were silent. And when she got up to say goodbye and leave, her father-in-law hugged her and said: “Hold on, daughter.” And in these words there was so much love, care and anxiety for her, so much desire to help and at least somehow support, that she later admitted: “It was as if grace descended on me at that moment and I realized that I could survive my grief.” Listening to her, I understood the seemingly obvious - not so much the words are important, but the feelings that stand behind them.

“Everything will be fine”, “Everything will be fine”, “Life goes on”

whatever happened. Naturally, he doesn't want to hear about it. A person in acute grief thinks very differently: "I will be fine only if my loved one is next to me again. "

It may be good, but in a different way, and not immediately. First, he will have to learn to live without a loved one who has died. Grief is a process.

During mourning, a person performs a huge inner work, which is to keep the love and memory of the deceased, to go on in life without him. At the beginning of this journey, he does not imagine how good it is, but without a loved one. Therefore, the phrase "Everything will work out" is more likely to provoke an internal protest than to support.

But at the same time, you can tell him: “I know that it’s very hard for you now, but I also know that you can handle it.”

At the moment of acute grief, a person is in an altered state of consciousness, he often does not remember what friends or a psychologist say to him. But you can say these words to him, on which he can then rely: “You are very bad now, there will be moments when it will be even worse, and then better: it will be different. Everything that happens is normal, this is how grief is experienced, and there is no other way. The main thing to remember: you can handle it . You will be able to survive it. Take your time, give yourself time, strength will come, and you will learn to live on.

Unchildish grief Oncopsychologist Pavel Sapozhnikov on how to talk to a child about the death of parents

This must be said with confidence. Where such confidence? The fact is that a person has internal strengths and resources to cope with almost everything, this is how he is arranged, we know this from many examples. You do not know if he will be all right, but you hope that he has the strength to endure his great grief. You convey your hope to him in the form of the attitude "You can do it, you can do it." And somewhere at the level of his subconscious, this is fixed as a fact: “I can”, and this becomes a support.

“You will still have children”, “You will give birth to a healthy one”

This is often the way to comfort the parents of a dead child. But we must understand that for them the very thought of another child can be tantamount to betraying a dead child. In addition, no one knows whether they will have more children, whether they want to have children. It happens that a man consults: “I am so afraid that my wife may go crazy. Can we have another child? I understand that all this is from the best of intentions, but I always answer this way: “You probably had the worst thing that can happen in life - you lost a child. We lost the one you love, who became the meaning of life, with whom so many hopes were associated. And now 9 more0099 his time is the time of your farewell to him, the time when you learn to live without him. Live this time, and then decide whether you will have more children or not.

But in fact, the truth here is also something else: if parents give birth to a child immediately after the loss, then there is a high risk that they can give birth to a substitute child.

This situation is dangerous because parents can unwittingly make the second child responsible for living the life of the deceased: they will compare him out loud or mentally with the first child, correct his behavior. They do this without wanting anything bad, simply, not having fully experienced the loss, they cannot renounce the image of the deceased child and transfer it to the newly born. But a completely different person was born! With its own characteristics, its own character and life tasks. And he may not resemble a dead child in any way. This pain can resonate in the soul of the parents and severe resentment in the soul of the child who is not accepted for who he is.

If guilt tears the heart apart In all the languages of the universe, so different, we are connected by one dialect - the one that sounds in our hearts as the voice of pain. When we lose loved ones...

Psychologists usually advise not to make vital decisions within a year or two after the loss. You must first survive the grief, and then think about how to build your life further.

“The time has come”

This is how people often talk about the death of elderly people. This may sound arrogant. How can a person so confidently declare for whom it is time to die, and for whom it is not?

Another point is that for a person experiencing the loss of a beloved grandparent or parent, it doesn't matter how old they were. What difference does it make if it's time or not? He's hurt by the breakup!

When, after my mother's death, I was filling out the necessary documents, I went into one office, and a woman I knew was sitting there. She said to me so calmly: “Mom died? Well, such is her age, her time has come - and she died. Yes, my mother was 79 years old, a worthy age, God forbid we all live so long. I didn’t answer her, but I thought: “You shouldn’t have said that.” It seems to be a standard phrase, but it doesn't sound good at all. "Her time has come." Maybe so, but it is very difficult for someone who has just lost a loved one to hear this. This phrase cannot console anyone.

“God takes the best”, “God took, God gave”, “Now he is with God, he feels good”

The phrase “God takes the best” is also dubious consolation, it is incomprehensible and illogical. It turns out that those who live long are the worst?

"Now he is with God" - so a believer can say to another believer. But this, rather, is not a consolation, but a statement: they both believe in it. However, the pain of separation from such words still does not decrease: when a person dies, we cry for ourselves, because we are bitter to part.

Photo: Jack Sharp / Unsplash

Saying such words to a non-religious, unchurched person very often means to inflame his wounds. There is a movie called "Rabbit Hole" where parents are shown dealing with the death of a child. They come to a support group, and there one mother says: “I know that my baby is now an angel, he is with God, he is fine. And we are happy! In response, the second mother explodes: “What, God can’t make himself angels?! Why did he want my child?

Such conversations with unchurched people can cause strong aggression. In general, resentment against God often arises at a moment of grief, people may be perplexed: “Why did God take my son (or husband, wife)? I don't need a God like that!"

Therefore, people who truly believe can talk about God among themselves. And, in addition, we must remember that faith is something deeply personal: each of us has our own beliefs, our own life experience and experience of faith, so the same words can respond in people in very different ways.

How are you?

This phrase is rather an attempt to make contact when a person does not know what to say, but it is important for him to start talking to someone who is experiencing a loss. And what to say? "How are you?". You need to understand that the answer to such a question can be anything, and be aware of how you will act further. As a phrase for entering into a dialogue, such words can take place, but they should not be limited.

If a person cares, he can ask differently: “ What can I do for you?” . Even if the mourner says, "Nothing," that's okay too.

At some point he needs to be left alone, or he really doesn't know how to help him. If you have specific suggestions, it’s better to voice them: “Let me stay with you”, “Let me come, help you with the housework, cook something”, “Let me take a walk with your children. ”

In fact, often a person really does not need anything - just being around is enough. Nothing special to say and no need ...

“Stay with me” — this is the meaning of the hospice The legendary St. Petersburg psychiatrist, MD, honorary doctor of the University of Essex, Andrey Vladimirovich Gnezdilov about work and life in the hospice

It so happened that when my mother died , there were no relatives, no relatives, no friends next to me, they were all in Moscow, and I was a thousand kilometers away. And, of course, despite all my professional and life experience, I experienced fear, grief, and confusion.

I don't know how I would have coped, but, thank God, my friend was there. The closest, the most real, with whom we have been friends for 36 years. She did not say any special words, did not perform heroic deeds, she was simply there all the time - in intensive care, when the doctor said: “We did everything we could . ..”, in the morgue, where it was so unbearably scary to go alone, because there lies your mother, at home, in the cemetery, after the funeral. I don't know how she did it, because the academic year was starting, she was the head of the department at the university, and she had a lot of things to do, and the university was in another city. She left, came and at the same time was always there. I don't know how I would have been without her.

Then my relatives arrived and I felt better from their very presence. I decided to stay until 9 days, and my son told me: "I'm staying too." I began to object that he had a university, studies, and he calmly replied: “I will be here as long as you will be.” This cannot be overestimated.

How can I help? Indifference

I have been working with people experiencing acute grief for many years, and still every time before meeting a person I am in some kind of stupor: I don’t know what exactly I will tell him. But when you come into contact with a person, there is an emotional connection between you, and the words come by themselves. For each they will be different. That's why I think it's important to feel the person. And this will not work if you are indifferent to him.

We can support a person only when we are emotionally with him, when we care.

There is such an idea that if you are not indifferent to everyone who has grief, you will “burn out”, waste yourself, it will destroy you, so you need to keep your distance. But all my experience says otherwise.

Indifference gives strength: we not only give, we receive.

When you fence yourself off and try to avoid difficult experiences, they still overtake you and “break through”, and this destroys you. At the moment when I communicate with a person, he is the most important person in the world for me. If you approach human grief in this way, the necessary phrases are found, and burnout does not occur.

I long sound words

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I_E

IGH

Y

IE Vowel Team and Y_E

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“Man! That sounds…proud!” Satin's monologue from the play "At the Bottom" is read by Andrei Tsunsky

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“I understand you”

"Calm down", "Pull yourself together"

"You have to be strong!"

“Hold on”

“Everything will be fine”, “Everything will be fine”, “Life goes on”

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How are you?

How can I help? Indifference

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