Things to teach children

Bright Horizons | Teaching Kids Life Skills: 7 Essential Life Skills to Help Your Child Succeed

What Are the Most Important Life Skills for Kids to Learn?

Focus and Self-Control
Perspective-Taking
Communication
Making Connections
Critical Thinking
Taking on Challenges
Self-Directed, Engaged Learning

What Are Life Skills?

Teachers sometimes describe these skills as “learning to learn” skills, which can be developed through intentional daily activities.

Below, we explore the seven essential life skills and offer some simple ways to nurture them.

Life Skill Activities to Incorporate into Your Child’s Daily Routine

1. Focus and Self-Control

Children thrive on schedules, habits, and routines, which not only create a feeling of security, but also help children learn self-control and focus. Talk with your child about what to expect each day. Organize your home so your child knows where to put shoes, coats, and personal belongings. We live in a noisy, distraction-filled world, so quiet activities like reading a book, enjoying sensory activities, or completing a puzzle together can help your child slow down and increase focus.

2. Perspective-Taking

Thinking about another’s point of view doesn’t come naturally to most children, but it can be developed. Discuss characters’ feelings and motivations in the books you read, e.g., “I wonder why the cat and the pig wouldn’t help the little red hen.” Make observations about how others are feeling, e.g., “Alex was really sad that he didn’t get a turn. I wonder what we can do to make him feel better.”

3. Communication

Children need high-touch personal interactions every day to build healthy social-emotional skills, including the ability to understand and communicate with others. While the pace at which they develop these skills may vary, children need to learn how to “read” social cues and listen carefully. They must consider what they want to communicate and the most effective way to share it. Just talking with an interested adult can help build these skills. Spend time every day listening and responding to your child without distractions.

4. Making Connections

True learning, says Galinsky, occurs when we can see connections and patterns between seemingly disparate things. The more connections we make, the more sense and meaning we make of the world. Young children begin to see connections and patterns as they sort basic household items like toys and socks. Simple acts, such as choosing clothing appropriate for the weather, helps them build connections. Point out more abstract connections in life, or in stories you read, e.g., “This book reminds me of when we picked sea shells at the beach.”

5. Critical Thinking

We live in a complex world in which adults are required to analyze information and make decisions about myriad things every day. One of the best ways to build critical thinking is through rich, open-ended play. Make sure your child has time each day to play alone or with friends. This play might include taking on roles (pretending to be fire fighters or super heroes), building structures, playing board games, or playing outside physical games, such as tag or hide-and-go-seek. Through play, children formulate hypotheses, take risks, try out their ideas, make mistakes, and find solutions—all essential elements in building critical thinking.

6. Taking on Challenges

One of the most important traits we can develop in life is that of resilience—being able to take on challenges, bounce back from failure, and keep trying. Children learn to take on challenges when we create an environment with the right amount of structure—not so much as to be limiting, but enough to make them feel safe. Encourage your child to try new things and allow reasonable risk, such as climbing a tree or riding a bike. Offer a new challenge when she seems ready, e.g., “I think you’re ready to learn to tie your shoes. Let’s give it a try.” Focus more on effort than achievement, e.g. , “Learning to tie your shoes was really hard, but you kept trying. Well done.”

7. Self-Directed, Engaged Learning

A child who loves learning becomes an adult who is rarely bored in life. To encourage a love of learning, try to limit television and encourage plenty of reading, play, and open-ended exploration. Model curiosity and enthusiasm for learning in your own life by visiting the library together, keeping craft supplies, making games available, and allowing for some messes at home.

By following these simple tips, you can easily help your child build essential skills.

Bright Horizons Podcast: Lemons to Lemonade with Four Ingredients

On this episode of the Work-Life Equation, turn those parenting lemons into lemonade! It might not seem like it, but your child is more predictable than you think—and each stage of your child’s development, along with every meltdown, is a gateway to skill-building for your little one. Hear early childhood experts Ellen Galinsky and Rachel discuss the science behind parenting that can turn frustration into great skills for life.

59 important life skills to teach your children

59 important life skills to teach your children | MadeForMums

What do table manners, telling the time and tying shoelaces have in common? Well, they're all important life skills you should pass on to your children, according to a new survey by Chessington World of Adventures.

The list of 59 most important life skills, according to British parents was topped by saying please and thank you dads with 80% of the vote.

“It is interesting that the top three things on the parental teaching list are all to do with ‘behaviour’, and how the child ‘appears’ to others," psychologist Donna Dawson, who was involved in the study said. “Parents are clearly worried that their children will reflect badly on them."

So what else made the list? See how many you can check off here…

Always say please and thank you
Respect your elders
Show good table manners
Always tell the truth
Don’t talk to strangers
Brush your teeth properly twice a day
Treat others with kindness
Be confident
Be helpful
Admit when you’re wrong
Work hard at school
Know when to say ‘No’
Save money and spend it wisely
Be independent
Learn how to swim
Appreciate wildlife / animals
Show compassion
Accept defeat with grace
Deal with rejection and disappointment
Comfort others
Have a loving relationship
Don’t walk home alone at night
Get along with people you may not like that much
Always look on the bright side
Distinguish needs from wants
Support yourself financially
How to add, subtract, multiply and divide
Look someone in the eye when talking to them
How to tie a shoelace
Eat your greens
How to ride a bike
How to write a thank you letter
Tell the time on a clock with hands
How to make your bed
Always accept a challenge
How to deal with tragedy
How to resolve a dilemma
How to negotiate
To always clear your plate after dinner
Read before you go to bed because it’s good for you
How to drive a car
How to throw a ball
Don’t get involved in unnecessary dramas
Watch TV and pay video games in moderation
How to read a traditional map
How to dress for an occasion
How to bake a cake
How to give a firm handshake
How to tie a tie
How to write an essay
How to wrap a present
How to change a flat tyre
How to fly a kite
How to start a fire
How to pitch a tent
How to dive into a swimming pool
How to do a cartwheel
How to use chopsticks
How to open a champagne bottle

Read more:

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Teaching your toddler manners
Introducing mealtime manners

Jessica Gibb

25 Useful Things We Can Teach Children

We are made up of many habits. Some came to us from childhood - these are the rituals that we no longer remember how they appeared: say “bless you” to a sneezing person, cross the road to the green light, turn off the light when leaving the house. Others have grown over the course of their lives - the constant cup of coffee in the morning, pizza day on Saturdays, 25% of the salary set aside for a deposit ...

Right now, our children are acquiring habits before our eyes. We will not participate in the birth of some of them, they will be dictated by nature and the environment surrounding the child. But there are things we can teach children at an early age so that these useful skills will help them interact with other people and make life easier in the future.

Be polite. Never before has the use of the words "thank you", "please", and the ability to wish good evening did no harm. On the contrary, good manners and benevolent behavior simplify relations between strangers, decorate any conversation, open doors that are not amenable at first glance.

Be able to say "no". To a stranger on the way from school, who offers to walk with him in an unknown direction. A classmate who constantly lends things and does not give them away without being reminded. A peer offering a cocktail at the school disco. The child must understand that being polite is a wonderful quality, but they need to be able to sacrifice for their own safety, self-respect and respect for their personal time.

Maintain good hygiene. If from a young age you teach a child to take care of the cleanliness of his body: wash his hands after the street, brush his teeth twice a day, cut his nails regularly, take a shower and use hygiene products, this habit will serve well in the future. Everyone loves to deal with neat people.

Don't be late. Unpunctuality is one of the biggest irritants. She can let down both a student at school and an office worker, therefore, with slow children, it is worth making it a rule from an early age to leave the house ten minutes earlier, prepare clothes and textbooks in the evening to avoid the morning bustle, and also set an example for parents to come at the appointed time for birthdays, friendly meetings or to the doctor.

Observe safety regulations. Life-saving rules must be developed automatically while children are still young and, if necessary, repeated hundreds of times until they are imprinted in memory: do not run across the road at a red light, do not play on the roadway, use electrical appliances according to the instructions, handle with care fire.

Know how to listen. This is one of the most important skills that will come in handy both at school (to perceive information), and at work (to pass interviews, negotiate), and in interpersonal relationships. Therefore, it is important for parents to listen carefully to their children. And also teach them to wait in line to speak, not to interrupt the elders and to be attentive.

Focus. Procrastination is now spoken of with some defiance and bravado. Meanwhile, both modern children and adults are losing the ability to be diligent, concentrate on one task and get to the point. We can teach children to cut off the excess, not to be distracted by trifles, to focus on one thing, and when it is completed, take on another.

Put things back. Teaching a child to clean up his toys and hang up the clothes in which he came from school, you can reduce the entropy of scattered things now and in the future.

Apologize. It is important not to treat mistakes as something shameful, not to develop in the child a sense of shame for any mistake. But it is necessary to introduce the simple word “sorry” into the lexicon when you stepped on someone’s foot, accidentally pushed or offended. This word the child should hear from the parents. The ability to ask for forgiveness from someone you hurt will not only help build relationships, but also take a heavy burden off your soul when you feel you are wrong.

Read. A reading person will never be bored, literature will help with both outlook and literacy. Therefore, the sooner books appear in the hands of a child, the more interesting and richer his life will be.

Eat right. Babies pick up eating habits from their parents, so if you want your little ones to eat healthy food, you have to start with yourself and what we put on the table. Picky children will make a list of exceptions from the right food set, but still, if only semi-finished products and sweets are present in the parent's diet, it's hard to imagine a child wanting to eat a vegetable salad or a piece of fish.

Get to know each other. Starting in kindergarten, you can teach your child to approach other children and ask if they can play together. At first, a parent can take on the function of a leader and ask the child himself, who is playing nearby on the playground, what his name is, so that the children hear and remember how to make new acquaintances and friendships.

Respect personal space. For some tactile children it doesn't cost anything to get to know a person and in five minutes to sit on his knees. But not many people are ready to joyfully accept such a trusting attitude towards themselves. Therefore, open, tactile children should also be gently taught the concept of personal space, prompted how close you can come while talking with a stranger, who you can safely hug and touch, and who it may frighten at first.

Express your feelings. In stressful situations, it is important for both parents and children to indicate what is happening to them. And when quarrels happen, it is imperative to talk about your feelings and teach children to say that they are hurt, offended, unpleasant or scared. The ability to express feelings will help not to close and not to keep experiences inside.

Ask questions. At the age of why, it is necessary to encourage children's questions and be sure to satisfy curiosity. Then in the future the children will not be afraid to ask questions to the teacher, they will want to know the nature of thousands of important things and thus will show their indifference to the world around them.

To be able to empathize and sympathize. Helping a sick kitten, buying groceries for a lonely neighbor, a donation will help the child understand that he is not alone in this world. An honest conversation about difficult life situations and other people's pain will help you learn to put yourself in the shoes of other people and understand how circumstances can develop differently.

Keep things in order. The ability to organize school supplies, neatly lay out clothes in a closet, sort out your creative materials greatly simplifies life. Parents themselves can decide at what age to entrust children with cleaning their territory, but before this issue is finally put under children's responsibility, helping around the house should become a habit.

Prepare food. Children who know how to make a sandwich and a simple salad are easy to learn on camping trips, can help out at family picnics, and just don't feel helpless if a parent is busy or not feeling well.

Exercise. It's great when sport is a part of life from childhood. But if your child is more drawn not to the sections and the pool, but to books and modeling, then even a simple habit of doing exercises in the morning will help you wake up, tone your muscles and be with the sport, if not on a friendly, then at least on a friendly footing.

Perform in public. No matter how some parents oppose drill at kindergarten matinees, naive quatrains about bunnies and a fluffy Christmas tree are the first experience of public speaking that will be practiced at school and college, and in many cases at work. Psychologists devote volumes of books to the ability to cope with the fear of speaking, but we can cheer and rejoice at first with poems for Santa Claus, and in school years - help think through the concept of speeches and set children up for success.

Understand the nature of money. The child will get the first idea about money by playing in the store, but he will not know the real value of what he has earned soon. The parental task is to teach their children financial literacy before they enter independent life. Everyone will decide for themselves what exactly they need to know: how to budget, pay bills, save money, save some income or invest it. It is important that, having started earning money, children understand how to manage it skillfully.

Believe in the best. Still life is easier for optimists, there is always light at the end of their tunnel. We cannot influence what kind of temperament our children will get, but we can inspire confidence in sad melancholics, set them up for the best, believe in our children and demonstrate a positive attitude to life by our own example.

Get things done. Perseverance and unwillingness to give up halfway through something that doesn't work out is not the most common childhood quality. But it is still worth developing, because in the future we will have to meet tasks that cannot be abandoned like an unfinished tower. In order for a child to learn to achieve his goal, you need to give him simple tasks and gradually increase their complexity. And when difficulties arise, show how you can ask for help, how to look for a way to solve problems and bring what you started to the end. And be sure to give a sense of satisfaction from a job well done and completed.

Share. Now it is often said that you should not force a child to share things if he does not want to. And, in general, it’s hard to disagree with this, it’s enough just to project a situation on ourselves when we, adults, are asked to give someone a thing that we ourselves need. But still, there is a great human meaning in being able to share what you have with another person. Even Jack London wrote that mercy is a bone shared with a dog when you are as hungry as he is.

Take care of your loved ones. To see that someone needs care and participation (a grandmother living alone, an ill aunt, a friend who has broken his arm), and just to offer his help is very important for friendship, and for future family life, and in order to, becoming a parent yourself, be able to unconditionally give your love, time and energy to children, without thinking about what you will receive in return.

The 10 most important things parents can teach their children

Source: Le Champ "When Your Child Drives You Crazy"

Peter's first day in kindergarten. He's got his hair cut, he's wearing a new red shirt, and he's scared to death. Peter's mother does not understand this because she is sure that Peter is well prepared for kindergarten for his five years. “Well, of course,” she says to the teacher, “he knows the alphabet, counts to a hundred and can write his name.” But, as the teacher soon discovers, Peter was not ready for life in a new environment. He seemed stiff, did not play with other children, and spent much of the day huddled in a corner sucking his thumb.

Michael, who was brought into kindergarten at the same time as Peter, didn't know as much as Peter did. He could hardly count to ten and confused many letters. But, when his mother left, he hopped into the room, smiled shyly at the teacher, walked over to a group of children playing with cars, and asked: "Can I be a mechanic in the garage?" The teacher was delighted with how confident Michael felt and how easily he came into contact with the children, and she thought to herself: "This child is ready to learn to read and write!"

In the 40 years that I have consistently studied preschoolers, I have become increasingly concerned about parents who think pre-kindergarten preparation is all about memorizing letters or counting. It's not like that at all. I have nothing against learning these essential skills, but I have found that they are best taught and easiest to learn only after a good start has been made in developing other skills.

The 10 most important things parents can teach their children

Too early concentration on theoretical problems can slow down the normal development of the child. We sometimes forget that nature has its own timetable for human development. Trying to teach a three year old to write is like teaching a three month old to walk. You can cause irreversible damage.
If a child goes to kindergarten, feels happy, self-confident, optimistic, inquisitive and friendly, I am sure that he will study well and with pleasure. But, if he is nervous, frightened, irritable and burdened with unfulfilled needs, he will poorly absorb the initial knowledge that will be given to him. In my opinion, a child cannot be considered truly prepared for kindergarten—or for life—until he or she has learned the following ten things.

1. Love yourself.

Self-love is the most fundamental and essential of all abilities. Until you are able to appreciate your own life, you will never become active, you will not be able to realize your own potentialities. Given how much we love our children, it would be easy for us to convey to them a feeling of love for ourselves, but, apparently, this method is not very reliable.
Try to remember what you thought about yourself when you were five years old. I guess most of us thought we were stupid or ugly. We were angry with ourselves if we were afraid at night, we were ashamed of ourselves if we did not want to share our new doll with our little sister. We were disappointed in ourselves if we were awkward, shy or clumsy, while my mother hoped to raise a ballerina.

Sometimes we can't help a child love himself until we re-evaluate some of our own attitudes - the burden we carry with us throughout our lives. Perhaps such self-knowledge will be painful, but as a result we will be able to say: “Yes, brown eyes and olive skin really disgust me. My parents created a feeling of inferiority in me, because I looked like their Italian ancestors, and they wanted to be 100% white Americans Now that I have this olive-skinned, brown-eyed baby, can I act like a grown-up and see how beautiful she is and let her know that?

The irrational prejudices we instill in the cradle are just one of the barriers to helping our children love themselves. Many of us also find it difficult to distinguish "being bad" from "being human". It really makes a difference if, instead of "don't act like a baby," we say, "You're not old enough to be quiet in a restaurant. We'll try to go there again when you're a little older." It's also a completely different thing to say, "You're selfish" or to say, "It's very hard to learn to share with others, but that's okay, I'll help you. If you let Donna play with your bucket, she'll let you play with her truck."

The Puritan assertion that everyone is either good or bad, and that children should therefore be taught to be good, has probably brought more misfortune to mankind than anything else. We are all born as angels and devils in equal measure, and we need to learn how to live with this truth. Sure, we say, "No, you can't hit the kid," but we also say, "You're too small to hold back when you're angry. I have to help you." Learning to admit that you have anger, jealousy, and antisocial impulses is part of growing up. We must also learn to control ourselves, but without denying that such urges exist and without making our children feel like sinners. A child who is told that he behaves badly develops a dislike for himself, and this interferes with learning, life and love more than any other psychological problem.

Once a child feels protected and valued, he begins to develop empathy for others. One of the earliest experiences of this kind occurs with pets. A kid who has experienced tenderness and care is able to carefully hold a homeless kitten in his arms or call his parents for help when someone offends a dog. Any five-year-old child who can spontaneously exclaim at the sight of a bird with a broken wing, "Oh, you poor thing!" has already acquired one of the most fundamental abilities needed to change the quality of all life on this planet.

2. Interpret behavior.

The child who comes to kindergarten thinking that he is a wonderful creature may nevertheless not get involved in learning if he does not know how to interpret the behavior of others and his own. For example, he might get so caught up in the two girls in the front row who teamed up against him that he can't focus on adding two to five. Or, if the teacher yells at him one morning, he may become so confused and frightened that he will not be able to pay attention in class for the rest of the day.

If a child has learned something about the moods of people and their shortcomings, if he has been taught to interpret certain types of behavior, he will not be inclined to be upset in such situations. He will understand that maybe the new kindergarten scares the two girls and they need a common enemy to feel more secure, that his teacher is just in a bad mood: she had a fight with her husband or got into rush hour on her way to work and maybe tomorrow she will ask for forgiveness.

In addition to the fact that the child needs to be able to interpret the behavior of others, he needs to learn how to explain his own behavior. This can have a strong impact on the child's future attitude towards learning activities. If a child yells at his mother at breakfast, if at the sight of an omelette he says: "You know how I hate him, I'm going to throw him in the trash can!" - and then flies out of the house, then one of two things will most likely happen to him today. He may be so overwhelmed with guilt and horror that he will not hear a single word spoken by the teacher. Or he may ask himself what it is that has come over him; consider whether he is still angry with his father for yelling at him last night and decide that he will apologize when he gets home. In the latter case, he is able to forget about the incident while he is in kindergarten. With a mind free from anger and confusion, he well perceives all the explanations of the educator.

3.

Communicate using words.

After children can explain the true meaning of their actions, they need to learn how to help other people understand them. If a girl can tell the teacher, “I was so afraid that I wouldn’t succeed that I just couldn’t think,” the teacher can understand that her fear is interfering with learning and can calm her down properly. If a child can say to his father, "You scare me when you scream so loudly," you can hope that the father will try to negotiate with him calmly instead. Any five-year-old child who can calmly and naturally express his feelings, saying: "I'm afraid" or "I love you very much!" ready to ride a two-wheeled bicycle" has already acquired the ability that will give him the necessary freedom to think, be interested and learn.

4. Understand the difference between thoughts and actions.

Without this skill, which is fully developed by the age of five, it will be extremely difficult for a child to concentrate on classes. For example, Gregory looks out the window and imagines himself as a pilot, while the teacher explains the basics of arithmetic to the class. He does not hear what the teacher says at all, because he is very angry. His parents had just divorced, and if his feelings could be brought to the surface, it would most likely be, "I hate them both. I want them to die." These are such terrible thoughts that Gregory has to concentrate with all his might to keep them out of consciousness.

If, in the first five or six years of his life, Gregory had been helped to understand that thoughts are not the same as actions, and feelings, properly expressed, do not harm anyone at all, he could give them free rein. And all the energy that was expended in avoiding one's own feelings could be turned to other purposes, including the wonderful powers of addition and subtraction. He certainly needs help to get through this very real crisis, but he should have explained that it is natural to have terrible feelings when you are suffering, when you are anxious, when life is full of torment. It is impossible for a child to concentrate and learn if he has hidden feelings that he himself considers dangerous and bad.

5. Be interested and ask questions.

All the popular books and talk about what kind of activities and skills we should teach preschoolers have relegated to the background and almost nullified natural, instinctive curiosity. We often get so carried away with counting sticks that we stop listening to the wonderful questions that children ask themselves: “Why do leaves change color? .. What makes grass grow? .. Where does snow come from? .. How does an egg make a child?. What does it mean to die?.. Why am I growing up?.. How does milk get to the store?.. Why are some children starving?.. How can a submarine stay under water and not sink?.."

If we want to maintain this instinct of curiosity, we must make sure that by the time a child is five years old, he revels in his questions and knows that there are ways to find answers to them. He must also learn that some questions have not yet been answered, others have many different answers, and that sometimes he will have to try to find his own.

In her book The Learning Child, Dorothy Cohen, professor of education, makes a crucial distinction between giving a child a fish to eat and teaching a child how to catch a fish. If we give him cooked fish, then we can satisfy his momentary hunger, but what happens if we are not there to feed him? The same thing happens with knowledge and information: if we always present them to a child ready to use, he will never learn to extract them on his own. Children should be taught how they can fish for their own answers.

When we say: “I don’t know,” “I’m busy now,” “Ask dad,” or “Don’t talk about this,” we discourage the child from “catching” knowledge himself. If, on the contrary, we encourage his curiosity and help him find answers, we contribute to the development of his intellectual ability, which is most essential for a person.

6. Understand that there are no simple answers to complex questions.

The generation of our children will be forced to face the most serious questions. There can be no simple solutions to such problems as the loss of ecological balance, the population explosion, the proliferation of weapons that can destroy all life. In order to become wise and mature adults, children must begin to understand that simple solutions never solve a problem, that in fact you have to dig deeper to find the most optimal answer to a particular question.

We need to teach children to look at the root. "Well, maybe Joe is mad today because he came to kindergarten hungry." Or: "If Sarah keeps breaking the clay things you make in kindergarten, we better talk to the teacher. He can talk to Sarah's mom and find out why Sarah is unhappy and what we can do to help her." It's a difficult path, but it gives the child so much more than when we say, "I think Sarah is a bad girl and you better stay away from her. "
There are no easy solutions to social problems, and we will do our children, ourselves, and the future a disservice if we mislead the little ones about this. We put children on the wrong track when we focus on questions that actually have right and wrong answers (how many are three and six? What is the third letter in the alphabet?). Children need to first experience the complexity of life situations so that they are prepared to face the confusion, uncertainty and volatility of real life.

7. Not being afraid of failure is a necessary condition for growing up.

To learn anything, you must not be afraid to make mistakes, even fail. The first book you turn to may not contain the answer to the question why birds migrate, you will have to look for the answer in some other book. The first wooden table you make may be ugly and lopsided, but if you are able to learn from your mistakes, you will make the next one much better. Children need to be helped to understand that learning is a long, slow process of trial and error. No great invention or scientific discovery has ever been made without a large number of trials and failures that preceded it.

We must make it very clear to them that success and failure is not what learning is all about. To quote a wise primary school teacher: “Schools should really teach kids to be players! The only way to find out what you know and what you don’t know is to take a little risk. learn something new if success or failure is evaluated instead of trying?

8. Trust adults.

A five-year-old child needs to have true trust in adults if he is to focus all his attention on learning tasks. And it’s hard to trust people if they deceive you, they say that they won’t go anywhere, but when you wake up, you find a nanny in the place of your parents; they say the doctor won't hurt you, but he does. We pay a very high price for the games we play with our children to keep them from crying. If you want to be believed, it's better to say, "I'm going to go out for a few hours while you sleep," even if you have to endure a painful goodbye. And the doctor: "You may be in a little pain, but it will pass soon. You can sit on my lap and cry if you want."

Many adults think they can build trust if they are consistent, but I think this is a big mistake. There is a very thin line between consistency and rigidity, and I believe that it is important to trust people, even if their feelings and intentions change. People change with age, and we are all subject to mood swings. Consistency in one thing is important for a child: in our attempts to be honest with him, explaining as best as possible where we are inconsistent, and apologizing if this inconsistency is not justified.

It is quite possible to help a child understand that not all people are kind, and at the same time create in him the feeling that most contacts with adults will be good. Cultivating confidence in this partly depends on how willing we are to share the child's feelings about people. We have to be frank with children, sometimes saying, "Yes, you're right, your teacher really makes too much noise about washing hands" or "Yes, I understand what you mean about aunt, she likes to command too much when we are coming".

Distrust arises from the feeling that only you see unpleasant qualities in other people, and for children this feeling is not uncommon. We will not break a child's trust if we acknowledge human imperfection.

9. Think for yourself.

To say "no" is really to say "I exist". This begins as the child has some idea of himself, a feeling that he is in fact an independent person. Many parents are frightened and angered by this possibility, when they should be glad about it. A sense of one's own uniqueness and ability to choose is a vital part of human existence.

If a child has some idea of who he is, he will inevitably have his own opinion by the age of five. This ability is very easy to teach - you just need to encourage the child to express his judgment without fear of being punished. None of us wants to raise a person who is weak in spirit or intellectually weak, we want our children to make serious decisions, have common sense and inner convictions. And we can't wait for a child to go to college to develop these abilities.

These principles are already at work when we say, "Now that you're almost three years old, I think you can decide whether we buy you a blue jumpsuit or a red one." Or, "While we're eating cornflakes for breakfast, you can make yourself a butter and jam sandwich." Or: "Well, our neighbor does not annoy me, but you have the right to your own opinion."

When we demonstrate respect for the child's personality, for his emerging views, likes and dislikes, we prepare him for situations in which he will have to make a decision on his own, for example, whether or not to join a group of children who decide to explore a destroyed house, or whether or not to go with a stranger who said he knew his father. When we lose our temper over "no" at two and a half years old, we should keep in mind that there will come a time when we will be grateful that our child is able to say "no". Judgment is corrected by practice.

10. Know what you can rely on an adult.

By the time a child is five years old, in my opinion, he should know that there are many situations that he simply cannot control. He cannot cope with the company of older children, with teenagers who impose drugs, with the wild behavior of the class in the lessons of an inexperienced teacher. Part of trusting adults is knowing when you need help and being able to ask for it. It may seem simple, but surprisingly few children come into kindergarten or classroom able to do it. As a result, many of them quickly find themselves in situations that frighten and overwhelm them so much that learning becomes impossible. We need to explain to children that we can be friends, help them, without treating them like small children, without excessive guardianship, we can understand their world. We say that we attach great importance to the rights of the small and weak, but often do not include our children in these idealistic constructions.