Skills in kids

Bright Horizons | Teaching Kids Life Skills: 7 Essential Life Skills to Help Your Child Succeed

What Are the Most Important Life Skills for Kids to Learn?

1. Focus and Self-Control
2. Perspective-Taking
3. Communication
4. Making Connections
5. Critical Thinking
6. Taking on Challenges
7. Self-Directed, Engaged Learning

What Are Life Skills?

Teachers sometimes describe these skills as “learning to learn” skills, which can be developed through intentional daily activities. 

Below, we explore the seven essential life skills and offer some simple ways to nurture them.

Life Skill Activities to Incorporate into Your Child’s Daily Routine

1. Focus and Self-Control

Children thrive on schedules, habits, and routines, which not only create a feeling of security, but also help children learn self-control and focus. Talk with your child about what to expect each day. Organize your home so your child knows where to put shoes, coats, and personal belongings. We live in a noisy, distraction-filled world, so quiet activities like reading a book, enjoying sensory activities, or completing a puzzle together can help your child slow down and increase focus.

2. Perspective-Taking

Thinking about another’s point of view doesn’t come naturally to most children, but it can be developed. Discuss characters’ feelings and motivations in the books you read, e.g., “I wonder why the cat and the pig wouldn’t help the little red hen.” Make observations about how others are feeling, e.g., “Alex was really sad that he didn’t get a turn. I wonder what we can do to make him feel better.”

3. Communication

Children need high-touch personal interactions every day to build healthy social-emotional skills, including the ability to understand and communicate with others. While the pace at which they develop these skills may vary, children need to learn how to “read” social cues and listen carefully. They must consider what they want to communicate and the most effective way to share it. Just talking with an interested adult can help build these skills. Spend time every day listening and responding to your child without distractions.

4. Making Connections

True learning, says Galinsky, occurs when we can see connections and patterns between seemingly disparate things. The more connections we make, the more sense and meaning we make of the world. Young children begin to see connections and patterns as they sort basic household items like toys and socks. Simple acts, such as choosing clothing appropriate for the weather, helps them build connections. Point out more abstract connections in life, or in stories you read, e.g., “This book reminds me of when we picked sea shells at the beach.”

5. Critical Thinking

We live in a complex world in which adults are required to analyze information and make decisions about myriad things every day. One of the best ways to build critical thinking is through rich, open-ended play. Make sure your child has time each day to play alone or with friends. This play might include taking on roles (pretending to be fire fighters or super heroes), building structures, playing board games, or playing outside physical games, such as tag or hide-and-go-seek. Through play, children formulate hypotheses, take risks, try out their ideas, make mistakes, and find solutions—all essential elements in building critical thinking.

6. Taking on Challenges

One of the most important traits we can develop in life is that of resilience—being able to take on challenges, bounce back from failure, and keep trying. Children learn to take on challenges when we create an environment with the right amount of structure—not so much as to be limiting, but enough to make them feel safe. Encourage your child to try new things and allow reasonable risk, such as climbing a tree or riding a bike. Offer a new challenge when she seems ready, e.g., “I think you’re ready to learn to tie your shoes. Let’s give it a try.” Focus more on effort than achievement, e.g. , “Learning to tie your shoes was really hard, but you kept trying. Well done.”

7. Self-Directed, Engaged Learning

A child who loves learning becomes an adult who is rarely bored in life. To encourage a love of learning, try to limit television and encourage plenty of reading, play, and open-ended exploration. Model curiosity and enthusiasm for learning in your own life by visiting the library together, keeping craft supplies, making games available, and allowing for some messes at home.

By following these simple tips, you can easily help your child build essential skills.

Bright Horizons Podcast: Lemons to Lemonade with Four Ingredients

On this episode of the Work-Life Equation, turn those parenting lemons into lemonade! It might not seem like it, but your child is more predictable than you think—and each stage of your child’s development, along with every meltdown, is a gateway to skill-building for your little one. Hear early childhood experts Ellen Galinsky and Rachel discuss the science behind parenting that can turn frustration into great skills for life.

More on Life Skills for Children

• Many of the skills children will need as adults to compete in a global economy are not easily taught in a typical classroom setting. Read more to learn about the lifelong benefits of play.
• One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to raise kind children and therefore, kind adults. Explore our list of everyday ways to encourage kindness in your preschooler.
• How can you give your children the life skills they need to cope in the modern world? Learn simple, everyday ways to build life skills in your children and help them manage stress.

These 7 skills separate successful kids from 'those who struggle': Psychologist and parenting expert

When I began my career teaching at-risk children, most of my students lived in poverty, suffered abuse, or were challenged by learning, emotional or physical disabilities. I wanted to find ways to help them succeed.

As an educational psychologist, I learned a very important lesson: Thrivers are made, not born. Children need safe, loving and structured childhoods, but they also need autonomy, competence and agency to flourish.

After combing through piles of research on traits most highly correlated to optimizing kids' thriving abilities, I identified seven skills kids need to boost mental toughness, resilience, social competence, self-awareness and moral strength — and they are what separates successful kids who shine from those who struggle:

1. Self-confidence

Most parents equate self-esteem with self-confidence. They tell their kids "You're special" or "You can be anything you want."

But there's little evidence that boosting self-esteem increases academic success or even authentic happiness. Studies do show, however, that children who attribute their grades to their own efforts and strengths are more successful than kids who believe they have no control over academic outcomes.

Real self-confidence is an outcome of doing well, facing obstacles, creating solutions and snapping back on your own. Fixing your kid's problems or doing their tasks for them only makes them think: "They don't believe I can."

Kids who have self-assuredness know they can fail but also rebound, and that's why we must unleash ourselves from hovering, snowplowing and rescuing.

2. Empathy

This character strength has three distinct types: affective empathy, when we share another's feelings and feel their emotions; behavioral empathy, when empathic concern rallies us to act with compassion; and cognitive empathy, when we understand another's thoughts or step into their shoes.

Kids need an emotional vocabulary to develop empathy. Here are ways parents can teach that:

• Label emotions: Intentionally name emotions in context to help them build an emotion vocabulary: "You're happy!" "You seem upset."
• Ask questions: "How did that make you feel?" "You seem scared. Am I right?" Help your child recognize that all feelings are normal. How we choose to express them is what can get us in trouble.
• Share feelings: Kids need opportunities to express their feelings in a safe way. Create that space by sharing your own emotions: "I didn't sleep much so I'm irritable." "I'm frustrated with this book."
• Notice others: Point out people's faces and body language at the library or park: "How do you think that man feels?" "Have you ever felt like that?"

3. Self-control

The ability to control your attention, emotions, thoughts, actions and desires is one of the most highly correlated strengths to success — and a surprising untapped secret to helping kids bounce back and thrive.

One way to teach self-control is to give signals. Some kids have a hard time changing focus between activities. That's why teachers use "attention signals" like ringing a bell or verbal cues: "Pencils down, eyes up. "

Develop a signal, practice together, and then expect attention! A few: "I need your attention in one minute." "Ready to listen?"

Another technique is to use stress pauses. Slowing down gives them time to think. Teach a "pausing prompt" your child can use to remind them to stop and think before acting:

• "If you're mad, count to 10 before you answer."
• "When in doubt: Stop, think, cool off."
• "Don't say anything you wouldn't want said about you."

4. Integrity

Integrity is a set of learned beliefs, capacities, attitudes and skills that create a moral compass children can use to help them know — and do — what's right.

Laying out our own expectations is a huge part of the puzzle. But equally important is giving them space to develop their own moral identity alongside and separate from our own.

It also helps to acknowledge and praise ethical behavior when your child displays it so they recognize that you value it. Call out integrity, then describe the action so your child knows what they did to deserve recognition.

Using the word "because" makes your praise more specific: "That showed integrity because you refused to pass on that gossip." "You showed integrity because you kept your promise to go with your friend even though you had to give up the slumber party!"

5. Curiosity

Curiosity is the recognition, pursuit and desire to explore novel, challenging and uncertain events.

To help kids build curiosity, I like to use open-ended toys, gadgets and games. Give them paint, yarn and popsicle sticks to create constructions. Or offer paper clips and pipe cleaners and challenge your kids to see how many unusual ways they can use them.

Another method is to model inquisitiveness. Instead of saying "That won't work," try "Let's see what happens!" Instead of giving answers, ask: "What do you think?" "How do you know?" "How can you find out?"

Lastly, you read a book, watch a film or just walk by someone, use "I wonder" questions: "I wonder where she's going." "I wonder why they're doing that. " "I wonder what happens next."

6. Perseverance

Perseverance helps kids keep on when everything else makes it easier to give up.

Mistakes can derail kids from getting to the end and succeeding. So don't let your kid catastrophize their problem. Instead, help them zero in and identify their stumble.

Some kids give up because they feel overwhelmed with "all the problems" or "all their assignments." Chunking tasks into smaller parts helps kids who have difficulties focusing or getting started.

You can teach your daughter to "chunk it," for example, by covering all her math problems with a piece of paper, except the top row. Lower the covered paper down the next row and the next as each row is completed.

Older kids can write each assignment on one sticky note, in order of difficulty, and do one task at a time. Encourage them to do the hardest thing first so they won't stress about it all night. Confidence and perseverance build as kids complete larger chunks alone.

7. Optimism

Optimistic kids view challenges and obstacles as temporary and able to be overcome, so they are more likely to succeed.

But there is a dramatically opposing view: pessimism. Children who are pessimistic see challenges as permanent, like cement blocks that are impossible to move, and so they are more likely to quit.

Teaching children optimism begins with us. Kids adopt our words as their inner voices, so over the next few days, tune in to your typical messages and assess the outlook you offer your kids.

On average, would you say you're generally more pessimist or optimistic? Do you usually describe things as positive or negative; half full or empty; good or bad; through rose- or blue-tinted glasses? Would your friends and family say the same about you?

If you see that you're tilting to the half-empty side, remember that change starts by looking in the mirror. If you see pessimism, write about why becoming more optimistic would help.

Change is hard, but it's important to be the example of what you want your child to learn.

Michele Borba, EdD, is an educational psychologist, parenting expert, and author of "Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine" and "UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World." She lives in Palm Springs, California, with her husband, and is the mother of three sons. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Don't miss:

• A psychologist says parents who raise resilient, socially intelligent kids always do 5 things during ‘hard times’
• Stop saying these 4 phrases to your kids, says neuroscientist—here’s how the most successful parents teach self-discipline
• Here’s what makes ‘positive parenting’ different—and why experts say it’s one of the best parenting styles

This is an adapted excerpt from "Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine," published by Putnam, an imprint of the Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © 2021 by Michele Borba, Ed. D.

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8 skills that are useful for developing a preschooler and elementary school student

School preparation / Early childhood development

The LogicLike team talks about the skills that are important to master in preschool and primary school age in the first place.

LogicLike is an online platform for the development of children aged 5-12. We teach children to reason and work with information, develop logic and non-standard thinking.

1. Ability and desire to learn: cognitive abilities and interest in learning

Perception, attention, memory, imagination, speech, thinking are mental cognitive processes that make up the ability and desire to learn. For most children, the development of cognitive interest is a natural process laid down by nature. At preschool age, inquisitive children most of all want to discover something new.

Closer to 5-7 years, the child no longer simply perceives information in finished form, as it was before. An inquisitive mind seeks to find answers to questions on its own. An inquisitive preschooler learns to bring different concepts into one system, analyzes them, compares them, looks for patterns and draws conclusions.

Hot interest and curiosity are the basis of independent motivation of a preschooler and a first grader to study.

The elementary school curriculum does not contain separate classes devoted to the development of cognitive abilities. Therefore, the task of teaching the child to learn largely falls on the parents.

High cognitive interest plus developed attention, memory, thinking and other cognitive abilities will help you get used to school without stress, become more independent, proactive and avoid chronic academic failure.

See also: The benefits of entertaining mathematics and solving logic problems.

The ability to learn independently cannot be overestimated. Technology is developing many times faster than it was 20 years ago, and specialists of any profession are in the race for new knowledge. Try to imagine what will happen in another 20 years.

2. Creative thinking: the ability to think outside the box, contrary to patterns

The ability to create something new, unconventional - this is how classical psychology defines the concept of "creative thinking". You should not associate it exclusively with art: extraordinary solutions are welcome in any field of activity, be it acting or mobile application development.

At the age of 5-7 years, thinking is not constrained by stereotypes and it is easier for a child to learn to be “creative”. This will help in the future to get out of any difficult situations, simply connecting creative thinking.

See also: 10 ideas and exercises to develop creativity.

The ability to think outside the box is useful not only in everyday life. For example, engineer and ornithologist Eiji Nakatsu developed a rounded nose for a bullet train. The idea came from observing the kingfisher, a bird whose streamlined beak allows it to fish easily, plunging into the water without splashing. This train design reduced air resistance and energy costs.

3. The ability to think logically: we develop logical and mathematical intelligence

Some everyday and educational problems can be solved creatively. But in most cases, when an objective, balanced approach is needed, creativity is not enough. Logical thinking comes to the rescue:

• ability to think;
• to prove the truth or falsity of judgments;
• make informed decisions;
• explain your position to yourself and others.

When a child pumps logical thinking and mathematical abilities, he learns to use specific concepts, "weigh" options and make decisions.

Solving entertaining logic problems is a proven way to develop logic in preschoolers and younger students. Is your child 5-7 years old? This is the perfect time to start.

Day after day, more than 100,000 students

complete 10-20 assignments on the LogicLike website. And how much can you? Choose where to start:

Riddles and questions Riddles and questions

Logic tasks Logic tasks

Children with developed logical and mathematical intelligence can easily cope with school mathematics. In grades 3-4, they win mathematical olympiads and, in general, have more chances for a breakthrough in overall intellectual development.

4. Spatial thinking and imagination: developing visual-spatial intelligence

It is possible to create 3D pictures in your head, look at them in great detail and rotate them as you like with the help of spatial thinking and imagination. By developing these abilities, the child learns to navigate in space, recognize directions of movement, determine the sides of the horizon, understand the position of objects in space and perceive their shape.

This is interesting: Games and tasks for the development of spatial thinking of preschoolers.

Universal skills for success in any endeavors

The ability and desire to learn, creative, logical-mathematical and spatial thinking are components of the intellect and are absolutely necessary for both children and adults. However, this is not enough to achieve success.

Special, "hard" skills (hard skills) affect a person's success in a particular activity. They, too, can and should be developed from childhood, especially if the child has obvious inclinations and interests.

What can determine the success of a person in a variety of activities? General, soft skills It is equally useful in study, work and personal affairs. “Soft” skills are the basis for the development of special skills and human efficiency in everything.